First Light
by saremok1
Summary: This is a Fan Fiction sequel to the Twilight saga from Renesmee's point of view.


**First Light**

 **By saremok1**

 **DISCLAIMER: Whiles some of the characters are mine, I have borrowed some characters from Stephanie Myers and her best selling Twilight saga for the sole purpose of creating Fan Fiction.**

 **Chapter 1: You're walking at graduation, like it or not.**

"RebeccaAllen"

A nice female voice announced over the loud speaker.

"I can't believe I agreed to do this…" I smiled as I listened to Jacob grumbling from where he stood in line. Even though we were sitting in the last row, I could hear him clearly over the low mummer of the crowded auditorium. It probably helped a little that I had freakishly super hearing.

I quickly pulled out my camera and snapped a shot of him blowing the tassel out of his face.

He had been extremely adamant about not walking for his college graduation; protesting that the New Hampshire community college was nothing compared to Dartmouth – where my mom and dad had just graduated from last week. _Right, like I was going to let him get out of this_. So as usual I ignored his complaining and told him nicely that he was going across that stage whether he was being carried or walking on his own two legs…his choice of course. Graduating college was a big deal, even if it was just a " _stupid community college._ "

Luckily mom was on my side. My eyes wondered over the crowded auditorium and I smirked as I remembered that conversation. She told Jacob that if she had to walk so did he. She even threatened to do the carrying. I bit my lip to keep from laughing at the mental image of my five foot four inch mother carrying my six foot seven inch Jacob. She would do it too, which is why it was so funny.

"Eric Bailey"

 _Oh good they were already at the 'Bs'._ I looked back up at Jacob. He was pulling at his gown. Poor guy, the gowns were not made for people that abnormally tall. It was a little too short on him. _"I'm not a miracle worker,"_ Alice had protested when I asked her if there was any way she could make it longer for him. She would have been able to fix it if Jacob hadn't refused to order his cap and gown hoping we weren't going to make him walk. So we had to have a rush order placed…he got them this morning.

Silly Jacob, he knew how stubborn mom and I were, he didn't stand a chance. When the two of us set our minds to doing something, we were an unstoppable force of nature.

I took another picture and smiled down at it on the screen. I still thought he looks nice.

I looked back up and saw the girl standing behind Jacob grab his hand and tug on it. He turned and she whispered "Can you believe we did it Jakey?" as close as she could get to his ear.

 _Jakey?_ This girl was calling my Jacob _'Jakey'?_ That's a terrible nickname. He's not a _Jakey,_ he's my Jacob. Why would anyone think to call a Jacob, Jakey? I stared at her as she fidgeted with her gown. Who did she think she was?

Suddenly Seth elbowed me in the ribs.

"What?" I snapped as I turned my head to glare at him. I could see that my parents had become absolutely still.

"You were growling." He whispered keeping his eyes forward.

"Growling?" I felt my mouth fall open as he nodded. I quickly glanced at the people sitting in front of me, but they did not appear to have notice.

 _What!?_ I didn't remember giving myself permission to growl. I quickly went back over my thoughts to see what might have set off my not so voluntary reaction, but I was stumped. As far as I was aware, I was always in control of when I did or did not growl.

 _Fantastic…_

I wonder if there was anything else I did without my knowledge. Did I talk out loud, completely clueless of having a whole conversation with someone? Maybe I broke out into song and danced blissfully unaware, or what if I drove without knowing it…taking out unsuspecting mailboxes along the way?

I chuckled to myself at the images flashing through my mind.

Now I was just letting my overactive imagination take over. I'm certain the mailboxes in Hanover New Hampshire are perfectly safe from the likes of my clueless alter ego. I mean, people hum without knowing it, right? It was probably the same thing.

I snorted. _Yeah, because growling was totally absentminded normal human behavior…everyone does it._

But I still found myself annoyed by this. I had never growled without being aware that I was doing it. I usually knew what set me off. Was I going nuts or something? Is that even possible for a half vampire, half human? Oh yikes, what if the human side of me went crazy and the vampire side had to watch helplessly as my human side spirals out of control. I shuttered a little at that particularly dark thought.

"Jacob Black."

The announcement cut into my thoughts. Seth and I jumped up - applauding, hooting and whistling - as Jacob practically ran across the stage. I had my camera out instantly and got every inch he moved. _Did he just roll his eyes at me?_ I frowned a little; he was trying to ruin my pictures. He hated having his picture taken unless I was in it with him. _Well too bad for him I'm going to document his first college graduation whether he likes it or not._

He kept his face turned down until he was safely across. But as he went down the stairs to take his seat, he caught my eyes and raised his eyebrows. I looked away. Crap, he had heard me.

"Emily Blaine."

The girl that grabbed my Jacob's hand walked across the stage and then back to her seat… _next_ to _my_ Jacob. She was five foot seven and had board straight golden blond hair cut shoulder length. It looked like she had tried to curl it but was unsuccessful. I quickly ran through all the people that I had seen in Jacob's dorm, but didn't remember seeing her.

Well okay, I guess I wasn't exactly a frequent visitor. It was hard to pass as his little sister since we looked nothing alike and it would have drawn a bit of unwanted attention if he was toting around a random little kid. So I had only got to go there when my parents were helping him move in and out. Plus, he preferred to hang out at our house anyway so he was hardly ever at his dorm room.

 _Maybe blondie had just been in some of his classes._

… _whatever…_

I forced my eyes to wander back over the crowd. The place was packed. I scanned the people standing along the walls and wonder what all these normal humans would think if they knew there were two and a half vampires crammed in here with them. There would be a lot of screaming and trampling going on that's for sure. Lucky for them they were not on the usual menu.

I had to admit, I really admired my family for being "vegetarians." While animal blood kept the burning at bay, there was no substitute for human blood. I knew by just being here my parents' throats were aching with thirst and it was difficult to ignore that feeling; especially in a crowded room such as this. They didn't even have to be thirsty, just the smell of human blood would do it. I glanced over and both of them seemed perfectly at ease, like they were surrounded by hundreds of bloodless vampires instead of hundreds of humans with pumping hearts. Dad had his arm around mom's shoulders and she fit perfectly against his chest. You knew they were made for each other just by looking at them.

I beamed at them. They were a picture of perfection.

I, on the other hand, only had to deal with the burning in my throat when I was thirsty…or hungry. I noticed if I ate human food, I would be fine. But I didn't really care for human food much – except eggs. They tasted okay but I truthfully didn't like to eat them much; it was just one more thing that made me different from the rest of my family. Instead I hunted deer or elk or whatever Jacob and Seth ate since I hunted the most with them.

I had actually grown out of drinking human blood. I use to prefer it when I was younger but then I read about the Donner Party and felt that there were just too many similarities. I'm sure if I tasted it again all bets would be off, but the thought now kind of made me queasy. I was part human after all with my own beating heart and pulsing veins.

I looked at the faces of all the people around me; I could smell their blood - seeing the slight movement under their skin near their veins. And I could hear the squishing sound their hearts made with every beat. I concentrated on the woman sitting in front of me and inhaled deeply letting her scent fill my nose. I imagined the dryness in my throat; the tightening of my muscles as I leaned over her should to gently press my lips to her neck. I even went as far as to imagine the warmth of her blood as it pooled into my mouth, but didn't feel the slightest bit tempted. My dad cleared his throat. I peeked over and saw his nostrils flaring as he fought to calm the thirst.

 _Oops, sorry dad._

Sometimes I forgot he could hear my thoughts I was so use to it. It was just part of who he was. Most of the time I thought it was cool that he could hear what I was thinking; we could have private conversations that way. I knew he and Alice did, I had seen them do it plenty of times. I could even read what his responses were sometimes; like the slight movement of his eyes or the inconspicuous way he nodded his head.

It was actually pretty neat to watch because unless you knew what to look for you would never know. In fact no one else seemed to have a clue – well maybe mom did. But she had memorized dad's face so completely and she knew it better than I did. I imagined that if I could detect their private conversations so could she.

Bored, I shifted in my seat and my eyes wandered over to a small girl, maybe three or four years old, sitting in her mother's lap. I couldn't stop myself from staring at her. She had straight dark hair that was cut to her chin and framed her little round face perfectly. She had a big pink bow on the top of her head, which she was resting in her mother's chest. I could barely see the rest of her little body because her mother's arms wrapped around her completely blocking my view - like a blanket.

She shifted slightly and her mother's arms moved the exact same moment to compensate for that shift. The movement was so perfectly in sync it was like they had a string connecting them. The only other two people I had ever seen move like that were my parents.

I sighed.

I couldn't stop myself from feeling slightly envious of that little girl. I had grown up so fast I had not been able to sit in my mom's lap like that for very long. I mean I could still sit in her lap – she was incredibly strong – but now we were the same size and it just wasn't the same. I couldn't stop my mind from thinking back to how it felt to be in her arms; like we were in our own little world of just the two of us. Now I kind of felt disconnected from her, like our perfect little world had spun out of its circular orbit and was moving in some weird elongated oval.

I reflexively looked over at her. She had a slight smile on her face as she watched the graduates. I smiled a little as well. It was hard not to, I adored her. I couldn't think of anyone in the world better than her. She was breathtakingly beautiful and thoughtful and…and well just perfect. I'm not sure why, but I suddenly thought about the first time I wanted to read to her. I was only a couple of months old at the time and I wanted to prove how smart I was; I wanted her to be proud of me. But I also remember the slight sadness in her eyes and I realized I should have just hung onto my childhood as long as I could. I was never going to be that little again.

I watched her till she glanced over at me and smiled. I smiled back and made myself look up at the ceiling, trying to think of something else. My eyes traced the tiny cracks in the plaster all along the ceiling. It looked like it hadn't been painted in a while.

Of course I could still curl up in my Jacob's lap. I looked at the back of his head and smiled as I pictured his arms wrapping around me. They could completely engulf me. But that just wasn't the same. He wasn't my mother.

I was glad he was close to the beginning of the alphabet, I already had a short attention span and I had completely stopped paying attention. I sat there thinking about anything but my mom with the ceremony droning on in the background.

But the longer I tried not to think about it, the more I did. And the more I did the more I felt disconnected with not just my mom but my whole family. Everyone else was one hundred percent vampire and Jacob and Seth had a whole pack of people like them.

I was just me – a lonely half breed.

Then a thought crossed my mind. I could finally attend high school. Everyone in my family had been to high school numerous times, well except mom but even she's been once. But now I could finally go too.

I had not been able to go to any school before because I grew too fast. I would have started kindergarten the same size as all the other five year olds and ended the size of an eighth grader. _Ha, that would have freaked the teachers out_. Plus with everyone in my family holding multiple masters and PDH level degrees who really needed to go to school?

I was home schooled…sort of. I actually just picked up their text books and started reading them myself – or the internet or really anything I could get my hot little hands on.

I began to picture what roles everyone would play _._ Would we go back to high school or college? College was a little bit of an easier for my family - unless someone they knew attended the same college – because they could be more of themselves. My parents were able to attend college as a young married couple; Jasper and Carlisle taught at Dartmouth but Alice didn't want to take classes so she spent her time with me. Emmet and Rosalie also decided to also play a young married couple but skipped taking classes and went right into the work force.

 _I wonder who I could be._ It would be weird having to play my parent's sibling. I mean we did look the same age so we would have to. My dad and I could pass as brother and sister better than anyone else because we looked so much alike but that would still be very weird calling him Edward instead of dad.

 _But, what about Jacob?_ I mean he looked nothing like any of us. It would be hard for us to go to high school with him and pass him off as a sibling. Plus he put up such a huge stink about going to college in the first place that I'm not sure I really want to deal with that again. I rolled my eyes. He could be so difficult sometimes.

Unfortunately the only high school I wanted to go to was Forks High School. I would have to start as a junior because I had my driver's license and didn't want to give that up. It wasn't quite a full four years, but there was plenty of time for that. And I could act like a teenage girl, or at least mimic what the other girls did.

 _Oh but duh_ … _everyone else has already been there and it certainly hadn't been enough time for them to go back._ After seven years there would still be people there that would remember them. It was okay for my parents because Charlie still lived there but Carlisle certainly couldn't go back to the hospital and none of my aunts or uncles could go back to repeat high school after all this time.

Not to mention Emmet and Jasper would get bored going back to the same old place and complain. That right there wasn't worth the trip. When those two got bored they got way too creative and the rest of us got the brunt of that creativity. Well Alice didn't but she always saw it coming.

Well, maybe I could live with Charlie and Sue and be his niece or something. He seemed okay with anything as long as he got to see mom and me. I could just go back alone, attend high school and meet up with my family wherever they were when I graduated. After all, it would only be two years. I could do that.

I looked at my parents from the corner of my eye. _Um, that was the worst idea in the history or ideas. I had never been away from them or my family…ever._

 _Oh well, it wasn't a very good idea anyway._

I guess I shouldn't worry about it everyone's been doing this long enough. I'm sure they have thought it all through already.

The woman's voice over the loud speaker congratulated the graduating class. The entire audience cheered, effectively pulling me away from my thoughts. My eyes zeroed in on Jacob just as that Emily girl stood on her tippy toes and planted a kiss on his cheek.

I suddenly heard myself hiss and I froze.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Seth jump. _Holy cow, what was that?_ But I didn't have much time to be shocked because the couple in front of me had heard this time and were now looking at me like I had grown a third eye.

 _Why yes, you did just hear me hiss. No, you're not crazy at all…but apparently I am._

"Oh, excuse me. Did I sneeze on you?" I asked looking shocked and embarrassed. Okay, it was a terrible explanation but I was too startled to think of anything else. But they weren't buying it. I gave them a timid smile. "I am so very sorry." That seemed to work. They both smiled at me and turned back around.

But I stood there staring at the back of their heads, stunned. Where had that come from? I wasn't technically a doctor but I was definitely seeing signs of losing my mind. I could feel mom, dad and Seth's eyes staring at me. My face heated up and without looking I turned and walked out of the auditorium. I was grateful I had been sitting in the aisle seat; it made my escape much faster.

It was sunny outside so I went straight to the car. My parents had been luckier with their graduation ceremony. It had been nice and overcast and perfect for a pair of vampire graduates and their entire vampire family. But today they were going to have to get out quickly before anyone noticed the brightly sparkling couple walking through the parking lot.

Again, I didn't have the same issue. I had no problems being in the sun. I was only slightly luminous which I thought just made me look weird, not beautiful like everyone else. But I could go outside because to a human's eye I just looked very pale. It was just one other thing that made me different from the rest of my family.

I was glad only my parents and Seth were in attendance. I was embarrassed enough as it was. Jacob's dad Billy couldn't make the trip, Charlie left after mom graduated, and because of the sun, everyone else thought it best to stay indoors; which greatly pleased Jacob. He had even fussed when we flew Seth out. I told him that it was because Seth was my best friend and had nothing to do with him. But I knew Jacob secretly liked having Seth there because he thought of him as a kid brother - though he would never admit it.

I stood there leaning against the car door, dreading having to explain myself. I had never done that before. _What's wrong with me?_ _There is no excuse for this_. But I had no idea what triggered it. I was watching Jacob, the girl kissed him on the cheek and then…BAM! I mean I would never hiss at Jacob, that girl wasn't threatening him…in fact no one in that auditorium posed a threat to any of us.

 _Maybe it was the sudden uproar of the crowd._ No, normal humans were not physically dangerous to me. They were awkward and goofy when they fought. No match for my lighting fast reflexes and incredible strength.

 _Maybe it was a smell._ But I didn't remember smelling anything that could be mistaken as hostel.

 _There has to be a reason…think_. The only conclusion I could come up with was I must have a screw lose or something. Apparently too much rough housing with Seth had shaken something out of place. But I didn't get to see Seth that often. At least not as often as I wanted too now that we lived on opposite sides of the country.

While Jacob was finishing high school, Seth became my best friend; probably because everyone else thought of us as "the kids" so we bonded. We wrestled with each other all the time. We were just about evenly matched in strength only I was faster.

But we never got that rowdy. Of course that might have had something to do with Jacob threatening Seth's hamstrings after I ended up taking out a window, part of a wall and some poor unsuspecting saplings. I had a few bruises and scratches for a couple days, certainly not worth Jacob flipping out the way he had. So after that Seth took it easy on me, which I was still a little bitter about because I never saw what the big deal was. I healed almost as fast as they did.

 _Ugh, this is driving me crazy!_ How could I lose control in front of all those people? I guess I should have been freaking out more about the fact that I almost exposed my family. But teenage girls were supposedly emotional train wrecks anyway. I'm sure no one would think twice if I threw a tantrum and let out a few hisses in between my ranting.

Unfortunately my biggest concern was having to explain myself because, well, I honestly had no explanation for what I did. It just popped out. _Geez! I hope this wasn't going to turn into a common occurrence._ I mean first with the growling, which I didn't even know I was doing, and then the hissing. I would be forced to stay away from people for a while until I could get this under control. I would be under house arrest…yuck.

I usually was very good around normal humans, I mean I was part one for crying out loud. I fit in with them better than the rest of my family did. It probably helped to be warm and have a pulse. But hissing like that was totally unacceptable and completely out of character.

I shook my head, sighed heavily and buried my face in my hands. Maybe dad will go easy on me since I was losing my mind.

"What was that about kid?" I was so lost in my thoughts that Jacob's quiet voice startled me….sort of. I knew he heard me I'm just surprised the whole stinking auditorium hadn't.

"Jacob." I bounced over to him, pretending everything was okay, and wrapped my arms around his waist. His arms were instantly around me, squeezing me close to him. I buried my face in his gown and inhaled, that always made me feel better.

I took another deep breath and looked up.

He was watching me intently…so I smiled at him. I wasn't going to ruin this for him. Even though he said he didn't care I knew deep down that he was pleased with himself, as he should be. He just liked to keep his cool guy image intact.

"I'm proud of you Mr. College Grad." I grinned wider at him. I could totally give him his present now.

"Yeah, thanks…" He said smiling. "Still can't believe I let you talk me into walking." He stared at me a minute and then his eyes narrowed. "What are you grinning about?" He knew me so well.

"Presents." I said lifting my eye brows two quick times. He stepped back, but without letting me go.

"Oh no, I said no presents." He was frowning down at me.

"Since when do I listen to you?" I said rolling my eyes at him.

"Nessie…" He started to protest. I reached up and pressed my index figure against his lips.

"Too late."

He started to say something else but I caught sight of Seth walking towards us. "Seth!" I called and waved. Seth knew where the car was I just didn't feel like listening to Jacob anymore.

I turned to see mom and dad climbing in the shiny silver Volvo. Oh goodie, time for my lame excuse. _I'm sorry Mr. and Mrs. Cullen, your daughter needs to be institutionalized. It appears that a few marbles have rolled out of her head_.

I climbed into the back seat with Jacob on my right and Seth on my left. Before anyone said anything I blurted out "I'm sorry for my inappropriate behavior. I won't let it happen again."

"It's okay honey. No one really heard you and you seemed to handle that couple in front of you, er, well enough." My dad said looking at me in the rearview mirror.

"Yeah, if you can't explain it, gross them out. Right Nes?" Seth chuckled nudging me. Seth was the only one allowed to call me Nes; it was a best friend privilege. "You really could have come up with something better than that."

"Hey, you couldn't have come up with something as good that quickly either." Mom turned to look at first Jacob then Seth. Seth slightly shrunk back in his seat and looked out the window but Jacob ignored her as usual.

"I bet the look on their faces were priceless." Jacob chuckled.

I gave him a quick side glance but otherwise ignored them both. I was watching my dad's eyes in the rearview. I couldn't tell if he was upset with me. But he didn't say anything as we pulled out of the parking lot. Either he figured out why I snapped – in which case I would have to ask him - or going crazy was a legit excuse.

But no one said anything else about it.

As we turned on the dirt road that was our driveway, I started bouncing in my seat. Presents! I was careful only to think of Jacob's gift. I had kept my parent's presents a secret up till now and I was not about to ruin it with only minutes left.

"Geez Nessie, you are going to rattle my teeth out." Seth complained as he sat up. It usually took more than that to wake him up, he slept sounder than Jacob. I stuck just my tongue out at him.

They both had fallen into a pretty deep sleep despite our ten minute trip. I looked over at Jacob who was still snoring lightly and smiled, he was use to me moving around a lot; I rarely sat still for very long even when I was sleeping, my bouncing didn't wake him anymore.

When we all moved out to New Hampshire four years ago, dad had wanted to buy mom a house so he purchased a small two story traditional suburban home about five miles away from Carlisle and Esme's house, where Jasper and Alice lived as well. Emmet and Rosalie also bought a place in the same neighborhood, only all the way on the other side.

I would spend the days with Alice at my grandparent's house since dad had insisted that mom get the full college experience. They took a full load every semester and we would travel during the summer. Mom and dad or Jacob would drop me off in the mornings and come over after their classes and we would leave at night. Jacob usually stayed three out of the five week days and then all weekend. And we always fell asleep snuggled up on the couch.

It seemed to take forever to go the two miles through the neighborhood, even though I knew it was only about a minute. I sat there debating how I was going to wake Jacob up. I would either have to shake him or jump on him, depending on how deep asleep he was.

As I sat there looking at his peaceful face, I found myself staring at his lips. They were a pale pink and looked soft and warm. I started wondering what it would be like to kiss them.

 _Whoa…_ I stopped myself before my overacting imagination could take over. _What am I thinking? Kiss Jacob?_ This is Jacob I'm thinking about. I looked forward. I just can't go around kissing him….he was, well he was Jacob for crying out loud. He would have thought I was acting weird.

But I still felt curious so I turned to stare at Seth's mouth. Nope, didn't want to kiss him. I looked back at Jacob.

Nothing…

 _Oh yeah…totally missing some marbles._

Since I didn't seem in control of myself today and I had no idea what I was capable of doing, I settled on nudging his arm till he swatted at me. "Wake up." I didn't want to get to close to his face. Better to remain a safe distance away than have to deal with another embarrassing event.

Jacob sat up and mumbled about being glad he survived the day's event. I rolled my eyes at him. "You liked it." Dad got out and was at my mother's door instantly holding it open. Seth and Jacob climbed out and I followed out Seth's door, still a little weirded out.

I wasn't sure how I felt about kissing Jacob. I had never thought about it before. I had never actually thought about kissing anyone for that matter. I mean I had only ever been around people I was related to or who were more like siblings. Wasn't it illegal to want to kiss your relatives like that, at least in most states?

 _Gross, stop that._

I needed to focus, it was present time. I started dancing along behind everyone unable to contain my excitement any longer. _Presents, presents, presents_ chanted in my head. I was so proud of myself; I had picked out everyone's presents on my own. And I was excited because I knew no matter how much they would protest they were really going to love them.

Dad opened the door.

"Happy Graduation!" Alice, Jasper, Esme, Carlisle, Emmet, and Rose yelled. They were all standing in the living room.

No one was actually surprised. What with the freakishly super hearing and sense of smell, it was hard to get anything past anyone. Heck I could smell and hear everyone when we got out of the car. But I didn't care it wasn't really a surprise. I danced around behind mom and dad and threw my arms around their waists.

"Congratulations!" I said and kissed them both on the check.

"I thought we all agreed no more surprises." Mom said.

"Bella, first off, you were not surprised. Second, when do we ever listen to you?" Alice said rolling her eyes. She took my mom's hand and dragged her across the room and over to the sofa. "This is the first time you graduated college, you had to know we weren't going to let it pass without doing something."

"A girl can hope can't she?" My mom sighed.

"Oh just open your present." Alice said handing my mom a pretty green – specifically Dartmouth green - wrapped box.

"Alice…" Mom groaned.

"Yeah, I know I know. But honestly Bella, you should know better by now." Alice chided. "It's from all of us." I cleared my throat and Alice frowned at me. "Okay, fine, Nessie got you both something else."

"Something different." I corrected.

Mom looked at me questioningly before she ripped the shiny green paper off the long thin box.

"You are going to Isle Esme on a long awaited second honeymoon!" Alice sang. Everyone had gotten them open ended tickets to go down to my grandmother's island.

I was grinning from ear to ear, just as excited as Alice was. My parents had not been back there since their original honeymoon. As much as I was going to miss them, they had not had real alone time since I was born. And since they no longer had the excuse that they were going to miss me growing up, they could go and enjoy themselves.

"Wow, um, thanks everyone." Mom smiled and glanced at my dad, who was grinning. He winked at her and her eyes grew playful.

"Yes, thank you all very much." Dad walked over and sat next to her, wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her check.

I loved watching them together. It was amazing how they moved like one person or like there was an invisible string between them. It felt like a watching a dream. I was convinced that no one in this world was as in love as my parents and it made me happy.

"My turn, my turn!" I had wrapped mine as soon as I got them and put them on the floor next to the sofa; trying very hard to ignore them.

"Renesmee, you really didn't have to get us anything." Mom said as I handed her her present.

"I know, but I'm just as proud of you as everyone else." I said quietly.

"Thank you sweetheart." My mom pulled me close and kissed my check.

"Quit stalling and open it."

I almost took it out of her hands and opened it myself but she finally got it open. I watched as her eyes lit up when she opened the box to see the little locket in there. It almost looked exactly like the one she had given me for my first Christmas, except it was a little larger and was a heart.

"Open it." I encouraged her. I had put two pictures in it; us then and us now. She stared at it without saying anything at all.

"She had it specially made. Turn it over."

"Alice." My dad snapped. My aunt stuck her tongue out at him.

"' _My heart begins with you.'_ " I could barely hear my mom's voice as she read the engraving. She suddenly grabbed me and held me fiercely to her. "Oh, Renesmee, it's the most beautiful present every. Thank you so much." She kissed my checks and my forehead.

"So you like it?"

"Like it…no I love it." She let me go and put the locket on. She looked down at it handing around her neck and smiled.

"Good." I beamed. One for one.

"Now you dad." I started thinking of Jacob's present so my dad couldn't pick it out of my brain. No one else knew what it was either and I made Alice promise not to think of it till after he opened it.

It was hard work surprising a mind reader.

He chuckled as I handed him the green box, focusing on the shiny green wrapping paper. He took it and began to open it.

"Oh..." He said as he pulled out the pocket watch.

"It's an antique from 1901. She did some research and apparently it was a very sought after little accessory back then. Anyone who was someone had one of these." Alice rattled on.

"Alice, will you please let my daughter explain my present to me?"

Alice stopped talking.

"It's okay dad." I said. "Do you like it?"

"It's beautiful. I like it very much. Thank you."

"You didn't tell him the best part," Alice frowned. His eyes widened and dropped to the watch.

"My dad?" He said quietly.

"Might have owned it, or at least one like it. It is very hard to tell. But I must say, when your daughter gets an idea in her head, she doesn't let up." Alice chirped on.

But it didn't look like my dad was listening. He was staring at the watch with a blank face. I know he didn't use a watch, but I knew his dad had one. Plus I couldn't think of anything else he might want that he didn't already have.

His arms were around me instantly. "I love it. I never would have guessed…I'm just shocked. This is such a thoughtful gift." He kissed the top of my head. "It's hard to remember. I know he use to carry one, but I really don't know what happened to it when we were in the hospital…memory is kind of fuzzy." He flipped it over and over, examining it closely.

"Grandpa helped a lot." I looked over and Carlisle smiled at me. "I'm glad you like it. I know you don't use a watch, but it could be an accessory or something." He kissed the top of my head again. Two for two. And at least I wasn't messing this up. No weird, uncontrollable behavior.

My dad squeezed me tighter.

"Jacob's turn!" I bounced away from my dad's arms. Jacob was going to absolutely love his present.

Jacob and Seth had taken the two oversized armchairs and were stuffing their mouths with as much food as would fit. He stopped in mid bite when I sang out his name. He was giving me a pleading look as I stopped right in front of him. I interlaced my fingers together, held them over my mouth and started jumped up and down in front of him. He closed his mouth, still holding the sandwich in place, swallowed and eyed me with one eyebrow raised. He was probably debating whether he should just put down his plate or keep eating and ignore me. He knew I wasn't going to interrupt him but he also knew I would stay right there jumping in front of him till he was done.

Either way he was going to get his present.

With a sigh, he put his plate down on the side table and stood up, defeated.

"Yay!" I jumped on his back and covered his eyes. "Mom, can you lead him?"

"Nessie..." He started.

"I don't want you to peek." The theatrics probably weren't necessary, but I wanted to be

absolutely sure he was surprised. As it was I suspected he might have already known what he was getting.

My mom came over and took his hand and began to lead him to the garage. I knew he'd put up a bigger stink if it was someone else.

"Stop!" I cried once we were in the garage and dropped off his back.

I was glad I stuck my camera in my pocket because his face was priceless. He stood there with his mouth open like he was trying to catch something. He had had no clue. I snapped about twenty shots before I realized his expression hadn't changed.

"Well," I said impatiently. "Do you like it?"

"You've got…to be freaking…kidding me." Okay, that was not exactly the reaction I'd pictured in my head. But maybe he's just overwhelmed with emotion. Even though his voice sounded flat, I could still see the excitement in his eyes. At least it looked like excitement.

"Wow." Seth said joining us.

I impatiently started jumping up and down, hoping my excitement would catch on. "So do you like it? Do you like it?"

"A car…" That wasn't a question and still not the response I was thinking of. Where were the 'hell yeahs' and fist punching?

"It's a Maserati GranTurismo S. Black on black with red accents." He was not responding at all. "It's supposed to be really fast. I don't know if they make it as a convertible. And I wasn't entirely sure about the exterior color. I thought maybe granite would look good, but then I thought you would like the black better. Now that I see you next to it, I think you will look wicked awesome. But we can totally change it if you don't like it." I was babbling because I hadn't counted on him not liking it.

"No…I….Nessie, the color is great." He stammered.

"You don't like the car?" _Don't get upset_. "I had picked it out myself but I probably should have asked dad, he would have known what you liked. We can trade it in for any one you want." I was trying hard to keep the tears out of my voice.

"No, no the car is perfect. But…but I can't accept it."

"Why not? You said you liked it." _Well, in so many words._

"Baby, it's too much. I could never…" He still hadn't taken his eyes off the car, but he also still hadn't moved. I could feel the tears welling up. He didn't like it. He was just saying that so he wouldn't hurt my feelings.

"But I want you to have it." I said quietly. I must not have been hiding my feelings anymore because his eyes flashed on me. He reached out, wrapped his arms around my wait and pulled me into a bear hug. "I'm sorry…." His hand was covering my mouth.

"No way! I can't believe you are trying to apologize for getting me a freaking car." He was looking at me like I was crazy. My verdict was still out on that.

"Well, we can get one you like…" I said after leaning my head back so his hand was no longer hindering my ability to speak.

"I love the car Nessie, but I can't ever compete with a gift like this." He said looking down at me.

"Compete? I didn't think you were into racing, but I'm sure we can get you a track car if you want that instead."

"No, no, I mean I could never buy you something like this…" He gestured to the car with his hand as his voice trailed off.

I blinked at him. "But I already have a car." Did he have a screw lose too? He knew my dad just got me a Ferrari California – Azzurro California blue with Blu Scuro interior. I loved it! It was super fast and wicked hot.

"Something that costs this much…" He actually looked embarrassed.

 _Oh, is that what this was about._ Jacob had a little complex about not having as much money as my family…or me. But it didn't matter, he was just being silly.

"I don't want you to."

"But that's not fair. You can buy me awesome gifts and I can't afford to buy you…well anything really." He looked away toward the ground, his lower lip sticking out slightly. _Aw, he was super cute when he pouted._

I hugged him tighter. "Whatever, you make me stuff and that's better than anything anyone could ever buy me. They are completely one of a kind…and priceless." I said smugly holding up my wrist and pointing to the little woven bracelet he had made for me; the first present he ever gave me that I never took off. He rolled his eyes. "Please Jacob, don't worry about the cost. It wasn't expensive at all. I promise." Expensive was a relative term anyway. He snorted. "You can take me for a ride whenever you want." I saw his eyes light up with absolute excitement and he grinned.

I grinned back, reached into my pocket and pulled out the keys. He chuckled as I dangled the "Keggy the Keg" keychain in front of him. I knew he got a huge kick out of the unofficial Dartmouth mascot. He dropped his arms from around my waist as I dropped the keys into his open hand. He then walked slowly over to the car like it was going to drive away without him if he moved too fast. He looked back at me still grinning, reached out and ran his hand along the top of the car.

"Oh man, Jacob, you going to take it for a test drive? Can I drive it?" I had forgotten Seth was there. Jacob frowned at him and Seth quickly amended "Er, after you drive it first, of course." Hhmm, I would have to get Seth one when he graduated. At least he knew how to appreciate a gift.

"So, do you want to keep it?" I asked knowing what the answer was.

"Hell yeah I wanna keep it. It was a present from my favorite girl."

"Well open it up and get in then!" I bounced over to the passenger side door. I had the door open and was sitting in the seat at the exact same time he got in the driver side. I watched his face as he looked over the central console and brushed his finger tips lightly over the buttons of the audio system.

 _Oh yeah, I was good…three for three._

This was the best feeling, I loved giving presents. I should make up reasons to do this more often. Of course I'd have to get creative to make everyone actually open them, but I could deal for this kind of high.

A small movement in the window caught my eye. I looked up and frowned. There was a pine tree air fresher hanging off the rearview. "Real cute Aunt Rose!" I didn't need to yell for her to hear me. I heard laughing from inside. I rolled my eyes, pulled it off and threw it out the window. If Jacob noticed he didn't say anything. I still had no idea why they thought he smelled bad. I inhaled and smiled.

He smelled great to me.

"You just gonna to stare at it all day?" I asked still unable to take my eyes off his smiling face. He was smiling my favorite smile, the one that stretched from ear to ear and light up his whole face. His eyes widened and he put the key in the ignition. The car purred to life. He sat back in the seat with his hands on the stirring wheel.

"You gonna to let Seth get in?"

He frowned. "Oh fine." I jumped out of the passenger side door and flipped forward the seat for Seth to climb into the back.

We sped off.

The entire ride, Jacob and Seth talked about torque, horsepower, suspension, blah, blah, blah. I hadn't paid much attention. I had been watching Jacob's face the entire ride. As he pulled his car into the garage, I was still high from his excitement.

"That was awesome." Seth said stretching after climbing out of the back. "You ever gonna to let me take it for a spin?"

"Hell no."

Seth's face fell a little.

"Don't worry Seth he'll let you when the new wears off." I said.

"No I won't. He'll mess it up or something." Jacob protested as we all walked into the house.

"Fine then, I'll just have to get Seth one when he graduates." I winked at Seth who just blinked at me. "Or maybe sooner since Jacob won't share."

Seth may have been frozen at fifteen but he looked more like twenty, so he was able to get a driver's license. And Jacob, who was frozen at sixteen, could easily pass for early twenties. I was a little disgruntled by this because I was physically frozen at seventeen, older than both of them, but I would still look only seventeen…well forever.

Where was the justice?

"You have fun?" Dad asked walking down the stairs with a smirk on his face. Of course he already knew the answer being about to read all our minds which was probably why he was grinning.

"It was awesome." Seth answered. He was still awed by my dad; some hero worship thing from before I was born. I thought it was sweet but his pack brothers teased him about it to no end.

"Yes, her mother and I agree with you. She is absolutely amazing." Dad said in response to something probably Jacob was thinking. I looked at him and he was looking at me with that awed look he sometimes got; like a man had been in the dark too long and was finally able to see the sun again.

I felt my cheeks grow warm. _Good, I'm glad he really liked his present._

"Well it was very generous." Dad said.

"Everyone else already leave?" I said looking away and quickly changing the subject. I already knew the answer seeing as I couldn't hear or smell anyone else.

"Yes, they were going to...er, yes they left." Dad answered.

 _What's going on?_

"Sorry honey," He said coming over and wrapping his arms around my shoulders. "I thought it was such a great idea and then Alice saw us all back there. I was going to let you ask but…" He shrugged.

 _Back where?_

"Forks." Dad answered

 _Forks?!_ He smiled at me. Well, he was able to hear me earlier. I had not even thought about it since I dismissed the idea as a bad one this afternoon.

 _I don't have to go alone do I?_ I asked suddenly remembering why I thought it was a terrible idea.

"Of course not, we all think it's a great idea. I think of all the places we've lived, that was everyone's favorite by far." He ran his finger along my check and held it lightly under my chin tilting my head back just a little. "We got the best additions to our family there."

I blushed again and Dad chuckled. He loved it when I blushed because he said it reminded him of mom. Unfortunately for me Emmet did too but that was just because he thought it was hilarious.

"Will someone please fill in the non-mind readers?" Jacob grumbled.

"Renesmee wants to move back to Forks so she can attend high school." Dad answered without looking away from me. I looked over at Jacob to see his reaction, but he said nothing.

"That will be great having you guys back." Seth's voice was filled with excitement. I knew he had missed everyone, especially Jacob. I'd imagine it was hard being part of a pack when your alpha was all the way across the country.

Jacob's little pack had been temporarily assigned back to Sam when we moved here. But once Emily was pregnant with their son, Sam stopped phasing. That left Jacob as the only alpha. I knew it bothered him at first but I think it got easier on him once some of the guys had stopped phasing and the pack shrunk.

Jared and Paul had stopped when they got married and their wives were still aging. Leah had wanted to stop phasing from the beginning and I think there were a few more that just stopped as well. There were only eight wolves now; down from the sixteen it had been. It probably had a lot to do with the Cullens moving out of Forks.

 _Oh no, what will us returning do to the giant wolf population? Was Jacob nervous about that? He didn't seem to be thrilled with this plan. Maybe he was right, this is a bad idea._

"No, it's a great idea. Jacob's thoughts were along the same line as mine." Dad answered his arm still around me. Jacob snorted. He really hated it when dad did that.

"Sure Nessie, it'll be nice to be back home for the next four years." Jacob said. But I still wasn't completely convinced he agreed with dad.

"Actually only two years. I was thinking of starting as a junior. You know, since I can drive and all." I was still watching Jacob's face.

"So when are you going to head back?" Seth asked.

"Tomorrow." Dad said as he dropped his arm.

"Tomorrow?" The three of us said in unison. It was way sooner than we were expecting.

"We were actually packing when you came home." Translation, everything was already ready to go. "And why wait? We need to get transcripts made up and Charlie needs to get you enrolled." Dad explained.

 _Okay, how was this all going to work out?_ I tried to think of what everyone would do.

"Well, Carlisle and Esme think since their granddaughter has finally stopped growing it would be a good time to temporarily retire and travel some. They had both been really dedicated to their work for far too long. Plus they think it's something grandparents should do." He smiled.

 _What about everyone else? They'll all be bored._

"I think they will probably do a lot of traveling as well. But like I said, they liked Forks. They are actually excited to go back. Besides, most of the students that we knew moved away anyway."

 _But you can't attend with me._ My dad and aunts and uncles had been played the adopted kids of Carlisle and Esme when they first came to Forks. But we had only been gone six years. They couldn't go back, at least not yet anyway.

"That is true we can't. But you are going to be Charlie's niece and live with him. Bella has already called him and he seemed genuinely excited. We can come up with details later."

"Well, I guess I'd better go get my stuff together." Jacob broke into our one sided conversation. He sometimes got annoyed when dad and I had conversations like that...made him feel left out. Personally though, I think it still weirded him out.

"Emmet already took care of that."

"He better not have broken anything."

"Carlisle went with him. Your stuff is already in the other room."

"Oh…well thanks." He shrugged and went back to his sandwich, which Esme switched for a fresh one.

 _Okay, why so soon?_ Then it hit me. _Oh right, they have tickets to go on their second honeymoon._ I saw my dad smile. Good I'm glad they were going. They deserved it.

Dad went back up stairs, Seth sat on the couch and turned on the TV but I just stood there watching Jacob. I could tell he wasn't thrilled with this idea but I didn't know why, and he was ignoring me which just confirmed my suspicions. But he also looked like he wasn't going to say anything about it so I was going to have to pry it out of him.

When he finished his sandwich, I walked over and stood in front of him, right in front of his view of the TV. No way for him to ignore me.

"Jacob." I said. He looked up at me and smiled. I could tell he was going to be difficult.

Growing up I had learned to read his face and I could tell mostly what he was thinking, and right now I knew he was hiding something. I hated knowing he wasn't happy about one of my ideas. It was rare which is why it bothered me so much. I also knew he would try to give me a hard time, arguing something about as long as I was happy he was too…blah, blah, blah.

"Jacob." I said again folding my arms.

"Yes?" He smiled wider and batted his eyes like a guilty person playing innocent.

"What?" I asked firmly. I didn't need to say anything else; he knew better now than to try and pretend.

He grabbed me and pulled me into his lap. Without thinking I wrapped my arms around his neck. "Nessie, I really think it's a great idea."

I waited.

"The pack will be fine. I'm the alpha now remember. Plus I really don't think there are any boys left to turn into giant wolves."

 _Not funny._ I looked at him flatly still waited.

"Fine, why do you want to go back?"

I frowned. "Everyone else got to go to there, even if it was only high school. I want to go too. Plus you already have two degrees now…I'm falling behind." I was competitive by nature so it would seem like a legit reason I would come up with. I wasn't about to tell him the real reason. He wouldn't understand.

"Trust me you're going to end up with way more degrees than I will ever have. One college degree is enough for me thank you."

"Aw you don't want to keep me company while I rack up the certificates of knowledge?" I was actually a little disappointed at his statement. I had had visions of dragging him through every major possible. And we would be in every class together for whatever degree we were getting that time.

"It's bad enough I had to walk once." I looked at him hopefully. "You're killing me here kid." He kissed my cheek and smiled slightly at me.

"So that was it? You were only concerned about why I wanted to go." I said watching his eyes, which always told me what he was thinking.

"Is there another reason?" His eyebrow rose indicating he wasn't really buying my reason.

"Nope, high school just seems like fun." I planted a huge kiss on his cheek. Seth snorted from the couch. I tuned myself around to look at him. "What you didn't think high school was fun?" At the same moment Jacob leaned back in the chair so I was able to relax into his chest.

"Heck no, but I know you will. You are the happiest little freak I've ever met." He teased.

"It's called looking on the brighter side of things, you giant fur ball."

"So are you blind from staring straight at the sun then?"

"Ugh, Seth that was a terrible joke." I said lobbing a pillow at him which started a pillow fight and then turned into a wrestling match.

"Hey, take it easy you two." Jacob said after I let out a low growl at Seth, which sounded a little less playful than I was intending.

Seth instantly let up and I shot Jacob a pouting look; he stood in front of the chair watching us. He held out his hand to me and I happily skipped over. I playfully pounced on him hoping he would want to wrestle with me. I had actually only intended to push him back into the chair but I must have still been a little keyed up because the force knocked the chair over and we toppled backward.

We hit the floor with a loud bang. I didn't feel it because Jacob was holding me in a way where he took the entire impact. But when we were done moving I was less than an inch away from his face. I could feel his warm breath caressing my cheeks. I found myself once again staring at his lips…they were very, very close to mine. My heart began to beat faster. I felt myself lean a little closer to him and it took a lot of will power to stop myself from pressing my lips to his.

"Would you two mind putting the chair back the way it was? I rather liked it that way." I heard mom ask from the stairs. I looked up and Jacob's beautiful eyes were looking at me intently.

"Sure thing mom." Jacob teased after a moment. Without taking his eyes off me, he reached back with one hand and pushed the chair upright all the while holding me tightly to his chest; my face still only an inch from his. The chair thudded to the floor and he looked up and smiled at mom.

"Show off." Mom said rolling her eyes.

"You asked me to put the chair back didn't you?" He frowned a little, almost like he was actually offended by her words, almost.

"Sure sure." She said and disappeared back up the stairs.

I sat there blinking at him. He wasn't prone to theatrics so that was definitely showing off. I felt myself smile…I liked it. He smiled back at me and winked.

"So, who are you going to get to drive all your cars?" Seth asked from his new spot on the floor. He hadn't moved from where I had pinned him, he just flipped over so he was now lying sprawled out on his stomach.

Jacob rolled his eyes and I giggled. "You can drive my Ferrari since I'll be riding with Jacob." I said without looking at him. I didn't need to turn around to see his face light up but I still watched his reflection in Jacob's eyes.

The next morning it was back to Forks.

 **Chapter 2: The beach is the best place to go in the summer**

I was practically jumping out of my seat as the little square house came into view. The red paint was so faded it looked more like rust and the thin windows made it look a little like a barn. But it had a lot of charm to it. As I looked over at Jacob, I tried to picture how he was going to cram his freakishly huge body in there. It didn't even look like he could stand up straight.

 _Well maybe it wasn't that small, but still, Jacob is pretty big._

I had never been to La Push. While Jacob was finishing high school, he had spent most of his waking time at our house when he wasn't in class. Since Jacob was always at our house, the pack or Billy would just come over there. And…well…mom never went back so I never asked. I figured the whole 'use to be mortal enemies' thing kind of put a damper on future friendly visitations, even though the Cullens and the Quileute pack were on much better terms.

So the first thing I wanted to do when we moved back was go to La Push and see Jacob's house. And since mom and dad left this morning for their second honeymoon all summer long, it was the perfect time.

We were in dad's Volvo since Jacob absolutely refused to drive his Maserati here or let me take my Ferrari. It had taken Jacob most of the morning to figure out his poor old Rabbit just had nothing left to give. And it took me nearly as long trying to convince him that the car had gone to a better place and we should just take the Volvo.

I actually felt really bad. He had built that car with his own hands from scratch. I mean I didn't know he honestly thought it would work after pretty much sitting stagnant for close to four years, but he genuinely seemed upset about it. I guess he got more attached than I thought.

Then I had an idea. Maybe there is some way we could get it running again for him. _Oh he would love that. Yeah, but he would want to get it started himself…it was his baby._ I wonder if he would let me help. I mean I wasn't really into the mechanics of cars. As long as they were fast and pretty, I could care a less how they worked. But I could be a good assistant; I was a quick learner.

 _That would be a lot of fun._

I'm not sure why, but the image of a shirtless Jacob bending over the open hood while I brought him lemonade in a cold glass popped into my head. I think Seth's stupid movies were affecting my imagination; I wasn't even sure Jacob liked lemonade. I mean I'd never seen him drink it before. But then again he ate and drank everything so he probably did like it.

While Jacob rolled the Volvo into an open patch of dirt, I opened the door and jumped out. I thought it was fun to get out while the car was still moving but everyone else didn't really agree. That was usually why I ended up sandwiched in between Jacob and someone else when we went places.

I landed perfectly on my toes and closed the door behind me, as usual. I rolled my eyes as I glanced back at the car. I failed to see what the big deal was.

"Nessie, you could have waited that whole two seconds for us to stop." He said with a little agitation in his voice. He put the car in park and turned it off.

"Yeah, but what would be the fun in that?" I asked as I rounded the car and grabbed his hand, grinning.

"Well, it's about time you came to visit your old man." Billy called from the front door. Jacob ignored him as we walked up to the little house. "Well…look at you Nessie; all grown up and absolutely stunning." He smiled warmly at me and I couldn't help but smile back. I could see where Jacob got his smile from.

He had actually aged a lot since I had seen him last. He had more grey strands now, giving him a salt and pepper look, and the creases around his eyes and mouth were more prominent.

"Hi Billy!" I said as I bent down and kiss his cheeks, wrapping my arms around his shoulders and squeezing them gently. "It's so good to see you again."

I felt bad because it had been so long since the last time I saw him. _Wow was it really almost two years ago?_ He hadn't made it out for Jacob's graduation and last summer we had only been in Forks a week. I had been out shopping with Alice when Jacob went to visit Billy.

"So tell me why you are still hanging out with this ill mannered beast over here?" He asked, still smiling as he jerked his thumb at Jacob, who rolled his eyes.

"Missed you too dad." Jacob said sarcastically.

"He kind of grows on you."

"I guess. Well, to what do I owe the honor? I didn't think I'd actually be seeing you again, now that you were a college graduate and all." Billy said wheeling himself back into the house for us to enter.

"For some strange reason, Nessie wanted to come to LaPush and see you." Jacob answered.

"I've never been here before." I protested. "And I'm going to take classes at Forks High School so we are back in town for a while. I'm sorry that it's been so long since I've seen you Billy. I feel just terrible about it." I said looking a little ashamed. I really liked Billy.

"Oh well you're here now, all's forgiven." Billy said smiling at me. He turned and looked at Jacob. "And she's always welcome, even if you may not be." Billy winked at me and I giggled. "So, Fork High School?"

"Yeah, I figured it was about time I quit slacking off and did something with myself and be more like Jacob." Jacob snorted, rudely.

I wondered if that radiating happiness was a family trait. Jacob and his dad always seemed so happy all the time. It was actually hard to be anything but happy around them in return. I didn't remember any other Quileute boys having such a warm inviting aura.

As we entered the house, my eyes quickly scanned the room. Most of it was kitchen. There was a sofa against the far wall, a TV to the left of that and one arm chair against the right wall. Combined with the table, most of the space was already taken up.

I found myself wondering if any of Jacob's pack brothers had ever tried to squeeze in here together. I just couldn't picture them fitting in any combination of two or more. Mathematically speaking it was possible of course, but it was still hard to picture.

"So, do I get a tour or do I just have to roam around aimlessly hoping I'll be able to find my way out again?" I said folding my arms with mock annoyance.

"There is the living room," Jacob grinned and pointed to the sofa. "And you are in the kitchen."

I became slightly annoyed. "Oh, ha-ha, are you here all week?" Jacob laughed and grabbed my hand, towing me toward the hallway. He opened a door on the right and I peeked in from around his arm.

"And all of this is my room." Jacob made a grand movement using his whole arm, sweeping it from left to right.

I smiled up at him and slipped in under his arm. I sort of felt like I was doing something I shouldn't be by walking into his room. Like some forbidden place I am not allowed to go.

I sat down on his bed, which took up the whole room, and he leaned against the door frame, which he took up most of.

"So, there's your tour."

"I like it." I said meeting his eyes. They were playful and I pulled myself into the middle of his bed. I felt little butterflies in my stomach as I suddenly found myself hoping he would come and sit next to me.

I curled my knees up to my chest and felt my cheeks getting hot. Oh no, am I blushing? _Ugh, how embarrassing._ I turned my head to look out the window so he wouldn't see my face. I saw a little structure out in the back.

"What's that?" I asked pointing to it and turning back as he shifted.

"Oh, that…um, that's just my garage." He said scratching the back of his head and looking awkward, kind of like a kid embarrassed that his friend just found an old baby toy.

"Your garage? I wanna see it."

He shrugged and reached for me. I was up and holding his hand in one movement. He led me through the kitchen, out the door and around the back.

It looked like someone had taken one side off two different sheds and nailed them together. It wasn't much to look at but it looked sturdy and well built. Jacob must have made this, it was great.

… _like everything else he did._

As we walked in, I took in every detail appreciating the craftsmanship. Jacob must have put a lot of hard work into this. He was so talented but he never gave himself any credit. Which always bothered me because he didn't think anything he did was good enough.

I smiled to myself as I thought about all the little handmade items he had given me: the assortment of bracelets and necklaces and my collection of wooden animal figures. He had always thought I was silly for making such a big deal about them, but I loved them all. And I loved that he made them just for me. I guess that's why he still did.

So naturally I loved his garage.

"So…this is my garage." Jacob said.

I smiled. "This is awesome." I didn't need to add any excitement to my voice.

"You don't have to act like everything I do is the greatest thing ever. I'm actually surprised this thing is still standing." He said as he walked over and sat on what looked like the front seat of an old truck pushed up against the wall.

"I'm not you made it so I know it will last a very long time. And you know, it gets really annoying arguing with you about how talented you are." I said crossing my arms and trying to look irritated.

He grinned at me. "Oh good, so you agree with?"

"Um…sorry no. I never back down when I know I'm right." I stuck my tongue out at him. He snorted and leaned back in the seat. Then my eyes fell on a pair of motorcycle in the corner – one red one black.

"Motorcycles?" I walked over to them.

"Huh, I'm surprised they are still here." He looked at them a moment then added. "The red on is actually your mom's old motorcycle."

"Mom's old motorcycle?" I looked at him. No one ever said that she had a motorcycle and it wasn't like anyone forgot.

"Yeah, before she got married." That was Jacob's way of saying before she became a vampire.

I looked at the red one closely. Some of the paint was rusting off and the parts looked like they had been abused, but otherwise it looked like it had been put together very well, like a professional had done it. I brushed my hand across the length of the bike – handle bars to seat – thinking it probably would still run after a little TLC.

"While she was human…" I was a little shocked. It was hard to picture mom with a motorcycle. She just didn't care about fast moving vehicles.

"Yup."

"How did she get Grandpa to agree to that one?" I couldn't picture Charlie allowing my teenage mom to get anywhere near a motorcycle, let alone own one.

"That's why she kept it here." He said stretching his legs out and putting his arms behind his head. I could see his chest and stomach muscles flex underneath his nicely fitted t-shirt as he took a deep breath. I was suddenly distracted from the conversation. I wanted to touch them. "So Charlie wouldn't find out."

 _Find out what?_ I forced my eyes to look at his face. _Oh right…motorcycle._

"She actually rode them?"

"Sure I guess you could call it that." Jacob chuckled.

"I'm surprised she didn't kill herself." My understanding was my mother as a human was accident prone…to put it mildly.

"Oh she tried…more than once."

"So how did she get them?"

"I think she just found them. I helped her get them started and then tried to teach her how to ride." He said quietly. I looked over at him and he smiled at me. "She wasn't a good learner."

"Maybe you just weren't a very good teacher."

"I was an excellent teacher. I couldn't help it if she was born with absolutely no motor shills whatsoever." His face grew serious as he watched me. I got the impression that he was debating something; maybe whether to tell me something more. The mood shifted slightly as Jacob became lost in his thoughts.

I walked over and sat on his lap, his warm arms wrapping around me. I inhaled and relaxed into his warm chest, listening to his heart. I absentmindedly toyed with my bracelet feeling slightly disgruntled. Why had no one mentioned that mom had a motorcycle? Even if they were old, rusty and didn't work, we could have gotten a new set and gone riding together. I had always wanted one, they were really fast. But I had had no idea she would even ride one.

I looked up at Jacob's face but he was staring off out the open garage door. I found myself staring at his lips again…they were really close. I wanted to reach my hand up and trace my finger along them. I could see my hand lifting when he suddenly squeezed me tighter and kissed the top of my head. He didn't look at me, so I guessed he was thinking about something else.

I looked around the little garage again, my interest in his lips gone. He really was amazing. He had built a car, two motorcycles, this garage, all under the age of sixteen, and he could still make something as small and delicate as my little figurines. I looked down at his hand resting on my thigh. I reached out and started tracing little eights with the tip of my figure.

"You know, you're amazing." I said watching my finger as I traced a straight line up and down his arm. He snorted and looked down at me. That kind of irritated me. "Well I think you are." I said sourly. "And I'm never wrong." I looked up and kissed his jaw.

"Jacob!" Quil called from somewhere near the house.

We looked at each other and Jacob frowned. "Crap." He muttered under his breath.

"Yo Jake! We know you are in there. We can smell you from here."

About five seconds later, Quil and Embry entered the garage.

"Hi guys!" I sang excitedly as I hopped off Jacob's lap. I hadn't seen either of them in over a year. I almost knocked over Quil with my hug so I took it a little easier on Embry.

Jacob cleared his throat and Embry and Quil quickly shifted back a step.

"Hiya Nessie," Quil said still smiling though. "Long time no see."

"Hey Nessie," Embry said.

"Look," I lifted my arms and twirled once for them, "I completely stopped growing about four months ago. I'm going to look like this forever." I said smiling at them.

"Not a bad look to have for forever." Quil replied.

"So what do you guys want?" Jacob asked. He didn't sound exactly pleased so I bounced back over and sat on his lap, wrapping my arms around his neck. His arms were around me instantly.

"We heard you would be in La Push today, so we decided to see our fearless leader." Quil answered.

"Well, take a good look cause you will be leaving in about ten seconds."

"Nessie, did Jacob tell you Sam is a daddy for the second time?" Embry asked.

"No. He didn't even mention Emily was pregnant again." I frowned at Jacob.

"Oh…yeah, well I guess she isn't anymore." He glared at Embry but looked back at me sheepishly.

"What did she have?" I looked back at Embry.

"Another bouncing baby boy, Benjamin…about two months ago."  
"Two?" I glared back at Jacob. He should have told me. "Poor Emily…no little

girls." She had Levi almost two years ago and I still hadn't met him. Maybe we could go today.

"Poor Emily nothing, she was thrilled they were both boys. She had been a nervous wreck thinking they would be girls given the current situation. Quil here really scared her with Claire." Embry elbowed Quil in the ribs.

That reminded me. "So how's Claire?" I asked changing the subject. The last time I had seen her we were the same size, only she was five and I was almost two.

Quil's face lit up as he spoke. "Oh Claire's great. I'm headed over there now. We are going to the beach for the afternoon. "

I wanted to see her. I looked at Jacob hopefully. I knew he was thrilled that my parents were away and he had me to himself. He sighed. "Nessie wants to see her."

I didn't think it was possible for Quil's smile to get any bigger, but it did. "You want to see Clair-bar? I'm sure she'd really like that. Why don't you come with us to the beach?" He suggested.

I discretely pressed my hand to Jacob's neck because I really wanted to go see Emily and her babies first. I saw Jacob's expression go flat, but I figured if he was willing to share me this afternoon I would see as many people as I could.

"We'll meet you in an hour." Jacob said. I smiled and kissed his cheek.

"Great, we'll see you guys then."

"Bye." I waved as Quil and Embry turned and walked out.

I turned back to find Jacob's disappointed face looking back at me.

"We don't have to see the babies. I guess it was kind of a stupid plan. Sam and Emily probably don't want me anywhere near them anyway." I suddenly remembered that I was a Cullen and Sam use to be the alpha of Jacob's pack. It probably would make him very anxious to have a vampire in his home and that close to his family, even just a half vampire.

"Of course they won't mind. What makes you think that?"

"Well…you know, I'm a Cullen and Sam doesn't really like me."

"Sam likes you. They both do, Nessie. Everyone who meets you loves you. You are completely irresistible." Jacob said giving me a kiss on the cheek.

I wasn't convinced. "But these are his children. Plus you gave me that look."

"What look?"

"The _'I don't really like this idea'_ look."

"That's because I never get you to myself not because they don't want you near their kids."

"Aw, have I been neglecting you? I'm sorry." I asked teasingly and kissed his nose.

He rolled his eyes. "Let's go before I change my mind."

Jacob grabbed my hand as we pulled up to Sam's house.

"I've never hurt myself doing that you know." I grumbled at him.

"Well, Bella is your mother. I can't take any chances." He glanced at me.

I rolled my eyes and sat there pouting as he stopped the car and turned it off. He even held my hand a second after, just to annoy me – or so I was convinced. We climbed out of the car at the same time Sam opened their front door. He folded his arms and I gulped, not moving from the side of the car.

This was suddenly not a very good idea, he didn't seem happy to see us. Although every time I remembered seeing Sam he had a hard expression. Of course that could have had something to do with the fact that all those times he had been inside a house full of vampires. But it was only a guess.

Standing there looking between the two of them, a thought hit me. How was it that Jacob and Sam had both been alphas? I mean I knew there were two packs, but from what Billy told me of their history, there had only ever been one. My eyes flashed back and for the between them but I wasn't about to ask. It just didn't seem like quite the right moment for a question like that.

Jacob rounded the car and grabbed my hand gently leading me to the door.

"Hello Jacob….Renesmee." Sam nodded. Well, he didn't sound angry. But I was watching him intently because he hadn't shifted his stance, blocking the entire door way.

"Hi Sam. We just wanted to come and congratulate you." Jacob said as we walked up to the house. I nervously shifted sideways putting myself slightly behind him as we walked up the four porch stairs.

"Well thank you." Sam reached out his hand and Jacob took it, shaking it a couple of times.

"It's nice to see you again Sam." I tentatively smiled at him as he shook my hand. "These are for you." I handed him the packet of diapers we picked up on the way over. From what I was told, babies always needed diapers.

"Well, thank you again. Please come in." He said smiling; his face seemed to soften. He stepped aside and gestured for us to enter.

I clung to Jacob's hand practically walking on his heel as I follow him into the house. I could feel the butterflies protesting fiercely in my stomach. Not because Sam could do anything to us, after all he no longer phased, but I didn't like upsetting people. Sam was probably just being polite.

As soon as Sam closed the door the smell of baby filled my nose. It was like nothing I had ever smelled before - so new so clean.

It was wonderful.

A soft cooing noise came from the living room and I craned my neck around Jacob to see what had made that beautiful sound. I could feel the smile spreading across my face as my eyes fell on a tiny little round face cradled in his mother's arms. I hoped it didn't look like I was thirsty because I really wanted to go over for a closer look. I had never seen a baby close up before, let alone one this young.

Still smiling, I looked up at Emily for permission and she smiled at me and nodded slightly. _Okay, they seemed to be fine with me here, but I had better be careful not to do anything to freak them out._ I slowly walked, even for human standards, over to the couch.

But I heard Sam move and I froze.

Oh no, did I look like I was going to do something? I wasn't thirsty. I went hunting with my parents last night before they left. But had he picked up on something? I couldn't exactly see my own face.

I felt awkward just standing there stranded in the middle of the room. I couldn't go forward and I wanted to go back to Jacob but I didn't want to suddenly retreat and give them the wrong impression.

I stood about four feet from Emily watching her eyes. They flashed over to Sam and then down and then back to Benjamin. They were calm. In fact I could hear five hearts beating in a calm, steady beat.

I looked at Benjamin. He was so sweet and so small and so helpless. I could never even imagine hurting him. But I wasn't exactly something that should not be around innocent tiny babies.

As if he was confident nothing would happen, Benjamin's little arm came out of the blanket and reached toward me. I felt myself inhale sharply. He was positively irresistible…not in a meal sort of way or anything. I couldn't stop myself. I went straight over and knelt down in front of Emily. She was smiling down at him.

"Oh, I'm sorry my manners. It's nice to see you again Emily." I almost whispered afraid I was going to spook the baby.

"Hello Renesmee. My how you have grown, I think the last time I saw you, you were only a little bigger than Levi is now."

Benjamin was watching me. "Hello Benjamin it's nice to meet you. You are such a beautiful baby." I said smiling at him. He smiled back at me and gurgled.

"Thank you." Emily said.

I couldn't stop smiling. He was absolutely adorable. He was the tiniest person I had ever seen. Which was amazing considering his daddy was only slightly smaller than Jacob. He had big round brown eyes that were so dark they almost looked black and took up most of his little face. His skin was a lighter tone of russet and he had a full head of black hair, which was my favorite part.

Benjamin smiled at me again and I slowly lifted my finger to brush it against his cheek, thankful for once to not be as cold as the rest of my family. "You are such a smiley baby." I looked back at Emily.

"Yes," She was beaming. "Ben is a very happy baby." Emily seemed okay with me touching him so I brought my finger down and tickled his round little belly.

He grabbed my finger. "Oh my…and so strong too." I was a little shocked. I had no idea someone so small could have such a firm grip. I wondered if the phasing thing was going to show up in the next generation.

I bet Jacob would make the most beautiful babies. I reflexively looked back at him, still smiling. He returned my smile. _Oh yes, absolutely beautiful babies._

But before my imagination could get the better of me, I saw a small movement to the right. My eyes flickered over and were met by another pair of big black brown eyes. Levi stood clutching his dad's leg and looking at me curiously.

 _Oh my._ And I thought Ben was adorable.

Levi stood just to the middle of Sam's thigh. His black hair hung down past his little ears and his cheeks were rounder than the rest of his face. His little body was taking on the leanness of a toddler so he was not as round as his baby brother but his little tummy bulged like he had just eaten. I was a surprised by how much he looked like an exact miniature of Sam except his eyes which were Emily's.

I smiled at him.

He smiled back and toddled away from his dad toward me. I froze but Sam didn't move to stop him. Levi was about two feet away from me when he lost his balance and wobbled. My hand instinctively flashed out and I caught him before he even started to fall. _Oops, too quick…shouldn't have done that._ I look up at Sam but he was just watching his son. I looked back at Levi who was still smiling.

His little arms reached for me and I heard myself asking. "Can I hold him?"

"Of course." I heard Emily say.

I slowly lifted Levi up. He weighted absolutely nothing and I was super gentle with him. I didn't want to squish him accidentally. I froze my right arm so he was just sitting on it and held my left hand a centimeter from his back to keep him balanced. Normal humans were fragile but babies were even more so.

He giggled and started babbling something in baby.

"I am very pleased to meet you too Levi." I said to him. He grabbed a lock of my hair and started tugging. "Oh I think you're hair is more beautiful." I replied as I caressed his hair. It was so soft and smooth and smelled like baby powder. He seemed to like it because he let out a high pitched squeal of delight and clapped his hands together. I giggled in return. I wonder if all babies smile this much.

The hour went by too fast. I sat there next to Emily with Levi in my lap pretty much the whole time. I even got comfortable enough to kiss his little cheeks, which he seemed to love. And every time I put him down he would climb right back up and play with my hair, my clothes, or my face while jabbering away. He was so cuddle and wiggly. I was having a blast…babies were so much fun.

But I didn't hold Ben. He was too small and I didn't want to push my luck. So I just watched him and caressed his soft face or arms or tickled his little belly. He seemed to like it because he would smile at me every time. I wondered if it was because he was mimicking the rest of us or because he was actually happy. I didn't really know how babies worked. No one in my family could have one and even thought I could remember being a baby, I hadn't exactly been a normal human baby.

We left with permission to visit again. I was hoping tomorrow wouldn't be too soon. I was already completely in love with Ben and Levi.

Jacob placed his hand on my thigh and I started playing with his fingers as we drove to meet Quil and Claire at the beach. I found myself watching him and thinking about how pretty his babies would be. His son would be the cutest baby ever, no offence to Emily and Sam. He would be the most beautiful baby boy and his name would be Caleb. I liked that name. And Caleb would have big round beautiful eyes like Jacob's and the same russet color skin and a full head of black hair too. And of course Jacob would let me play with him all the time.

I felt my cheeks pull up in a smile.

My Jacob…my Caleb.

"What?" Jacob asked.

 _Oh carp, did I say that out loud?_

"What?" I tried to look at him innocently but I could feel my cheeks warming with embarrassment.

"Do I get to know what is making you smile from ear to ear?"

Oh thank goodness, that would have been completely embarrassing.

"Oh, I was just thinking how much fun I had. Do you really think they meant it when they said I could visit again?"

"I don't see why not you are a natural with kids, despite having never been around them. They were smiling the whole time. I don't think babies normally do that."

"Well, it's easy to let them do whatever they want. They are so freaking cute."

"Nah, I'm thinking it's because everyone who meets you loves you. Like I said earlier, completely irresistible." He squeezed my hand.

Thankfully we arrived at the beach because I could feel my cheeks growing hotter. Unfortunately Jacob notice and ran his finger along them. He leaned over and kissed them which only succeeded in making me blush more.

We got out and I grabbed his hand as we walked out to find Quil and Claire.

It was easy to find the direction they were in, we could hear them from the car…freakishly sensitive hearing and all. They were a little ways away from the main tourist crowd.

As we walked I caught sight of a woman staring at us. I looked back up at Jacob. He was slightly smiling and looking ahead. I guess we did look like an odd pair; Jacob being six foot seven inches with black hair, dark eyes and tan skin and five foot four me with bronze hair, brown eyes and really pale skin.

I let go of his hand and wrapped my arm around his waist. Well so what. I didn't care how out of place we might have looked, Jacob was perfect the way he was.

"Watch this Quil!" Claire's high pitched voice sang out above the roar of the waves. She seemed to have grown much taller since the last time I saw her, which was not surprising since she must have been ten by now. But it was hard to tell since my view of her was partially blocked by Quil.

"Be careful of the rocks." Quil warned.

We walked up to find Quil standing with a tank top on, his hands in his pocket and Claire a few steps away.

"Hey guys." He said without taking his eyes off Claire. I was stunned by the way he was

looking at her – like a man who was looking at the sun after being in the dark for too long. I knew Quil was very fond of Claire, I had heard the term imprinted thrown around before, but I wasn't exactly certain what that meant. No one ever wanted to explain it to me and after a number of failed attempts at asking I just quit. I looked over at Jacob who was smiling at Quil.  
"Wow Quil, been working out?" Jacob teased.

"Yup, just for you big boy." He made kissing noises and then burst into a full applaud.

"Wow that was awesome Claire. When did you learn to do that?" Claire had just done a perfect cartwheel.

"I just did it one day." Claire said grinning from ear to ear as she turned to Quil. Her eyes fell on me and she seemed to shrink back. She stopped smiling and her head tilted down slightly. She bit her lower lip and put her hands behind her back.

 _Oh no, was she's scared of me?_ I found myself scooting behind Jacob again. Did she know what I was? Why would Quil suggest us meet them if he knew she would be afraid? He should know better. I started to tug gently on Jacob's arm.

"Hey Claire." Jacob said ignoring me.

"Hi Jacob." She said in a small voice.

"Claire, this is Jacob's Nessie." Quil said holding his hand out to her. She went to him instantly, like a magnet. "You've heard me talk about her before."

Claire nodded. She stood up to Quil's chest and was slender except for her round face. Her black hair was past her shoulders and tied back at the nap of her neck. Her skin was a darker shade than Quil or Jacob's but it looked more like she just had a tan. She was wearing little jean shorts with butterflies on them and a purple shirt with a matching butterfly on it.

"That was amazing. You are going to have to show me how to do that." I said trying to reassure her. Her eyes widened, her little cheeks turned pink and she looked down and started shuffling her foot back and forth. Then I realized she was shy, not afraid of me. _Well that certainly makes me feel better._

"Thank you." She said quietly. "It's nice to meet you Nessie." She said with a little more confidence now that she was holding Quil's hand. She seemed to really trust him.

"It's nice to meet you too Claire." I had completely grown up since the last time I had

seen her so she probably didn't connect the dots. She looked at me again and I couldn't help but smile. Her shyness made it hard not to instantly like her.

She smiled back at me.

"They are going to hang out with us at today." Quil informed her. Despite her first reaction, her eyes seemed to light up.

"You're going to have to show me how to do that cartwheel. It was really cool." I said again.

"Oh it was nothing. They are really easy."

"What do you mean nothing? That was awesome Claire-bear." Quil repeated. She

beamed at his complement. It was fascinating to see how he knew exactly what she needed to hear.

We spent the rest of the afternoon at the beach. Claire was shy at first but once she warmed up to me, she talked nonstop. After about ten minutes she was holding my hand and we were walking a few paces in front of Quil and Jacob.

She told me how she just turned ten and going into the fifth grade. She went on about all the subjects she would be taking and that science was her favorite. She was going to spend the entire summer with her Quil at the beach and her annoying little sister wasn't allowed to play with them. I chuckled to myself at how possessive she was with him.

Her favorite color was purple and that was the color of her bed spread. She wanted to have her room that color, but she shared a room with her sister whose favorite color was yellow. So they had a boring tan wall. But when she grew up everything in her house was going to be purple.

I heard Jacob elbow Quil and laugh. "Hope you like purple man." He said in a low voice so Claire wouldn't hear. I looked back at them, not sure what they meant, but they both only smiled at me and Jacob held up his hand and waved his fingers at me.

Then Claire launched into a succession of questions about me. What was my favorite color? What did my room look like? Could she come see it? What was my favorite subject in school? What grade was I in? Did I have any annoying little sisters? What was my favorite subject? And on and on.

"Have you ever had a boyfriend?' She asked after momentarily pausing.

"Oh er…um…no." Her question caught me off guard. _And here_ _I just thought she had run out of questions._ Boy I was wrong.

"Really?" She looked at me skeptically. "You are really pretty and pretty girls always have boyfriends."

This was getting really awkward and I needed to quickly change the subject, especially since Jacob was right behind us. I'm not sure why but I felt very nervous knowing he was within earshot if this conversation. "Wanna race?" I asked.

"Okay." She said and took off. I caught up with her but stayed just behind, letting her lead without letting her get too far away. She ran faster and I trailed behind feigning being tired. We had gone far enough from Quil and Jacob. Jacob wouldn't care but I wasn't sure if Quil wanted her running all the way over to the cliffs.

"You are too fast for me." I called after her.

She stopped and laughed. Panting, she waved me to her and I went.

"Can I tell you a secret?" She whispered and glanced back at Quil and Jacob. I knew they could still hear us, but of course they pretended they couldn't.

I wonder to what extent Claire knew what Quil was and what that meant. Jacob told me everything about the pack but I was older than she was. Well, development wise…technically I had been born almost seven years ago.

"Okay." I whispered back and leaned down.

"Quil's going to be my boyfriend some day." She whispered out of breath.

I fought to keep my mouth from dropping open. _Wasn't she too young to be thinking this?_ She had just turned ten. I mean when I was at that stage I never thought about having a boyfriend. Heck, I had never even thought about that now. I felt a little uncomfortable but she was looking at me hopefully.

"Well, he is really cool. I think he'd be a good boyfriend someday…but, aren't you a little young to have a boyfriend?" I whispered back.

"Oh I don't want him to be my boyfriend till I get to high school because that's when you have boyfriends. But you can't tell him." She got all serious.

"I promise I won't say a word." I held my finger to my lips.

"And don't tell Jacob because he'll tell Quil."

"Not a word to anyone." I pretended to zip my lips, lock them and throw away the key.

She glanced back at Quil and her little cheeks turned pinker. He and Jacob had turned off and were looking at the water. But I could hear they weren't actually saying anything and I could see the smile playing on Quil's lips.

I felt my face frown with disapproval. _Shame on him, he shouldn't be listening in._ I looked over at Jacob as he looked at me with an amused look on his face. I knew he heard the entire conversation and I had no idea why but it made me feel very self conscious as he smiled at me. I never felt that way around Jacob before.

"Hey, climb on." I turned for her to climb on my back and I carried her back to the guys. She was only a few inches shorter than me, but of course I was much stronger than a normal human so she weighed nothing at all.

As we approached she dropped off and ran to Quil. "Now my Quil." She leapt onto his back and he went racing off.

It looked like fun so I hopped up onto Jacob's back. I didn't want him to go racing off so he just walked slowly toward where Quil had run into the water with Claire squealing and giggling with delight.

My mind drifted to the topics of boyfriends. Did I even want a boyfriend? The thought had never crossed my mind. But as Claire just pointed out now that I was in high school, I guess it was time for me to start thinking about it.

I wonder if Jacob ever thought about having a girlfriend. Of course I couldn't picture him with anyone…he was too good for all the girls I had ever seen him near. But I wonder if he even wanted one. I guess it would be okay if he did but I had never even seen him look at girls let alone pay any attention to them.

I couldn't believe that Claire thought about this. She was ten. I mean it was really cute…she was really cute…but still. I hugged Jacob tightly and laid my chin on his shoulder, thinking about how it would be nice to have a little sister to share these thoughts with. I knew my parents couldn't have kids anymore so I would forever be an only child.

As if he knew where my thoughts were, he turned his head and kissed my arm. I inhaled. I could think about that later. I could always pretend Claire was my little sister for now, obviously she was eager to talk about things.

"I'm getting hungry. Aren't you Claire-bear?" Quil asked. She stood there quietly eyeing him, probably debating whether she was ready to leave the beach or not.

"We can come back after." He coaxed. I couldn't help but smile, he really cared about her. She would have stayed out here all day not even thinking twice about eating and teenage boys, no matter how long they have been teenagers, weren't exactly the most responsible group of people.

"Are Nessie and Jacob coming with us?"

"Oh honey, we promised to eat with Billy." I lied; that was not something she needed know about. But her little face fell so I added. "But we will come back and play with you again tomorrow. And I promise you can come over to see my room another time." When my vampire family was out hunting so Quil wouldn't have a heart attack.

"Alright." She said and grabbed Quil's outstretched hand.

We dropped them off at Clair's house. Jacob wasn't thrilled when I told him my idea of having Seth, Embry, Quil and Billy over to cook for them. I hadn't done that in a while and I liked to.

But we headed for his house to get Billy.

"Oh great." Jacob said as we pulled up next to an older Honda Accord parked in the front of his house.

"What?" I asked. Of course I had no idea who the car belonged to.

"Rachel and Paul are here." He groaned.

"Really?" Rachel was one of Jacob's older sisters and Paul was one of Jacob's former pack brothers. I had never met either sister and I only had seen Paul twice and one of those times was in his wolf form. For some reason there was tension between him and Jacob. I guess it was because of how Paul married Jacob's sister.

They had both moved to Seattle when Rachel got a job. I think they both worked up there now too. They also got married there at some court house without telling anyone and only two of her friends as witnesses. That didn't sit well with Jacob or Billy. But Jacob never talked about it so I never brought it up.

"I wonder what they want." At least he didn't _sound_ angry.

I just shrugged even though I knew he wasn't expecting me to have an answer. I wasn't my dad…though dad would have been handy to have right at this moment. He could have told us but I didn't bring that up. Jacob seemed annoyed enough.

Jacob grabbed my hand as we entered the house. Paul was sitting on the couch flipping the channels and Rachel, I deduced through my superb reasoning skills and the fact that she was the only other female in the room, was sitting at the kitchen table with Billy. She was fidgety but Billy seemed to be at ease.

He was probably just happy to see his daughter.

Her features were long and thin compared to Jacob's. I guessed she looked more like their mother. She was actually very pretty the longer I looked at her. She had a more reddish tone to her skin and she was tall and slender; real graceful looking even though she was sitting. Her long black hair hung loosely down past her shoulders.

"What are you two doing down here?" Jacob asked without taking another step into the house beyond the initial step we had already taken.

Awkward with a capital A.

"Whoa…this is Jacob's Nessie?" Rachel's eyes widened as she looked me over. Actually, it felt more like sizing me up. I felt my face growing hot and I slid closer to Jacob. After all Jacob was her baby brother, what if she didn't like me? "How did you land her Jake? She's way out of your league."

Paul snorted from the couch.

For some reason that irritated me and I frowned. How could she say that about my Jacob? "No one is good enough for my Jacob." I snapped. Rachel lifted her eye brows and I could see the corner of her mouth twitch. Did she think I was joking? I felt my eyes narrow. Jacob squeezed my hand and I instantly looked up at him hoping I hadn't started growling without knowing it. That would have been really embarrassing. Rachel was his sister.

"Rachel has some news for us." Billy said quickly trying to defuse the situation.

"Yes," Rachel said turned to smile at Billy. "Dad, I'm pregnant."

Oh wow and I didn't think it could get any more awkward in here. I saw Jacob's mouth drop out of the corner of my eyes. I know they were not expecting this…who would be?

No one said anything and I could see Rachel's face fall as her eyes darted back and forth between Jacob and Billy.

All of a sudden I felt bad for her. She was obviously really happy about her news…and this was very exciting news. They shouldn't ruin this for her by holding a grudge about her and Paul getting married without telling anyone.

That was just wrong.

Without thinking I rushed over to her, wrapped my arms around her shoulders and kissed her cheek. "Congratulations!" I didn't have to put that much excitement into my voice, I really was happy for her.

"Oh my." She gasped.

I let go. "Oh I'm sorry. Sorry baby." I said craning my head down, which made Rachel giggle a little.

That seemed to break the silence.

"Well, how do you like that…I'm going to be a grandpa again." Billy said smiling hugely.

"Please tell me Kim isn't pregnant too." Jacob grumbled.

"Jacob." I snapped. Sometimes he could be just plain rude.

"Not that I know of." Paul said walking into the kitchen. He placed his hands on Rachel's shoulders and started rubbing them. They looked at each other and I smiled…they seemed so happy.

"When are you due?" I asked knowing Jacob and Billy wouldn't know the right questions to ask.

"Early December." She said.

"Are you going to find out if it's a boy or a girl? Have you thought about names yet? Oh how exciting. You are going to have to pick out colors for a nursery. Have you thought of any themes? Oh, I suppose you would have to know if it's a boy or a girl first. Oh, what if you have twins? Does that even run in your family?" I couldn't stop myself. I was actually giddy.

"Well um, we haven't really thought a lot about it. We were kind of in shock until now. But I'm pretty sure we won't be having twins." She lifted her hand and placed it on Paul's.

I was glad the rest of the afternoon was filled with chatting and laughter.

I climbed onto the couch next to Jacob after having finished cleaning up the kitchen. Esme was thrilled to have everyone over and together we cooked a huge eight course meal, which was completely gone. I asked if Rachel and Paul wanted to come to dinner but they said they needed to get going before it got too dark. Apparently being pregnant makes you sleepier than usual.

After they were all done, I told Esme I would clean up everything and made her go upstairs. I could hear her now humming at her design table. Carlisle was in his study, Alice and Jasper were hunting, and Emmet and Rosalie were playing chess. Billy sat quietly in his chair as the guys put on some action movie. They loved the surround sound.

"You are a mighty good cook Nessie, considering your diet." Billy chuckled as I nestled myself under Jacob's arm.

"Thank you. Grandma Esme and my dad taught me." I had actually made them teach me after I had seen that awful stuff they tried to pass off as food at the cafeteria at Jacob's college. It was worse than regular human food and I just couldn't let him eat that. But since he preferred to hunt with me, I rarely got to cook for him.

"She's the best." Jacob said rubbing his stomach and kissing the top of my head. He had eaten about five heaping plates full. I rubbed my hand over it and was shocked…and a little pleased…to feel how hard his muscles were. I had never noticed it before, not like this anyway.

What was that saying…like a washboard.

I had never paid much attention but Jacob had a really nice body. Aside from being freakishly tall, he had nice long lean arm and leg muscles. And of course he wasn't at all gangly like tall people can be; he was completely proportionate. And he moved so gracefully. His shoulders were broad and muscular too, making his waist look slim and giving his torso a slight upside down triangle look.

I looked up at his face. He kept his hair slightly shaggy and kind of spiky, which I really liked. I had seen a lot of the guys at his and my parents' colleges with his hair style. If I didn't know that he just looked like that, I would have thought he had purposefully styled it like they did.

And he had a beautiful golden tone to his skin. I glanced at Billy. His was reddish like Rachel's. So Jacob must have gotten his skin color from his mom.

But his eyes were what I loved the most. What was it about them that made it hard to look away? I stared at them until he looked at me, smiled, and kissed my forehead. To my embarrassment, I realized my hand was still tracing the shape of his stomach muscles.

I pulled it away and felt my face grow hot. I looked down but couldn't stop myself from thinking about how nice they were and that I wanted to keep touching him. I wonder how it is that his stomach didn't bulge like little Levi's did even though he had eaten a ton. But then I guessed none of the other guys did either so it was probably a wolf thing.

"Jacob," Thinking of Levi made me suddenly remembered I wanted to ask him about the two alphas. "How did there end up being two packs? I thought there was only suppose to be one." Everyone grew suddenly still. I even noticed Esme had stopped humming upstairs.

I sat frozen for a moment straining to hear something, but couldn't hear or smell anything unusual. _Okay, did I say something wrong?_ I looked around at everyone. Rose and Emmet were staring at each other and Quil and Embry were looking at the floor; even Seth and Billy were just staring at Jacob.

 _What was going on? Was I not supposed to ask that?_ Jacob always told me everything about that pack. He never said I couldn't ask him anything. I even knew that Embry was Sam's half brother.

I looked at him and he had a weird look on his face.

"Um, well…Sam and I never…we ah…" Jacob fumbled over his words as he lifted his hand to scratch the back of his head. "Well you see Sam was the first one of us to start phasing. So it just made sense he was the alpha. But since my great grandfather Ephraim Black had been the last chief of the Quileutes, technically that right was suppose to pass to me. I hadn't wanted it at first and was happy to let Sam have it. But then we got into an…um, a disagreement."

"A fight?" I asked.

He shrugged. "The alpha thing is kind of permanent. We can't really turn it off or anything. Since he was already the alpha and it was my birth right it just kind of happened." Jacob answered.

 _Well that seemed like a flimsy reason._ I frowned at him but he just watched me without saying another word. "What were you fighting about?" This time I saw Emmet and Rose look at Jacob.

 _Seriously, what was going on?_

"Jacob had a hard time following the rules." Seth answered.

"Only the crazy ones." Jacob mumbled. I blinked at him then smiled. That sounded like my Jacob. He had a small issue with authority figures.

"Yeah I can see that. Poor Sam probably had a heck of a time with you." I poked Jacob in the ribs and he noticeably relaxed. I heard Esme start humming again and Rose moved her piece and called check mate.

"You don't know the half of it." Quil said. Jacob shot him a glance.

"What kinds of things did you do to upset Sam?"

"Well for one thing he told Bella about us after we had a direct order not to tell anyone." Embry piped up.

"She figured it out." Jacob protested.

"Yeah, after you told her."

"Hey, how was I supposed to know the legends were all true?"

They went back and forth like that for a little while and then went back to watching the movie. I noticed Rose and Emmet go quietly upstairs while this exchange was going on. I heard them talking with Carlisle and Esme but I couldn't hear what they were saying. I got the distinct impression there was something they didn't want me to know about Jacob's story. After straining to listen I gave up. I learned a while ago that if my family didn't want me to know something there was a slim chance I would find out.

After the movie, everyone went home and I sat alone. I had not moved from the couch, waiting for Jacob to return from taking Billy home. My mind was going over what happened when I ask Jacob about the alphas.

 _Why did everyone act so weird like that?_ I mean they were all there I'm sure they knew how there ended up being two packs. It couldn't have been that long ago from what Jacob was saying. _Maybe the pack and my family weren't friends at that time and they were not privy to that information._

I knew Jacob had told me the truth. I could read his expressions like words on a page after all. I had memorized his face and knew it better than anyone's. Plus his eyes were clear…well aside from that bizarre look on his face they were clear.

I had never seen that expression before. It was like a mixture of pain, anger, fear and embarrassment all rolled into one. It looked like a lot of emotion was behind it. Maybe I should be more careful when I asked questions like that. I mean I know we didn't keep secrets in this family, but I didn't like how hurt he looked.

His face flashed into my head and I shook my head to get it out. _No, I definitely didn't like the pain mixed in there._ So to distract myself, I started planning the rest of the summer. I wanted to go to La Push as many days as I could. We definitely wouldn't have many sunny days as today - those were few and far between – but it would still be fun. I wanted to see my adopted little sister and my wonderful little babies as much as I could.

I heard the Volvo pull in the driveway. _Oh and we would have to get Jacob's old Rabbit started again._

Jacob walked in about a minute later.

"What took you so long?"

"Billy wanted to chat about being a grandpa." He walked over and plopped down, laying his head on my lap. I rested one hand on his chest, which he instantly grabbed, and started combing my fingers of my other hand through his hair. His eyes half closed.

"So, are you excited about being an uncle?" I asked.

"I don't know." I felt him shrug. "I guess I don't really have a choice." Translation, I don't really like the fact that Paul married my sister in the first place and like it even less that she's knocked up.

"They seem really happy." I pointed out.

"Yeah I know." He paused a moment then the corner of his mouth pulled up into a half smile. "I guess it will be kind of cool to be an uncle."

"Of course it will. You'll be the best uncle too." I smiled down at him and kissed his forehead. "Oh and I planned out the entire summer."

"I know you did." He smiled up at me. He was use to that particular character trait of mine. I had planned out every class for every semester he was in school. Of course it was so I could spend the most time with him, but I never told him that. "So what are we doing?"

"Well, I was thinking we need to go see Ben, Levi and Claire as much as possible." He stopped smiling at that. I knew he wasn't going to like the idea of spending a lot of time in La Push. "But, first we are trying to get your old Rabbit started again. I could help. And if it doesn't work then we can just build a different car since you have a problem with driving your Maserati to La Push."

"Now that's a great idea." His smile returned. He sat up and in one quick movement picked me up and lied back down with me wrapped in his arms. He kissed my cheek twice. "But then any plan where I get to spend more time with you is a great plan."

We talked a while before falling asleep on the couch like that.

The rest of the summer went exactly as I had planned. We started by rebuilding Jacob's old Rabbit. I had to bribe Rosalie with some hot off the runway Versace to keep her out of the garage till we finished. I actually wanted Jacob to enjoy this.

I thought we would be using all new parts and had all kinds of websites pulled up but he insisted we go to the dump to see what we could find first, much to my surprise. And even though we had gone tromping around in ankle deep mud for two whole days, I actually had a great time. Most of that was because I loved seeing how happy this made my Jacob. But then I always had a great time with him so I really shouldn't have been surprised.

Once the car was done, which took us about a week, we were either at La Push or we were taking my Ferrari or his Maserati for a drive along the coast.

Emily and Sam were happy to have us visit and didn't seem to mind that we were there pretty much every other day. I had even convinced them a few times to let us baby sit - much to Jacob's shock and dismay - so they could go and have date night. Truthfully I couldn't imagine ever wanting to be away from Ben and Levi, they were such good babies. They never cried. In fact they smiled so much I was convinced their little cheeks were round because of the muscles they developed not because of their baby fat.

And Claire was attached to my hip whenever we saw her, which I loved every moment of. We even had two slumber parties when my family wasn't there of course – that lasted all weekend. Quil stayed over too. Claire would fall asleep in his arms every night and I carried her up to my room. She had woken up that first night with a bad dream and asked me to stay with her. After that she slept curled up in my arms whenever she stayed over.

Those were the only nights I stayed in my own bed without Jacob, but it didn't matter because I didn't sleep then anyway. I watched Claire's innocent face, which amazingly looked even younger while she slept. I would lay there wondering if it would ever be okay to tell her what I really was.

It was dangerous for normal humans to know about us, but being so connected with the pack she might actually be okay. She knew about the pack, of course, she just wasn't told everything yet. And she certainly didn't know about my family. I really hoped her knowing wouldn't change anything, I really loved her.

Even if I was what her nightmares were made of.

 **Chapter 3: What's wrong with being normal?**

I looked at the clock and sighed. _Six thirty. An hour and a half left before my new life as a teenage high school student began._

Yesterday dad had given me a shiny, new silver Honda Civic to have as an everyday car because my Ferrari was a little too conspicuous for a high school student. I was a little iffy about it at first; I wasn't convinced Jacob would be comfortable at all in it. But he climbed in with no problems and he didn't even mind driving it.

It was actually a fun little car. Not as fast as my Ferrari, but I didn't always have to drive a hundred mile per hour. The normal speed limit was okay too. _Right, who was I kidding?_ It was way too slow. The only car slower was Jacob's Rabbit. But…I was trying to look on the bright side of things.

So here I sat in my new little car in the empty parking lot of Forks High School, listening to one of my iPods debating on whether it was possible for me to die from boredom.

But as I looked out the window at the collection of building that made up the high school campus, I couldn't help but grin.

This was where my parents had met.

This was where they fell in love and their lives began. They had sat in those very classrooms and walked in those very halls, Alice, Jasper, Emmet and Rosalie had too. I was so excite I realized I was rocking the car. I was finally going to be like everyone else and go to school and be normal…sort of.

I had moved in with Charlie and Sue Saturday and I was playing his estranged younger brother's only child. My mom had recently died and my dad was a surgeon who was participating in 'Doctors without Borders.' He would be traveling to different small African villages for the next year or so. And since he didn't want me to take time off from school because I was already a junior, he called Uncle Charlie. My mom was an only child and her parents lived in London so there were really no other options.

So here I am.

Or that was the story my parents came up with anyway. I felt kind of bad that Charlie had to go along with it, but luckily the shock of Charlie having a brother wore off and people finally stopped asking him questions.

Though, knowing Charlie he would have said as little as possible and that probably meant I would be grilled about the details. But that was okay because I was prepared. Dad said I should make up the more minute details once I got settled in, but everyone gave me pointers anyway.

They also gave me pointers on how to act like a normal human. Like remembering normal humans didn't have as good hearing or sight or to not stand completely still for too long. And luckily I had gotten a lot of practice being gentle while in La Push.

I also figured it would be a good idea to watch and mimic the other students. Not that I didn't appreciate my family's advice, but they liked to be socially isolated when they attended high schools, and I had no intentions of being an island unto myself. Aside from the fact I had no one to seclude myself with I wanted to know what it was like to be a normal human teenager. Except for once when I was about three months old, I had no social life outside my family and the pack. I was determined to make as many new friends as I could.

 _Seven o'clock_.

The parking lot was still empty. I had arrived pretty early because I woke up at two after getting five hours of sleep. I usually only needed four hours and I didn't know what to do with myself once I had woken up this morning in a house where everyone else was asleep and I had to be quiet.

Over the summer I had gotten so use to just lying there watching Jacob sleep that I felt a little off balance this morning when I woke alone.

Jacob and I always slept on the couch when he was over, which was every night, but he wasn't going to sleep over at Charlie's house. He wouldn't fit on the couch for one thing. I giggled as the image of Jacob's feet hanging off one side of the couch, his head off the other and his arm on the floor popped into my head. But mostly, that would have been too much to ask of poor Charlie. So, Jacob slept in his old bed at Billy's.

 _Hhmm, come to think of it, it was probably a good thing I had a hard time getting to sleep last night_. I would have woken up at midnight and _then_ what would I have done.

As it was, two was already pretty early. I had tried just lying in bed and hoping I could fall back asleep. I mean no one in my family slept but me and that meant there was always something to do no matter when I woke. So I had never tried going back to sleep before.

It didn't work.

So I began to get fidgety. I stopped when I woke Charlie and Sue up. At least I think they woke up, I heard them both stop snoring. At home I didn't have to be quiet, everyone was always awake, and I actually had to make an effort to wake up Jacob. But since Charlie and Sue did sleep eight hours and apparently woke easily, I was stuck in bed…bored out of my mind.

After about fifteen painfully long minutes of staring at the ceiling, I got up and rearranged the furniture in my room. It was easy to be quiet when you can lift it completely off the floor – it decreases the scarping sound significantly. But that didn't take long because there were only so many ways the furniture would fit. Well fit for a normal human. And since I didn't want to freak out Charlie or Sue, I just ended up putting it back the way it was.

I then went through all the clothes Rose had picked out for me to wear this month. She and Alice had planned my entire wardrobe for my junior year. It was a summer project. But I convinced them that it would be best to take it one month at a time since fashion changed so often. So they agreed that they would alternate months and Rosalie got to chose for the first month.

I was actually glad I said something because there was no way a year's worth of clothes would have fit in that little closet.

I saw a few cars belonging to faculty pull into their designated spots. _Almost time!_

My aunts really liked dressing me up…always have. They loved the fact that I had never put up a stink. Apparently mom had put up a huge fuss about it so they stopped trying, sort of. Alice pretty much dressed everyone anyway and there was just no getting around that. I didn't mind so much though because I thought it was fun.

Even poor Jacob ended up with a new wardrobe to go with mine. Any combination of my clothes would match any combination of his clothes, which was actually wicked cool when you thought about it. Alice had told him if he was going to be seen with me he had to be better dressed. I thought he always looked good, but she actually enjoyed shopping for him so I let it go. His size apparently provided a bit of a challenge for her.

It was cute because he really tried to ditch the clothes but that just made Alice more creative. He finally gave up after realizing there was just no way to win against her, even if she couldn't see what he was going to do. Personally, I believe Jacob secretly liked his new clothes because he never protested again.

Even after going through all the clothes and pulling out every outfit I wanted to wear this week, I still had tons of time to kill. So I ended up jumping out my window and going for a run. I ran around the entire perimeter of the town three times and all through the woods. It had been so peaceful in predawn Forks that I told myself I would have to do that again.

But I would have to be a little more careful because I was almost caught by Charlie peeking into my room when he got up to go to the bath room. I had just jumped back into the window when I heard him about three steps away from my door. I hopped into bed and pulled the covers over my head just as he cracked the door. I guess he found it hard to believe that his granddaughter was actually living with him; his teenage granddaughter who had actually been a baby only seven short years ago.

 _Poor Charlie was a good sport._

I was pulled out of my mind when someone walked right in front of my car. I had been so lost in my thoughts that I didn't notice parking lot fill up. I took a deep breath and got out. I started walking to the office, trying to imagine my mom doing the same thing on her first day.

I found the office and was told what homeroom I was in, where my locker was and given my class schedule. I read through it as I made my way down the hall. I had already memorized the map and my schedule and knew my way around before I even left the office, but I had to act like a normal new student.

I knew everyone was watching me and of course I could hear everything they were saying. A good number of people just stopped and stared. But I had expected as much, I was the new girl in town after all; a really small town with a population of less than four thousand.

I reached my locker and opened it. _Hhmm, it looks bigger than the ones on TV all empty the way it is. I would have to decorate it or something._ _Maybe put up some pictures of me and Jacob and one of those pencil holders. Oh and a mirror and some shelves, and…_

I stopped myself. I needed to slow down and not let my obsessive vampire behavior get the better of me. I don't even know if humans in real life did all that stuff. I mean I would imagine they would have to base TV shows and movies off of something, but I was certainly not an expert on the subject. So I glanced around and tried to see what the other kids had in theirs. But a lot were still bare.

First day I guess.

I also happened to notice that none of the girls were wearing stilettos. I looked down and was grateful I chose these flats. I was going to have to talk to Rosalie about this. She had picked out about seventeen pairs of heels and I didn't want to be the only one wearing them. I wanted to fit in not become a spectacle. I wasn't Rose after all.

I ran over my schedule and the location of my classes in my head as I pretended to fiddle with my bag. I had Trig, history, English, biology, and gym. My head snapped around unintentionally when I heard someone who sounded a lot like Emmet said my name. I quickly looked back into my locker when I realized it had come from a guy all the way down the hall.

 _Oh crap, I made eye contact._ I was going to have to be more careful of that. Normal humans can't hear someone all the way down a crowded nosy hallway like they were standing right next to them. Hopefully he just thought it was a coincidence I looked the same time he said my name. Most normal humans were not very observant…right?

I suddenly became nervous.

My mom had been, or so my dad told me. What is he was that one super observant person and I had just slipped up. I was suddenly very doubtful of my bright idea. This was going to be harder than I anticipated. I had never been without mom or dad, Jacob, or one of my aunts, uncles or grandparents when normal humans were around. And I certainly had never been completely surrounded by them. Whose lead was I going to follow when I didn't know what to do? What was I going to do if I was caught doing something not human?

 _No, no I can do this._ If I just stay calm I can learn by watching. I'll be fine. I wanted to be here after all. I wanted to be like everyone else and go to school and be with normal humans. It would only take me a few days. I can ignore everyone for a few days. I mean new students are shy anyway and I had heard no one indicated they wanted to talk to me. So everyone would leave me alone until I wanted to talk to them.

I took a deep breath but didn't feel much better.

I suddenly missed my Jacob. I wonder what he's doing right now. Billy had gotten him a job as the bus driver for the reservation school. He would have already had to drop the kids off at school by now and he wouldn't need to be back to pick them up and take them home till this afternoon. The more I thought about him, the more I felt kind of alone standing in this place without him…or my family…surrounded by normal humans.

Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all. I mean at least I tried, right? I never had to succeed, just try. No big deal if it didn't work out. I would never be like my family anyway. I would just go back to spending all my time with Jacob and being different.

I felt my hand flex, I missed having his hand to hold. I hadn't seen him since last night when he left Charlie's at nine thirty...school night curfew.

 _Okay, relax._ _It has only been less than twelve hours and he promised to be home when I got done with school._ Well, I was going to Charlie's first – keeping up the story - and then home. He would be there and that was only another eight hours away.

 _A walk in the park._

I just needed to focus on what I was going to be doing for the day. After all if my mind was occupied the day would go faster. I pulled my trig book, a note book and a pen out of the pile at the bottom of my locker where I had put everything. I frowned a little. I would at least have to get a shelf. My locker looked ridiculous…and messy.

Before I closed the door, I became aware of someone walking up and standing next to me…very close next to me. Too close. Closer than the person who actually had the locker next to me. So close that I was afraid when I closed the door he would be touching me. And he didn't seem to have any intentions of moving.

 _Okay, this is making me slightly uncomfortable._ This kid was practically standing on top of me. And his clothes had a funny stale smell to them, his nose slightly whistled as he inhaled and he still had not backed up any. In fact…was he tilting closer?

I shifted uncomfortable. _Man, go away!_

I continued to ignore him by pretending to be looking for something in my locker, but he didn't seem to get the hint.

 _Geez, what is wrong with this guy?_ That wasn't his locker next to mine and we didn't have to share them so what was he doing here? He could at least say something instead of rudely standing so close whistling with his nose.

But it was almost time for class to start and I could no longer pretend to be looking for something.

With a sigh I shut my locker door.

I was right. I had to press my arm closer to my body so I wouldn't touch him. I slowly looked over and was met with a pair of hazel eyes and a huge stupid grin.

He stood about my height, though I think some of that was his poofy brown hair. He had put way too much gel in it and there was a slight green sheen to it, which a normal human wouldn't have seen but I could. I blinked at him and his smile got wider.

Truthfully, I was kind of expecting some geeky kid like the ones in movies. You know the kind that always preyed on the new students, but he didn't look anything like them. He didn't have glasses or a pocket protector and he wasn't scrawny by any means. He actually looked like he worked out because his had broad shoulders, big arms and a tan. He wore a hunter green polo and khaki pants.

"Hello. My name is Joshua Fisher, but you can call me Josh." He leaned forward slightly as he spoke and I mimicked his movement in the opposite direction. I didn't say anything hoping he would just leave, but no luck. "I assume you are Runesumay Swan." I cringed as he totally butchered my name.

"Call me Nessie." I said without thinking. I didn't actually want him to call me anything but it was better than having him mutilate my name again.

 _Why was he standing so close?_ This could not be normal human behavior. Humans liked their space unless they liked the other person. _I mean really…I didn't know him, he didn't know me._ He needed to stop invading my personal space because he was making me a little nervous. I had never had a normal human stand so close to me, I wasn't sure if I was capably of controlling myself. Even though I had been hunting with Jacob Friday and wasn't thirsty in the least I honestly had no idea what could happen.

I discretely tried to slid back an inch but he shifted closer a second later.

 _Oh come on!_

"Well, it's nice to meet you Nessie." He held out his hand. I blinked at him and then looked down at his out stretched hand. I didn't want to take it, but it was impolite not to. So slowly I forced my hand out and took his. He shook it so hard he almost knocked the books out of my other hand. "I'm the class president so anything you need you just come to me." He said without giving me back my hand and winking at me. "Ah, I see you are headed to trig. Well my class is in that direction so I'll walk with you."

I had to bite my tongue to keep from let out any one of the number of sarcastic comments running through my mind at the moment. None of them were very nice. Instead I yanked my hand free, helplessly shrugged and walked off.

I tried to walk a fast human pace so I could lose him in the crowded halls but he kept up pretty well, probably because he was always the first person in the classroom. I could tell by every television series I has seen, he definitely looked liked _that_ kid.

What made this whole uncomfortable situation even worse was that he kept putting his hand on the small of my back when we were forced to squeeze through a crowd of students congregating, which was ruder than his previous behavior. I tried swatting him away and shifting out from under his hand, but he just kept doing it.

I walked past an open locker and the image of him stuffed in it flashed into my head. Oh that was so very tempting. It was hard to convince myself not to, but I wanted to make friends not scare everyone off the first day.

 _Oh but he was so annoying._

Thankfully we didn't have to go into a different building so the torture lasted a few minutes…which trust me was long enough. I scrambled into the room with a passing "thanks" and quickly took an empty seat in the middle of the room thankful to be free of him.

 _Geez, what was with him? Didn't he have any sense of personal space? Or manners?_ He didn't know me and I was certain he wouldn't even want to be anywhere near me if he knew what I really was.

 _Maybe if I told…no, no I can't do that._ I'll probably not see him the rest of the day anyway. And I could just avoid him because I certainly wasn't going to be able to get that weird stale smell out of my nose.

The teacher walked in and I went up and presented him my slip to sign. I returned to my seat and noted the small black haired girl sitting in the seat next to me. I had noticed her in my homeroom earlier. She was smaller than me and wore a plain blue v-neck tee shirt and jeans. But what caught my eye was that she was almost as pale as I was.

She sat there kind of hunched over in her seat, like she was trying to become part of the chair or something. She kept her head down and was drawing on the blank paper in front of her with her hair hiding as much of her face as possible, which I thought was a shame because she had such a pretty face.

I couldn't help myself. I stared at her as I pulled out my book. She looked up and met my gaze but then hastily looked back to her paper. Wow, she has the most unique color of green eyes I had ever seen, like a rare gem stone. I couldn't stop looking at them as they kept peeking sideways at me. But they kind of looked sad.

 _I wonder why._

I was surprised to hear her heart accelerate. Was I making her nervous or scaring her? What was I doing wrong? I had just come in, sat down, went to get my slip signed and returned to my seat. I didn't think there was anything scary about any of those actions, but I wasn't a normal human so I could have easily been wrong. Maybe I had been frowning while I was thinking of the space invader out there and she thought I was frowning at her. Man he was annoying me without even being in the room.

Well, I certainly didn't want her to think that. "Hi. I'm Nessie. I think we have homeroom together." I said smiling at her.

Her eyes widened and she hesitated but didn't look up. "Yeah…hi." She said quietly. And that was it. She shrunk further into her chair, bent her head further down and continued drawing.

 _Okay. Well, maybe she just didn't want to talk._ Maybe she was tired, it was early and the first day of school. I didn't want to force her. I certainly understand how annoying unwarranted attention was after meeting my little tag along. I watched her a moment and then turned back to the front as the teacher started class. I wasn't going to bug her if she didn't want to talk.

But I kept peeking at her throughout class. She smelled nice, kind of like vanilla, and she was small like Alice and her eyes...well they were beautiful. I think Carlisle told me that my dad had green eyes before he became a vampire. I would have to ask him if they were the same color. There was something about her that attracted me like a magnet. I couldn't quite figure out what it was.

As I left the classroom I was busy watching the girl as she walked down the hall so close to the locker I was afraid she would hit them. Josh came out of nowhere and ambushed me. I stifled a groan.

 _Why won't he just leave me alone?_

"Hi there Nessie. How was your first class?" He was instantly at my side. I saw his hand lift up but was able to step to the side, pretending to be avoiding another student. He ended up brushing the guy's waist.

"Hey, watch it there Fisher."

"Oh…hey, sorry about that Nick." Josh sounded a little anxious.

I chuckled to myself. That was mean but maybe he would think twice before touching me again.

"Aren't you going to introduce me to your friend?" Nick asked. I stopped. _Was he talking about me?_ I turned around to find the guy from this morning looking at me with a half smile. I felt my eyes widen… _did he know I heard him? No that was not possible…_

"Oh sure Nick. This is Nessie Swan, Chief Swan's niece. Nessie this is…"

"Nick Garner." Nick winked at me and held out his hand.

"Nice to meet you Nick." I said taking his hand. I couldn't help but smile at him; he had a baby face. He grinned back. I liked him already, probably because he wasn't Josh, but also because he had really pretty blue eyes. I couldn't stop myself from staring at them. I was use to the golden eyes of my family or the dark brown eyes of the pack so the blue was a change a nice change. Don't get me wrong, they were not as pretty as my Jacob's eyes, but as far as blue went they were very nice.

 _Hhmm, people in Forks seem to have really pretty eyes._

Nick stood at five eleven and had light brown hair with sun bleached highlights. I assumed because of his build and the letter jacket he wore - I know very observant - that he was an athlete. We stood there smiling at each other a moment before Josh cleared his throat. That's when I realized we were still holding hands.

"Well, I think we should be getting to our class now Nessie." He held his hand out in the direction of my next class.

"I'll see you around." Nick said with a nod of his head and dropped my hand.

I smiled again and could feel my cheeks grow a little pink. I don't know why, but I suddenly felt like giggling as he smiled at me. His baby face reminded me of Ben's who had learned to giggle last week. I turned without saying anything, still smiling. I sure hoped I bumped into him again.

I was thinking about Ben and Levi when I felt Josh's hand on my back again. I was about to tell him to stop touching me when he cut me off.

"I have already had Mr. Byrd for history."

 _What? Oh no! Was he in my class? Oh man, I have to sit through an entire class with his whistling nose._

"His tests are pretty easy if you pay attention in class. Thought sometimes he'll get you by throwing in a question from the book."

We got to the classroom and thankfully there were no empty seats next to each other. With a sigh of relief I took a seat in the back, leaving him the seat front and center. He probably would have sat there anyway. He kept glancing back at me as I quickly pulled out my note book and slowly wrote the date and subject on the top of the page avoiding his eyes.

"Hi there." I looked up. "I'm Erica." The tall red haired girl sitting next to me said. "And this is Ashley." She gestured to the little blond sitting in the seat behind her. "We noticed you picked up a friend earlier." Her head slightly tilted to the side indicating she was talking about Josh.

"Oh…yeah. Is he always so…um friendly?" _Annoying?_

"Always," Ashley answered. "And I'm sure he's already told you he's the class president." I nodded. "Well, I guess since most of us have known him since grade school he doesn't get a chance to impress people often." The two girls giggled.

"So, if you don't mind me asking, how do you say your name? It's rather unique." Erica asked.

"Renesmee, but everyone calls me Nessie."

"Well, it's very pretty. Is it a family name?"

"Grandmothers"

"Ah yeah, my middle name is my grandmother's name…Francis." Erica made a face as she said it. "I like yours better."

I smiled at her and they both smiled back. "Thank you. But at least you can pronounce that name. Most people butcher mine."

"Oh, I bet." Erica said sympathetically. "So, when did you get to Forks?"

"Friday." I had to lie. No one could know when I was really here.

"Where were you before this?"

"New Hampshire."

"Oh I hear it's lovely up there." Ashley smiled.

I nodded. "The weather is very similar."

"You live with Chief Swan?"

"Yup."

"So what's it like living with the Chief of Police? Bet you have a hard time getting anything past him."

 _Ha, you'd be surprised._

"Oh I really like it so far. Uncle Charlie and Sue are very nice."

"You like living with a police officer in Forks?" Erica asked skeptically.

"Of course."

"Well, I guess it's only been a few days. You'll get over that soon." Ashley said.

I caught myself before I told them I had been here many times before. As far as everyone was concerned I had never been to Forks. But I wondered why everyone kept saying that? What was so bad about living in a small town and going to high school?

When class ended Josh was immediately at my side. "Maybe we can sit together tomorrow." He said reminding me I had an entire semester to look forward to his overly friendly behavior. I saw Ashley and Erica look at each other and suppress a smile. "Hi Erica…Ashley."

"Hey Josh."

"Hi Joshua."

"Look Nessie, how about you sit with us at lunch? I'm sure we could squeeze one more in." Erica offered gently placing her hand on my shoulder and leading me toward the door and away from Josh.

I nodded.

"Oh that would be great." Josh answered tagging along at my side. I blinked at him as I realized he just invited himself. Not that I was an expert in human behavior or anything, but that seemed a little rude to me. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Ashley roll her eyes and shake her head.

As we walked, I found out that Erica and their friend Brittany would be in my Biology class and Ashley and I had gym together. Best of all, I had no other classes with Josh.

I continued the rest of the way to English grateful to finally be walking alone. I had to find some way to ditch this Josh kid, but the more I thought about it, the more I began to feel sort of bad. He had been nothing but nice to me and here I was thinking mean things like shoving him lockers, duct taping his hands to his side, or literally shoving a sock in his mouth – the last two had only recently appeared.

It wasn't very nice of me.

 _I wonder if he has any friends…real ones._ I mean everyone knew him, but in a small school everyone knew everyone anyway. Heck, they all grew up together. But I wonder how much of that was actual friendship verses just being polite because they knew him forever.

Something in the back of my mind told me it was probably the latter and I then felt really bad about being mean to him. Maybe I could just tell him to back off a little…in a nice way that doesn't involve strong adhesive tape. That way his feelings, or anything else, wouldn't get hurt and I would not go nuts. I would certainly have to tell him to stop touching me before I accidentally broke his arm swatting at him – I would leave that last part out of course.

I walked into my next classroom, found a seat close to the back, pulled out my notebook and started absentmindedly doodling.

Erica and Ashley seemed like really nice girls. I mean from what I had seen in the movies or on TV, high school students could be really mean to each other. But they had not said anything when Josh invited himself to sit with them at lunch and they didn't say one mean thing about him the entire class either. In fact Ashley had said that he was probably the nicest guy in the whole school…always willing to help anyone out. I smiled to myself. I was glad they wanted to be my friends.

I barely noticed that three boys had walked in - two sitting down right next to me while the other taking the seat behind me - until I looked up and couldn't help but notice that one looked exactly like Erica. I'm talking almost identical. Twins? I think all my classes are with only juniors, and it can't just be coincidental. The genetic possibilities of two complete strangers looking exactly alike and having the same mannerisms were very, very slim even in a small town.

They were definitely siblings. I didn't think it was even likely they were merely cousins or something. He had the same…well face really and the same facial expressions. And I had not seen that same shade of red hair on anyone else. He was taller but he even walked the same way. I smiled.

 _Cool…twins._

"Hi there." He said smiling at me. Oh geez, I had been staring at him. I felt my cheeks grow hot.

"Hi." I replied and looked back at my paper. Thankfully they went back to their conversation a moment later and ignored me. The teacher walked in and I quickly got out of my seat and went up to her.

"Ah, Miss Swan…" She smiled at me as I handed her my slip. "I bet you'll be surprised to know I went to school here with your cousins Bella and Edward." She said matter-of-factly as she signed her name.

I felt my mouth fall open. Mrs. Cheney went to school with my parents?

"Oh…really?" Was the only sentence I could manage to form. This was unbelievable. I had never expected to meet someone who actually went to school with my family. That was something that needed to be avoided for safety reasons. And yet, here she was in the flesh…part of my parent's past.

"Of course she would know me as Angela Weber." She sighed and looked out the window. "I really must call her, it's been ages." She looked back at me. "But if you talk to her soon, please tell them I said hello. I'm not sure I told her we were back in Forks."

As far as I know she had not but I had to stop myself from saying that. "Of course I will." I still couldn't form a more complex sentence. She smiled and I took my slip and went back to my seat stunned.

I couldn't think of anything else during the entire class. I just stared at Mrs. Cheney. It was a good thing that was socially acceptable behavior because otherwise it probably looked borderline obsessive.

I just couldn't believe my luck. This was my _mom's_ Angela Weber. Wow. And she was friends with dad and Alice too. _Double wow._ She was the answer to a question I had not known I had been looking for. I knew some things about the time everyone spent in Forks before I was born, but they were always vague when I asked them about it, which made me wonder yet again why they were so candid. I sometime got the impression they were hiding something from me. Everything was hunky dory from what they said so I had no reason to believe they were keeping secrets.

 _But now…now I had someone to talk to._ Of course she wouldn't know about them being vampires, but she can at least tell me what they were like; she did hang out with them after all. I could probably fit things together.

I suddenly wanted nothing more than to spent hours talking to her…okay, grilling her. A million and one questions flooded into my mind as I sat there watching her. Of course I had to remind myself that normal human's memories were not that great so she might not remember a lot. I couldn't expect anything.

But I could still be her friend…right? Hhmm, I wonder if that would be weird. She was a teacher after all and I didn't know if at Forks High School it was frowned upon to socialize with a teacher if you were a student.

The class ended faster than I was expecting. I reluctantly got up and headed out, lost in thought.

"Hi Nessie." Ashley's voice caught my attention.

I smiled at her and she smiled back.

"Oh I see you've met Austin." Erica said.

 _Who?_ I turned around to see those same three guys who had sat next to me standing there expectantly.

"Yeah, we kind of met." Austin said, the corner of his mouth twitching. I could feel my cheeks getting warm. "I'm Austin. And these two jokers are Dean and Evan." He pointed to them as he said their names.

"Nice to meet you." I smiled hesitantly at them and they all smiled back. They each reach out their hands and I shook them. Then everyone turned and started walking off in the direction of the cafeteria.

I trailed along thrilled that I had friends in all my classes now and a missing link in my parents clouded past. I didn't care that I was being overly dramatic. How lucky was I?

This day can't get any better.

"So what's on the menu today anyway?" Dean asked as everyone put their stuff down at a table.

"Something only slightly edible I would imagine." Austin answered. Everyone laughed.

We were joined by Brittany…and yes Josh. But no one seemed to mind that he was there which I was surprised to realize pleased me. If he was as nice as Ashley said he was, I was glad they were nice to him.

I watched my new friends and smiled to myself. You can tell a lot about humans by how they act. It's a better indicator of what they are really thinking than anything they say. Not that I spent a lot of time with normal humans, it just helped to be able to hear and see them from far away. Most had unconscious movements or tones that gave away their true feelings. Everyone seemed to just accept Josh fully, but I still tried to walk on the other side of the group from him as everyone went up to stand in line fearful for his arms.

"What are you thinking about getting?" Erica asked me looking up a chalkboard with today's lunch menu on it.

 _Oh crap!_ I had just mindlessly followed everyone into the food line without a reason to not eat. _Crap. Crap. Crap._ That was really stupid. I mean I could eat the food here but I didn't like to.

 _Quick, I have to think of something. Um…um…food allergies. Perfect!_ I could be allergic to tons of things. Then if I never eat in front of them they'll just think its cause I don't want to die.

"Um, I actually have food allergies. I don't see anything I can eat."

She looked at me wide eyed. "Oh, that sucks. What are you allergic to?"

"Oh wheat, dairy, most nuts, fish…" I trailed off as I realized the group was looking at me. _Uh-oh, maybe I'd gone overboard._ I guess I should have left something for me to eat.

"Wow, so what do you eat?" Dean asked.

I began to blush, I had gone too far. But I certainly didn't expect anyone to take any interest in my dietary habits. Well if they really knew what those were, I bet it would be a whole different reaction. "Oh you know, anything I'm not allergic too."

Everyone burst into laughter. I smiled. I wasn't trying to make a joke but I was relieved they seemed to accept my explanation.

"Good one." Austin held out his fist and I gently bumped it with mine.

Everyone started talking at once and I let my eyes scan over the cafeteria. It was filling up quickly. I could instantly pick out the lines between the grades. Freshmen seemed to get stuck at the tables right next to the teachers' lounge. Sophomores were the next set of tables over followed by the juniors. Seniors sat at the tables closest to the doors…and the exit. I noted that we had put our stuff down at a table that seemed to be in the senior section.

I wonder if that was on purpose.

As I scanned the room I felt my heart nearly jumped out of my chest.

 _Jacob_.

I instantly knew he wasn't my Jacob but my eyes were resting on a boy who looked so much like him. He had really dark brown hair, almost black, styled in the same messy look. His skin was almost the same golden tan and he was about six three maybe four – he was sitting but I was usually a pretty good guess. Well built and….oh my!

I inhaled sharply.

He had my Jacob's eyes; those same beautiful dark brown eyes.

He had only briefly glanced over here at the line but it was enough for me to be hooked. I couldn't take my eyes off him…well really his eyes. He was sitting at a table with two girls and three other guys. One of them was Nick.

The guy sitting to the right of the boy nudged his arm and nodded in this direction. "Hey…nine o'clock, the new girl's checking you out."

 _What! Oh crap._ The beautiful brown eyes looked over at me and I instantly turned to look at Brittany, who happened to be talking. About what…I had no idea, but I pretended to be very interested. I was going to have to keep my staring in check.

 _Oh wow._ I had no idea why but I suddenly felt a little breathless, but I didn't dare look back over at him because I could feel my face growing hot. Plus I didn't think I would be able to look away if I saw those brown eyes again.

Luckily I was distracted by some snickering coming from behind me. I turned to see the dark haired vanilla girl from my trig class walking swiftly in my general direction with her head down.

As I watched her quickly walking, I could feel myself drawn to her. She seemed so breakable – like she always needed protection and I needed to protect her. It was quickly turning into an obsession.

She was clutching her books so close to her chest I could see her knuckles whiten. She had a determined look on her face, that same sad look in her eyes, and her heart was pounding pretty hard. I was a little fearful she would give herself an aneurism.

I frowned.

I certainly didn't like the thought if not seeing her again, and I didn't like that she was so unhappy. She was so pretty she should be smiling. Her face was going to get frown lines soon if she kept scowling like that all the time, which would have been a shame because it was so beautiful. Pretty pale smooth skin and pink little lips and a cute nose that was ever so slightly crooked – though to normal human eyes it would perfectly straight.

I then noticed she had toilet paper stuck to her shoe. It was trailing along behind her as she walked through the crowded cafeteria. Another round of snickering went around the table as she past. I could see her shrink away from them and clutch her books even harder.

 _Oh no!_

When she got close enough, I quickly stepped on the little white trail, dislodging it from her shoe. I picked it up and scowled at the snickering table of humans. They instantly stopped and looked uncomfortable. I quickly went to throw it away because I was afraid I might start growling at them without knowing it. I couldn't let that happen in front of all these normal humans. That incident in the auditorium at the beginning of the summer was one time too many.

I turned to watch her walk away but she had already made it out of the cafeteria. I couldn't believe they just laughed at her without saying anything. That was just mean and that poor girl…oh…no wonder she looked like she wanted to become part of the furniture or just disappear. Everyone picked on her.

 _Well, I was certainly going to change that!_

The rest of lunch was pretty uneventful…I guess. Everyone asked me a ton of questions, which I had been expecting, and I actually began to enjoy fabricating a different life for myself. I found it entertaining to intertwine as much truth into my story as I could. It also helped keep me distracted from the brown eyed boy. I would have to avoid him. I wasn't sure how I would react to seeing those eyes again.

Unfortunately, Josh sat next to me, right next to me. He was so close that the legs of our chairs were interlaced. When he stood up to throw his tray away, the leg of his chair got stuck in the legs of my chair and he tripped over his seat. His chair jerked mine back and his half empty orange juice bottle dropped off his tray and spilled all down the front of me.

 _Oh Gross!_

Everyone started talking at once.

"Josh how could you!"

"Nessie are you okay?"

"Geez man, watch what you are doing!"

"Oh no, your new shirt!"

"No, it's fine really. Accidents happen." I said to Josh as he fluttered about not knowing if he should help me whip the juice off – considering it went down the front of my shirt. "It's just a little orange juice." _It was gross not toxic._

As I walked to the bathroom with Ashley and Erica by my side, I tried to figure out how normal humans drank this stuff…yuck!

All through the rest of lunch and all the way up to the door of my Biology class Josh kept apologizing. He must have said it over a hundred times. I really thought by the time we made it to my classroom he was either going to pass out or throw up with worry.

I had tried to tell him it wasn't a big deal and the shirt could be washed. Truthfully, I knew this shirt was already doomed from the beginning. Alice never lets us wear the same clothes twice and I often changed multiple times a day. But of course I couldn't tell him that so I felt bad as he told me he was going to get me another shirt to make it up to me.

However that feeling quickly went away when he grabbed my collar to find out my size after I told him I didn't need another shirt because I had plenty. I jerked out of his hand and rushed into class without saying anything else.

The lad tables were set up so only two people could sit at one so I took the empty one next to Erica and Brittany. I sat there half listening to them and feel bad about stressing Josh out like that. I mean poor kid was trying to be nice to me then he spills juice on me and completely freaks out. He was going to end up giving himself a heart attack or something one of these days. I couldn't tell him that this shirt was already destined for goodwill, that wasn't conducive to small town finances.

 _This sucks._

Since I was already in a bad mood, the smell of orange juice began getting to me. I had washed most of it off in the bathroom but the smell still lingered. As I sat there, I began to feel sticky which irritated me even more.

 _And what the heck is that awful buzzing sound?_

I looked up at the light above me. _Oh great, that was going to drive me up the wall all period._ And a normal human couldn't hear it so there was a distinct possibility I would have to listen to that terrible sound the entire semester.

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. _Oh man that's annoying. Maybe I can smash it quickly before class starts._ I looked around. No, the classroom was already half full. I wasn't as fast as my family; maybe after class then…or after school. Then no one would see me. But that didn't help my immediate situation.

 _Ugh!_ I shifted in the other direction and tried to focus on what Erica and Brittany were saying. They were talking about what they had done all summer. But the more I tried to ignore the buzzing the louder it seemed to get. It was putting me in a worse mood.

 _Is school over yet?_

Alright, I was sounding whinny even to me. I just need to focus on something else. Obviously their conversation was too boring. I'll draw something. I started to force all my attention on my hand as it moved across the page.

 _When was this teacher going to get here?_ Not that I actually believed a lecture of something I probably knew better _than_ the teacher was going to take my mind off that ear grinding buzzing but maybe he would be loud enough to drown it out.

"That was a very nice thing you did." A wonderfully baritone male voice said behind me.

I looked up and froze. It was the Jacob eyed boy from lunch. I felt butterflies in my stomach and my heart beat accelerated.

 _Holy crap! They looked even more like Jacob's eyes close up_.

I was hit with a mixture of loneliness, because I suddenly missed my Jacob terribly, and excitement because this guy's eyes were…well Jacob's eyes. I had always loved Jacob's eyes. They were the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen - a rich dark brown pool that was easy to get lost in if you weren't careful. Though I had never thought I would see any that were almost as beautiful. The only thing that would make them more beautiful was if it was actually my Jacob standing there.

I couldn't get my mouth to reply so I just sat there staring at him. What I really needed to do was get myself to shift or blink or something because I had already sat too still for longer than a normal human would have.

"Everyone would have just let Lydia go the rest of the day like that." He continued as if he didn't notice my vacant expression.

 _Who was Lydia? What was he talking about? Did he mean lunch? So my vanilla girl's name was Lydia. What a pretty name. Wait he had seen that?_

"You mind?" He asked gesturing toward the empty seat next to me. Thankfully I was able to shake my head.

I couldn't believe it; I was going to get to look at Jacob's eye the entire class. I had been wrong this day just got a whole lot better.

Brittany and Erica had stopped their conversation as he placed his books on the table, pulled the seat out and sat down fully facing me.

"No freaking way. Graham Barnes is sitting with her?" I heard Brittany whisper quietly. Obviously no one but Erica was meant to hear that.

"Looks that way." Erica replied just as quietly.

"Unbelievable."

"I'm Graham by the way. I'm assuming you are Renesmee."

"Nessie." I answered instantly. For some reason it felt weird for Graham to be calling me Renesmee. My Jacob never called me that.

"Nessie." He repeated and nodded. I smiled because I liked the way he said it.

He smiled back and I felt my eyes widen. The right corner of his mouth pulled up slightly higher than the left just like Jacob's.

 _Okay, this was getting to be a little too much._ It was a good thing that I was already familiar with the class curriculum because I was so not going to be able to pay attention. Of course I knew he wasn't Jacob no matter how much he was like him; no one was as good as my Jacob. But Graham was an excellent substitute.

I couldn't help myself I leaned in slightly and sniffed. He smelled wonderful and not as in meal time good.

 _Jacob smells much better but I could live with this._

"So, did you have Biology in your last school?" Graham asked, not looking away from me. I felt his warm breath brush my cheeks and inhaled again. _Yes, he had a very nice smell indeed._

"I did, yes." Luckily I was able to concentrate enough that I didn't tell him I had never been to school. It was really hard to lie to those eyes.

"Well, this one is full of labs so it should be interesting…or at least more interesting than the lecture only classes."

"Oh…good." Why couldn't I get my brain to work?

Lucky for me the teacher started class then so I didn't have to sit there like an idiot. But just because the teacher started talking, didn't mean I could concentrate on anything but Graham.

Embarrassed, I realized I was staring and after a lot of effort I was able to force my eyes to look away from his face. But I couldn't get them to actually look away from him.

I felt my right hand flexing as I stared at his. I had to fight the urge to grab it. I couldn't just go around grabbing people's hands no matter how much they looked like Jacob. I ended up having to sit on them after seeing one move toward him. I always held my Jacob's hand after all.

 _But Graham is not Jacob._

Like my English class, Biology went by faster than I wanted it to. Graham walked with me to the door and I felt my hand reach for his. It brushed up against his skin and I jerked it away - stupid hand with a mind of its own.

But I was pleased to see a smile playing on his lips.

We stopped just outside the door and stood there staring at each other. I was barely aware when Erica and Brittany walked past.

 _I wonder what my Jacob is doing right now._ He still had a little time before he would have to go pick up the students. I hope he liked driving the bus. His pack brother's teased him about it constantly. I thought it was a great idea. Little kids seemed to like him despite his size.

I felt the air move, brushing against my arm as someone come up and stood next to me. Graham's eyes flickered to that person and I was finally able to look away.

"Hi Ashley." Graham said.

"Uh, hi Graham." I could see Ashley's wide eyes in my peripheral vision.

"Well, I guess we shouldn't be late to our next classes." He said looking back at me. "At least not on the first day anyway." He half smiled.

"Right." I agreed trying not to giggle like an idiot. _Well at least I said something, even if it was brainless._ I hadn't been able to talk to him at all when he would make small comments when the teacher wasn't looking.

"See you tomorrow." He said winking at me. I felt his hand wrap around mine and he squeezed gently before starting to slowly back up. I didn't even see him move his hand I was too mesmerized by his eyes. He had taken a few steps backward before he finally turned and walked down the hallway.

"Wow." I felt Ashley turn to look at me.

 _Yeah…wow is right._ I was still stunned as we started making our way to class. I had

never seen eyes like Jacob's before on anyone but Jacob. I began to wonder why I had not thought of asking Jacob to come to school with me. He technically was still sixteen.

"You two seem pretty chummy."

I shrugged. _I wish._

"So is he like your lab partner or something?"

"He didn't ask." I replied.

"Did he sit next to you?"

"Yes, but he had to sit somewhere."

"Were there other seats he could sit at?"

"I think so."

"Then he wanted to sit next to you. That means you will be his lab partner the rest of the semester." She explained.

That seemed like a silly conclusion to me. Just because he wanted to sit next to me the first class doesn't mean that he wanted to be my lab partner for the entire semester, and I doubted he was going to sit with me tomorrow anyway. I hadn't exactly been very social. I was too busy trying not to touch him.

But I did feel butterflies in my stomach at the thought of him sitting next to me again.

"Again…wow. I mean do you know who Graham Barnes is?" Ashley actually seemed giddy as we walked to our next class. "Only the most popular boy in the entire school, that's who. The. Entire. School. Not just the junior class. Your social status just went from new girl to envy of every female student walking these halls. The only other person as popular is Nick Garner and he's captain of our football team _and_ our basketball team."

As we approached the door to the gym I realized Ashley had stopped talking. _Geez, I wonder if it was because I had not been responsive to her._ I tried to remember if she had asked me any questions that I rudely ignored.

"So, ready for gym class?" She asked pushing open one of the double doors.

 _Gym. Right, this was going to be interesting._ Mom had said it was a nightmare for her, but I didn't have her clumsy tendencies. In fact I had the opposite problem. I would have to be careful not to damage the equipment instead of myself. I also had to remember to make mistakes and not to move to fast.

"Hey there Nessie." A familiar voice called out from the left of us. We both turned to see Nick walking up to us.

"Oh hi Nick." I had finally been pulled out of my little haze enough to answer him. It helped that he had those blue eyes that were very different from my Jacob's. He just didn't seem as interesting now that I met Graham.

"So, it appears we are going to be in the same gym class." He nudged me with his elbow and lifted his eye brows twice. "Hey Ashley." He said not looking at her.

"Hi Nick." Ashley replied.

"Yup, appears that way." I responded.

"Well I hope you are good at sports. I don't like to lose." He winked at me and turned to walk away.

 _What was that suppose to mean?_

"Shut up." Ashley pushed my shoulder. I looked at her startled. Had I been talking out loud? "Nick Garner just asked you to be his teammate."

"That wasn't actually a question." I pointed out.

"So what, he's Nick Garner."

"Can you even _call_ a teammate? Doesn't the teacher assign those?"

"Not really. She doesn't care so long as everyone has someone to pair up with. But I mean Nick Garner. I still can't believe it. First Graham and now Nick…I mean Austin and Dean are on the football team, and Evan is on the basketball team, but Nick hardly ever talks to them. And you have been in Forks all of…what…three days." She actually started to sound a little annoyed. "He doesn't even know if you suck. I mean he's hangs out with seniors…" I ignored her as she launched into the whole social structure of Forks High School again.

I didn't actually care who he was, he was being a little presumptuous assuming I wanted to be his teammate. As a matter of fact I actually wanted to be on a different team just so I could beat him. But I stopped myself because that was mean. He seemed like one of those who would take it very personally if he lost. And as competitive as I was I couldn't do that to him.

Luckily the teacher lectured the entire class about what we would be doing for the semester and general safety rules. I chuckled to myself as I noted she didn't mention don't break the equipment obviously not expecting a half vampire with superhuman strength to be in her class.

Other than that I sat quietly sandwiched between Ashley and Nick trying to ignore Ashley as she kept making googly eyes at Nick and Nick as he kept flexing his chest and checking himself out when he thought no one was looking…. _seriously_?

When the bell rang I was so ready to go home I jumped up, a little too quickly, with the excuse that I had to _mumble_ _mumble_ _mumble_. I rushed out too fast for them to hear my reason not feeling the least bit bad I left them standing there alone with each other. Maybe they would become teammates before tomorrow.

I could barely contain my excitement. It was finally time to go home and see my Jacob and change my clothes. I quickly pulled my books out of my locker- for effect. I had already completed two weeks' worth of homework while sitting in class. Well all except for English and Biology. I had been a bit distracted in those classes.

I was out the doors and in the parking lot, almost home free when I heard an all too familiar voice calling out for me over the noise of the other students and lockers.

I internally sighed.

"Hey Nessie, wait up."

 _Oh man! Can't I get a break?_ I paused as Josh came rushing up beside me.

"Here, let me give you a hand." He tried to grab for my book bag but I shifted out of his way. I had been able to memorize his unconscious movements after an entire day of dodging him and was able to tell when he was going to reach for me before he actually did. He would turn the arm he was going to move slightly toward me and lean in a little.

"That's really okay, I've got it. Thank you though."

"Oh, uh, okay. Well how was your first day? Do you like your classes? Was everyone nice to you? As the class president it is my responsibility to make sure that the students of Forks High School put for their best faces and are welcoming and accepting to you."

 _Ugh, why was he talking so formally? He's a teenage boy for crying out loud._ But I stopped myself from asking him if he was on the cheerleading team. "Yup, everyone was really nice and welcoming. You have done your job well." I answered as he followed me to my car.

"Good, I'm glad to hear it." He beamed at the little complement.

We reached my car I was trying to make a big showing of unlocking my door. "Yeah, well I really have…"

"So I hear Graham Barnes is your lab partner and Nick Garner is your gym partner."

I stopped, stunned. _Wow word travels like a forest fire in those halls._ "I don't know." I shrugged. What difference did it make to him anyway? Seriously, why did everyone care so much who was my lab or gym partner?

"Well Graham sat next to you in lab. That means you will be sitting together the whole semester…assigned seating. And Nick asked you to be his gym partner."

The way he said that actually irritated me. _"Since Graham sat next to me and since Nick asked me."_ Didn't I have a say in the matter?

"It's really not a big deal."

"Not a big deal. Nick and Graham are the coolest guys in school."

 _Oh not again._ I couldn't stop myself from rolling my eyes. "Really Josh I have to go." I slipped my book bag off my shoulders to throw into the passenger seat.

"Here I'll get it."

"No really that's okay." Josh grabbed at my bag as I tried to get it out of his way without moving faster than a normal human. But he caught the zipper and all my books and my iPod fell to the pavement. I saw Josh's face whiten two shades as my Biology book landed on my iPod, cracking the screen.

"Oh Nessie, oh no, oh no! I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry." He bent down and scrambled to pick up the pile of books. He whimpered a little as he picked up the broken iPod.

"Look Josh, it's really not a big deal. Just stop I'll get it." People were staring at us and some even snicker at poor Josh. I didn't like that nor did I want a repeat of lunch. I grabbed his arm and as gently as I could, forced him to stand up.

"No, no, I'm really, really sorry Nessie." He looked like he was going to cry. As annoying as he was, I felt really bad for him. His heart was in the right place…luck just wasn't.

"Josh, really it is okay. I'll get another one." The last part slipped out before I could stop it.

"But they are really expensive."

I was able to stop myself from telling him that I already had four, well three now. "No, please don't worry about it. Trust me it's not a big deal. Just put it out of your mind. Please Josh."

"But…" I pressed my finger to his lips and I heard his heart accelerate. He must have thought I was really mad at him which made me feel awful. There was no reason for him to be this upset; not that I could tell him any of those reasons.

"I'm not mad at you. I'm not even worried about it, so you shouldn't be either." That didn't seem to work, he still stared at me with wide eyes. I took my finger off his lips and smiled at him. He smiled back. "Now go home and we won't ever have to think about this again."

He nodded but just stood there with his mouth open. A bug was going to fly in there if he didn't close it soon so I gently pushed it close for him. I didn't really want to see anyone eat a bug.

"Okay Josh. I'm leaving now. Have a nice evening and I'll see you tomorrow."

He nodded again and backed up right into the car next to me. He blushed and quickly walked off in what I assumed was the direction of his car without another word. I shook my head and looked down at my books. I really wasn't mad at him. It hadn't been his fault. I mean I would just get another iPod - they cost practically nothing - and I knew every song on it. It was easily replaceable.

 _No blood no foul._

I picked everything up, got in my car and decided I was just going to head straight home. At that moment I realized I wanted nothing more than to see Jacob. On the way I called Sue and told her what I was doing and that I would be home before curfew.

I sped as fast as I could down our dirt road driveway. I parked the car, got out and raced to the door.

"Welcome home." My mom and dad were standing at the entrance and greeted me with two big hugs and kissed on my cheeks.

"How was your first day?" Mom asked as Jacob came around the corner and leaned against that door frame, waiting. That was nice of him to let my parents say hello first.

"Great!"

"Is that orange juice?" She asked sniffing. I couldn't help but think about the little incident at lunch, followed by my earlier encounter with Josh and how I wanted to shove him into a locker, my vanilla girl Lydia, the stupid light in Biology, my vain gym partner and my poor iPod.

My dad laughed but then covered his mouth.

 _It's not funny._ I frowned up at him.

"I'm sorry sweetheart. I've just never heard you say…or think anything mean of anyone. It's actually a little bit of a relief to know there are actually people that annoy you. But if you do shove him in a locker be careful not to push him all the way through." I saw my mom's eyes widen.

"Is someone bothering you?" Jacob asked standing up straighter.

"No…" I mumbled. I was really temped to have him come and meet Josh, but then I realized that might actually give Josh a heart attack. I mean he had seemed genuinely scared of Nick this afternoon. I couldn't do that to the poor kid.

Dad sighed. "I should have guessed that would have been short lived." He gave me one more kiss and whispered. "Be very careful." I looked up at him knowing exactly what he was talking about.

 _I will. I could never hurt her._ We looked at each other a moment and I got the impression he wanted to say something to me. But when he let go I looked over at mom. "Oh yeah, mom…Angel Weber is my English teacher."

"Really?" Mom and dad glanced at each other. "Never thought she would have been an English teacher at Forks High School; how is she doing?"

"Well she's Mrs. Cheney now but good I would imagine.  
"That's right she and Ben got married last year. Gee I feel terrible missing it."

"It couldn't be helped love." Dad said taking her hand.

"She wanted me to tell you hello for her."

"Well, tell her we said hello back." Mom said.

"Of course."

I bounced over to Jacob and wrapped my arms around his waist in my version of a bear hug and inhaled happily. The entire day melted away as his arms tighten around me. It felt good to be able to hold his hand as we turned and walked to the couch. Jacob plopped down but I stood there a moment surveying Embry, Quil, Seth, Collin and Brady sprawled out on the floor - taking up most of it.

"Nessie, think you can introduce me to some junior girls?" Collin asked with a huge grin on his face.

"Of course she can, she's probably best friends with all of them by now." Brady chimed in.

"That's what I'm counting on."

"Most of them are allergic to fur." I shot back. That earned me some snickers from Embry and Quil.

"Oh that's funny. I thought you were supposed to be the mature one."

"Well apparently you thought wrong."

"Aw come on Nessie. You never know who I might see. Would you deny me the possibility of finding the only girl for me?" Colin said covering his heart with his hands in an over exaggerated movement.

"Yes she would." Jacob replied and pulled me into his lap.

"Man that's cold Nessie." Collin looking hurt.

"We came to see if you wanted to quit after your first day like every normal teenager wanted." Seth said.

"Nope, high school's great."

"Then who's the poor kid you want to shove in a locker?" Embry asked.

"The most annoying person on the planet." I grumbled back. I didn't mean to say anything; it had just kind of popped out.

"Wow, what did he do for _you_ to get upset with him?" Seth's eyes widened.

"Nothing really…his heart was in the right place. He's just unlucky." I really didn't want to think about Josh again.

Jacob chuckled and kissed my forehead. "Darn, I was really hoping I could meet your new friend."

Not only did I not want to talk about Josh, I didn't want to talk about my day at all. It seemed like a different world all together. "How was driving the bus?" A low snicker went around the group. I looked at the guys curiously but none of them met my eyes.

"Yeah Jake…how is driving the bus?" Quil asked. Jacob shot daggers at him with his eyes.

"What?" I asked a little annoyed no one was filling me in.

"Nothing, it was fine." Jacob said squeezing me tighter.

"Did you have fun?"

"Yes I did."

"Good." I rested my head back on his shoulder. "I bet the kids did too. Kids seem to like you for some strange reason." I was mildly teasing him, but it was true, kids usually liked him despite his size.

"I'll say." Collin snorted and Brady punched him in the shoulder.

"Cool it." Jacob sounded a little annoyed.

"What?" I sat up.

"Go on Jacob…tell her." Collin mocked.

"If you don't shut up I'm going to turn you into a fur coat."

I looked at Seth. "Tell me what?"

"Brady's little sister rides the bus and so do all her little friends." He answered.

"So…" That didn't seem like a big deal to me.

"They all have a huge crush on Jacob, especially Jennifer." Embry said which earned him a pillow in the face from Jacob and another punch on the arm from Brady. Jennifer was Brady's twelve year old little sister. Collin flopped to his back laughing and Brady lunged at him. They started wrestling around on the floor.

"Knock it off." Jacob threw another pillow at them. "You're acting like a bunch of animals." He grumbled.

"We are animals." Collin and Brady said together and started laughing and wrestling again.

"Boys…" I said rolling my eyes. I could feel Jacob's body warming up. I didn't like seeing him this upset. Plus I didn't really want Brady and Collin turned into coats. So I placed my hand on his neck showing him a little practical joke we could play on the two of them later. He chuckled and kissed the top of my head.

I stayed at home till just after eight thirty when I had to pull myself away. I felt bad about not having seen Charlie…he was my grandfather after all.

 **Chapter 4: We could go riding if we had motorcycles**

The next day was a lot like the first. When I woke up, I went running. I almost ran to La Push to see Jacob but decided to let him sleep because he looked tired yesterday. He needed more sleep than I did. Not to mention I would have wanted to curl up in his arms and stay there till it was time for school. That would have given Charlie a heart attack.

So I headed back home instead. Unlike yesterday, this time I made sure I was back well before Charlie peeked into my room. I wonder if he was going to do that every morning. He's probably just checking to make sure I didn't turn into an old woman over night. Too bad I can't tell him that I'm not going to be growing older any longer.

Since it was still pretty early, I laid there translating _Pride and Prejudice_ into French until I heard Sue; she usually got up before Charlie to make his breakfast. I dressed quickly and bounced down the stairs and into the kitchen moments after her. She didn't seem at all surprised to see me and I proceeded to follow her around the little kitchen. I was biding my time. I didn't want to be at school as early this morning.

I think she was actually warming up to me. Granted it had been only two days, but she already seemed friendlier than when she and Charlie would visit back when I was a baby. It probably helped that Seth was my best friend and she wasn't in a house full of vampires. But she didn't seem to mind the half vampire shadowing her this morning.

She even let me help.

Sue knew exactly what I was; she always had. Seth was part of Jacob's pack since before I was born so she was well informed of the supernatural creatures roaming around this little town. Thankfully even though she and Charlie were married, she never told him anything – I'm almost positive. Not that I was going to bring it up to find out. It was better for Charlie not to know. But sometimes I wondered if he knew more than he was letting on.

I got to school when there were already some students there so I didn't have to sit in my car for two hours waiting. Thankfully Erica and Austin got there a little after I did. They came over to my locker before classes and as my other friends got there, they joined us.

Of course Josh was glued to my side first thing and trailed along behind me like I was pulling him by some kind of invisible rope. I maneuvered around the other student on my way to trig grateful his clothes didn't have that same weird stale smell again, but unfortunately his nose was still whistling.

He was talking about…um…well I don't really know. I wasn't exactly listening. In fact I was trying to completely ignore him. It was very hard to completely ignore him because he kept putting his hand on my back, but not even his obnoxious little habit was going to distract me this morning.

I was on a mission.

Today was the day Lydia and I were going to become friends…at least that was the plan.

I walked into the classroom. She was already sitting hunched over drawing on a piece of paper. She was wearing a grey hoodie and a white shirt. I tried not to frown as I approached. Grey was so not her color. She looked washed out. I would have to go through Alice's old clothes and pick out some that would go nicely on her - provided she actually started talking to me.

"Good morning Lydia." I said as I sat down. Without thinking I took a sniff and smiled. She smelled even better today.

"Did you just sniff me?" She looked up at me with a mixture of shock and…no just shock.

"What? No!" I replied with just as much shock, but also a lot more embarrassment. I was beginning to understand the meaning behind my dad's warning.

She narrowed her eyes then looked back at her paper. "Hi." She said quietly. Then same as yesterday, she bent her head closer to the desk and shrunk into her chair.

I internally sighed. _One step forward three steps back._ So it appears getting my vanilla girl to talk was going to be easier said than done. But I would not be easily swayed. I didn't know why but I couldn't shake the feeling that we were going to be the very best of friends. I mean without any reason I already loved her. Maybe it was just wishful thinking but there was something about her that I knew I wouldn't want to let go of – once we were talking of course.

So I sat there a moment debating what I should talk to her about. "So are you in the advanced art class?" I decided to go with a topic she seemed to be interest in. She did draw the entire class yesterday.

"Yes."

"I'm not surprised; you are really good at it." I said looking at her paper. It was a sketch of a single rose lying on a table with a couple of peddles around it. She was really good; her shading was very accurate. It looked exactly like a rose, just add some color and it would be hard to tell the difference….to a normal human anyway. She wasn't even looking at anything while she drew either.

She frowned and slid the paper to where she thought was out of my view, moving her hand to cover it some. "Yeah."

Our one sided conversation ended there because the teacher started class. When the bell rang she jumped up and escaped out the door so fast she almost took out some poor girl. I would have been able to catch her in the hall if it wasn't for Erica and Ashley waiting for me right outside…with Josh right behind them.

History was boring. Erica and Ashley spent the whole time passing notes back and forth about Erica's crush on Dean. Ashley thinks she should ask him to some dance later in the semester but Erica thinks he wants to go with Brittney. Ashley disagrees and thinks he would go with her if she asked.

I stopped reading over their shoulders at this point.

I stared at the window paying enough attention to the teacher to be able to answer a question if I was called on.

I started thinking about the first day on the beach in La Push and Claire's comment about high school. I wonder if it was strange that I never thought about having a boyfriend. It was obvious that normal human girls were obsessed with the idea and I was in high school now. It was socially acceptable if not expected.

But I still wasn't certain that I even wanted one. And even if I wanted one, who?

Jacob popped into my mind immediately but I dismissed it just as quickly. He would have been weirded out like he was by the idea of kissing my mom. He was Jacob, he was my…um…hhmm…

… _anyway…_

Certainly not anyone from his pack they were my brothers and that would just be weird. The guys I made friends with here were nice but I just didn't like any of them that way, not really. But the more I thought about it the more the idea became a very intriguing idea. Having someone to hang out with, hold hands with, snuggle with…kiss. Oh I liked this idea better and better.

 _I am a teenager after all…sort of._

The next person to pop into mind was Graham. There was definitely something about him that was very different from the other boys. It just added to his appeal that he had those beautiful eyes.

English was a repeat of yesterday.

"Good morning Mrs. Cheney." I smiled at her as I walked into the room. She was up at the front writing something on the board.

She looked over and smiled. "Good morning Ms. Swan." I tried not to giggle as she called me my mom's old name. At least I was use to hearing people call me Nessie Swan so it was easy to fight the urge to correct them.

"Bella called me last night. She and Edward say hello." It felt funny calling my parents by their names.

"Really? Oh, how are they?"

"Very well, she had called to see how I was liking Forks. She was surprised to hear you were one of my teachers."

"Yeah, well when I was a student I never thought I would have ended up teaching here." She smiled at me. "Funny where life takes you sometimes isn't it."

"Ha-ha yeah…" I smiled awkwardly and turned to take my seat. What could I say to that? Boy if she only knew how different life had turned out for my mother. Funny wasn't exactly the right word for it.

The guys' conversation before class was much more interesting than Erica and Ashley's. They were talking about cars, an area I knew well. I rattled off some of my favorites by make, model and how much horse power and torque but got three shocked looks and remained quiet the rest of class.

 _I guess girls in Forks weren't into cars._

Jacob loved to talk cars. Truthfully I could care a less about them – so long as they looked wicked cool and went really fast. But I loved to watch Jacob's face light up as he talked so I had learned enough to keep a conversation going. Of course he liked explaining things to me too so I was careful to pretend to not know that much. I'm almost certain he wasn't fooled but he seemed to enjoy playing along.

He had a blast showing me how to build an engine while we were fixing his Rabbit; not that I would ever want to again or really ever needed to. I mean between Rosalie and Jacob the Cullens could open our own production line and make our own brand of cars.

I chuckled.

 _Cullen's cars for the supernatural sold only in Forks Washington._

Like yesterday I watched Mrs. Cheney like she was going to disappear if I took my eyes off her. I had decided that bombarding her with tons of questions was not the best course of action. I was going to choose my questions carefully and then let the answers take me the rest of the way.

 _Now all I needed to do was figure out a way to bring it up to her._

At lunch I wanted to invite Lydia to sit with us but didn't see her. I was a little baffled as to why she was not in the cafeteria. I mean she had been in trig. I guess she could have gotten sick and went to the nurse's office or home.

"May I sit here?" Graham's voice cut into my searching.

I was sitting alone at the table while everyone else went and stood in line. I looked up at his eyes and completely forgot what I was thinking about as the butterflies started fluttering in my stomach.

"Sure." At least I was able to say something. I really hoped talking to him would get easier. This was getting a little annoying.

Graham placed his tray on the table, pulled out the chair next to me and sat down. He had placed the chair slightly angled so he was facing me and I could feel his breath on my skin. I just couldn't help myself, I inhaled. _Wow he smells good._

"Can't say that I blame you for not eating anything…" He frowned a little down at his tray. I found myself staring at his lips…again very intrigued by the idea of kissing.

"Oh…I have food allergies." I was finally able to get myself to answer. I hoped my new little idea wasn't going to negatively affect my ability to communicate with him. I was already having a hard enough time as it was.

"Yuck I know that sucks. My little sister can't eat anything with wheat in it."

All I could do was nod sympathetically. But I made a mental note to look up some good recipes with no wheat for his sister.

I tried not to frown as a familiar scent filled my nose. "What's up guys?" I felt the chair pull out on the other side of me and turned to see Nick put his tray on the table and sit down. _Oh boy, I wonder what this means…I get to be the lunch lady._

I reminded myself to be nice.

"Hey man." Graham nodded his head once.

To be polite I smiled up at him. "Hi Nick."

He smiled back. "So ready for volleyball…partner?" He asked leaning toward me and nudging my arm with his elbow.

"Oh is that what we are playing? I'm not very good at volleyball." I lied hoping he would think about finding a new teammate, like maybe Ashley.

"Oh that's okay I'm the best one in our grade." He placed his hand on my shoulder and leaned even closer. He was practically kissing my cheek. "We'll win no matter how bad you are." He turned back and started shoving fries into his mouth two and three at a time.

I sat there blinking at him and didn't bother surpassing a frown. _Well that completely backfired._ It didn't appear I was going to be able to shake him even by pretending to be a terrible player.

I turned back to Graham and he gave me a sympathetic shrug. Unfortunately our two person conversation ended there because everyone else joined us.

It was a good thing I didn't have a tray, there was barely enough room for everyone's as it was, but no one complained. And no one seemed uncomfortable with me not eating either. To keep it that way I chatted happily the whole time - mostly with Graham.

I didn't mind spending lunch sitting between Graham and Nick, but I was beginning to think the rest of my friends were a little apprehensive about our new additions. Everyone kind of sat there and stared at us. And from the sulky look on Josh's face, he wasn't happy at all. Which made me wonder why; Graham and Nick were actually very nice. Of course I already knew Graham was but even Nick had his moments.

Graham walked with Erica, Brittany and me to Biology and I was in better control of my limbs this time. It probably helped that I was holding my books but I was able to hold a conversation even after looking at his eyes. The more time I spent with him the more I realized he felt very familiar to me…like I had known him my whole life. Maybe that was because his sense of humor was very similar to my Jacob's.

"Nick didn't mean anything you know." He said as he placed his hand on the small of my back and gently shifted me in front of him so I entered the classroom first. "He's just really competitive."

"Oh that's okay. I wasn't offended." _Annoyed, but not offended_.

"It's just that his older brother just got drafted into the NFL so he feels like he's got some pretty big shoes to fill." Graham explained as we took our seats.

"Oh wow that's awesome." I wasn't really into sports but even I knew that was a big deal. My family liked to play baseball and that was the extent of my interest.

As we sat there in class, I found myself feeling bad for Nick. I knew exactly what it was like to live with family members that were better at everything than I was. Heck, _everyone_ in my family was stronger and faster than me and even Jacob and Seth were when they phased. It kind of gave a girl a bit of a complex.

So in gym, I wasn't that surprised to discover a soft spot for Nick that hadn't been there this morning. It made it hard not to be his teammate. I did like the way his eyes light up as I sashayed over to his side - made it totally worth it. But for my conscience's sake I made us lose one game of the four we played. After all I was competitive too.

"So you lied at lunch today?" Nick said. I stopped and looked at him. "You said you were not very good at volleyball."

"Oh, guess I have a better 'A' game than I thought." I replied, shrugging innocently.

"I'll say. You and I are going to be unstoppable." He was actually beaming as he said that. I watched him as he walked toward the boy's locker room and shook my head defeated. I guess he wasn't as annoying as I first thought he was…most of the time. He was a bit of a ball hog.

Finally it was the end of the day. Instead of rushing home I sat cross legged in front of my locker waiting for Lydia. I had seen her down the hall while walking to gym and I wasn't going to leave till she said more to me than three words.

Of course Josh felt it his duty to wait with me – probably another self appointed responsibility of the class president. He sat with his back against the lockers and his legs stretched out babbling on about the different things the student government was going to do this year.

 _Man he likes to talk._

But I wasn't really listening to him; I was just mechanically responding by inserting one word comments here and there so as not to hurt his feelings. I hope he wasn't asking me any questions and I was responding incorrectly. _Oh geez, I really hope I didn't just agree to anything without knowing it._

 _Crap I just know this conversation is going to come back and bite me somehow._

Thankfully he needed to go do something and left me sitting in the floor alone after a long fifteen minutes - probably to get a drink of water or oxygen. He had talked nonstop the entire time.

 _Gee, it got really quiet all of a sudden._

By then the halls had pretty much cleared out with only a few stragglers; Lydia finally appeared at her locker. It took her a couple of tries before she got her locker open and when she did two books, some loose leaf and a few pencils fell out. She looked at the items on the floor a moment then with her head down she dropped to her knees and stared stuffing books into her bag and back into her locker as quickly as she could.

I stood up and walked over. I was pretty sure she saw me too but was trying to ignore me. I smiled to myself and wondered if that's what I looked like to Josh yesterday morning. Boy he must be pretty illiterate when it comes to reading human behavior. I mean it was pretty obvious she didn't want to talk.

Of course I really should have left her alone but something in the back of my mind pulled me toward her like a magnet.

"Hi Lydia," I said as nicely as I could. After all I didn't want to spook her again.

"Hi." She looked like she was about to crawl into her locker.

"I didn't see you in lunch today."

She paused a moment and frowned a little before resuming her search for the imaginary object she absolutely needed. "Oh…yeah…project."

"During the first week of school?"

"Yeah, you know art portfolio." She flinched slightly after she said that - as if she hadn't meant to say anything about it.

"You are working on an art portfolio? Wicked." I saw her frown slightly but she didn't say anything. "I guess it's never too early to get one ready for college." I chirped, happy that she actually said more than three words and didn't run away.

"It's not for…did they tell you to come do this?" She slammed her locker, stood up and glared at me. Her pretty green eyes were a darker shade than they had been this morning.

Stunned by her sudden change in behavior I blinked at her. "What?"

"Your friends…did they tell you to come talk to me?" Even though she was angry her voice was smooth and soft.

I frowned. "No. But I didn't realize I needed permission to talk to anyone." I didn't mean to snap at her but I felt myself getting angry. How much had these people tormented her that she thought someone being nice was a practical joke?

She stared at me and I saw her green eyes lighten a little. "So no one told you to come over?" Her eyes moved around the hall skeptically.

"Look, I'll go ask for permission if you tell me who I'm supposed to clear it with."

Her face softened and she looked down at the floor. "Then why do you keep trying to talk to me?"

"Because I want to be your friend."

Her head snapped up. She stared at me a moment with wide eyes. I saw a little crease in between her eyebrows form before she looked away and said. "Well, since you are the new girl you probably don't know this, but I'm not the person you want to make friends with."

"So I also need permission for who I can be friends with too?"

"I'm just not…look if you want to make, well I guess keep the friends you already made, you probably don't want to be seen with me." She said looking back up at me with her pretty green eyes from this morning.

"Well no offense to them, but I like to pick my own friends."

She stood there probing my eyes and I smiled at her. She smiled back and I could see her body relax. "Well I have to go pick up my little brothers and sisters." She said looking at me guardedly.

"Okay then I'll see you tomorrow." I replied.

"Sure." She quickly rushed down the hall and out the door.

I stood there a moment wondering how we were going to squeeze her into the table because it was already pretty tight as it was, but then I caught a whiff of Josh and darted out the doors before he decided he needed to walk me to my car again.

Dad just replaced my broken iPod. I found it on my dresser this morning with all my songs already on it.

When I got to Charlie's I almost didn't put my car in park I jumped out the door so fast. Jacob's Rabbit was parked out front.

Jacob opened the door just as I got to the stairs. "Jacob!" I jumped up into his arms. I planted a huge kiss on his cheek and buried my face in his shoulder, inhaling deeply.

"Hi Nessie how was school?" He asked carrying me into the living room where Seth was sitting.

"Great. Hi Seth."

Seth looked over. "Hey Nes."

"That kid still bugging you?"

"Josh isn't bothering me. Everything's going great."

"Just wait, you've been there only two days." Seth said looking back at the television. I stuck my tongue out at him anyway. I knew he saw me because he turned his head and quickly stuck out his tongue before resuming his channel surfing.

"Don't say that to her. Not everyone hates high school." Sue said appearing at the kitchen door. "I'm glad to hear she's enjoying herself."

"Thank you, Sue." I said smiling at her.

She smiled and winked at me. "Food will be ready in a minute, boys." She said turning to go back into the kitchen.

"Great." Seth jumped up. "I'm starved."

"Shocker." I teased. His appetite was almost as big as Jacob's. "So, how is Jennifer?" I said looking back at Jacob. I heard Seth chuckle from the kitchen and bit back one myself.

"Barrel of laughs you two." Jacob said rolling his eyes.

I followed him into the kitchen and sat on the counter while Sue leaned against it. Neither of us wanted to be in the way of their feeding frenzy.

"Charlie's almost home." I could hear his cruiser coming up the road. Sue handed me another plate to dry and I noted it was probably Seth's. It looked like he had practically licked it clean.

"Glad I made a plate for him and myself before they got to it." Sue mumbled.

"There's more?" Seth called from the living room. I could hear the smile in his voice as he teased his mother.

"Go catch something if you are still hungry." She called back. I giggled and I heard Jacob laugh from the couch. "Freakishly strong senses, I still forget they can hear everything." She sighed and shook her head. She then paused and looked at me. Not knowing why she suddenly did that, I smiled at her. She smiled back, snorted and went back to the pot she was scrubbing.

I heard Charlie's cruiser pull up and a minute later he was opening the front door.

"Sue?" He called. "Hey guys."

"Hi Charlie."

"Hello Charlie."

"In here hun." Sue answered.

"Nessie?" He asked moving through the living room.

"Hi Grandpa." I bounced over to him and gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek as he stood in the door way.

"Hey kido." He said wrapping one arm around my shoulder. He was still not very good with the whole emotions thing but he didn't seem to mind my constant hugging. He's had seven years to get use to it after all. I let him go and he walked over and gave Sue a peck on the cheek. "Is there anything left?" I guess Charlie was use to being eaten out of house and home.

"Of course there is." Sue said acting like she was offended. She went over to the

refrigerator and pulled out the two plates she had wrapped in plastic wrap and hidden in there.

Gee, it was probably a good thing those two usually eat over at our house. I mean Jacob alone ate enough for five people. Charlie and Sue would have gone hungry otherwise.

"So how was school?" Charlie asked looking at me as he hung up his gun belt and jacket.

"Great." I replied.

"You say that an awful lot." Charlie looked at me skeptically.

"That's because it is." I smiled sweetly at him.

"Oh yeah," He smiled back and walked over to the table and sat down. "Making any friends?"

"Oh sure." I said going back over to the counter and picking up the last dish that needed drying. "Let's see…there's Lydia Sharp, Erica and Austin Davis, Ashley Carson, Graham Barnes, Nick Garner, Brittany Wells, Josh Fisher, Dean Channing, and Evan Perry…so far." I rattled off my friends assuming he was fishing to see who I was hanging out with.

"Already?" His eyes widened and he sat there staring at me with his mouth open a little.

"Well of course. Everyone is really nice."

"Graham Barnes huh? His dad works in Seattle during the week and drives home on the weekends. Big shot lawyer out there." Charlie took a gulp of orange juice from his glass. "Real nice kid though. Very good manners and never gets into trouble."

"Yup." I confirmed.

"And Nick Garner. He's on the football team right? Quarterback."

"Yes." I replied beginning to regret listing as many of my friends as I did. I secretly hoped he wasn't about to give me a history lesson on all of them.

"I guess it would make sense the rest of the team would follow him." Charlie said more to himself staring into his glass.

"Well Evan is actually on the basketball team…hhmm which Nick is the captain of."

"Right…" He glanced at Sue who shrugged a little as she put his plate in front of him. "So are you thinking of trying out for any teams?"

"That wouldn't be a very good idea." I replied immediately. I had a hard enough time remembering to play like a normal human in gym class - especially when I got excited.

"Oh yeah, I guess you're right." He said meeting my eyes. I got the distinct impression he knew what I was talking about. Maybe Sue had told him. We stared at each other for a moment before he looked down at his plate, stabbed a potato wedge with his fork and stuck it in his mouth.

I swear he knows more than he is letting on.

"Nessie." Jacob called and I skipped into the living room – being extra careful not to move to fast in front of Charlie.

I was about to sit between them on the couch when Jacob elbowed Seth - who got up and went to the chair. I nestled myself under Jacob's arm, resting my head on his shoulder. I felt his warm finger tips brush gently up and down my arm leaving goose bumps in their path. I suppressed a shiver; afraid that might make him stop.

When Charlie was finished with dinner Seth moved to the floor and Charlie took the chair. He was so use to seeing Jacob and I sitting together that he never said anything. And when Sue finished cleaning the kitchen she sat next to me and pulled out a little decorative basket she was weaving. She sold them at the little gift shop near La Push beach. She did that to make a little extra money after her first husband died of a heart attack.

We sat there just like that till nine thirty when Jacob and Seth headed home….stupid school night curfew. Bored and a little bummed, I went upstairs using the excuse that I was going to finish my homework and go to bed early. I really did do homework - all that was assigned for the next two months. I than dug out my empty photo albums and planned out exactly how I wanted my pictures to progress. I wanted to document my first high school experience perfectly.

"Did you hear how many boys she said?" I heard Charlie suddenly ask Sue. I chuckled a little because I had guessed correctly. They had been sitting quietly up till then; Sue weaving her basket and Charlie watching a sports game on TV.

"Charlie, she's a beautiful girl and very friendly. What did you expect?" Sue replied reassuringly. She used that voice when she was trying to explain something out of the ordinary to him. Though I really didn't see how being friendly was out of the ordinary.

"Yeah, maybe a little too much…I'm going to have to keep an eye on her."

"You have nothing to worry about. Besides I seem to remember hearing that Bella got a lot of attention from the boys in her grade as well."

This grabbed _my_ attention. It didn't actually surprise me that boys liked mom; I had seen pictures of her as a human and she was just as beautiful. But I had never thought of asking Sue about anything that happened before I was born. Maybe she wouldn't be as candid as everyone else was.

"Bella didn't liked the attention…Nessie does. And besides it's not exactly her I'm worried about. I see the way Jacob looks at her, ever since she was born. I'm not sure I want every teenage boy in Forks looking at her the same way."

"Trust me dear, no other boy on this planet will look at her the way Jacob does." I heard Sue give him a kiss and head up stairs.

 _What was that suppose to mean?_

I sat there a moment partially listening to Sue walk up the stairs trying to figure out what that could possible mean. Jacob didn't look at me any different from anyone else as far as I could tell.

"Good night Nessie." Sue said quietly from their bedroom door so Charlie wouldn't hear.

That startled me. "Good night Sue." I replied just loud enough for her to hear and went back to my photo albums. _I could always ask her later. She seemed to know I was ease dropping._

That was the first night I had the dream.

I was running through a forest. But I couldn't tell where I was because the bark on the trees was white, not dark brown like around Forks. I had never been in a white forest as far as I could remember. Well aside from when it snowed. But the way the light reflected off the white trunks looked eerie; more they were ghost trees not covered with snow.

At first I found them mysterious and watched them as I ran, unable to pull my eyes way. They were strangely beautiful. But I realized I was running toward something. In fact I was searching for something…but what?

"Nessie!"

It was Jacob. I felt myself speed up. I ran toward his voice but never saw him – like he was running away from me. No matter how fast I ran I couldn't catch up with him. I felt like he was always just a few steps in front of me.

I ran and ran. The faster I ran the more alone I felt. Like I was leaving something behind but unable catch what I was looking for. I could feel the tears running down my cheeks. I was scared. Scared I would never find what it was I was looking for and never be able to return to what I felt behind.

The white blur of the forest turned into a grey blur. I tried to call out Jacob's name and beg him to stop running away from me but I couldn't get my voice to work. My lips parted but there was no sound.

Suddenly it had turned night. I could see a circular spot of light on the ground in front of me that looked like the light of a flashlight. I followed it thinking it was leading me to where I was supposed to go but I wasn't carrying a flashlight. The light was coming from somewhere behind me. I tried to turn my head to look but I could only look forward.

I watched the little light quivering as I ran. It was always the same distance in front of me, moving exactly where I did. The light started to pulse – like a heartbeat. I was able to move my eyes to look down. There was a hole in my chest where my heart should be.

I woke up in the back yard.

The rest of the week went pretty much like Tuesday. Nick and Graham and now Lydia sat with us at lunch every day and no one seemed to mind. I usually sat in between Graham and Lydia doing most of the talking. It was crowded but no one ever complained. After school I would drive to Charlie's, stay for half an hour and then go home till nine when I would return.

I didn't have that dream again, but I was one hundred percent certain that was because I just didn't go back to sleep the rest of the week. I couldn't shake that completely empty feeling. Not to mention I was a little afraid of ending in the back yard again covered in dew.

At first I tried focusing on putting my photo albums together, having brought my camera to school. I had fun letting my friends pose – sometimes - for pictures; though most of the time I would take random shots too fast for anyone to even notice the flash. I liked those pictures the best, they were more real.

But no matter how much I tried, that same empty feeling would swallow me alive as the long hours of the night droned by. So I took to running all night. I found myself at La Push every night watching Jacob's house. I didn't dare go to the window, he would have woken up. But just seeing his little house and knowing he was in there seemed to keep those terrible feelings at bay.

So when I woke up Saturday morning in the back yard after having the dream again I was a little unnerved. I guess I shouldn't have been that surprised that I had fallen asleep, I still needed sleep even if it wasn't as much as a normal human. I quickly sprang back into my room through my window and curled up under my covers; staring at the ceiling.

It appears I'm in a bit of a predicament. I can't keep waking up in the back yard someone will notice, but I can't stay awake indefinitely either and it seems that whenever I fall asleep I have that awful dream.

I was laying there debating on whether I should tell mom and dad about my dream when I heard Jacob's Rabbit coming down the road. He was really early, not that I was complaining or anything, but the sun had just started to rise.

I was up, fully dressed and bouncing down the stairs with my bag in my hand before he even parked the car in the front. There was nothing in the bag of course I had plenty of clothes at home. It was more for Charlie's sake. The plan was that I would stay at home on the weekends and at Charlie's during the week.

"Well good morning." Sue said as I came around the corner into the living room. I stood there and stared at her a moment because I hadn't even heard her and Charlie get up. _Yikes, I hope he hadn't seen me in the back yard; that would be very hard to explain…and very embarrassing._

"Morning." I replied still not moving from the doorway. She gave me a knowing smile as she heard Jacob close his car door without saying anything and went back to her basket.

I heard Jacob walking up the path and I had the door open and was jumping into his arms before he reached the first step. I didn't have to be careful around Sue. I inhaled deeply and squeezed him in my version of a bear hug - that terrible dream completely forgotten.

"Whoa…hey Nessie." He said kissing my cheek. He leaned me back a little and looked into my eyes. "Everything okay?" He asked.

"Perfect." I smiled. Now that he was here.

"You sure?" He looked at me skeptically as I slide to the ground.

"Absolutely." I grabbed his hand and hugged his arm, ignoring him. That silly dream no longer mattered anyway.

He shrugged and we walked into the house.

"Hi Sue." He called closing the door.

"Hello Jacob. Hungry? There is plenty…Seth is coming over later." Sue stood up as we entered the living room. As she moved she stirred the air around her and her scent hit my nose. I felt my mouth water and a slight dry ache in my throat. I instantly held my breath and squeezed Jacob's hand.

 _Well that explained why he was here so early._ He kept better track of when we went hunting than I did. He knew what the burning felt like, he had asked me to show him one time. He hated knowing that's what I felt when I was hungry. But right now the burning feeling wasn't very strong so I knew I could control myself.

 _I guess it had been a week and living with Charlie and Sue I really shouldn't wait that long._

"Nessie and I are going out for some fast food." He answered grinning at her.

"You don't have to be candid Jacob, Charlie left an hour ago." Sue said rolling her eyes.

"Sure sure. I'm going to take her to Bella's and bring her back tomorrow." He said leading me out the door.

"See you tomorrow Sue." I called from the safety of the front stairs.

"Have fun." I heard her call from the living room. I giggled a little at her frankness; she knew what we were going to be doing.

"We can take my car. Emmet just installed new speakers." I said skipping over to my passenger side door. I didn't want to admit I thought his car was just way too slow. Really slow actually, the last time we were in it I was convinced I saw a slug pass us. But Jacob didn't find me very amusing. I stopped in mid skip seeing his face fall. "Of course we did put a lot of elbow grease into the Rabbit." I said changing the direction of my skipping to Jacob's car and climbed into the front seat.

Grinning, Jacob climbed in and we took off…sort of. It was more like a fast roll out of the driveway and down the street. I looked over at him and felt a little guilty. I guess I shouldn't be so mean he loves this car…even if it is ridiculously slow.

"We'll stop and get your Ferrari." Jacob said after I started rocking in my seat – secretly willing the car to go faster.

"Good because we wouldn't have fit on the shells of that family of snails that just passed and asked if we needed a lift." I said looking back at him.

I could see the smile playing on his face but he fought it back. "You helped me put this together you know."

"Exactly…I _helped_. I was just an assistant doing what I was told. But if you would have asked me I would have said put a faster engine in it."

"There can't be a faster engine in this car…it would fall apart."

"No it wouldn't"

"Yes it would."

"No it wouldn't."

"Yes it would."

"No it wouldn't because you built it and you are amazing."

He rolled his eyes. "Look this car is older than you are. Have some respect."

"I have plenty of respect for this car." I said slightly offended.

"I hardly call insulting it respectful."

"I didn't insult it, I merely stated a fact. This car is slow."

"R-E-S-P-E-C-T." Jacob began to sing.

"Oh no…"

"Find out what it means to my car."

"Okay, uncle…uncle." I said covering my ears and pretending his singing was terrible.

"I have a wonderful singing voice."

"Yeah, when you're not using it."

"You love it."

I snorted and looked out the window, ignoring him. He was right, I did love his voice. But I certainly wasn't about to admit he was right.

Despite being in the slowest car in the world, we made it home before the day was over.

"So where do you want to go?" I asked as we both slipped into my Ferrari. I usually let Jacob drive it because he loved to but today I was driving. I wanted to go fast…really fast. And Jacob for some reason never drove as fast as I did.

"Where ever you want." He smiled at me and ran his finger along my cheek. "Surprise me."

I felt my cheeks warm and quickly looked forward. Embarrassed, I fiddle with the radio. "You sure you trust me?" I asked.

"Of course I do."

I looked at him a moment. He usually had something to say about where I chose to hunt. Well not so much as where but what.

I liked bobcats and lynxes.

They had a lot of spunk to them and I loved it. But no one really liked it when I hunted them. They were afraid I would get hurt. I suppressed a snort. But since it upset them, I would just get one if I happened upon it while hunting something else. Since Jacob liked herbivores that's what I mostly ate.

So that's where we were headed today, where the big game was.

I put the car in gear and stomped on the gas. We went flying out the garage and down the dirt road in record time. We shot out of the woods backward at seventy miles an hour and I was able to turn the wheel, shift the gear and have us heading down the road in one swift, smooth second.

Man I loved this car!

I sat there leaning against Jacob's furry chest as he licked his paws clean. It was mid afternoon and I closed my eyes, listening to his heart beat. The rhythmic thumping was very soothing and I felt my mind drifting.

I might have fallen asleep if I wasn't so full. I actually felt sloshy. That had been a particularly large buck I caught. Jacob would have actually had it if something hadn't spooked the herd and sent them into a stampede. So the buck ended up running right to me.

 _I wonder what had caused their sudden panic like that_.

I frowned internally; it had been too easy of a hunt. I had been hoping we would run into a bobcat or something bigger. I wanted a little bit more a fight. Though Jacob would have put up a stink if I took it down anyway so I guess it didn't really make a difference.

I felt a warm nose nudge me and I sat up keeping my eyes on the trees to give Jacob some privacy so he could phase back and get dressed.

"That was a huge buck you caught." I could hear him pull his jeans on and zip them up. "The biggest one I've seen in a while."

"Eh, it was too easy." I shrugged a little disappointed and turned around and forgot completely what we were talking about. Jacob stood there with his shirt off, stretching.

 _Holy cow…_

I sat there hypnotized by his muscles as they stretched and flexed with his movements. Well now I knew why his stomach felt like a washboard…it was perfect. I could see every detail as if his muscles were edged into stone instead of flesh. I had seen him with his shirt off hundreds of times but for some reason I just couldn't peel my eyes away this time.

"It still took some skill to take him down as gracefully as you did. You didn't even get a single grass stain on you." He said. But I couldn't answer because I couldn't get my mouth to work.

"Nessie?"

I stared at his smooth chest, tracing the lines with my eyes and trying to figure out a way to keep him from putting his shirt back on without being obvious about it.

"Nessie?" He was instantly holding my arms and staring into my eyes.

I felt my whole body heat up as I realized his perfect bare chest was inches away from me. I was thankful he was holding my arms because I would not have been able to keep from reaching my hand out and tracing those muscles with my finger tip.

Or stop myself from kissing him.

I suddenly wanted nothing more than for him to press his soft looking lips against mine. I stared at them as he leaned slightly in. I felt a knot of anticipation in my stomach. To my extreme embarrassment I heard my breath shorten and my heart start pounding.

"Baby, what is it?" The edge in his voice snapped me out of my trance. His eyes were darting around the little clearing we were sitting in as he hovered over me protectively. Good, he thought it was because I heard something and not because I was staring at his shirtless body.

I shook my head a little to get the feeling to go away. "Sorry, just started day dreaming." I smiled at him. What was I thinking? This was Jacob; he would have just pushed me away and told me to stop acting weird.

He frowned a little at me. "I'm not surprised…you haven't slept any this week. You're probably exhausted."

"What?" _How did he know?_

"You smell out of this world." He winked at me and sniffed.

 _Oh, right._ He would have been able to smell my trail near his house. _Oh no, that means the whole pack would have as well._ I felt my whole face heat up. "I…yeah…well I wake up too early to go to school right then and I don't want to make a lot of noise and wake up Charlie or Sue."

"Right," he looked at me skeptically. "You make about as much noise as a feather."

"That's because you sleep like a log."

"Only when you are around." He chuckled and kissed my forehead. "It's going to rain." He leaned back and much to my disappointment put his shirt back on. As if the clouds heard his comment, fat rain drops started falling from the sky.

"Great." He said rolling his eyes.

"What are you afraid of melting?" I jumped up. "Or that I'm faster than you?" I took off running as fast as I could.

"Just knew you would want to go for a run." I heard him say as I circled around the clearing waiting for him to phase again. I wonder why he said that; he usually liked running in the rain with me.

I loved running in the rain. I wasn't sure what I loved more about it, the challenge of running between the drops and not getting hit or running through them. I chose to run through them this time. They zipped so fast over my skin it felt like I was running through hundreds of feathers tip gently tickling me. I giggled and ran faster. I lost sight of Jacob but I could hear the padding of his big paws not far to the right of me.

I ran in a large arch taking me back in the direction of the little clearing. As I ran something about the way the dull light hit the tree trucks reminded me of my dream. In fact they trunks had that eerie white color to them.

I suddenly realized I could no longer hear Jacob's paws…I was alone.

"Nessie." I heard him call me. This was too much like my dream; I lost my footing for a split second and went crashing into a tree. I tumbled to the ground, the tree breaking my fall. I wasn't hurt but the tree didn't make it out alive.

I immediately jumped up afraid Jacob would come walking up any second. I just stood for a moment feeling disoriented. I looked around wildly at the wet forest not being able to pull apart my dream from what I knew was real. The images from my dream washed over me and for a moment all I could see was darkness.

"Jacob!" I heard myself yell; but I sounded far away. A moment later he was trotting through the trees with a smile on his face and dripping wet. He instantly frowned when he saw the debris. I felt the tears welling up in my eyes and I ran to him quickly before they could escape. I jumped into his arms and buried my face in his shoulder. I didn't want him to see my tears.

"Nessie what happened? Are you already?" He asked holding me fiercely. I could feel his body stiffen and I didn't need to see his face to know he was scanning the forest.

"Nothing. I want to go." I said softly so he wouldn't hear the tears in my voice. I didn't lift my face from his shoulder as his warm hand rubbed my back gently.

I didn't really want to go home. Dad would be there and I was too rattled to get my thoughts in order before we got there. The last thing I wanted right now was my mind reading father inside my head.

 _It was only a dream. Jacob came back…it's not real._ I repeated to myself as he made his way over the damp ground to my car. It had felt so real. It felt like a big thunder cloud was looming in the distance.

I was quiet all the way home as I leaned my forehead against the window and stared out, unable to look at Jacob. Mostly out of embarrassment because there was no way he didn't notice how upset I had been. I really didn't want to have to explain myself or my dream.

 _I am definitely losing my mind._

Jacob didn't say anything. He just held my hand and every once in a while I would feel his thumb caress my fingers or wrist.

But we weren't heading home.

"Where are we going?" I asked finally seeing what I was staring absentmindedly at. I had been so lost in trying to fight the feeling and then, giving up, trying to decipher what my dream meant that I hadn't been paying attention to where he was actually driving to.

"You'll see." He smiled at me.

My curiosity peaked I sat up and looked around. We were in La Push.

I felt a huge smile spread across my face when Jacob's little house came into view. As we pulled in, I didn't bother jumping out. I didn't really want to let go of his hand. In fact I followed him out the driver's side just so I wouldn't have to. Instead of going into the house he led me around the back and to the garage.

Everything was just as it had been all summer. Every day we were in La Push we had ended the evening with hanging out in his garage. The familiarity of the atmosphere made me completely forget what had happened in the forest and my unnerving dream. It was full of good memories and they all came flooding back into my mind.

I stopped at the door as Jacob went over to the truck bench and sat down. I watched him as he stretched and yawned. Amazing, he knew exactly what would make me feel better but he had no idea what I was upset about.

"You going to stand there all night?"

I grinned hugely and bounced over. Instead of letting me sit next to him, he grabbed me and pulled me into his lap. I inhaled and relaxed into his chest.

"Why don't you ever come in?"

"I don't want to wake you."

"You wouldn't wake me up."

I frowned at him. "Why haven't you been sleeping?" I hated it when he forgot to do important things.

"You tell me first." He countered

"Not really tired." I shrugged.

"Yeah me neither." He replied sarcastically.

"How come you never drive your car?" I asked changing the subject.

"I don't want to ruin it." He said simply.

"It's just a car, we can get you a new one."

"It's not just a car." He seemed a little annoyed. "You gave it to me and I want to take care of it. I'm not use to always having the nicest things so I want to take the best care of it."

I was a little taken back by his outburst. "Sorry." I said quietly not wanting to upset him more.

"Ah Nessie, I'm sorry." Jacob said after a moment. "I just…you always buy me such cool stuff and I don't want to be…" He trailed off.

"Be what?" I asked sitting up and looking him in the eyes.

"I don't know, feel like I owe you." He looked at the floor.

I felt very much like hitting him. Jacob had always felt that he wasn't good enough for the vampires because he came from a very meager background. It was something that had always bothered me.

I smacked him on his shoulder. It would have really damaged a normal human but it only made a loud smacking sound that echoed through the little shed. "I don't ever want to hear those words come out of your mouth again, Jacob, or the next time I won't be so nice."

He grinned from ear to ear. "You hit like a girl." He teased.

"Lucky for me I am a girl." I stuck my tongue out at him. We sat in silence again and I let my mind wonder. "So let me get this straight. You want a half vampire to come crawling into your bedroom window in the middle of the night?" I asked completely avoiding his question. "That would be most normal people's nightmares."

"Well I can't exactly claim to be normal can I; I turn into a giant wolf remember. But if I dreamt about you coming through my window, I would never want to wake up."

I felt my cheeks warm. Of course he noticed and kissed them both lightly. He inhaled deeply and hugged me tightly to him, leaning back into the seat. "Doesn't get any better than this." He said quietly, almost more to himself.

I had to agree. I could have sat there like that forever listening to his heart beating. We sat like that till my eyes fell on the old motorcycles still sitting neglected in the corner. And an idea popped in my head. The day was by no means over.

"Let's go for a ride." I said breaking into the silence.

I felt Jacob look down and me. "Where do you want…" He stopped. He must have seen where I was looking. "I'm not so sure that's a good idea."

"Why not? You were the one who secretly taught my mom how to ride one. Why can't we go riding?" I protested. Of course I wouldn't need anyone to teach me – not with the whole perfect balance thing and all.

"Well for one thing they don't work."

"Easy fix. And besides we can get new ones."

"And for another, I wouldn't have taught Bella if I knew all the trouble it was going to cause."

"Trouble?" I looked up at him just as he flinched at least that's what I thought it looked like. He hadn't meant to say that. He paused a moment, looking at me.

"Yeah, those things are dangerous." He said guardedly. I definitely got the impression that he was hiding something from me, or at least not telling me the whole truth.

"Dangerous?" He can't be serious.

"Yes dan-ger-ous." He emphasized the syllables. "Do you know how many times I had to take Bella to the hospital for stitches or a concussion? They knew me by name."

I started to laugh. "You can't be serious. What kind of danger can those two pieces of metal cause me? I'm not exactly a normal human like mom was."

"You are going to have to ask your parents." He said.

" _What_?!" I felt my mouth drop. "Ask my…are you freaking kidding me?" He had never played that card before. He was definitely keeping something from me.

"Nope."

"What are you hiding?" I leaned in to look into his eyes.

"I'm not hiding anything. I just think you need to ask your parents."

I opened my mouth to protest but he leaned in and kissed my forehead – his mind was made up. I sighed and looked back at the bikes. It would be so much fun. I really did want one. I had wanted one all summer; ever since I first saw that mostly rusted dull red bike.

 _Hhmm come to think of it, anytime I started to bring it up Jacob would change the subject. He's such a liar. We never kept secrets in my family._

I stared at the bikes. It had something to do with them obviously. But what? Was it because there were only two? "Where is dad's bike?"

"He didn't have one."

"Then what did he ride?"

"He wasn't here." _Not here?_ I looked back at Jacob but before I could say anything he quickly added. "It was something Bella and I did together…best friend thing."

I nodded but wasn't fooled. Jacob never liked to remind me that the Cullens and the Quileute tribe had not always been friends – which also happened to be the whole reason he and his brothers started phasing in the first place.

"And because the Cullens were not allowed here." I said looking him right in the eyes.

"Um, yeah that too." He said meeting my stare.

"Uh oh." I quickly jumped out of his arms and danced back a few paces to where he couldn't reach me.

"What is it?" He sat straight up.

"Well, I _am_ a Cullen. And I'm sitting here on tribal land with the alpha of my family's mortal enemy." I said with a mischievous smile on my face, totally baiting him into a wrestling match. The mood had gotten too serious for me and I didn't want any negative feelings in my happy little garage.

"Hhmm, I guess that does pose a bit of a problem." He said with the same mischievous smile. I was glad he wanted to wrestle; I had some pent up energy that I needed to let out. He lunged at me but I flipped over him. I landed daintily on the seat and turned to face him. "So how are you planning on getting out?" He smirked at me.

"Oh dear me, whatever shall I do?" I asked with the same southern accent I heard in ' _Gone with the Wind.'_

"Well you could always surrender." He suggested.

"And what would happen if I did?"

"Oh just the usual, a lifetime of servitude." He said matter-of-factly.

"Oh well if that's all. I guess it doesn't sound so bad." I said shrugging. I started to step off the seat like I was giving up but leapt up instead.

As I did the truck bench moved under me. I wasn't able to compensate quick enough – without taking down the whole structure - and Jacob reached up and wrapped his two big hands around my waist. He pulled me closer to him. I tried to flip backward out of his arms but he had me in a bear hug and we both fell; landing on the bench.

Jacob's arms took the hit and I heard the skin on his elbows and forearms rub against the vinyl, but he didn't even flinch. I could feel the muscles in his arm harden as he supported his entire weight. I could barely feel his body against mine.

Once again his lips were less than an inch away from mine and I couldn't stop watching them…so soft and inviting. They parted the slightest bit and I looked up into his eyes but he was looking at my lips and I heard his heart rate increase…or was that mine? It almost sounded like they were beating at the same time but I couldn't tell. He swallowed and looked up into my eyes.

I caught my breath.

 _Holy cow! Was he going to kiss me?_ My stomach knotted anxiously and I found myself suddenly very nervous. I had never kissed anyone before and I certainly never thought it would be Jacob. I had very mixed feelings about this; excitement, fear. I couldn't figure out which one was stronger.

"Jacob, you out there?" Billy's voice called from the back porch.

That totally broke the moment. Jacob sighed heavily and hung his head a little. "Yeah dad…in the garage." He answered. As he slowly stood up I felt myself exhale. I hadn't realized I had been holding my breath.

Jacob took my hand and led me out. _When had it become dark?_ I glanced at my watch and it said quarter past nine.

"That's a nice car you have out there Nessie." Billy said as we walked up the stairs.

"Oh thanks, dad got it for me when I passed my driver's test." We followed Billy as he turned his chair and wheeled himself into the house.

"Jacob, you should look into getting a new car." Billy said giving Jacob a side long glance.

"He has one." I looked at Jacob a little annoyed he didn't tell Billy about his graduation present. "He got a Maserati when he graduated."

"A Maserati huh…" Billy stopped and turned his chair, his eyes darting back and forth between the two of us.

"Yeah but I think it's too fast for him. He prefers to drive his slow little Rabbit." I teased, poking Jacob in the ribs.

"I love my Rabbit, you helped me build it." Jacob said pretending to be offended by my comment. "And I love the Maserati too. I just like to take care of my things."

"Sure sure." I said, rolling my eyes.

"So where have you been?" Jacob asked looking at Billy and changing the subject. I hadn't even noticed Billy wasn't here when we came.

"Sam and Emily had me over for dinner." He replied and rolled himself over to the table.

"Oh…" Jacob said suspiciously.

Billy looked at him a moment. "I was just seeing what it would be like to have little kids around again." He said defensively. "It's been quite a while since you were in diapers."

"Oh Ben and Levi are absolutely adorable aren't they?" I smiled as I remember their little round smiling faces. "I miss them."

Billy smiled back. "Yeah they are pretty cute kids." He said at the same time Jacob said. "Nessie, I'm sure they haven't changed much since you saw them last week." Jacob walked over to the table and sat down.

I folded my arms. "You never know. Babies grow up really fast." I explained. "Just take me for example." I smiled at him. "I grew faster than a weed."

"But you stopped growing now." He pulled me into his lap and hugged me, almost protectively.

"Well, these old bones are headed off to bed." Billy said wheeling himself toward his room.

"Since when do you go to bed this early?" Jacob asked.

"Today I was reminded that babies require a lot of energy. Good night kids."

"Good night Billy." I called after him. I rested my head on Jacob's shoulder. Billy seemed very happy to be a grandpa. I mean his face practically lit up as he talked about it.

"I guess I'd better get you home before more Cullens come onto Quileute land." He said. I giggled as he stood up and set me on the ground.

"Yeah, can't have everyone know you are slacking on the job." I teased, leaping onto Jacob's back.

In a much better mood, I chatted all the way home and through most of the movie Jacob had picked to watch. Luckily I knew he didn't really want to watch it; I mean he had seen it over a hundred times already.

"Can I get a motorcycle?" I asked when mom, dad, Alice and Jasper walked through the back door. I felt Jacob tense slightly and looked up to see him staring at my mom.

"A motorcycle?" Dad and mom asked in unison and glanced at each other.

"Come on Jasper, this sounds like a family discussion." Alice grabbed Jasper's hand and they disappeared upstairs.

But I wasn't really listening. My eyes were darting back and forth between my mom and Jacob, who were now looking at me and smiling. Again I got the impression that everyone was keeping something from me.

"I'm assuming this might have something to do with your mom's old motorcycle in Jacob's garage." Dad said with just a hint of accusation in his voice.

"That old thing? I thought Billy had gotten rid of it." Mom had that same accusatory tone.

"So did I." Jacob mumbled.

"I've always wanted one." I protested. I didn't particularly care for them ganging up on Jacob like that.

"Really?" Dad said pretending to be shocked by the news. "You never mentioned it before."

"May I please get one dad?" I asked rushing over to him and throwing my arms around him and pouted out my lower lip. "Please daddy!"

"That's not fair Renesmee." He protested and wrapped his arms around me. I looked up at him and smiled. He smiled back and groaned. "Maybe for your birthday."

I knew that was a yes. I bit back a shout and kissed him on the cheek then bounced over to mom and kissed her cheek too.

I pranced over to Jacob triumphantly and jumped onto the coach next to him, grinning from ear to ear. He was smiling back at me and I could see the excitement in his eyes. If he had not wanted me to get a motorcycle before, those objections were gone now.

Mom and dad still lived in the little cottage a few miles away and they went home shortly after. I had taken over dad's old room when we moved back, but I hardly used it. Jacob and I always slept on the coach, which was exactly what we did that night.

I didn't have that horrible dream again.

 **Chapter 5: Should have known this was a terrible idea**

"Oh come on Nessie, you never hang out with us on the weekends." Erica pleaded tugging on my arm as we walked out of the cafeteria. She had a good four inches on me.

"Yeah, you have to come." Ashley said grabbing my other arm. "It will be so much more fun with you there." She placed her head on my shoulder and stuck out her lower lip. She was an inch shorter than me so her head stood at the perfect height for that. "Please, you make everything better."

"You are just trying to butter me up." I accused her.

"Is it working?"

"Guys she might miss her dad calling." Graham said from behind us.

I chewed on my lower lip; I still felt bad about lying so I just tried not to bring it up in the first place. But to get out of weekend events I usually used the excuse that my fabricated dad would be calling from Africa. Since it was hard for him to get to a phone I never knew when he would call so I wanted to be home as much as possible. That always worked, especially since I had recently lost my fictitious mother.

As we made our way down the hall I looked back and forth between Erica and Ashley debating on whether I was going to use my go-to excuse or not. Not that I had anything against hanging out with my friends on what will probably be the last nice weekend for a long while, but I wanted to take my birthday present out again this weekend with Jacob.

I felt my hand reach up and grab the little wooden wolf necklace he made me, also a birthday present. I spent every weekend with him and I wasn't exactly keen on the idea of missing this one.

"Well I can't go. I have play practice this weekend." Josh informed the group. He was in his usual place, as close as he could get to my left side. Ashley was standing in his way but that didn't seem to bother him. He was practically walking on her. I could tell she was getting irritated and wouldn't be able to ignore him for much longer.

I peeked back at Graham and his beautiful brown eyes were watching me hopefully. That did it. His eyes may not have had as strong an effect on me as they use to – mostly because I got to gaze into them everyday - but I still had a hard time saying no to them.

I guess it wouldn't hurt to spend one afternoon with my friends. Jacob and I could always go riding next weekend, which all of a sudden seemed very far away. It's not like we wouldn't be able to hand out every weekend for…well forever.

"I don't think he will be able to get to a phone for a couple of weeks." I said cautiously. Ashley and Erica stopped.

"You mean…" Erica said the same time Ashley said. "My pouty face worked?"

I was already beginning to regret this. "Yes, I'll go."

They wrapped their arms around me and started jumping up and down squealing. Some of the other students in the hall looked at us startled. A low huff coming from Josh's direction indicated I was going to have to go see his play so his feelings won't be hurt.

"Ladies," Graham said as the bell rang. "We are going to be late." Ashley and Josh darted off toward their classes but Erica didn't let go my arm and all but dragged me to class.

"I'm surprised she agreed to come. I was beginning to think she thought she was too good for us." Brittany whispered to Erica as the two of them sat down at their lab table. Luckily the teacher was running a little late so class hadn't started yet.

"Brittany!" Erica exclaimed and elbowed her in the ribs.

"What?" Brittany huffed.

"Don't be rotten." Erica said loud enough for the tables around her to hear.

"Whatever." Brittany rolled her eyes and shrunk back down a little into her seat, embarrassed.

I guess I deserved that. I was probably breaking some normal human teenager etiquette by only socializing during school hours.

"I'm really glad you decided to come with us tomorrow." Graham said as he put our books on the table. He developed the little habit of carrying my books for me the first week of school. Naturally I protested but he ignored me. _I guess since it makes him happy…_

"Well, it probably won't be nice again for a while. I should get out and get some sun." I said holding my arm up to his. He chuckled.

It may have been the second week in October, but there was a warm front coming up the coast of California causing it to be warmer than usual. It had been unusually sunny the past three days and would be all weekend and into early next week….so Alice said.

"Yup, it'll be a great day for flag football."

"Flag football…" I echoed. _What?!_ I could feel my eyes widen. I can't play flag football with them. It's way too dangerous.

"Yeah, we play flag football so the girls can play. They don't like to get tackled." Graham said grinning. "Grass stains."

"Right…grass stains." I said weakly. Cause grass stains were my biggest concern.  
 _Ha! I wish._

I was going to have to tell Graham I couldn't go. I could crush someone. The image of

me accidentally shattering someone's arm as I reach for the ball popped into my head. I couldn't stop myself from flinching as I imagined the snapping sound the bones would make, kind of like snapping a twig.

"Geez, it's not that bad." Graham said teasingly. But when I just sat there blinking at him he asked. "Have you never played before?"

"No." Not with normal humans anyway. _Oh man, why did I have to go and shoot myself in the foot by telling them my make believe dad wasn't able to call for a couple of weeks. Stupid, stupid, stupid!_

"I wouldn't be worried about it, someone as naturally athletic as you won't have any problems."

"I don't know…" I began to protest.

"You promised."

I started to shake my head without taking my eyes away from his but I couldn't get my mouth to tell him that I hadn't promised anything.

"But you have to come. I only get to see you at school." He sounded hurt. I was about to protest again when his words sunk in. _He wanted to see me outside school?_ He looked at the desk. "I mean…well and Nick is always going on about how awesome you are in gym." He began to nervously rub his thumb on the table top. "We could use another good player."

"Yeah but those are non-contact sports we play in gym." _Okay so I couldn't think of anything else to say._ I still couldn't get over that he _wanted_ to see me outside of school.

"So?" He asked with a new confidence. He leaned in close so his face was an inch from mine. "What's wrong with a little contact?" His hand came up and tucked a rogue strand of hair behind my ear. Even though I inhaled sharply I could still feel my heart pounding in my chest.

 _Wow his eyes were beautiful._

I opened my mouth to say something but I couldn't think of what it was so I closed it again. Instead I inhaled as he exhaled.

 _And he smells so good._

Lucky for me at that moment Mr. Molina came in wheeling a television and VCR. He called the class to attention but Graham stayed like that a moment before leaning back in his seat and turning to look forward.

He had never done that before. I sat there staring at him, stunned. _What just happened?_ Mr. Molina turned the TV on. The volume was so loud a few of the students in the front row jumped in their seats.

"Whoa, crazy drama students." Mr. Molina flinched. Some of the other students snickered, Graham included.

I sat there the entire movie staring at Graham, trying to convince myself that playing flag football with my friends was a very bad idea…very bad. Contact or not, I was nuts for even having this debate. But every protest I came up with I found a justification. Mainly Graham wanted to see my outside of school…and I wanted to see him more too.

As if he heard my thoughts, Graham looked over and smiled a little at me. _What was wrong with contact?_ He asks.

 _With him…everything!_

I heard Lydia's car coming down the road and wrapped my arms around Jacob's waist, squeezing them between his back and the couch. I really shouldn't be going. But Lydia and Graham ganged up on me after school and I found that I had a hard time saying no to them.

Now I really didn't want to go anymore. Not only because that uneasy feeling come back with vengeance but I also didn't want to move from Jacob's lap.

As if he sensed something, Jacob kissed the top of my head. He had been quiet ever since he got here. I hated it when he was upset about something.

Last night I had asked him and Emmet to give me pointers on how not to crush my friends while playing flag football.

 _Yeah, that didn't work out very well._ It pretty much turned into Emmet describing all the different way I could damage my friends and laughing at me while I turned different shades of pale. At least until Jacob got in his face when I started to tear up. Jasper had to step in before Jacob phased and it turned really ugly.

Maybe that's why he had been so quiet; he felt bad. Though he really shouldn't, Emmet deserved it.

"Emmet deserved it." I offered hoping Jacob's good mood would come back.

But he snorted. "I know he did."

"I should pretend to be sick." I tilted my head to look up at his eyes. I couldn't deny that I was actually more bummed about having to spend my afternoon away from him.

"Don't worry Nes. I'll take good care of him for you." Seth said walking in from the kitchen where he just finished breakfast. Jacob and I had gone hunting last night so Jacob didn't eat as much as he normally did and finished well before Seth did.

"You are going to have fun." The tone in Jacob's voice was a little peppier than I was expecting, which sort of hurt my feelings. As a wave of disappointment washed over me, I hugged him tighter. Of course I wasn't about to admit that out loud. Not when he seemed perfectly fine with the idea of hanging out with Seth doing whatever it is teenage boys do.

"What are you going to do?" I tried not to sound sulky.

"Nothing special." Jacob shrugged.

"Actually…" Seth said sitting down on the chair but avoiding making eye contact.

"You don't have to ask to use the bikes Seth." I knew exactly what he wanted. _At least someone was getting to take them out this weekend._

"They were your birthday present." Jacob cut in as Seth opened his mouth.

"But you never have to ask me to use any of my things. You know that." I sat up and looked at him a little shocked. Neither of them ever had to ask me to use my stuff. Plus Jacob knew, or should have known, anything of mine was his pretty much his too, especially the bikes. My parents got me two after all.

"Sweet! Thanks Nessie." Seth slipped in before Jacob could stop him again.

"You sure?" Jacob asked as if Seth didn't say anything at all. "I know you had wanted to use them."

"Of course I'm sure. I know you were looking forward to riding them too." I kissed his nose. I felt guilty, I shouldn't want him to be sad we weren't getting to hang out, that was selfish. "I want you to have fun."

We looked at each other and I felt myself frown as I heard Lydia park her car. She got out and I heard the car door slam. The uneasy feeling got stronger. Forty five seconds later she knocked and I reluctantly got up to go answer the door.

"Hi Nessie." She said smiling. She grabbed me and gave me a quick hug.

I felt my expression fall as I looked over her outfit. She was wearing that stupid grey hoodie and a faded yellow tee shirt. I was definitely going to have to find something else for her to wear; that little ensemble was not going to work.

"Hi Lidie bean, come on in." I stepped aside and ushered her in. Of course she still had no idea why I nicknamed her after a vanilla bean but I had no intentions of telling her. "Erica and Austin are going to be here in about ten minutes. They are running a little late." I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye and smiled as she rolled her eyes.

Brittany had not been able to decide what to wear so the twins had to wait while she tried on everything in her closet, which seemed silly to me because if she was going to be playing flag football her clothes would probably get dirty anyway.

"Let me guess, Brittany couldn't…" She followed me into the living room and stopped in mid sentence. Her eyes widened as they fell on Seth sitting in the chair, one leg hanging over the arm. Jacob had gone into the kitchen and I could hear him raiding the refrigerator.

 _Oops, probably should have warned her._ She was still really shy around new people. "Lydia, Seth. Seth, Lydia." I quickly introduced them.

"Hey." Seth nodded his head once.

"Hello." She said biting her lower lip and shifting backward. I stepped over and linked my arm through hers, squeezing gently.

"Well you must be Lydia." Sue said walking into the living room whipping her hands on a dish towel.

"Sue, this is Lydia. Lydia, Sue."

"It's nice to meet you." Lydia's voice sounded childlike and I fought back a smile.

"And it's nice to meet you too Lydia." Sue smiled warmly at her. "Are you hungry? There is plenty of bacon, eggs and toast left. I could make you a sandwich to take with you." Sue turned to go back into the kitchen as almost bumped into Jacob.

"Lydia's a vegetarian." I informed her.

"Well we have things other than meat Nessie." Sue's head came around the corner and she smiled at Lydia's expression. "Just let me know if you change your mind." She disappeared again.

Jacob walked into the room and plopped down in the same seat. He was holding a scrambled egg and bacon sandwich in between his teeth as he unscrewed the top of an orange juice carton. He looked at Lydia, back at me and raised his eyebrows. I talked about Lydia all the time so I knew Jacob wanted to meet her.

I saw Lydia's mouth open and close and felt her muscles tense like she was about to bolt if I hadn't been holding her. "Lydia…this is Jacob." I said smiling at him.

He winked at me and put the carton down. Taking the sandwich out of his mouth he said. "Pleased to meet you Lydia."

"Hi." She replied. I felt her breath on my cheek and looked at her. Her eyes were shifting back and forth between me and Jacob.

Fearful her heart might explode in the living room I changed the subject. "Well, I've got to change." I pulled her to the door and up the stairs. I made her go up the stairs ahead of me so she couldn't run out the front door.

"I think you look nice." She said as I sat her on my bed. I went over to the closet and started rummaging through the right side – the side I had already worn. Alice and Rose wouldn't be happy if I didn't wear the outfits they picked out for me. "But then, you always do." She mumbled not knowing I heard her clearly.

"I wasn't really sure what to wear." I said pulling out some items I knew would look good on her. I held up a blue top so I could see her in the background, eyeing the color. I sighed. One of Alice's shirts would have been so much better. But this was at least better than that awful faded yellow thing she had on.

"Oh that's a pretty color."

I tossed it on the bed next to her. "Here, put it on."

"What?"

"Put it on." I said slower and turning back to find that cream corduroy jacket. When I found it and I tossed it on the bed next to the shirt. Lydia had taken off the hoodie and was pulling her shirt over her head.

"So…is Jacob your boyfriend?" She asked picking up the shirt and eyeing it.

"What?" It was my turn to be shocked. _Where did she get an idea like that?_ I heard Seth choke a laugh downstairs but I couldn't tell if it was because of something on the television.

 _Oh crap, Jacob and Seth probably heard that._ I listened intently hoping it was just a coincidence but it was far too quiet. All I could hear was Sue whipping off the counter and humming softly to herself.

"Well the way you were looking at each other….I just assumed…" She trailed off and shrugged. She bit her lip then quickly put the shirt on. She began pulling on the fabric nervously as I stared at her.

 _The way we looked at each other. Why was everyone saying that? And what the heck did it mean? I didn't look at Jacob any different than anyone else._

The awkward silence became too much and I racked my brain for something to say in response. I certainly couldn't tell her that I had known them my whole life; I was only supposed to have moved here a little over a month ago. "Seth is Sue's son. And Charlie and Jacob's dad Billy have been friends for a very long time." Hopefully by sticking with the bare facts she'll let it go.

"Ah, old family friend." She put on the jacket and went over to the mirror. I watched the reflection of her eyes but she seemed to accept that explanation. "I had a friend like that too…David." She said that with kind of frown on her face.

"That looks really great on you." I decided to change the subject all together, knowing neither of us wanted to talk about it anymore. "You should wear it today." It looked better than I thought it would. The blue was reflecting off the shirt and into her eyes, intensifying the color. The color was still not perfect, but I would be the only one who could tell.

She shook her head. "I don't know. These are really nice, I might ruin them."

"Clothes can be washed." I went over and stood next to her. "You really should wear them, they look better on you than they ever did on me." She looked at me with one eyebrow cocked and I smiled at her. She smiled back and looked down at her new outfit fingering a button hole.

I heard Erica's car coming down the road. "We should go down. They'll be here any minute." I ushered her out of my room before she could grab onto her hoodie or shirt. "You can get those later." _Or hopefully forget about them._

I lead Lydia down the stairs and straight out the front door as Erica pulled up. I called good bye from the steps before I closed the door behind me. I was grateful Erica drove fast; I really didn't wanted to face Jacob…or Seth…after Lydia's little comment.

I didn't hear the comment but I heard Jacob smack Seth in the back of the head. Seth just laughed. Ugh, I really hope Seth isn't here when I get home. It was going to be awkward enough having to see Jacob.

I was never uncomfortable around my Jacob unless boyfriends were the topic of conversation. But I couldn't figure out why. I mean I didn't have one, he didn't have one…so what was the big deal?

"Hey guys, sorry we are late." Austin called as he opened the back door of his sister's car. He rolled his eyes as he scooted across the seat. Lydia and I glanced at each other. I winked at her and she giggled. Being the only two kids in their family, they each had a car. Well, Austin technically had a pickup truck.

"No worries." I said as I gently placed my hand on the small of her back and nudged her into the back seat first so she was sitting next to Austin. "Hi Erica. Hi Brittany."

"Hi Nessie…Lydia."

"Hi." Brittany sounded annoyed. I glanced at her…she looked annoyed.

"Hey." Lydia said quietly. I heard her heart accelerate as she fumbled with her belt buckle. I looked out the window to hind my twitching lips. That always happened when she was around Austin. She had a little crush on him.

"So have you done your paper yet?" Austin asked as we drove off down the street.

"I started it." I answered. He didn't need to know that I had actually finished it the first week of school….along with all the assigned homework for the entire semester.

"Oh yeah, I forgot about Mrs. Cheney's paper." Erica said. She and Brittany had English last period.

"You haven't started yet." Austin wasn't asking. I don't think any of us were surprised really. Austin was definitely the more responsible one of the twins. Not that Erica wasn't smart or anything, it was just that she was involved in so many after school activities she didn't make time to remember to do her homework.

"So what am I writing my paper on?" Erica asked looking at Austin hopefully in the rearview mirror. I sat there wondering if it was weird looking at your own eyes on another person with almost the same face.

"Oh no, you knew about this from the first day when she handed out the syllabus. You are on your own."

"Oh come on…" Erica began to whine.

"Nope." He turned to Lydia and me. "You know Mrs. Cheney used to be a student at Forks." He said ignoring his sister.

"She was in your cousin's class, Nessie." Lydia added. I looked at her. I mean I already knew that but I was a little surprised she did.

"Oh that explains why you always talk to her before and after class." Austin sounded like he had just cracked the mystery of the century.

 _Gee, I hadn't realized I was that obvious._

I mean I couldn't help it that I found it very easy to talk to Mrs. Cheney; she was super nice. So far I had gotten her to tell me all she knew about the mysterious Cullens before my mom came into the picture. None of it was particularly surprising. It was pretty much how we always played the human game – distant and unknowable.

 _Until dad broke all the rules with mom._

"Uh-oh," Erica said as we pulled up to the park. "Looks like Nick isn't very happy with us." I looked over at Nick and he had a frown on his face as he caught sight of her car.

It looked like we were the last ones to show up. Graham, Dean, Evan, and Ashley were already taking up most of the space of a picnic table with a senior named Becky.

Becky and the guy throwing the football around with Nick – another senior named Kevin– use to hang out with Nick and Graham all the time form my understanding. Becky stood an inch taller than me and had dark brown curly hair which she had pulled back into a ponytail. Kevin was your typical jock, broad shoulders, wide neck, short buzzed hair and about five feet ten inches of soft muscle.

I was actually a little surprised to see them here. But I guess since Kevin was on the football team it wasn't that much of a stretch.

"Who invited the new girl and the little freak?" Becky said rolling her eyes and turning her back on us as we climbed out of Erica's car. I glared at the back of her curly head and felt a growl starting in my chest.

 _How dare she call my Lidie bean a freak._

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Lydia shoot me a startled look and I coughed a little, pretending to have something in my throat.

 _Geez, I needed to watch that._

"I did." Graham snapped. He stood up and started walking over to us. Ashley, Dean and Evan followed, leaving Becky sitting alone and scowling.

"Awesome, we have an even number of guys." Kevin said to Nick. "We can play tackle instead of flag." But Nick was already making his way towards our little group.

"So who are the captains?" Austin asked Nick when he walked up. He and Kevin were closer to us than the others and reached us first.

"Me and Kevin." Nick responded. I saw Austin's shoulders slump the slightest bit as he nodded. It appeared that was the usual response. I saw Erica roll her eyes and knew I was right.

Graham walked up with a huge grin on his face. I heard Becky stomp away as he stopped right in front of me. "I didn't actually expect you to show up."

"Well I said I would come didn't I?" There was no need for him to know how close I actually had come to backing out. Pretending to be offended, I pouted out my lower lip but was startled by an irregular beat of his heart.

 _What was that?_ I focused in on the sound of his heart, listening for anything funny but didn't hear anything unusual again.

 _Great was I hearing things now too?_

"So, three and three then." Kevin stated.

"Hey I'm playing." Erica announced loudly; obviously not wanting to be left out of a good game. She and Austin were both very athletic. Austin was not only on the football team but he also played baseball in the spring. And Erica was on the track team and the girls' basketball team.

"You can't. The teams won't be even." Kevin responded.

"Come on Lydia." Ashley linked her arm through Lydia's and started pulling her over to the table. "This is not our area of expertise. I loved that shirt by the way." I saw Lydia smile.

Ashley was on the cheerleading squad and Lydia just wasn't athletic - too small and fragile even for a human. I was pretty certain something would break if she was hit with the football.

"Nessie will play." Nick informed everyone. I felt my mouth drop.

"No!" I said as decisively as I could.

"Why not?" Graham and Nick said at the same time.

"I don't really want to." I turned to follow Ashley and Lydia but Graham stepped in front of me.

"Are you kidding me? You said you would play yesterday."

"No, I said I would come…not that I would play."

"Oh give me a break." Graham folded his arms. "Name one good reason why you are not going to play other than you don't _want_ to."

 _I could kill you._

"Where I come from, I don't want to _is_ a good reason." I said looking up into his eyes. Bad idea, I could feel my mind coming up with excuses to play.

"Well you're in Forks now and that reason doesn't fly here."

We stood there staring at each other. One wrong move and I could take a limb off. On the other hand, it's not tackle and it might actually be fun. _Ugh!_ I gritted my teeth in frustration. I simply cannot play…period.

"I'm waiting…" The corner of Graham's lip started twitching.

"Grass stains," popped out before I could stop it. _I can't believe I just said that!_ I folded my arms in a poor attempt to keep any ounce of my credibility. But Graham started laughing and I felt my defenses crumble. He sounded too much like my Jacob.

Not certain I would be able to say no again I started to back away from the group. I couldn't risk hurting any of them. But Erica grabbed my arm and pouted out her lower lip. "Pretty please, Nessie, with sugar on top. I'll do your homework for a month."

"You can't even do your own homework." Austin reminded her.

"Alright, but I'll owe you big time. Oh please Nessie, come on."

I shook my head.

"It'll be fun." I looked at Graham and his playful brown eyes knocked over the last of my defenses.

With a heavy sigh I agreed against my better judgment. "Oh thank you thank you thank you!" Erica squealed and picked me up into a big bear hug. It felt like she could have crushed the ribs of a normal human.

 _I am so going to regret this._

"Sweet!" Nick said. "She's on my team."

"Funny, I don't remember flipping to see who gets to start." Kevin corrected.

"Fine. Heads." Nick glared at him.

Evan pulled out a quarter and flicked it with his thumb. I stood watching it twist through the air. The silly thing seemed to suddenly move in slow motion; giving me more time to think of what a terrible idea this was. I'm completely losing my mind. I could kill someone.

 _I've got to get out of this._

I quickly formed a plan. I would pretend to twist my ankle in the first play. Then I would just have to sit out the rest of the game. But I looked over at Erica and her face was beaming.

 _Oh man…I couldn't do that to her._ She was so excited and it seemed very unlikely she got to play with the guys that often. I looked back at the other girls and knew none of them ever did or were going to agree to play. Grass stains were definitely their excuse.

I groaned internally. I should have stayed home with my Jacob.

"Tails!" Erica shouted at the same time Nick shouted. "Dang it!"

"Nessie." Kevin said looking directly at Nick.

I saw Graham, Austin and Dean tense up. I looked back and forth between Nick, Kevin and Graham: Kevin was thoroughly amused, Graham was watching Nick intently, and Nick looked like he was about to tackle Kevin and start whaling on him. I could see the veins tighten in Nick's neck and practically hear his blood pressure going up.

"Austin." Nick spat. My eyes flickered to poor Austin who looked very irritated.

"Graham."

"Dean."

"Evan."

"Erica."

Everyone broke into their respective teams. Except me, I just stood there hoping they would forget about me. But since I didn't move my team came and huddled around me. Dang it1

"That was a really stupid Kevin." Graham said.

"What's he going to do, tackle me?" Kevin was still very amused. "I've got fifteen pounds on him." He looked at me a smiled. "Let's see if you are worth all this fuss. You get the ball first."

I shot him a glare. I had never met this Kevin guy before but I already didn't like him.

"Oh she's definitely worth it." Graham said. I looked at him and felt my temper subside as he winked at me. "Trust me."

My cheeks turn red and I looked down. He had never seen me play any sports but he sounded completely confident. He really valued Nick's opinion. I tilted my head slightly to look over at Nick. He was grumbling out their play and kept referring to Kevin as a variety of colorful curse words. I looked back at Graham who was now listening intently to Kevin dictate our play.

Graham and Nick have been friends since they were three I certainly couldn't let Graham lose that faith in his best friend.

 _I should have just said no from the beginning._

"Break!" Kevin suddenly shouted.

"Here…" Graham handed me a green piece of cloth. I took it but just stared at it. Every image Emmet described to me popped into my head at once and I felt myself sway a little. I wanted to run …no I should run, off the field and all the way home. "Tuck it into your pocket. If it gets yanked out you are tackled." I looked up at him and he smiled. "Don't worry, it's just a game."

 _I wish!_ If he only knew how deadly this game could get; if I could just tell him. "It's not…" I heard myself whisper. In horror I brought both hands up and slapped them over my mouth before anything else came out.

 _Shut up idiot! I can't tell him anything._ Why did I keep losing control of myself around him?! I looked to the ground afraid something else would slip out of my mouth if I looked at his brown eyes again.

"Oh…Nick will be fine." _It's not Nick I'm worried about._ "If he loses he'll pout for a couple of days and get over it. Big game this upcoming Friday you know."

Graham took the flag from my hand and, stepping closer, tucked it into my pocket with his index and middle fingers. They lingered there a moment before his hand moved to my arm. He ran his finger tips lightly up my arm. To my surprise goose bumps formed. He brought his fingers up and lifted my chin so I was looking at him. My heart began pounding in my chest and I was afraid he was going to see it. I bit my lower lip to keep from saying…or doing…anything else stupid. "I won't let any grass stains get on you."

I was completely at his mercy. The little buzzing voice in the back of my head telling me to run while I still could seem so far away it didn't matter anymore. I couldn't tear my eyes away from his. I shouldn't be glad I came. I shouldn't be happy that I'm spending an afternoon with Graham. The thought of hurting him…was something I couldn't bear to think about.

"Come _on_ ladies." Kevin shouted from the middle of the field.

Graham looked toward them and back to me. "Ready?"

 _No_ …but I nodded anyway. I couldn't stop myself from stiffly following him out to where everyone else was waiting on the field.

 _One play. I only have to make it through one play. Erica can be upset…at least she'll be around to be upset with me._

"Go Nessie!" Ashley cheered from the bench and I looked around to see her and Lydia waving at me. I nodded my head at them and managed a half smile. "Look at her all cute and sporty." She said to Lydia. "I'm glad she came."

"She's going to get creamed." Brittany said. I couldn't tell if she was concerned or just hopeful.

"No she won't." Ashley said confidently.

"You sure? She's so small compared to everyone else." Lydia's voice – on the other hand - was full of concern.

"Trust me. I've never seen anyone move as quickly as she does. She's not going to get hurt." I felt myself leaning toward the road again. She was right, I wasn't going to get hurt…but everyone else might.

"You understand what you are to do right?" Kevin asked in the same tone an adult used on a small child.

I scowled back at him. It would have been very satisfying to break his nose. I bet it would make a nice crunching sound – like a bag of potato chips. Truthfully I hadn't been listening but I wasn't about to admit that to this jerk.

"Of course she gets it." I was pleased that Graham didn't seem to like Kevin much either. Then when Kevin looked away he whispered. "When Kevin hands you the ball, just run toward the goal."

I nodded. _Great…I can do that._ Running away from everyone was the best idea I had heard all day.

I bet my dad never had to worry about this with my mom. As a human she didn't voluntarily play sports. She was a full time klutz. As I slowly moved over to stand near Kevin I forced myself to ignore the voice in the back of my mind that had started shouting: _Run away stupid_.

As everyone crouched into position, I stood lamely next to Kevin. I still had time to run. I shook my head. I needed to stop thinking so negatively. I can do this. After all I had gone an entire summer without hurting Levi, Ben, or Claire.

 _I need to stop being so whinny and focus._

"Hut!" Kevin shouted. Luckily my processing skills were much faster than a normal human's reaction time. I had plenty of time to pick the safest rout before Kevin handed me the ball. There was a gap between Austin and Nick, or there would be when once Nick went for Kevin. I could see it in his eyes he didn't need to say it. He was going to cream Kevin.

I took two steps forward to meet Kevin's hand. The faster I could get away the better. Even if anyone accidentally ran into me, it could be disastrous.

But the sound of everyone's hearts beating with the adrenaline, made me just as excited. As I jumped out of the way when Nick and Kevin came tumbling in my direction, I reminded myself to slow down. Normal human girls didn't run faster than wind. Plus I didn't want to take anyone's arm off or crush their skull.

I darted through the hole in their line - very careful to keep a safe distance from all the flailing limbs yet still go at normal human pace - and skipped just out of reach as Dean's hand shot out to grab my flag.

I took off a little faster once I was clear of everyone and headed for the goal line. I could hear Austin at my heels but I kept just out of his reach. I could hear Nick and Kevin shouting at each other back in the middle of the field. I was half expecting a fight to break out but I think the fact that I was about to score a touchdown cooled Kevin off.

I reached the goal line and stopped. Austin came rushing past me.

"Wow you're fast!" Austin said out of breath and patting me on the back. "Great touchdown."

"Thanks…beginner's luck." I shrugged pretending to be just as winded.

I couldn't deny it…that was wicked fun!

With the first play going so well, it was easy for me to focus. It helped that I listened to Nick giving the plays…but only so I could hear who I needed to watch out for. I wasn't telling anyone what he was saying. Plus I wasn't making the plays and Kevin wasn't letting anyone put in suggestion. But from what I could hear, Nick wasn't either. I happened to catch sight of Austin; he looked irritated the entire time.

What is it with boys and their egos?

Play after play, with hardly any effort I danced out of this person's way or let that person get my flag. We played all morning without any incidents. I was very pleased with myself.

I was glad I decided to play.

"Okay, last play. I'm starved." Kevin said in Nick's face as they crouched down in front of each other. He was grinning from ear to ear. We were tied three touchdowns to three and Kevin was certain that I was going to get the winning touchdown.

"Hut!" Kevin yelled.

Nick looked right at me. Uh oh, he knew I was getting the ball. He was going to be so upset if he lost. Should I let him get my flag? Oh why did Kevin have to pick me first? I didn't exactly want Kevin to win, but Graham and Evan were counting on me. But losing would really upset Nick.

Before I had a chance to move out of the way, Kevin roughly hit me with the ball in my stomach – it didn't hurt but it was rude. I started forward still debating when Nick did something I wasn't expecting at all.

He started backing up toward his own goal.

He was going to go play goalie. My competitive nature kicking in and I took off straight for him – sidestepping Erica's hand. Every move I made, he mimicked. I could hear his heart and mine pounding with excitement.

This was a challenge we both wanted to win.

We didn't break our stare as I approached. Unfortunately time seemed to speed up at that moment and everything happened at once. As I stepped just out of his grasp Nick's foot got caught in a clump of grass and he came tumbling toward me. But as he fell, the string holding up my wolf charm came untied and bounced off my chest toward him. Afraid it would get crushed, I reached for it. My hand closed around my necklace just as Nick's collar bone collided with my shoulder.

I heard a loud snap, exactly like the sound a twig makes.

Nick yelled and I felt the blood drain from my face. I turned to see him falling backward and quickly threw myself to the ground in the opposite direction. No one would have noticed the delay. I couldn't be left standing if the force was strong enough to knock Nick over it. He had seven inches on me.

I could hear everyone yelling and screaming as they rushed over to us. I popped up, faster than I probably should have, and crawled over to Nick. He was cursing under his breath and clutching his arm.

"Nick! What the hell is wrong with you?" Kevin yelled.

"What were you thinking? You could have really hurt her." That was the first time I heard Graham get upset. He was usually very laid back.

"I'm fine but Nick's not." I replied.

I was mortified. This was exactly what I was afraid would happen. And it could have all been avoided if I hadn't reached for my necklace.

I should have known this was a terrible idea.

"Nick, you alright man?" Graham's face became full of concern and he knelt down next to Nick.

I could see the beads of sweat forming on Nick's forehead. He must have been in a lot of pain. Graham reached for him. "Don't move him, he broke his collar bone."

"How do you know?" Erica asked.

"Awkward landing." I lied at the same time Dean said. "Her dad's a doctor." I knew he had broken it, I heard the snap.

Nick grunted and held his breath. His face contorted with pain.

I placed my hand gently on his face and tried to imagine out the pain. He opened his eyes. "We need to get you to the hospital. You broke your collar bone." I said as softly as I could. I could see his eyes going in and out of focus. "Are you able to move?" I knew he wasn't but it seemed like the normal human thing to ask.

He didn't respond. Instead he shifted and I could see his muscles tense as he tried to sit up. His eyes rolled back into his head and his body went limp.

"Nick!" Graham and I all yelled at once.

"Nick, honey, open your eyes." I said patting his cheek. His eyes opened and I relaxed a little. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Graham looking at me.

"I'll go call the ambulance." Ashley started to take off toward the table.

"No...I can move." Nick said through clenched teeth. Ashley stopped running and turned to look back at us, waiting.

"Are you sure?" I caressed his cheek with my thumb hoping he would change his mind. "You could make it worse if you move it the wrong way. And it's a very long way to a car." I warned him.

Instead of answering he tried to sit up again. He gasped and almost dropped back. Graham and I both caught him before he hit the ground. I shifted slightly because I could see he was about to throw up from the pain.

At that moment I looked up and found Lydia staring at me with a confused look on her face and blinking hard. _Crap, to her it would have looked like I was in one place and then suddenly in another._ Only I didn't exactly have time to worry about it because Nick started to move again.

"I think we should just call an ambulance. You seem to be making it worse." Graham's forehead was creased with concern.

"I got it." Nick struggled to sit up and was more successful this time. I sighed internally. It would have been much smarter for him to lay still.

It was very slow going but Graham and I finally got Nick to Graham's Explorer. The whole way I had to fight the urge to pick him up and race him to the car. Once Nick was secure in the back seat everyone else started packing up.

"I think he got what he deserved." I heard Kevin say to Becky. That made me angry and I accidentally yanked Graham's door handle off as I climbed into the back seat with Nick.

 _Oops, crap!_

 _How could anyone be friends with such a jerk? I wish it was him instead of Nick._ I thought as I scrambled to put it back on before Lydia made it all the way around.

I climbed into the back seat once the handle was secure and winced at the look on Nick's face. He was breathing heavy with his eyes closed, his mouth firmly set and his eyebrows touching.

I wanted to cry. This was all my fault. I should have been paying attention. One step…just one step forward and this could have all been avoided. I knew this would happen; I knew I would hurt someone. I felt the tears filling my eyes. "Nick I'm so sorry."

He opened one eye and looked at me out of the corner of it. "It's not your fault." But there was accusation in his tone.

He had every right to blame me but I still felt my heart sink. There was no way I could make this up to him. He was going to hate me for the rest of his life. I guess I could take comfort in him actually being around to hate me. This could have so easily been much worse.

Lydia climbed in the front seat and we took off.

I watched as Nick inhaled and his face tightened. I looked down at his hand and he was clutching the seat so hard his knuckles were white. Tentatively I reached for it but stopped an inch away, afraid to touch him.

 _Humans are too easy to break._

I felt two tears escape and roll down my cheeks. Why didn't I just stay home? Why did I have to be so selfish and hang out with my friends?

I shouldn't even be their friend; they deserve better than me.

I felt Nick's hand grab my hand and I looked up at him. He was looking at me out of the corner of his eye again. He didn't say anything but his hand tightened on mine.

Most of the way it was smooth. Graham did a good job of avoiding bumps and jerky movements. But we went over a rather large bump and I saw Nick's face go white.

"Graham careful!" I cried.

"Sorry! Sorry man…road work." Graham pleaded, looking in the rearview.

Nick didn't let go of my hand all the way to the hospital. It seemed to take forever to get there, but finally Graham pulled up to the front door and Lydia jumped out. She dashed through the doors and emerged a few minutes later with a nurse and a wheelchair.

Nick grunted as he, with the help of Graham and the nurse, got out of the car and sat in the chair. I rushed around and met him as the nurse wheeled him around the back of the Explorer. He grabbed my hand and squeezed. I was surprised to see that he looked a little scared.

Graham drove off to find a parking spot and Lydia followed us into the hospital.

"We need to take some x-rays. You are going to have to stay in the waiting room."

Lydia and I went to find a seat just as Graham came through the doors. He looked around a moment then spotted us and walked over.

"I just called his mom and she's on her way here."

He took a seat next to me and the three of us sat there waiting…and waiting…and waiting. The entire time I wanted to crawl under a rock and die. I can't believe I had been so careless. I should have been paying attention knowing he was rushing at me like that. All I had to do was take one step and he would have never hit my shoulder and this whole terrible mess wouldn't have happened.

I felt the tears welling up in my eyes as I thought about his team. He was going to be out the rest of the season. The tears escaped my eyes and rolled down my cheeks. I knew this was going to crush him. He defined himself by playing sports and being the best. He needed to prove to himself that he was just as good as his brother and I wrecked it.

 _I ruined everything for him._

I felt Graham's hand grab mine but I couldn't look at him. It could have just as easily been him instead. That thought made more tears roll down my cheek.

Everything had been going so well, I got careless. I couldn't let that happen ever again. I couldn't spend any more time outside of school with them anymore. I was just lucky that it wasn't his neck that had been broken or his skull that got crushed.

"He's going to be just fine." Graham said quietly.

"But he won't be able to play the rest of the season." My voice was husky with tears.

"He'll live." Graham's other hand came up and whipped a tear from my cheek. "Besides, he should not have tackled you like that."

I groaned and hung my head, bringing my free hand to my eyes. Everyone thought it was his fault and I couldn't tell them otherwise. I couldn't tell them it was my fault. I couldn't tell them that I was a freak with bones harder than stone….that I wasn't even human. It was because of me, Nick was the one with the broken bone. It was because of me, Nick was going to have to sit out the rest of football season.

I knew better but I let my feelings get in the way of my responsibility. _If someone had been killed, if I accidentally crushed someone's skull…._ I didn't want to think about it. I silently vowed to my friends this would never happen again.

Nick's mom showed up just as Nick was wheeled out of the back by the same nurse who met us earlier. He had a sling on his arm and it looked like they had given him some medication – his pupils were huge.

"Oh Nicky!" His mom rushed over to him. She knelt down and brushed his hair out of his face and kissed his cheek. "Oh my baby…are you hurting?"

"Mom…" Nick protested. He tried to shift away but flinched and lat out a soft grunt.

"We gave him some pain killers. He'll be groggy for a while, but he had a clean break. It'll heal fast and he'll be good as new in six to eight weeks." The nurse said.

"Thank you." Nick's mom said. She walked over to the front desk to check him out.

Graham, Lydia and I walked over to Nick but I couldn't bring myself to look at him.

"Are you alright Nessie?" Nick asked in sleepy tone.

I looked at him and blinked. "Yes."

"Good." He didn't say anything else. He just stared off into space till his mother came back. He was probably thinking how he was going to be on the sidelines the rest of the season.

I felt like such a heel. And there was nothing I could do to make this up to him.

"Let's get you home." Nick's mom said gently smoothing down Nick's hair. She walked behind the chair and grabbed the handles. "Thank you so much." She grabbed Graham's hand, followed by mine then Lydia's.

"I'll give you a call tomorrow." Graham told Nick.

Nick's response was a grunt.

I hadn't realized Graham was still holding my hand until he let it go to walk around to the driver's side of his Explorer. Lydia had already claimed the back so I climbed into the front and sat there sulking.

"I really wish you wouldn't blame yourself for this." Lydia said as we pulled out of the hospital parking lot.

"But it is my fault. If I had just been paying attention…" I stopped myself before I said anything else. I couldn't tell them the truth. They would think I was nuts.

"He landed funny…how is that your fault?" Graham asked.

I just shrugged and looked out the window the rest of the ride to Charlie's.

"Stop it." Lydia said firmly.

I was sitting in the rocking chair staring off into the corner of the room. Her tone caught my attention and I looked at her. Her green eyes were a dark indicating she was mad. "Nick getting hurt is not your fault so stop blaming yourself. He ran into you for crying out loud." She had been looking around my room for her hoodie and shirt - little did she know I hid them safely under the floor board so she was never going to find them. "He's lucky he didn't actually hurt you."

I snorted and rolled my eyes. _He couldn't hurt me._

"I hate seeing you upset. Everyone hates it."

"But it's all my…" I looked at her eyes.

"So he got hurt, big stinking deal." She stood there with her hands on her hips and glared at me. She really meant it. "Kids get hurt playing sports all the time. Heck my little brother just broke his arm riding his bike. Nick is old enough to understand the risk."

But that was the problem, he didn't know the risk. Not the real risk. I had put them all in serious danger and none of them had a clue. It wasn't fair. I snorted to myself, I was one selfish lunatic.

"So, when are you planning on asking Graham to the dance?" She dropped to her hands and knees and started looking under the bed for her clothes.

"What?" I felt my mouth drop. "How can you think of the dance at a time like this?" I didn't know how she kept catching me off guard like this.

"A time like this…geez Nessie, you are acting like someone died." I felt the blood rush from my face as she said that. Someone could have died. "Well I think you need to ask him quickly because the dance is in three weeks and no one else is going to ask until you do."

"That's the silliest thing I have ever heard."

"Haven't you noticed no one has a date so far?" She asked standing up and rescanning the room. She sat down and started retracing her movements from this morning.

"Not really and why should it matter what I do?"

"Trust me, it does." I blinked at her dumbly. Teenage girls were very odd creatures sometimes. "Nessie, where are my clothes." She had an accusatory tone to her voice. I couldn't help but smile a little. A month ago she would have never sounded so confident.

"Sue's doing laundry, maybe she grabbed them thinking they were mine." I said innocently. Sue had gone to visit Leah but we both could hear the washing machine running.

"Nessie…" She began to protest but at that moment Jacob and Seth came through the front door. I hadn't heard the motorcycles so they must run the whole way here. I stood up and ran, probably a faster than I should have, down the stairs and straight into Jacob's arms.

"Nessie." He hugged me tightly. His muscles tensed as I heard him sniff me. "What happened? Why were you at the hospital?" The last part of his sentence trailed off as Lydia came walking down the stairs.

"I broke Nick." I said burying my face into his chest. He hugged me tighter.

"You broke who?"

"Nick and he landed wrong and broke his own collar bone that's all." Lydia informed him.

"That's all." I cried.

"Yes that's all. Nessie he ran into you. It's not your fault." Lydia crossed her arms.

"Why did he run into you?' He sounded annoyed and I looked up at him.

"He tried to tackle her even thought we were playing flag foot ball…because he's too competitive for his own good." Lydia replied.

"Are you hurt?" Jacob looked down at me. We both knew I was fine but he had to ask since Lydia was standing there.

"No." I answered and let go.

"Well I'm heading out. It's my turn to cook dinner." Lydia walked over and gave me a kiss on the cheek. "Stop blaming yourself, think about what I said and bring my clothes on Monday."

"It _is_ my fault, I'll think about it and you can hold mine for ransom if I forget." I suggested seeing as I wasn't going to be giving her clothes back.

She looked at me skeptically. "Bye Jacob, Seth, it was nice to meet you."

"Bye Lydia."

"Nice to meet you."

She turned and walked out the door. Seth went into the kitchen and straight to the refrigerator but Jacob stood there watching me.

"What did she say?" Jacob asked.

I wrapped my arms around his waist again. "Jacob, I was careless and I hurt my friend." I whispered, ignoring his question.

"But Lydia said this Nick guy ran into you."

I lifted my hand to his cheek and replayed the whole terrible incident again. I flinched at the sound of Nick's bone snapping. "I should never have gone." I said more to myself.

"I'm going to have to go with Lydia on this one. He shouldn't have tried to tackle you." Jacob said reaching around my neck and re-knotted my necklace.

"He tripped!" I cried. It made me feel even worse that everyone was blaming him for this - especially Jacob who knew the whole story.

"He was planning on tackling you before his foot got caught."

"How do you know?"

"You can see it in the way he was running toward you." Jacob grabbed my hand and stared pulling me out the door. "Seth." He called. Seth came out of the kitchen with a bag of chips and followed us. As he climbed into the driver's side of my car Jacob snorted. "I'm glad he got hurt - stupid clumsy human. What was he thinking trying to tackle someone as small as you?"

"Jacob!" I was a little shocked at his comment.

"What, he doesn't know that he can't hurt you." Jacob countered as we speed off down the road.

"That doesn't mean that he deserves getting hurt. I could have killed him."

"But you didn't."

"That was just dumb luck. He can't play the rest of the season and he's going to be crushed." Poor choice of words.

"Isn't he just a junior?" Seth asked.

"Yes." I turned to look at him.

"So, he has next year. Recruiters will still look at him. And didn't you say he was captain of the basketball team as well?" Seth asked again.

"Yes."

"So he'll still be able to be captain then." Seth said matter-a-factly.

"But Nick defines himself by playing football. His brother is in the NFL and Nick feels like he needs to compete. There is no way I can make this up to him."

"Why do you need to make anything up to him?" Jacob asked.

"Because if I had been paying attention none of this would have happened." I snapped.

"So someone else can be captain of the football team for a season. I'm sure that won't ruin his chances of getting a football scholarship if that's what he was going for." Seth said finishing off the last of the chips.

"Oh you just don't understand." I huffed and turned back around. Seth and his stupid voice of reason.

What did he know anyway? Seth was Jacob's second in command; he was stronger and faster than the rest of his pack brothers. He wouldn't know what it was like to have everyone faster and stronger and better than him. But I knew what Nick felt like and it was awful.

Then the image of Austin's unhappy face popped into my head and I felt my temper subside. Seth was just trying to help, but it really didn't make me feel better. In the end, my friend was hurt because of me.

The rest of the ride was silent. Jacob was brooding over something and I didn't want to ask him just in case it had something to do with further hurting Nick. He seemed pretty upset about the whole tackling thing.

As we pulled into the driveway I started thinking about the dance and what Lydia had said. Why the heck would everyone be waiting for me to ask someone? They didn't even know if I was planning on going.

 _Which after this morning, I'm definitely not._

Jacob put the car into park and we climbed out. I pulled the seat forward for Seth to get out of the back as Jacob walked around the front of the car and grabbed my hand.

Instantly mom and dad were on the front porch. "Everything alright?" Dad asked.

Jacob must have been thinking about poor Nick.

"No…" I let go of Jacob's hand and ran to my parents. They both wrapped their arms around me and I placed my hand on my mom's cheek and replayed the whole mess yet again. I flinched at the sound of Nick's collar bone breaking.

"It was all my fault." I said in a small voice.

"Well, you do have to be very careful with human's Renesmee. As you know, they are fragile and easily broken. And we don't make mistakes, we can't afford them." Dad said. Jacob snorted but dad ignored him and continued. "But Jacob is right. He was going break something whether you were paying attention or not. He was aiming for you." He looked back at Jacob. "Me too."

I ignored his last comment assuming they were agreeing Nick deserved what he got. But his words stung, even if he was sort of agreeing with me. I was never going to put my friends in a situation like that again.

Maybe Carlisle could write me a note to get out of gym class.

Dad hugged me tighter and kissed the top of my head chuckling. "No, you are going to have to continue to participate in gym class."

I sighed and followed him into the house. I went to the desk and dug out a deck of cards and sat on the floor, sulking.

"So I hear there is a dance coming up?" Dad asked, done with the prior conversation.

"Yeah." I didn't really feel like talking about it.

"Oh yeah girl's choice, I had forgotten all about that….on purpose." Mom said.

"But you are a wonderful dancer." Dad said taking her by the hand and spinning her. They started waltzing around the room. They were absolutely breath taking. I watched as they practically floated around the room.

I looked over at Jacob as he walked into the kitchen with Seth at his heels. I know he didn't like to dance, but I wonder if he would still go with me if I asked. I didn't really want to go with anyone else. I would have the most fun with him and he wasn't breakable. We didn't have to dance anyway.

"So have you thought of someone to ask?" Dad asked without taking his eyes away from mom. They were lapping the room for the fifth time. I looked at him flatly, he was reading my thoughts. "I'm sure there are plenty of boys who would like to go with you." I heard a plate break in the kitchen and the corner of my dad's mouth started twitching. Mom looked back at the kitchen and then back at dad.

I felt myself frown. I wasn't going to go with any of them…especially after what happened this afternoon.

"I wonder if Angela is going to be a chaperone." Dad said nonchalantly. He and mom had stopped dancing and were now standing with their arms wrapped around each other.

"Mrs. Cheney, yeah I think she is." I replied not sure why that was particularly relevant. I heard grumbling from the kitchen and saw my mom's eyes clear as something just occurred to her. "Why?"  
"No reason, just curios. How is she?"

I got the impression there was something going on I didn't know about. "Pregnant." I replied. She hadn't formally made the announcement but I had heard her on the phone after school one day telling her sister or maybe sister-in-law.

"Oh really that's wonderful." Mom said. "I really should give her a call." They started dancing around the room again. "You know, if I could have danced like that then I might have actually gone."

"Might have gone?" Dad looked at her.

"But probably not. What I did was so much better." She reached her hand up and caressed his cheek.

"You didn't go?" I had never heard that before.

"No, that day was sunny. It was the first time I saw Edward in the sun." I could see the love radiating from my parent's eyes as they gazed at each other and sighed with content. Seeing them together always seemed to make me feel better.

"Now you are the more beautiful one." Dad said and then kissed her.

Jacob and Seth walked out of the kitchen carrying two oversized sandwiches and a two liter bottle of soda each. Jacob took a seat on the floor next to me and Seth took the couch.

"Alice will love helping you look for a dress." Dad hinted not letting the subject go.

"I'm not going to go." I said starting at the base of the house of cards I was building.

"Why not?" Jacob asked.

I looked at him. _Why did everyone suddenly want me to go to this stupid dance?_ They all knew what happened this morning.

"We want you to enjoy high school Nessie. The dance is part of the whole experience." Dad answered my unspoken question.

"Sure it is." Jacob continued, not to be outdone. "And I'm sure you will have fun with whatever guy you go with." Jacob sounded like he was choking that last part out.

I blinked at him and actually felt…well a little hurt. I looked back at my cards and started chewing on my lower lip while fighting back tears.

 _Oh this was silly I hadn't actually asked him to go to the dance with me._ There was no reason for me to be upset.

Suddenly Jacob's hands were around my waist and he pulled me onto his lap. I curled up and started absentmindedly toying with my wolf charm. "You should go with your friends. You have a limited time with them." I tilted my head up to look at him. He was looking down at me. "Plus you know I don't like to dance." He smiled.

I shrugged and rested my head back on his chest. I would have had more fun with him but since he didn't want to go with me.

As if he heard what I was thinking, he kissed the top of my head. I still didn't like the idea, but since everyone thought I should go...

Now all I needed was to get up enough nerve to ask.

 **Chapter 6: I could always hope for a cold for the first time in my life**

"I thought you said you were going to ask him yesterday." Lydia said trying to pull a book out of her locker. They all tumbled out, along with a few sheets of loose leaf and some pens and pencils. She rolled her eyes and sighed. This happened at least once a day.

I stepped gently on a pen before it escaped too far down the hall. "I will." I bent down and picked it up, grabbing her trig book as well.

"Thanks. Okay, when?" She asked.

"I don't know…maybe tonight at the game."

 _Sometimes it would have been nice to have Alice see my future clearly. Then she could tell me what his answer would be._ But all she could see was me at the game tonight. I wonder if that means I chicken out. She can only see things when decisions were made after all.

"For real this time?" She asked shoving the last of her loose leaf on the top shelf and closing her locker before anything else could fall out…at least not until Monday morning.

"You should really think about investing in a shelf or something. We have about seven months of school left this year."

"We can't all be as organized as you are." She said flinging her bag over her shoulder and hitting her neighbor. "Oh, sorry Jeanne." Jeanne just rolled her eyes – that too happened about once a day. "So are you really going to ask him?"

"Yes." I tried not to snap at her as I answered. Every day when I got home I had Jacob and Alice asking if I had asked him yet. I was a little tired of the question.

The truth was that after being rejected by Jacob without even asking him I was a little gun shy. I didn't particularly like having my ego bruised again and I wasn't as convinced as Lydia that Graham was going to say yes. He hadn't really spoken to me all week.

"I'm going to hold you to that." She said holding out her pinky finger to me.

"I'll ask him. I don't need to pinky swear." I rolled my eyes.

She stood there holding her finger and looking at me. "You didn't." Her eyes widened and she grabbed my arm, pulling me to her.

"Didn't what?" I had no idea what she was talking about.

"Change your mind."

"About what?" I still had no idea what she was talking about.

"You are not planning on asking Nick are you?" She asked leaning her head in and whispering.

"No." I replied. Only I could see how she would draw that conclusion. In an effort to secretly make up for my careless behavior I had been helping Nick anyway I could - carrying his books, getting his lunch, anything he asked for or needed. I was even driving him home after football practice to spare him the embarrassment of his mom coming to pick him up. Consequently, I was paying him a lot more attention than usual.

I couldn't lie though the thought had crossed my mind more than once. That was until Ashley admitted Wednesday in gym that she wanted to ask him.

"Good because Ash would die…or kill you." She hissed.

"Of course I'm not going to ask Nick." I was slightly offended; I would never do that to a friend.

I had actually tried to convince Ashley to ask him right after class Wednesday, but she just snorted and said _"Yeah right."_

"Then why do you keep procrastinating?" We started down the hall again.

"Wait a minute I'm not the only one who has not asked anyone. Why haven't you asked Austin yet?" I retorted.

"Because…until you came along I wasn't exactly the most popular person in the school." She said pushing the door open.

She shivered as a cold gust of wind blew through the courtyard. The temperature had dropped significantly compared to earlier this week. She pulled her jacket closer to her.

"At least it stopped raining." I offered.

I knew Austin would say yes to her. I could tell he liked her by the way he held himself and the fact that his heart beat accelerated when she was around. It was cute.

She stopped and looked at me. "Wait, are you…seriously?" Her mouth dropped open. I stared back at her hoping I hadn't just said that out loud. "Are you afraid he is going to say no?" She seemed genuinely shocked by this.

"Well of course I am. What normal teenage girl wouldn't be?" What abnormal teenage girl wouldn't be? She snorted. "What makes you so sure he'll say yes? Have you asked him?" I wasn't sure I liked the thought of her asking him.

"No, but trust me none of the guys would say no if you asked them." She replied. I stopped myself before telling her she was wrong about that.

"Aren't you going to be late?" I asked looking down at my watch and changing the subject. She had to pick up her little siblings every Monday, Tuesday, and Friday.

"Oh crap!" She said looking down at her watch and dropping her car keys as she did. She quickly bent down and started running to her car before she was fully standing. I was afraid she was going to fall on her face but surprisingly she kept her balance. "I'll see you tonight." She called as she jumped over one puddle and into a bigger one. "Damnit!" She grumbled as she kept running through the parking lot – her shoes sloshing all the way.

As I stood there I began to wonder if she was able to read my mind like dad was. She seemed to know exactly what I was feeling or thinking despite my best efforts to hide my true emotions.

Unless I'm just easy to read. I mean Jacob was able to read me like a book.

 _Don't be silly._ If she knew what I was thinking, she would have run for the hills. It was still a little unsettling at times.

I watched her get into her car and drive off, hitting the curb as she turned out of the parking lot. I stood there shaking my head. Poor girl was the definition of clumsy.

I quickly stepped out of the way of the door as I heard someone coming down the hall.

It was Graham.

"Oh Nessie, I'm sorry I didn't see you there."

"Hi Graham." I smiled. I was actually glad to see him despite the butterflies in my stomach. I know it had only been about a week but I missed him. I missed how easy our friendship was….or how it used to be. I seemed to have messed that up somehow.

"No football practice?" He asked looking out over the parking lot. He sounded annoyed.

"Not with the game tonight." I replied feeling very awkward. I started fidgeting with my wolf charm.

"Oh, right." He stood there a moment still staring at the parking lot.

On game days parents prepared the football team and the cheerleaders' dinner at the school – if it wasn't away - and the guys relaxed and hung out in the gym till the game time. So I didn't have to wait for Nick today.

"Are you planning on going?" I asked suddenly fearful he had other plans. Maybe that's why Alice couldn't actually see me asking him at the game, he wasn't going to be there.

"I don't know." He shrugged but finally looked at me.

"You're not going." I felt my lower lip pout out and I found myself pretty upset.

 _What was wrong with me?_ For one thing I hadn't actually asked either of them and for another it was just a silly dance. It certainly wasn't the last dance I would ever to go to. _So why am I acting like it was?_

"Well I hadn't really made plans to go." He lifted his hand and started scratching the back of his head. "Um, are you going?" He started chewing on his lower lip and I could hear his heart start beating a little faster.

"Of course, it's a big game." I said half smiling and trying to sound like everyone else.

"Oh yeah….right." He half smiled back and started drumming his fingers on his thigh. "So is anyone meeting up anywhere before?"

"Not that I know of."

He swallowed and his heart beats got even faster. "Well…um…then you wanna ride together?" He asked looking down at his shoes.

"Sure." I smiled happy he seemed to have gotten over his bad mood.

He looked up and smiled back. "Great! I'll pick you up at seven."

"Alright, that sounds perfect." He backed up a few steps then turned and walked off toward his car. He broke into a trot when he stepped off the curb.

 _Now if only asking him to the dance would be that easy._

"I'll be home after the game." I said giving Charlie a kiss on the forehead before making my way through the living room. He was stretched across the couch, one leg on the arm and one on the floor, watching some game on TV.

"Have fun kido." He said.

"Bye Sue." I yelled before I headed out the door.

"Bye Nessie." Sue called from upstairs. I could hear her moving around in their bedroom.

"Never would have seen Bella going to a game." I heard Charlie chuckle to himself as I closed the door.

Graham had already gotten out of his Explorer and was headed up the path. He stopped and blinked at me a moment. I saw his eyes flash to the window and I quickly turned to see Charlie looking out - neither even knew I paused.

"Hi Nessie. I guess you are ready to go." Charlie having gone back to the game, Graham was now looking at me.

"Absolutely." I said skipping up to him.

"Alright, let's go then." He turned and took two giant steps, putting himself ahead of me. He reached the car first and opened the door for me.

I smiled at him and tried not to giggle. My dad always held the door for my mom. "Thank you." I climbed in the front seat and situated myself.

"You're welcome." He smiled back. "You in?" I nodded. He closed the door and dashed around the front of the car.

"At least the rain stopped." He said climbing into the seat. As he stirred the air I couldn't stop myself from sniffing. I couldn't help it, it had become a bit of a habit of mine. He still smelled so good.

"Would they play in the rain?" I asked. I knew they would - Emmet liked football – but most normal teenage girls wouldn't.

"Oh sure, rain, snow…I think anything but a thunderstorm. But it really sucks to watch it in the rain." He looked at me and smiled.

"Oh yeah I bet." We sat there a moment in silence…which seemed deafening. _Why was it so awkward around him all of a sudden?_

"So this should be an exciting game." He said thankfully breaking the silence that had lasted a very long three minutes.

"I hope so." Considering our star player was warming the bench thanks to yours truly…the careless freak of nature.

"Oh it will be. Games against our rival schools always are." He informed me.

"Aren't they all rival schools?" I asked.

He chuckled. "Yeah I guess technically. But some schools are more so than others. Don't ask me why that's how it is in track too." He shrugged a little.

"Okay, I won't ask then." I said.

"So, how do you think you did on that Biology test?" He was making small talk. We had had our first Biology test yesterday. "I think I might have messed up meiosis and mitosis."

"Oh I'm sure you did better than you think." I knew this because I had seen his test and he only missed three questions. But I was going to keep that to myself.

"Well, I'll be glad when I don't have Biology class anymore." _Ouch, that stung a little._ I tried not to frown and looked out the window as I saw his eyes widen. "Well I mean because I'm not really into science and all." He stumbled over his words.

"Well, it's not for everyone. So what subject do you like?" I asked.

"English literature. Chaucer, Shakespeare, Jane Austin…" He looked at me out of the corner of his eye. "Go ahead, I know you want to."

"Want to what?"

"Make a joke about it."  
"I wasn't going to tease you. English lit is my favorite too."

He looked at me a moment. "Yeah, that makes sense." He seemed satisfied with my answer.

"How so?" I was curious to know what he was thinking.

"Well you have…I don't know, there is just something different about you."

"Different?" I wasn't exactly pleased that he found me different. "Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" I was trying very hard to fit in with all the normal students. It was a little disheartening hearing I wasn't very good at it.

"It's a good thing - a good different. Different like you've been places, seen things…you know, cultured."

"Well then thank you."

He smiled at me and I could hear his heart start thumping louder. "So, do you happen to know anything about why none of the girls have asked the guys to the dance?"

"Oh I see, trying to butter me up with complements to get information." I said trying to ignore the fact I suddenly had butterflies in my stomach. I didn't miss noticing he didn't lump himself in with the other guys and I felt my heart sink.

 _Had he already been asked? Was I too late?_

"No, I didn't mean it." He replied. "Oh, no no I mean I meant the complement but I wasn't saying it just to get information." He started squirming in his seat.

Feeling bad for him I forced out a little chuckle. "That's okay. But sorry, I have no information for you." It wasn't that big of a lie. Until this afternoon I hadn't even noticed no one had been asked. And of course I wasn't about to tell him what Lydia said. She was probably just trying to keep me from chickening out.

"Oh, so you don't know why?" He seemed a little disappointed.

"So how did you get designated spokesman of the group?" I said glancing at him out of the corner of my eyes and avoiding his question.

"Drew straws." He smiled and I felt the mood suddenly lighten.

"And you got the short one."

"No I wasn't there."

"Oh well next time you'll know to get the short straw." I smiled back.

"Yup, I don't make the same mistake twice." The leather on the steering wheel squeaked as he twisted it. He took a deep breath. "Truthfully I was just curious about…" He trailed off.

"About…" I tried to force the knot in my stomach to untie.

This was driving me nuts. He was not acting like himself. Had he figured out I wanted to ask him? Does he want me to? Was he fishing for information about someone else? Maybe he was stalling so I wouldn't ask.

 _Ugh! I can't stand it. This is so frustrating._ I realized I was unconsciously picking at a little stitch in the seat.

"Are, um, any of the girls going to ask anyone?" He said looking straight ahead and again his heart accelerated.

"Rumor has it." I looked at him but he kept his eyes forward. He looked nervous – but a good nervous or a bad nervous. Man to be able to read his mind right now would be rather helpful.

"So, um, were _you_ planning on asking anyone?"

My heart started pounding in my chest. This was it. I either had to ask now or I would probably not get another chance.

"I was thinking of asking someone yes." I replied quietly to hide the fact that my voice was shaky.

"Anyone I know?" He tried to smile but it looked more like he was in pain.

"Maybe." My heart felt like it was actually creeping into my throat. _Why am I acting like this?_ I had never been nervous around anyone before, why did I suddenly want to hide under the seat?

"Well if you tell me I might be able to give you some pointers."

"Pointers…I don't think you know him that well." That wasn't exactly what I wanted to say but I couldn't get my mouth to form the right words.

"I know lots of people well…try me."

I sat there a moment chewing on my lip. _Oh just flat out ask him already and getting it over with already._

I looked at him and swallowed. "Well…I was thinking…" I felt my hand move to my wolf charm. "I was thinking of asking…you." I wanted to look away but I couldn't get my eyes to move off his face. I needed to see his reaction…glutton for punishment.

"Oh…" He seemed a little shocked. "Well I might say yes if you ask really nicely." I could see a smile playing on his lips.

"And what do you mean by 'very nicely _'_?"

"With a cherry on top."

"Okay then," I turned in my seat to fully face him. "Graham, will you go to the dance with me?" I pouted out my lower lip. "Pretty please with whipped cream _and_ a cherry on top."

He looked at me and I heard his heart sputter. "Um…I…uh…"

"Graham!" I cried as he started to veer off the road. He turned and jerked the car back into the lane. I wasn't worried about myself, but he could have been hurt.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." His eyes were wide and it sounded like his heart was trying to break through his rib cage.

"I know that Explorers are SUVs, but they are not very good for off roading." I tried to joke.

"Right…" He was pretty rattled. "I'm really sorry Nessie. Are you alright? I should have been paying attention."

I internally winced. "It's okay, it happens." I could attest to that.

"No, that was irresponsible of me. I shouldn't put you in danger like that."

I flinched at his words. He had no idea how much danger I put him in every day. I looked out the window to avoid looking at his face.

 _I shouldn't be here._

"Nessie, I would be honored to go to the dance with you."

While I was extremely excited that he actually said yes, it was somewhat masked by the fact that this was just one more way for me to put them all in danger. I finally understand the meaning of bittersweet.

Graham was right, I needed to do the responsible thing and back out. But as I looked at his smiling face I just couldn't do that to him. And besides, a dance was nothing like flag football…at least I hoped.

I managed a smile and he grabbed my hand. We sat in silence the rest of the way to the game which was thankfully only another three minutes.

"Oh thank goodness you finally asked him." Erica was acting like it had been a huge burden for her when I was the one who had risked the rejection.

She, Lydia and myself had gone to the concession stand to get hot chocolate before the game started. Apparently that was what the entire crowd was thinking as well. We turned and had to push our way away through tons of people to get away from the counter. There were no real lines people were just kind of standing anywhere which added to the confusion.

The place was packed.

Lydia smirked at me. "I told you he would say yes."

"Yes, you are a very good little physic." I rolled my eyes at her grin. The ironic thing was that my real life physic couldn't even tell me whether he would say yes or not.

"I can't believe you honestly thought he would say no." Erica said taking a sip of her hot chocolate and yelping because she burnt her tongue. "Ah, hot!"

"Well I'm not a mind reader." I informed them. I wasn't lucky enough to inherit that gene. "Hey what about you two?" I asked stepping out of the way as a freshman boy pushed another one into my path. "Graham said no one has been asked yet."

Erica and Lydia looked at each other and both started talking at once. "Oh well…you know." "Yeah we were just um…"

"Chickens! You had better ask. I refuse to go to my first dance without my friends."

We maneuvered our way through the crowd and down the stairs to the section reserved for students. The game had already started and it looked like we had the ball. The players were all huddled on the thirty yard line closest to the opposing team's goal.

I sat down next to Graham and handed him and Josh their hot chocolates. Josh had moved down a row and was intently watching the game with his back to Graham.

Gee, I hadn't pictured him a football fan.

"Hey where is Brittany?" Evan asked. I smiled slightly. I was pretty certain he was hoping she would be here. Austin had told Erica that he heard…oh never mind, I had it on good authority that Evan wanted to ask her to the dance even though it was girl's choice.

Huh, it's funny how everything seems to revolve around this silly dance.

"It's Jenny's birthday." Erica informed everyone. "She came into town for the

weekend so they are having family time." Brittany's older sister was a sophomore at Portland State University.

"Oh I bet Brittany was thrilled to miss this game." Evan said sarcastically.

"I had to hear about it for an hour last night." Erica replied.

But I felt my good mood dissipate as I caught sight of Nick pacing the sidelines shouting at the players and cursing under his breath. His injury hadn't bothered him as much this week because he was getting a lot of attention out of it. But now the realization that he was sitting out the rest of the season seemed to have hit him. He was really upset now.

He spat and kicked at a clump of grass as Austin took two steps back to throw the ball but ended up getting tackled instead.

That one tackle seemed to set the tone for the rest of the first half. Neither team was playing very well at all. No one was able to score a touchdown and the players were constantly fumbling the ball and tripped over themselves. This was a terrible game. I didn't have to be Jasper to feel the disappointment and frustration broadcasting from every person in that little stadium.

But I wasn't paying attention either; not to the game anyway. I couldn't take my eyes off Nick. He was miserable. I sat there wishing more than anything I could turn back time. I would have never have agreed to play with them.

I felt a nudge from Graham who asked me if I was having fun. That only made me feel worse because I wasn't being very good company for the rest of my friends. I managed to smile weakly at him and nod. I must have been convincing. "Good." He smiled and turned to look back at the field.

Finally the marching band took the field for halftime and the crowd couldn't stand up fast enough. Some people even started to leave. I caught Ashley's eye and she waved. I waved back. She pointed at Graham and gave me two thumbs ups. I guess Erica told her my news as she delivered Ashley her hot chocolate. I kind of smiled and half held up my thumb.

She did a little jump and went back to bouncing in place; she looked freezing.

Out of the corner of my eye I noticed Erica and Lydia shivering and huddling together. Even Evan had moved up and was sitting on the other side of Erica. That was the first time all evening I noticed it was cold…well for a normal human anyway. I looked down and quickly zipped up my jacket to blend in. Having a normal body temperature of one hundred and five, the cold didn't really bother me.

"You enjoying the game?" Graham asked. The way he annunciated every syllable made it sound like he couldn't feel his face. I looked at him. His arms were pressed tightly against his torso, his jacket was zipped all the way up and his head was sunk into the collar. He was bouncing his legs and slightly rocking back and forth. "Not as exciting as I hoped it would be…especially since this is your first game here."

I felt a little better knowing I could at least do something to make Graham more comfortable. I could be his personal heater. I shifted over and pressed my shoulder against him and pretended to shiver. He wrapped his arm around me and started rubbing my arm. "I'm still having a great time." Graham smiled.

Josh suddenly got up and stalked off mumbling that he was going to go find Katie from his drama class.

 _I wonder what that was all about._

"I hope the rest of this game goes better." Graham said as the players took the field again.

And he got his wish.

The second half of the game was much more exciting. Both teams played more aggressively and the crowd really got into it. The students chanted out the cheers with the cheerleaders and everyone was on their feet screaming and yelling.

The atmosphere was exhilarating.

This is the type of scene Jasper would love. He couldn't pass up a good emotional high. And this was as high as it got. I could feel the emotions of the students as they lived the game right along with the players – their hearts racing when we had a good play or the disappointment when we lost control of the ball.

"The players seem to be able to hold onto the ball better." I said to Graham.

"What?" Graham yelled back leaning closer to me. The crowd was so loud it was hard to hear – well for a normal human. I, on the other hand, could clearly hear the coins being dropped into the registers at the concession stand.

"The players, they seem to be holding onto the ball better." I tried not to yell too loud as my lips almost touched his ear.

He smile and nodded. "Yeah." He had not let go of me since the beginning of the second half. I smiled to myself as I noted the color seemed to be back in his cheeks. I was glad to be able to help him stay warm.

The other team had called a time out with a little less than five minutes left in the game. "Think it will go into over time?" I stood on my tippy toes this time.

"Not if no one scores."

The whistle blew and the play began. Dean had the ball and it looked like he was about to get tackled but was able to dance out the way at the last second. He started running as fast as he could but he had more than half the field to go.

We all jumped up and started screaming his name; everyone willing his legs to move quicker. He reached the goal line for the first touchdown of the game.

The crowd went nuts. I thought some were going to rush the field.

Erica and Lydia were hugging and jumping up and down; though it looked more like Erica was jumping up and down and Lydia was going along for the ride. I felt Graham's arm tighten around me and he gave Evan a high five behind the girls' backs.

Unfortunately our excitement was short lived because a player from the other team broke away and scored a touchdown to with ninety seconds left.

With the game tied the crowed was completely engulfed with what was happening on the field. I didn't hear a single conversation that wasn't about the game.

"It's getting exciting now." Graham leaned down and yelled in my ear– so loud it tickled. I nodded.

I looked over at the score board, thirty seconds left.

All the players standing on the side lines – for both teams - were fidgeting, calling out commands, leaning forward on their toes, pacing. I started watching Nick again and he was just as on edge. The coach came over and asked him for his opinion about who to play. Despite Nick's protest, the coach put in Austin. I was a little shocked that Nick didn't want Austin on the field. Aside from Nick, Austin was probably the best player out there and would have the best chance of scoring.

I was right. With twenty seconds left, Austin got hold of the ball and ran ninety yards all the way down the field to score the winning touchdown. The other team didn't have enough time to recover.

The whistles blew…WE WON!

The entire student body went wild. They stormed the field and rushed the players. Erica, Lydia and Evan went with them. Graham suddenly picked me up and swung me in a circle.

"That turned out to be an awesome game." Graham said as he set me down.

"I'll say." My heart was still pounding with excitement – but whether about the game or Graham's actions I couldn't tell. "I don't think I have ever wished so hard for someone to run faster in my life."

"Man did you see that play…that was incredible! He ran the length of the entire field. I don't even think Nick's done that."

With the reminder, my eyes flickered over to the sideline captain. He was standing there wide eyed watching everyone rushing past him. He faded into the sea of bodies but my eyes still focused on his face. All my excitement drained right out through my feet as I starred at his broken expression.

He was crushed. He looked like a little boy that had just lost his beloved pet.

Finally the excitement died down and the players started making their way back to the locker room. Slowly the stadium began to empty. I sat with Lydia and Graham as we waited with Erica as she waited for Austin. But it looked like it would be a while since he was still in the middle of a crowd.

I heard Nick tell his coach he didn't feel well and that he was going to skip the post game meeting. I listened as he called his mom to come and pick him up in the front.

As Nick disappeared I knew I needed to go talk to him. Though I had no idea what I could say to him. He had always been the best player, but as Graham said he had never run a play like the one Austin just did.

"I'll be right back." I said standing up. "I'll meet you at the car." I saw Graham's head turn in the direction I was looking and nod but he didn't say anything.

I quickly made my way down the bleachers and in the direction Nick went. I still had no idea exactly what I was going to say to him but I couldn't just let him go off like that. Not when I knew what he was feeling. I had felt it many times in my life. Like when I was little and I first noticed in the sun my skin didn't shine like the rest of my family's.

I had felt like a dull light bulb on a string of Christmas tree lights.

For a normal human he moved pretty quickly in the dark – the path he took was not very well lit. I found him sitting on a bench off to the side of the front of the building, waiting for his mom.

I stopped in the shadows. What if seeing me would make the situation worse? He may not have meant it, but I knew he blamed me. I was probably the last person he wanted to have to deal with. But as I watched his head drop into his good hand, my heart went out to him. I had a strong desire to go and hug him.

"Nick?" I asked quietly as I slowly approached. I saw him jump and try to turn. I heard him grunt and hold his breath. "Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you."

"Nessie."

I walked around so I was facing him. "May I?"

He shrugged with his good shoulder and I sat down. "Good game to pick as your first."

I hadn't been expecting him to notice I never went to any of the games before this and it made me feel worse. "Yes it was." I tried to keep my voice steady so as not to show too much emotion. I still didn't know what he was thinking.

"The last time we won against them was when my brother was a senior, six years ago." He said.

"Oh wow." I felt like I was treading on eggshells. "Congratulations." Wrong thing to say…Nick snorted.

"Yeah."

We sat there in the most uncomfortable silence. At least it was uncomfortable for me; Nick seemed too engulfed in his self wallowing to notice. It began to wear on me. I wasn't sure if I should say something else or just leave.

"So I bet everyone was gushing over Austin…our hero of the day."

"It's great that the _team_ won Nick." I replied stressing the word team.

"Were you not watching the same game? Austin ran almost the entire length of the field." Nick's voice sounded harsh as he said the last sentence.

"It could have been anyone's game…"

"But it wasn't. Its Austin's game. He won it."

"That's not a very good attitude. I thought you were part of a team. The whole team won the game. Austin wouldn't take the win for himself."

Nick snorted again and painfully shifted. "Oh no, not good old humble Austin, he's very self sacrificing." I was a little taken back by the venom behind those words. I had thought they were good friends but it seemed more like Nick hated Austin.

"What's your problem Nick? I mean you are the best player on the football team…and the basketball team. Everyone knows that. So Austin helped win a game." That probably wasn't the best approach but he was beginning to annoy me.

"Helped?!"

"He scored a touchdown."

"The winning touchdown."

"How many winning touchdowns or free shots have you had?"

His sat quietly a moment. "I can't run a play like that." He admitted more to himself. "Austin is a better player than I am. I've always known that but now everyone knows it too. I'm not the…" He stopped as if he realized he was talking out loud. "Forget it."

Even though it was dark I could see his face clearly. I watched him sitting there staring at the ground, his mouth firmly set and the rim of his eyes turning red with unshed tears.

"Do you honestly think your coach doesn't know how good a player Austin is?" I asked. He frowned a little but said nothing so I continued. "I mean if you can see it don't you think someone with many more years of experience would see it too?"

He grunted a response.

"So what if he's a better player than you. I'm sure there is a reason why you are the captain and he's not. And from my understanding, usually seniors are made captains yet you're only a junior. That has to count for something." I saw his face soften a moment before he frowned again.

"My brother was a captain as a sophomore."

I wasn't sure if he was bragging about his brother or berating himself. "So?"

I had nothing else to say to him, this was not an easy topic for me either. Not only did I know exactly how Nick felt, I knew there was not a darn thing that could be done about it. My family…his brother…they would always be better than us.

"So…" He shifted and looked at me. "You are an only child you don't know what it's like." I couldn't stop myself from snorting. He glared at me as if to contradict him.

"What to live in the shadows? Just because I'm an only child doesn't mean I'm not compared to others in my family. My cousin Bella, Charlie's daughter, went to Dartmouth and graduated top ten in her class." I said.

"That's completely different." Nick said.

"It's only different because you are making it different."

"Oh quit pretending like you get it." He snapped abruptly.

"You know you're right Nick. I don't get it." I had reached my limit. "I don't get how you can't see only you think less of yourself because you are injured and can't play. I don't get how you fail to notice that everyone still thinks you are the greatest player, how many younger classman look up to you. I don't get how you have become even more popular because of your shoulder and you are still sulking around like you've been shunned. And I certainly don't get why you just don't get over yourself. It's a stupid _game,_ not your life. So you are absolutely right, I guess I just don't _get it_." I stood up and started to walk away but he grabbed my arm.

"Nessie." I looked back at him and we stared at each other a moment. "I'm sorry." I could tell that was hard for him to say.

I sat back down with a sigh and felt embarrassed about my little outburst. "No Nick, I'm sorry. If I had been paying attention you wouldn't have been hurt at all."

"Paying attention…it's not like you could have gotten out of the way fast enough for me not to hit you." I involuntarily flinched. That was exactly what I could have done. "Besides, I shouldn't have tried to tackle you like that. Graham was right I could have really hurt you." He wrapped his arm around my wait. "You are so small."

"Hey now, you are making me sound like I'm made of glass."

"What I don't understand is how you didn't get hurt."

Even though I was prepared for this question, I was thankful it was just the two of us. "I took gymnastics as a kid. They teach you how to fall correctly." Plus I have the advantage of having practically unbreakable bones.

"A gymnast…well, that explains why you are so naturally good at sports." He sat there looking at me with a funny look on his face. "So, aren't you curious why I was going to tackle you when we were playing flag football?"

"Okay…why?" I honestly didn't think I wanted to know the answer. The night air suddenly felt very thin, like it was solidifying around us.

"Because Nessie, I have never had to work so hard to get a girl's attention."

He looked at me and I became very aware that he had not moved his arm from around my waist. I felt myself leaning back as I realized what he actually meant. I was afraid that was going to be his answer.

"Um Nick…"

His hand came up to the back of my neck – holding me firmly in place - at the same time he leaned in and planted his lips on mine.

 _Don't move!_

I instantly held my breath and froze. I didn't want to jerk back too fast and accidentally take his arm off. I had damaged him enough. I felt him scoot closer to me on the bench and I gently turned my head to the side. "Nick…" I tried to say again.

"Ask me to the dance." His whispered, his lips pressed to my cheek.

I carefully but firmly leaned away. "Nick, I already asked Graham."

"Graham?!" He sat back too quickly and winced. He looked off into the darkness behind me. I sat there still holding my breath and not moving as I watched his eyes narrow and his jaw clench.

"I'm sorry." I don't know why I said that. I wasn't sorry and it only seemed to piss him off more. I stopped myself from chewing on my lower lip afraid something might happen. What I wanted to do was whip them off but I was afraid that would insult him further.

We sat there in silence and I watched his jaw clenching. Oh this was awful! I came here to make him feel better and I totally messed that up.

 _Why am I still sitting here? Oh right, he still hadn't let go of me._

Thankfully at that moment Nick's mom drove up. She couldn't have had better timing if this was a movie. "Nick, I thought you said you would be out front?" She called as she rolled down the window. "Oh hi Nessie." She smiled at me as Nick – finally letting go - got up and stalked to the car without looking back at me.

"Hi Mrs. Garner." I smiled politely at her and waved.

"Do you need a ride?" Nick started to roll up the window. "Nick!" She chided and the window went back down. As bad as I felt about what just happened I couldn't help but feel he was acting a little childish.

"No thank you Mrs. Garner I have a ride. Have a nice evening."

"Alright then. You be safe…" Nick started to roll up the window again. I waved and turned around quickly. As I walked away I could hear Mrs. Garner scolding him as they drove off. I vigorously whipped my mouth off and took a deep breath to filter his scent out of my nose. I was still able to taste him but thankfully I felt nothing.

I made my way back to my friends, thankful this was not going to be an uncomfortable ride like the ride here.

"Where is she? She's been gone a while." I heard Ashley ask as I made my way back to the stadium.

I looked at my watched and realized Nick and I had been sitting there close to forty five minutes. I looked around quickly then ran as fast as I could to the bottom of the bleachers. Not that anyone would have seen me move but I didn't want them to see me disappear or appear suddenly.

"What directions did she go off in?" Austin asked.

"Oh there she is. Nessie!" Erica called and started waving as I came into view.

"Sorry," I replied and quickly made my way up the stairs taking two at a time. "I started talking and, well, you know me." I felt bad as I looked at them huddled together. I forgot it was freezing out here.

"Let's go before I lose anymore feeling in my limbs." Erica grabbed her brother's arm and started pulling him down the stairs.

"Well, I suppose we should get you home before Chief Swan sends out a search party."

We said our good nights to our friends and headed to the parking lot. We made our way to his car without talking and I began to wonder if he was just tired or mad that I went to talk to Nick. I was pretty sure he knew where I had been.

"So, how's Nicky holding up?" Graham asked as we pulled out of the parking lot.

 _He hates me._ But I didn't say anything, I just shrugged. Graham just nodded; so much for the ride not being uncomfortable.

"Bruised ego?" He asked taking a pair of glasses out of a case he had in the driver side door and put them on. He looked at me. "Much better." He smiled but I wasn't looking at him. "So it's worse than a bruised ego." He said after a moment.

"He's crushed." I answered. _Physically and psychologically…_

Graham inhaled deeply, shook his head and looked back at me. "You know, I've known Nick for close to fifteen years now. Trust me when I say he'll be fine."

"I don't think so. He is really upset."

"Let me guess…he's upset about Austin." Graham said.

I just blinked at him not certain exactly what about Austin he was referring to. I didn't want to tell Graham anything that Nick said. Nick had opened himself up and I didn't want to betray that – especially now that he hated me.

But to my surprise Graham chuckled and rolled his eyes. "He has been jealous of Austin since fifth grade when Austin scored the winning goal on him during the championship games at soccer camp."

"You…"

"What you don't think I know my own best friend?" He pretended to be insulted.

"Well I…um…" I couldn't argue with that statement. I knew Seth better than anyone else did – well anyone not in his head - so why wouldn't Graham know his best friend the same way.

He laughed. "You know, I think this is the first time I have ever heard you stumble over words." He reached for my hand. "Listen, Nick is going to live. Austin may be the better player, but he's not very consistent. Nick will be back to his old wonderful self the first mistake Austin makes."

"That's terrible!" I was shocked. Why would anyone be happy when their friend makes a mistake?

"Well, that's Nick. But Austin doesn't take the game as seriously so he just let's it roll off his shoulders."

"But it's just a game." I frowned as I mulled over what he said.

"To you it's just a game, but to Nick it's more." Graham kept talking but I stopped listening. I already felt bad about what happened I didn't need Graham making thing worse.

I sat there wondering if Jacob's pack acted like that. I certainly hoped not that was just plain mean. I suddenly realized it was very quiet and wondered how long ago Graham had stopped talking. "So how did you and Nick become friends?"

"He kicked a soccer ball into my face." Graham replied smiling.

"What!?" I felt my mouth drop and Graham started to laugh.

"He didn't mean to, he was three. My parents, my brother and I were at the park. I was watching some kind of bug or just playing in the dirt, I can't remember. I heard someone yell _'Watch out'_ and when I looked up, I got a face full of soccer ball. That's probably why I don't like Biology." I chuckled and he smiled. "I think his older brother Derek was ten at the time and he came rushing over, dragging Nick behind him. Nick was crying, but don't tell him I told you that."

"And it was friendship at first sight." I teased.

"Ha-ha, something like that. Actually his mom invited me over to play that weekend and the rest is history." He looked at me a moment and then turned to look out the window. "So it must have been hard to get close to people, moving around all the time like you did."

"A little." I replied. It was true, I wasn't able to form and relationship with normal humans except the few that knew the whole truth.

He seemed to sense my mood change. "So, no one who kicked you in the face with a soccer ball?"

I couldn't help but smile. "No…unfortunately not." Jacob would have probably really hurt anyone who did.

We talked and laughed the rest of the way and sooner than I was expecting we were pulling to a stop in front of Charlie's house. "He's not going to arrest me for having you out this late?" Graham asked looking past me. I turned to see Charlie peeking out the curtains of the window. He was trying to be discrete about it but the light coming through the binds as he peaked out was shining on the dark lawn like a giant spot light. He realized it and quickly let go leaving the lawn dark.

"I don't think you broke any actual laws." I said as I heard the door open. I turned to see Graham – already out of the car – racing around the front to my door.

"Thank you." I said as he opened the door, smiling.

"You're welcome." He offered me his hand as I climbed out. We walked hand in hand to the front door and stood there. I liked holding his hand. It wasn't as warm as my Jacob's – in fact it was cool – but it still felt nice…natural. "So, I'm glad the game turned out to be exciting."

"Yeah, it was great. Thank you for driving."

"Oh no problem." I heard his heart beat start to pound in his chest. "I'm glad you had a good time." He chuckled nervously. "But I guess I already said that."

"Did you have a good time?" I asked realizing I had forgotten my manners.

"Oh yeah I had an awesome time." He beamed. "So, um, I guess I'll see you Monday then."

"Yup, I'll be there." I replied. I wasn't sure if it was his heart pounding or the butterflies in my stomach, but it was starting to get awkward again.

I smiled at him as he just stood there, still holding my hand. He smiled back and swallowed. He leaned in and I froze, suddenly realizing what was about to happen. But he paused a moment – maybe changing his mind – and kissed my cheek.

"Good night Nessie."

"Good night Graham."

He turned and walked down the path. I watched as he got into his car. He waved one last time before driving off. I stood there watching till his car was out of sight. I couldn't tell if I was more disappointed or hurt.

 _Why had he stopped?_

Did he not like me anymore? Had my little chat with Nick made him so angry he no longer wants to be my friend? Did my breath smell? Unintentionally I lifted my hand to smell my breath and stopped myself. I didn't get bad breath so it had to be something else.

 _But what?!_

I blinked my eyes furiously as I realized they were tearing up. _Oh this is absurd!_ I shouldn't even be kissing him. I needed to be responsible, like he had said in the car. I had no right kissing a normal human. I had no idea what that would do to my rather unfortunate instincts. It was a good thing he stopped. It was safer for him if he never tried to kiss me again. I had been very luck nothing happened after Nick's little stunt.

But no matter how I tried, I couldn't deny it. I was crushed.

First Jacob didn't want to go with me to the dance – even though I technically never asked him - and now Graham didn't want to kiss me – even though he had never given me any indication he liked me as more than a friend. I was a half vampire and he was fully human for crying out loud.

I am definitely losing my mind.

I opened the door and could tell that Charlie was pretending to be asleep in the couch - his heart was not beating slow and steady.

I poked my head around the corner. He didn't move at first but I waved at him when he opened his right eye just a little bit.

He sighed. "You caught me." He stood up and stretched. I heard his joints popping as he stiffly took a couple of steps. "How was the game? Kind of late…" He looked at his watch and pretended to look annoyed.

"Awesome, we won so it took a while to get out of the parking lot." I smiled.

"Oh well that's great news." He smiled back. I told him all the details as we made our

way upstairs.

"Good night Grandpa." I gave him a hug and kiss as I saw his eye lids begin to droop.

"Good night sweetheart."

I closed my door and sighed. Sometimes it was great to live with Charlie and Sue. Neither of them pried and neither could read my mind.

I changed into a little t-shirt and shorts and opened the window. The cold air rushed in and I inhaled, finding myself disappointed that I didn't smell Jacob. I was kind of hoping I would get to see him today.

I stood there a moment and then went to curl up under the covers. I laid there staring at the ceiling thinking about everything that had happened.

I had gotten my first kiss…sort of. I mean I kissed Jacob and Seth on the cheek all the time but they smelled different from normal humans. In fact no one in Jacob's pack smelled very appetizing. And Charlie was my grandfather, blood is thinker than…um never mind.

I wonder how dad managed. I felt a smile spread across my face as I thought of my parents. No I knew how he managed, he loved mom more than anything else in the world. He would have died before he hurt her.

I rolled over to my side. He may have been able to control himself, but he had tons more practice. Not to mention he was much stronger than me. I wouldn't be able to stop myself if I lost control.

If I have just one off day, one missed hunting trip, Nick, Graham, any of my friends would be in serious danger. I shuttered as I forced myself to get off that train of thought.

I suppose I could take some comfort in knowing the entire ride home I hadn't felt any urge - like wanting to drink anyone's blood – and I could still taste Nick on my lips.

Before I could stop myself I licked them. _Huh, his blood would probably taste alright, kind of a gooey sweet._

 _What am I thinking?!_

I sat up and vigorously whipped my mouth. _I'm sick!_ I smacked my forehead a couple of times to get that thought out of my head. I had some serious issues.

Suddenly I caught Jacob's sent on a breeze and was at the window in a heartbeat. "Jacob?" I whispered. I scanned the tree line and four seconds later he emerged from the darkness grinning. "Jacob!" I couldn't hide my excitement and I all but yelled it.

We both froze instantly and listened to see if I had woken up Charlie or Sue, but neither stirred. I stepped back as he started running across the lawn. He came diving through the window and rolled to a crouching position without a sound.

He stood up smiling – very proud of himself. I bounce over to him and wrapped my arms around his waist. "Jacob." I smiled and buried my face into his chest; the whole evening melting into the past.

"Hi Nessie." He chuckled. "Miss me?"

 _I always miss you._ I looked up at him. "Eh." I shrugged a little. I would never admit to him just how much I actually missed him when he wasn't around. He'd never let me live it down.

"Oh I see how it is." He started to pull away looking hurt.

"I'm teasing Jacob." I didn't loosen my grip - not that I could do much if he really wanted to get away. "I missed you."

He eyed me a moment. "I don't believe you." He said reaching around to unhook my arms from his waist.

"No, I really did miss you…honest." I pouted out my lower lip knowing that always got him.

"Alright, I believe you." His arms tightened around me and he took a deep noisy breath. "You don't fight fair."

"I know."

He rested his chin on my head and I was content to stay there all night but he pulled away all too soon. "You know you need to start hanging out with Seth again, he can get really annoying."

I smiled a little. "Oh you love having him around."

"No really, he's getting on my nerves. All the constant teasing about…" He stopped and looked at me. "Never mind."

Which reminded me, "How's Jennifer?" His face fell and he started to loosen his arms. "Okay, okay I'm sorry. I won't mention her again."

He rolled his eyes and changed the subject. "So did you have fun at the game?"

"We won." I said and tried to put on a beaming smile. I didn't quite know how I wanted to answer him. I usually told him everything but there was no way I was going to tell him _everything_ that happened tonight. I had a feeling he just wouldn't want to hear it, but more so I didn't want him to know.

"Great but did you have fun?" He leaned me back to look at my face. He always knew when I was hiding something. I chewed on my lower lip as I tried to figure out how I was going to tell him I had a date for the dance. As he looked at me, I saw his eyes go flat and his lips tightened. "You finally asked."

"Yeah." Guess I don't need to worry about that anymore. I buried my face in his chest. "Are you mad at me?"

"What?!" He sounded genuinely shocked. "What would give you an idea like that?"

"You look mad." I replied quietly.

"Well excuse me for being born with my face like this." But I could see the smile twitching on his lips.

"That's not what I meant." I play swatted at him.

"Nessie, what's really the matter?" He asked guiding me to the bed. He sat down and pulled me onto his lap. "You don't seem like you are very happy." I shrugged. "Did he say no?" That sounded a little too hopeful.

"No, he said yes." I started tracing the design on his wristband.

"Then what's wrong?" He asked rubbing my back. "Don't you want to go with him?"

 _No, I want to go with you but you don't want to go with me._

"Sure I do, he's a nice guy."

"Then what's wrong?" Jacob just wasn't letting it go.

"Nothing's wrong." I lied. I looked at him and managed a half smile. "But I do want to know what you did all day."

His eyes narrowed; he didn't believe me but he allowed me to change the subject anyway. "Well let's see. I drove a bus and then went home and hung out with Billy for a little bit until I had to drive the bus again. Then I just waited around."

"Waited around for what?" I looked at him.

"You to stop being busy." He kissed my cheek. I felt myself blush and rested my head on his shoulder so he couldn't see my face. But as usual, he seemed to know and ran his finger from my temple to my jaw line – which made me blush more. He chuckled and stood up, taking me with him. He placed me back on the bed and pulled the covers over my legs. "Good night Nessie." He kissed the top of my head.

"What! No!" I grabbed his hand. "You can't leave, you just got here."

"It's late and I'll be here bright an early in the morning."

"I'm not sleepy see. You can stay." I jumped out of bed.

"Nessie," he folded his arms.

"You won't wake Charlie or Sue up." I pulled on his folded arms but he wouldn't unfold them.

"It's not Charlie and Sue I'm worried about."

"Dad would never do anything to you."

"He's still not the one I'm worried about." He picked me up and put me back in bed. "Bella would make sure there was nothing left of me if she found out I was here all night." He kissed my forehead before I could protest. I dramatically flopped back on my pillow, knowing there was nothing I could do to persuade him to stay. "You should try out for the drama club, you're very melodramatic." He smiled at me.

I made a big showing of rolling my eyes and then turned my head so I wasn't looking at him. I crossed my arms with a huff.

"Oh come on don't be like that." He sat on the bed and leaned over so he was in my line of vision. "I'll see you first thing in the morning."

"How early?" I looked at him skeptically.

"Real early. Before sun rise early."

"Promise?" I looked him right in the eyes daring him to say something different.

He crossed his hand over his chest. "Cross my heart."

Defeated, I propped myself up on one elbow and kissed him on the cheek. "Good night Jacob. I'll be very mad if you are late."

"I know and I won't be." He disappeared out the window and I curled my knees to my chest and sighed. What a day. I sat that way until I got tired and went to sleep.

The next week was pretty awkward. Nick avoided me like the plague, which I could live with because I deserved it. But what I was having a hard time living with was that he seemed very pissed off at Graham. He wouldn't even acknowledge that Graham was alive anymore. He just sat at the opposite side of the lunch table sulking and grumbling to himself.

Of course it made me feel even worse that Graham seemed happy to ignore him in return.

"Oh, I need to know what color your dress it." Graham said as we took our seats in Biology Wednesday afternoon. He scooted his chair closer so our knees were touching and grabbed my hand. He had become bolder with his actions ever since the football game.

Not that I was complaining or anything.

Unfortunately I couldn't stop the voice in my head from telling me it wasn't a very good idea to get too attached since we would never see each other after high school. Only I just couldn't help it. We seemed to fit together like we had been lifelong friends. Plus now I didn't have to continually sit on my hands to keep myself from gabbing his. He grabbed mine every chance he got.

Again, not that I was complaining or anything.

"Black." I replied.

Alice had already picked out twenty different dressed for me to try on by the time Jacob and I got home Saturday. Poor Jacob was subjected to a mini fashion show the rest of the afternoon. I felt bad but he didn't complain. In fact he even pretended to enjoy himself. "It looks nice against my pasty skin." I smiled at him and he chuckled back.

"You are not pasty." Graham ran his fingers along my arm. "Your skin is the color of fine porcelain"

I felt my cheeks redden and tried to ignore them. "Who are you trying to kid?" I held my forearm up to his for comparison.

"I spent a lot of time at the beach this summer." He frowned a little as he looked down at his arm. "Although, my tan is beginning to fade now."

He looked up into my eyes and I froze. I could see something in his brown eyes, something deep.

And it scared me.

As class started I turned to face the front. I felt his hand grab mine under the table but I didn't look at him. I began to worry as I realized just how much I liked him. I liked holding his hand. I liked the way his lips curled as he smiled. I liked the way he said my name and especially the way he looked at me.

I was pretty use to hanging around a lot of guys. Since Leah stopped phasing there were no girls in Jacob's pack. But there was something about Graham that made me want all of his attention to myself.

 _Oh man, I really like him…too much_.

I was alarmed by just how intense my feelings were toward him. A warning voice in the back of my mind told me I needed to pull away from him. He was fully human. It was simply too dangerous.

I gently slipped my hand out of his and faked like I had an itch on my other arm. Dad may have had enough self control around mom when she was a human but I knew I wasn't as strong as he was. I mean I had already broken a friend by being careless. I couldn't stand the thought of Graham being the one I hurt next.

Before I could stop it, my overactive imagination started playing all the different ways I could hurt him and I spent the rest of the class unable to look at him…or anyone else.

At least until the image of Nick's face sulking at the end of the lunch table flashed into my mind.

"I told you Nick was crushed." I said and instantly regretted.

"He'll get over it." We stopped just outside the classroom. I saw Graham clench his jaw a couple of times and look off to the side.

"Graham?" I blinked at him not sure the extent of the anger I was detecting in his voice.

"I don't understand why you are so worried about him." Graham let go of my hand – which he had grabbed as soon as we stood up - and turned his head to look down the hall.

I was a little stunned. "Nick is your best friend."

"Yeah and he throws a hissy fit like this at least once a year." He looked at me again. "He'll get over it." This time he emphasized every syllable.

"But…" I began but Graham cut me off.

"I'll see you later Nessie." He stalked off down the hall before I could say anything else. I stood watching helplessly as he walked off.

 _Great, he's upset with me._

I sighed out of frustration. Teenagers were really complicated.

"Ready?" Ashley's pouty voice came from behind me. I turned to see her staring at the floor. We walked to class in silence both lost in our own thoughts.

"Do you think he really wants to go with me?" She finally spoke as we changed for gym class. We had passed Nick on our way to the locker room but he didn't say anything to her. I was pretty certain it was me he was ignoring but I thought it best to just keep that to myself.

"I don't think he would have said yes if he didn't want to go with you." I was hoping there wasn't some unspoken rule that a guy _had_ to say yes.

"But he hasn't said but ten words to me since I asked him." She looked at me. "Maybe he's regretting saying yes and trying to think of a way to take it back."

"Ashley, he's been ignoring everyone. I'm sure he wouldn't have said yes if he didn't really want to go with you."

"I don't know. When I asked it seemed like he was, you know, settling for me." I saw her shoulders slump a little as she probably replayed the scene in her mind.

Fantastic, so not only did I ruin Nick's season I now got Ashley's feelings really hurt and somewhere in between pissed off Graham.

I really should have thought this highschool thing out further.

"He's probably just upset about not getting to play last Friday." I put my hand on her shoulder and looked her in the eye. "Look if he was only ignoring you then you might have something to worry about but he's ignoring everyone."

I think our little talk turned out to be a bad idea because during class she tried numerous times to talk to Nick, but he just stared at the floor absentmindedly fidgeting with his sling. That went on until the end of the class when he stood up and told her to leave him alone then stormed off. She started to tear up and rushed into the locker room. It was painful to watch.

But for me that was the last straw.

I wasn't going to let Nick treat Ashley like this just because his ego was bruised. So the next morning I showed up at his house. I was going to give him a piece of my mind and there was no way he could get away.

I was going to take him to school.

"Oh Nessie dear you are a sight for sore eyes. Come in come in." Nick's mom quickly ushered me into the kitchen. "Nick, Nessie's here." She yelled up the stairs. I heard Nick call back that he hadn't heard what she said, but she didn't hear him and kept on talking as she gathered her purse. "If Nick would have told me you were taking him to school I would have left thirty minutes ago. My niece is sick and I need to go open the shop."

Nick's mom and her sister owned a little boutique in Port Angeles. I couldn't have planned this any better.

"Well, do you need me to bring him home too?"

"Oh no, I don't want to inconvenience you."

"It's no trouble at all Mrs. Garner. I'm happy to help." I gave her my most polite smile.

She smiled back. "You are absolutely wonderful Nessie. Thank you so much." She smiled at me and turned. "Boy, I'll be glad when he's out of that sling and is driving again." She said to herself as she rushed out the door.

I sat down at the table and waited. I couldn't help but feel a little smug. Nick may not talk to me but he would certainly have to listen.

He came down five minutes later. "What are you doing here?! Where is my mother?!" I couldn't tell if he was more angry or surprised to see me sitting at his kitchen table.

"Your cousin is sick so she had to go open the store. I'm giving you a ride to school." I replied and stood up.

"No you're not." But he didn't move. He knew he didn't have an option. He wouldn't be able to drive for another five weeks and his dad was out of town. Unless he wanted to skip, I was his only ride to school.

"Well I guess we could always make it to homeroom by tomorrow if we started walking now." I replied trying not to giggle. He seemed really mad I shouldn't be laughing.

"I'm not going." I really thought he was going to stick his tongue out at me and blow a raspberry.

"Oh so we are playing hookie then." I said and sat back down. I had nothing to lose from not going and my parents weren't about to object.

He glared at me a moment. "Fine." He huffed and grabbed his bag. He stormed out the kitchen door, through the hall and out the front door.

I quickly followed behind. We climbed into my car and he slammed the door with as much force as he could muster. He reminded me of a child throwing a temper tantrum.

"Hey now, my car never did anything to you." I said and patted the dashboard while pretending to sooth my car's hurt feelings. Nick just rolled his eyes.

We sat in silence for a few minutes until it became too much for him. "Oh for crying out loud, what do you want already?"

"I don't know what you are talking about." I couldn't help but tease him…just a little more.

"Oh don't give me that crap, Nessie. You didn't come all the way over here just to bring me to school."

"Alright," I looked at him. "I want you to stop acting like a baby." He opened his mouth to say something but I continued. "There is no reason for you to be sulking around like a spoiled two year old."

He snorted. "You're one to talk."

"What is that suppose to mean?" I could feel my temper rising.

"Oh don't act all innocent."

"Did you get brain damage as well?"

"Oh please. It wasn't enough that you said no but then you had to go around telling everyone how you turned me down."

I had to admit that I was so shocked I wasn't angry anymore. I didn't realize someone could be so conceded. Okay I take that back, Rose was pretty self-centered but he was a very close second.

"I didn't tell anyone." I managed through clenched teeth.

"Oh come on, you can't tell me you didn't go around telling everyone that I tried to kiss you and you shot me down."

"No." I could feel the stirring wheel give under my fingers like butter. He snorted and I had to remind myself that punching him through the car door was not the right way to deal with anger even if it would make me feel better. "Sorry to disappoint you, but I didn't tell anyone anything."

"Really, you didn't tell Graham." He seemed genuinely shocked. "Then why isn't he talking to me?"

I felt my anger subside as it dawned on me that the real reason he was upset was because he thought Graham was mad at him. Unfortunately I didn't have an answer since Nick was a sore topic for Graham. "Probably because you are sulking around, ignoring everyone and acting like a brat."

He sat there stewing on what I said for a moment. "So he's not mad that I kissed you?"

"He doesn't know you tried to kiss me."

"Or that I asked you to the dance?"

"Not unless you told him yourself." He seemed to be satisfied and I could almost feel his mood shifting. I hoped this meant he would be nicer to everyone.

We sat in silence a moment before he said. "Answer me one thing. Would you have gone with me if you had not asked Graham first?"

I sighed, trying not to roll my eyes. "No."

"Why not?!" He was defiantly hurt this time.

"Because Ashley wanted to ask you."

"You are a better friend than I am." He mumbled. _I know._ But I couldn't tell if he meant for me to hear that or not so I pretended that I didn't. "Well, what if she didn't want to ask me?"

"Yes Nick. If Ashley didn't want to ask you I might have." I didn't add I would have still asked Graham first and he didn't seem to notice the _might_.

 _Well at least he's back to his charming old self again._

We pulled into the parking lot at the same time Graham did. I took one look at his face and knew something was about to happen.

Graham looked like he wanted to hit something. He marched right up to Nick and I was afraid he might actually take a swing. "You just can't stand to be second can you?" Graham snarled at Nick.

Nick leaned back against the car unable to take a step back. "Whoa man chill out. What's your problem?"

I rushed around the car and put myself in between them. "Graham, take it easy." I could see the veins in his neck budging and hear his heart thumping loudly.

He pushed me out of the way and took a step closer to Nick so they were practically touching. "It just ate you alive that she asked me first didn't it. So you had to get her to bring you to school so you could try and convince her to change her mind."

"What the heck are you talking about Graham?" Nick actually looked nervous.

"She asked me first Graham…I won. Get over it." I could see Graham's flinch as he realized what he said but the damage had already been done.

"Won!"My temper flared and I pushed in between them again. It took a lot of concentration not to shove either of them too hard, but I managed to only move Graham an inch. "First off, his mother needed me to bring him to school this morning. Second, Ashley wanted to ask him so he was off limits. And lastly, I am not anyone's damn trophy!" I stormed off. By this time there was a small crowed of students that had stopped to watch.

"Now you did it." I heard Nick say.

"Damnit." Graham said under his breath. "Nessie, wait!" He called. He rushed up and started walking next to me; his longer legs matching me step for step. It was really hard for me to keep it to just a fast normal human pace. I was furious.

He grabbed my arm before I could open the door, which I had every intention of closing on him. "Nessie, please wait."

"So is that what this is Graham…what it's been from the beginning," I whirled around and glared at him, "some kind of game between you and Nick. Who can get the new girl's attention first?" I could hear my voice beginning to shake; though whether because I was more livid or hurt I couldn't tell.

Had I been that stupid to think I was anything but a shiny new toy for them? That I could fit in with normal humans….or anyone?

"No! No, Nessie I didn't mean that. I was just so…ah I don't know! I just don't know! You just do something to me." His voice was also shaky with emotion. He grabbed both my arms, kind of tightly, and looked me right in the eyes. "I can't explain it. I don't act like myself when it comes to you...I get so...I don't know. I'm really sorry Nessie." As I looked up into those big brown eyes I just couldn't stay mad at him, despite my best efforts.

He stepped closer, tucked a rogue strand of hair behind my ear and I forgot why I was mad at him in the first place. "Please Nessie, it was never a competition. I'm lucky to go to the dance with you." I felt his breath on my cheeks and my heart started thumping. He reminded me of Jacob the way he was looking at me.

He must have seen my defenses breaking because he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close. He whispered in my ear. "Do you forgive me?"

My heart sputtering, I reflexively wrapped my arms around him. "I can't stay mad at you." I confessed. "Of course I forgive you."

 _Oh geez, I can't keep on this path or I won't ever be able to ever let him go._

He didn't take his arm from around my waist as we made our way to Erica's locker and I didn't try to make him either. I liked his arm securely wrapped around me, it felt like it belonged there.

As we rounded the corner, only Austin and Lydia were standing at the lockers. I could hear they were discussing the dance so I nudged Graham over to my locker instead. I wanted to give them some privacy hoping she would finally ask him.

"Graham." Evan called from half way down the hall. He came trotting up. "You in for the Halloween Movie Marathon this Saturday?"

"Nessie?" Graham asked as he leaned up against the locker next to mine. "What do you think, up for the movies Saturday night?"

"What is the Halloween Movie Marathon?" I asked closing my locker. I wasn't sure I wanted to hear this…or be in attendance. Real vampires didn't like Halloween or horror movies; gave us a bad name.

"During the month of October every Saturday the movie theater in Port Angels plays like two or three monster movies back to back." Graham explained. "You know scary movies for Halloween."

I tried not to flinch at the term monster. "What kind of monster movies?" I asked before I could stop myself. It really didn't matter, I wasn't going.

Evan chuckled. "Oh don't tell me you are actually scared by those kinds of movies."

 _No, but I don't exactly like seeing my true nature broadcasted over the big screen in front of people I care about._

"Movies like Friday the Thirteenth and Nightmare on Elm Street." Graham said ignoring Evan. "At least that's what they played last year."

"I think they are playing zombie movies this weekend…Day of the Dead and some other one."

"Ah that's right the Halloween Marathon is going on. Well, I guess it is October." Austin said walking up with Lydia right behind him. Her face showed no emotion so she must not have asked him yet. _Geez, what was she waiting for?_

"I don't really like zombie movies." Graham said. "What else is out that you might want to see?" He asked look at me.

"Oh come on Graham you have to go." Dean said.

"Are you even sure it's zombie movies?" Austin asked. "I thought that was the first weekend."

"It's not zombies, it's about…" Lydia suddenly looked at me. I was a little startled by the look in her eyes. It was almost like she knew a secret but didn't want anyone else to know. I fought to keep myself from scooting behind Graham.

 _She couldn't know…could she? I wasn't a normal vampire, there is no way…_

"It's what?"

"Never mind. I was thinking of something else." Lydia said looking away from me and back at Austin.

Just in case I was going to have to be extra careful around her from now on. I suddenly had an uneasy feeling I wasn't being as candid as I needed to be and she was more observant that I counted on.

"Well you guys have to go, it's the last weekend."

"I don't know…" I started to say. The last thing I wanted to see was a monster movie – that was hitting a little too close to home.

"Frankenstein." Lydia almost yelled and caused Austin to jump. "It's Frankenstein this weekend."

"I like Frankenstein. What about it, Nessie?" Graham said. And then everyone turned to me expectantly. I looked around our little group and could feel they were waiting for me to make the decision for the group. _Don't normal human teenagers make their own decisions?_ But then I made the mistake of look up at Graham and those stupid big brown eyes of his.

"Sure, scary movies are…fun." I heard someone say in my voice.

 _Well, I could always hope to catch a cold for the first time in my life._

 **Chapter 7: It's just a movie, vampires aren't real.**

"Oh you must be Nessie." Graham's mom answered the door smiling. I could see where Graham got his good looks from, she was very pretty.

She was an inch taller than me, slender with the same shade of dark brown hair Graham had – which was pulled back in a pony tail - hazel eyes and the same golden tan. She was wearing khaki capris and a graphic tee. "Please come in. Graham is upstairs." She stepped aside and waved me in.

"Thank you." I said as politely as I could. I didn't know why but I was suddenly a little nervous. I really wanted her to like me.

"Would you like something to drink?" She hadn't taken her eyes off me.

"No thank you Mrs. Barnes. I'm alright."

"Sure?"

I nodded.

"Okay. Oh, before I forget, I want to thank you very much for those wheat free recipes. Karrie really loves them. She's thrilled to know someone else in this town is allergic to wheat too." She led me to the living room.

"I'm glad she liked them. I know how hard it can be to find food with special requirements that actually tastes decent." I had tried the recipes out on Quil, Seth and Jacob so I knew they were good.

"Well, I'll just go get Graham. Please make yourself at home." She stood looking at me a moment then turned and rushed out the door. I could hear her hurrying up the stairs and calling for Graham.

I looked around the room. It was very neat, everything in its place. The walls were a dark stone color and the floor was a nice medium brown wood – oak maybe. There was a hunter green area rug, a beige couch and love seat and a brown leather arm chair. I felt very awkward as I stood there looking around…and listening.

"Graham?" I could hear his mom knock softly on his door. "Nessie is here."

"Oh crap!" I could hear Graham scrambling around his room. "I'll be right down. Mom, tell her I'll be right down." He said a little louder. A bedroom door closer to the back of the house open up and I hear two sets of smaller feet rushing down the hall.

"Can we meet her mama?" I assume by the way she spoke this was his youngest sister. If I remember correctly that would be Emily and the older one was Karrie.

"Maybe Graham will introduce you next time."

"But I want to thank her for the recipes." Karrie said.

"Next time." Mrs. Barnes did that thing with her voice only a mother could do – be full of authority but warm and gentle at the same time. "You girls go back to playing." His mom started herding them back to their room.

"Anyone home?" A male voice called as the kitchen door opened.

"Daddy!" The girls sang in unison.

I heard three sets of feet running down a back stairs case leading into the kitchen. "Jason…Graham has company." His mom whispered like she was confirming something to him.

"Oh…who?" His dad said in the same whisper.

"Nessie Swan." Karrie replied in a normal volume voice.

"Chief Swan's niece?"

I heard everyone move through the kitchen. I quickly sat down in the arm chair facing the door Graham would be coming through. I fidgeted a bit before I settled on crossing my ankles and folding my hands on my knees. I pretended to be admiring a picture as I heard them peek around the corner.

"She's like a princess mommy." Emily said. I tried not to blush. There was a low whistle that didn't quite sound like Graham's dad and an elbow in some ribs. Graham's mom hushed who I assumed was his older brother Craig.

Knowing they wouldn't be the wiser, I ventured a peek in their direction. Graham's mom was holding the door just open about the width of three fingers. Five sets of eyes were peering at me.

 _I wonder if they would let Graham go to the movies with me if they knew what I really was._

I turned my head around and to look out the window – all within the blink of an eye. I tried to pretend they weren't there, but all the attention was began to make me antsy. I started shifting under the weight of their stares. Luckily it was a very normal human behavior to fidget while waiting, so I wasn't acting out of the ordinary.

I began to concentrate on Graham's movements. Thankfully he was running down the stairs at that moment. As he entered the room and I heard everyone scramble back into the kitchen so he wouldn't see them observing.

Now that they weren't looking at me anymore, I actually found it endearing that Graham's family had to make the effort to spy. My family didn't even have to be in the house to hear what was going on.

It could get kind of annoying.

"Hi Nessie." He walked over and I stood up.

"Hey Graham."

He stopped in front of me. I saw his hand move toward me but he let it drop back to his side instead. "Um, ready?" He asked.

"Yes sir." I smiled at him. He smiled back and I could see him relax.

"Be home later." He yelled without looking away from me.

"Have fun you two." His mom called innocently from the kitchen.

"Sorry to keep you waiting. I lost track of time." He said as he held the door open for me. I could hear everyone moving through the kitchen again and into the living room we had just vacated.

"Oh no worries. Your mom is just lovely." I smiled slightly as I heard her giggle at the complement.

As Graham closed the door I heard everyone in his family irrupt at once.

"You look very nice by the way." I waited till we were safely half way to the car before I said anything.

"Uh, thanks." He said looking down awkwardly. He was wearing a black button down shirt, jeans and black shoes. I could see his cheeks tuning red. _Aw, he's blushing._ "You look really, um, nice too."

"Thank you." I beamed at him and that seemed to make him more embarrassed. "So which Frankenstein movies are they playing?" I asked as I backed my car out of their driveway. I offered to drive this time since he drove last time.

"I don't actually know but I hope they are in black and white. Those tend to be the better ones. Your own imagination is scarier than anything someone else can come up with." He said grinning.

If he only knew he didn't need his imagination to know a real monster was sitting right next to one.

And if I had only known what the night held I would have reconsidered my plans. As we walked up to the theater I stopped dead in my tracks. If Graham had not been holding my hand I would have turned and run away.

There in the lobby of the theater were several life size cardboard cutouts of Dracula.

 _Oh No!_

This wasn't a Frankenstein marathon…it was a _vampire_ marathon.

"What's the matter?" Graham looked back at me curiously. I just blinked at him. _Of course it would be vampire movies._

"Hey guys!" Erica jumped up from the stone wall where she had been sitting next to her twin and came running over to us. "Geez what's wrong with you Nessie?" I looked at her. "Don't tell me you are scared." She chuckled a little. "Well don't worry, monsters aren't real. And Graham here will protect you if any come out of the screen." She gave a Graham a nudge with her elbow but he didn't comment. "Oh, you just have no sense of humor."

"We don't have to watch any movies…" Graham started but Erica cut him off.

"Of course she does." Erica grabbed my arm and pushed Graham out of the way. Giving Graham a look she asked. "Do you mind?"

"Sorry." He held up his hands. "I can take a hint. You obviously have something to say you don't want me to hear." Graham winked at me. "I'll just go get the tickets."

"No that's okay…" I tried to protest but Erica stepped in front of me.

"The guy is supposed to pay."

"What?" I watched Graham walk over and stand in line. I was suddenly not feeling very up to a monster movie marathon…especially now that I was the monster

"Gee Nessie, you act like you have never been on a date before. Anyway, you will never guess what I have to tell you…."

 _What?_ I blinked at her. _Date?_ The rest of her words were lost on me.

The sudden silence indicated she was waiting for a response. Not knowing what she just said, I shrugged and hoped for the best. I was unable to concentrate on anything but Graham. _We were on a date? I thought dates were one on one. Does Graham know this? Did he want to be on a date? Was it his suggestion or was Erica just blowing hot air?_

Out of nowhere, the image of me leaning over and whispering to him _"Wanna know what it really feels like to be bitten by a vampire"_ flashed into my head.

I groaned internally.

"Lydia!" She squealed which caught my attention enough that I looked at her. "Can you believe she finally called Austin last night and asked him? I mean it took her long enough, but how exciting is that."

I forced a smile on my face and hoped it was convincing. "That's great." I assumed she was talking about Lydia asking Austin – Lydia had called me last night to tell me knowing full well that Erica had a big mouth.

I tried not to let my face fall as the girl behind the counter handed Graham the tickets. I should have said no yesterday. When am I ever going to learn to listen to my gut when it tells me something is a bad idea?

"And speak of the devil." I didn't have to turn to hear Lydia's old red 240 Volvo station wagon grinding to a halt in a parking spot at the far end of the lot. "Don't tell her I told you. She wanted to tell you herself…or so Austin said."

 _I'll just let her think she told me first._

Erica pulled me to the front doors probably hoping to cover her tracks before Lydia got out of her car. I could hear Lydia on her cell phone telling her mom she arrived and that there were some clothes in the dryer.

"Here you go." Graham handed me a ticket. "Are you sure you are feeling okay? You look a little pale…even for you." He grinned at me. Normally that would have made me laugh but not this time.

"I'm fine." I answered in a small voice.

 _Okay just focus on the positive._ At least I didn't have to worry about accidentally crushing someone in the movie theater. The arm rests prohibited too much physical contact.

"We can go home if you want to." Graham offered. I looked up and his face was full of concern.

"Nessie!" Lydia cried and ran up to me, giving me a big bear hug. "I'm glad you came." She whispered in my ear. She sounded like it had been years since she saw me last instead of only yesterday.

I was surprised to find I actually had missed her too. I didn't know why, usually I went the entire weekend without even thinking about my school friends, let alone missing them so much. Maybe it was just the strong emotion in her voice. I inhaled and the scent of vanilla filled my nose.

 _Oh geez, between her and Graham how could I leave now?_ Guilt suddenly crept over me; I didn't hang out with them enough. Truthfully, I found I didn't really want to go home. It became very clear that I was running out of time with them.

Two years wasn't enough time.

I can sit through a horror flick with them. It's just a stupid movie after all. I need to just be cool. So what if I was the monster on the screen. They didn't know that. To my friends I was just like a normal _human_ teenager like they were and the people on the screen were just actors portraying fictional characters.

Vampires weren't real to them…that was how it needed to remain.

Just then Ashley's car pulled up and everyone else piled out. I noted how everyone seemed to be paired up and wondered if dating had become a team sport.

Of course that was a whole other issue…was I or wasn't I on a date with Graham.

We all filed into the theater. It was pretty much full…of course. Apparently the bloodsucking undead were popular among the folks of Forks Washington. Surprisingly there was an entire vacant row four rows back from the front and our group took up all the seats. And lucky me was smack dab in the middle.

"This should be good. I've always liked Dracula." Graham whispered as the lights began to dim. I felt a little flutter in the pit on my stomach

 _He likes Dracula…_

Then stopped myself; I shouldn't be happy to hear that. Vampires were far too dangerous for him to be around. Only I couldn't help but smile a little as if he had just given me his stamp of approval.

 _What the heck is wrong with me?!_

"Oh yeah, vampires are definitely my favorite." Lydia whispered on the other side of me. I looked her right in the eyes and my first thought was " _She knows._ "

 _That's impossible._ I have no normal characteristics of vampires. She could not have figured it out. I looked back to the front when she turned to look at me. Her face was lit up by an explosion on the screen and her eyes were more intense than I had ever seen them before.

 _Calm down, she doesn't know anything._ I repeated to myself over and over.

"Eh, they are okay." I whispered back. "I was really looking forward to Frankenstein though."

I need to tell dad…no, I can't do that. He'll know I was careless. _We can't afford to make mistakes._ His words echoed in my mind.

Having no idea what to do, I shifted slightly so I was leaning closer to Graham – which from the sound of his heart he didn't seem to mind. Not like that was actually going to do any good, but it did make me feel better.

I had nothing to worry about I was the best liar in my family…okay of my friends. Fine so I was a lousy liar. It wasn't exactly an admirable character trait to have anyway. I still had nothing to worry about…

…I hoped.

Normally the trailers were about upcoming movies but not tonight. Every movie trailer was about some vampire movie or new television series out there. And there were a lot. _Why were people so obsessed with vampires anyway?_ _I mean there really is nothing glamorous about having to suck the blood out of a living creature in order to survive. I should know._

I contemplated jumping over the seats in front of me and making a mad dash for the exit. They would never catch me and I could say I suddenly felt sick. But then Graham grabbed my hand and I felt those stupid butterflies in my stomach again.

I wasn't exactly opposed to the idea of being on a date with Graham. I mean…

 _Whoa, wait a minute here. What am I thinking? He's just a silly human boy, it would never work out. I mean for one thing we could never go out on a dinner date. Not to forget – and most importantly - I'm a blood sucking monster for crying out loud._

No, in two years my family and I would move to a different high school and I would never see him again.

As it should be.

The thought of only getting two more years with Graham…and with my Lidie bean…just wasn't fair. _How did my family do it?_ It must be so hard on them sometimes, never getting to form bonds with humans. Year after year drifting further and further from their original and true nature, it was pretty depressing to think about.

 _That was going to be my life as well._

I absentmindedly started toying with my wolf necklace wishing Jacob was here. He thought horror flickers were hilarious and I could certainly use a laugh right now. I smiled a little as I thought of some of the great jokes he probably would have made regarding the irony of my situation.

Graham shifted in his seat and leaned closer to me. I instantly thought of those old timey movies where the guy pretends to yawn so he could put his arm around the girl. I was kind of hoping he might try that, but at the moment he only leaned in enough so our shoulders were touching.

 _I could at least try to enjoy the moment._

The first of the two flicks started. It was an old black and white; the ones Graham likes. I peeked over at him and he was grinning from ear to ear. He was very cute when he smiled.

I watched his face as the poor unsuspecting victim is warned by the locals not to go out at night because of the Count Dracula.

 _How silly. I wonder if they realized that hiding under the covers wouldn't stop a vampire. Heck a wall wouldn't be able to stop a vampire._

A few seats down I heard Dean whisper to Erica "I want to suck your blood." They both giggled. I wonder if for kicks some vampire out there actually had said that to their victim.

Thankfully the special effects of the old black and white movies weren't like they are now and the blood and gore was kept to a minimum. It made it easier for me to watch, I could pretend it was a different movie. Aside from the subject, it wasn't that bad. I even began to like it a little.

 _Man, the only thing Hollywood got right was the menu. No one in my family turned into a bat and none of us certainly ever slept in a coffin…yuck._

A line from the movie caught my attention. That was a new one, I had not heard of vampires turning into wolves. I wonder if Jacob has seen this movie because I was defiantly going to have to tell him that one. I could hear him now. _"Yeah, you vamps wish you could phase."_

 _Boy wouldn't that shock him speechless if I suddenly changed into a giant wolf._ I kind of wished I could…it would be really cool.

 _I wonder what he's doing now._

As the final scene of the movie was playing I suppressed a chuckle. The sunlight didn't hurt vampires and there was no way any scrawny little human, especially an old one, could drive a stake into the chest of a vampire. It would be like trying to drive a stake in a boulder.

The female lead ran safely into the arms of her male counterpart and I heard Brittany exhale. I looked over at her face and realized I was surrounded by my human friends and I could relate more to the monster on the screen.

 _Ugh_!

No one was looking at me, but I felt like I was under a microscope. Like someone had picked up my diary and was reading it to the whole theater.

I couldn't stop myself from squirming in my seat. I had no reason to feel like all my secrets were being aired on the big screen, no one even believed in vampires. And certainly no one thought I was one. I had nothing to worry about. That was how humans could sleep at night and go on with their daily lives, by pretending the supernatural didn't exist.

Then the second film started. It didn't help that movies made in the twenty first century never left anything to the imagination. Not that I knew the eating habits of all the vampires in the world, but there was an overabundance of blood and gore. Graham squeezed my hand and I looked at him.

He winked at me. "It's just a movie." He whispered.

 _Ha-ha, yeah just a movie._

But I wasn't just a movie. I was real life.

I averted my eyes from the screen and looked at anything but. It was actually pretty gruesome even for me. I caught myself as I started thinking no vampire would leave that much blood behind. A few drops at the most and no one would be the wiser. It would be so easy to… _what am I thinking?_

Ashamed I buried my face in my hand and pressed myself against the seat, careful not to press too hard and break it. No matter how hard I closed my eyes, I could still hear the swishing sound blood made as it raced through the thousands of veins around me and the ones closest to me were the veins of my friends…people I loved.

With each scream – both on screen and off - I shrunk further and further into my seat trying to make myself invisible. I was horrified and the irony was far from funny. While I had never killed a human I knew there were plenty of vampires out there who did. My family was significantly outnumbered when it came to our choice of cuisine. Not to mention I could easily lose control any moment and kill someone.

I felt Graham shiver next to me and I peeked at him. "Man that was creepy." He said with a huge grin on his face. I realized the lights had come on and everyone started to stand up. I looked at the screen and saw that the movie had ended.

"You okay?" Graham asked. I looked back at him and the skin between his eyebrows was pushed together with concern. I became aware that in an effort to become invisible I had curled up into a little ball and everyone else had stopped and were looking at us.

"Yup," I quickly uncurled myself and jumped up. "I'm fine. Good movie." _The worst thing I had ever seen. Man I hope there were no vampires out there like that._

Graham eyed me a moment then started pulling me out the isle. He had not let go of my hand the entire time. As we made our way out the double doors, I couldn't get the faces of the vampires and their victims out of my mind. Somewhere out there those victims were real people. My legs felt a little like jell-o as I followed Graham into the lobby.

"Hey let's walk over to the Starbucks." Evan offered. "I could use a frappuccino."

"Oh that sounds yummy." Erica second.

"Can you imagine how awful it would be if there really were such things as vampires." I winced as Brittany shivered. She would probably die of fear if she knew there was a half vampire walking about three feet away from her right now.

"Oh come on Brittany, it's just a movie. Vampires are not real." Austin said.

 _Little did he know._ I almost felt like tapping him on the shoulder and saying _Boo!_

"I wasn't saying they were real." She retorted. "I was just saying it would be like my worst nightmare come true."

"What to be one or meet one?" Even asked.

"Both!" Brittany replied.

 _She doesn't know the meaning of the word nightmare._

"I had a nightmare one time that I was eaten alive by vampires. It was so real I could feel their teeth tearing my flesh." Erica offered. The image of a vampire tearing the flesh off her bones made me queasy.

It could very easily happen. Vampires - especially nomads - were attracted by the scent of other vampires. Mostly out of curiosity but our scent all over this town and could attract some unwanted visitors. Even if my family was a very large cove as coves go the people of Forks were not necessarily safe.

Come to think of it, the only group larger than ours was probably the Volturi. I involuntary shuttered at the thought of their name. No pleasant memories there.

It didn't make me feel the least bit better to know that even I had nightmares of my own kind.

"Really Nessie, is everything okay?" I felt Graham's arm wrap around my waist and he slowed down so we fell a little behind the rest of the group. "You look a little green and have been really quiet all night."

Before he could bring his hand up to my abnormally hot forehead I leaned back. I liked that he didn't seem to notice I was always a few degrees warmer than him. "I didn't realize I talked that much." I managed to grin up at him so he would know I was teasing.

"Well you do but that's not what I meant." I pretended to take offense. "I should get you home if you are not feeling well." He reached his hand up and ran the knuckle of his finger across my cheek – the same way Jacob did. I felt my cheeks redden at his touch and he smiled.

I looked up into his eyes and forgot how ashamed I had been moments earlier. "I'm okay." I managed to get out. I wasn't ready to say goodnight to him just yet.

 _How did he just do that?_

He turned back and picked up the pace, his arm still around my waist. "Good, I'd get awfully bored in Biology this Monday without you to distract me."

"I think it would be awesome to be a vampire." I heard Lydia say as Evan opened the doors to the store.

I almost tripped.

 _What!?_

I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from yelling at her. She had no idea what she was asking for.

"Are you freaking nuts?" Ashley asked the same time Graham asked. "You are a vegetarian, what would you eat?"

"I would think of something." She replied shrinking into herself. I stared at her; she was serious. No way, not my Lydia; that was something I would die before I let happen to her.

"Well, I still think it would be just awful." Brittany said clutching onto Evan's hand. He leaned over and pretended to bit at her neck. She screeched and bounced away from him. Everyone started laughing and pretending to bit each other or stake each other.

I slunk away to find some tables to sit at.

As I dropped into the seat, I could hear them talking about what they would do if they met a vampire or if they were one. After a moment I couldn't take it any longer and walked out. It was like someone saying something bad about a family member and not knowing you were related to them.

I stood outside inhaling the cold air. It felt nice, cooling off my lungs.

I couldn't stop the images of my friends coming across one of those creatures on the screen. The laden truth was that it could happen. And they wouldn't stand a chance. All they could do was hope it was over before they knew what hit them.

Hollywood doesn't know anything. Vampires are the ultimate predator. There is nothing man can do to protect themselves against one of us. I knew it was just human need to think there was always something that could be done to protect themselves; that they were not as truly helpless as they really were.

I was pacing back and forth in front of the store. _Why did I choose to come here? Sure most vampires out of courtesy wouldn't hunt in Forks if we asked them not to, but that wouldn't stop them from doing it when we left. Or if a disagreeable vampire showed up, then only the size of my family would protect the people of Forks…and my friends._

But who would protect my friends from me? They were in just as much danger standing next to me. I could just as easily lose control and…

"Nessie?"

I had been so lost in my thoughts I jumped when Graham opened the door. "Graham!"

"Sorry, sorry didn't mean to scare you." He reached his arm out and pulled me into a hug. "Wow, were you really scared by that movie?" He asked with a little chuckle. "Okay so no more horror movies in the future."

I didn't say anything. I just buried my face in his chest and inhaled. I felt a little better. His arms tightened around me and hunched over a little, as if protecting me from some unseen enemy. If he only knew I was that enemy. I took another deep breath and looked up at him.

"Better?" He asked.

I nodded. _Not even close._

He looked up. "It's a nice night. You can actually see the stars…some of them anyway."

I followed his gaze. I hadn't notice before but there were hardly any clouds in the sky allowing a few little stars to speckle the night sky. As I stood there wrapped in Graham's arms I began to think this was what it must feel like to be a normal human teenager. Just another thing that made me different from my family; they had all been fully human at one point in their lives while I was born a supernatural freak.

This was the only chance I got.

As if I would lose this feeling if I let him go, I tightened my arms around Graham – but careful not to squeeze too tight. For this brief time, I could pretend he could actually protect me from make believe monsters. That I if I believed hard enough I might actually belong with my friends instead of just playing the part.

 _Not that I didn't love my family, but I didn't fit in with them either…not really._

I looked back up at Graham as he looked at the stars and all I could think about was what it would be like to kiss him, really kiss him, just a normal human teenage girl kissing a normal human teenage boy.

 _How would I know what to do? I had never kissed anyone before. What if I was awful at it? Sure I had seen lots of people kissing, especially my parents, and it seemed easy enough. But what if I_ sucked _?_

 _Okay, let's back this train up_. I have absolutely no idea what tasting a normal human would do to my vampire half. Kissing one on the cheek was not quite as, well, intimate. No real tasting involved. But I stood there unable to pull my eyes away from his lips.

They looked so soft and inviting…

I mean dad had been able to kiss mom while she was a human, so maybe I could do it too…right? That is if Graham actually wanted to kiss me.

As if he heard what I was thinking, he looked back at me and smiled. I just blinked up at him and we stood there staring at each other. Then his face grew serious and I could see him swallow.

I felt my heart jump into my throat. _Uh oh._ I suddenly wasn't sure I was strong enough to handle any potential wave of hunger that might hit me. The thought of hurting him felt like a rock sitting in my stomach. I would never be able to live with myself if anything happened…

As he pressed his body closer to mine I felt my knees go a little wobbly. My desire to stay was much stronger than my desire to run. I didn't want to listen to that annoying little voice in my head telling me this was getting way out of hand.

At that moment I wanted to kiss him more than anything else.

I wanted desperately to know what it felt like to be a normal human girl even if just for a few minutes.

As he bent down I instantly held my breath just in case. He hesitated less than an inch away but only for a second; then he gently pressed his lips to mine. I waited but didn't feel anything. No tightening of my throat, no aching in my stomach, nothing. I relaxed as I realized his taste didn't trigger any uncontrollable thirst.

His tongue gently pushed my lips apart and my heart started pounding wildly in my throat - where it was still sitting. I couldn't decide if I wanted to giggle or race around singing and telling everyone in sight. I was practically giddy.

I felt his hand on the small of my back pulling me closer. Without thinking I reached up to place my hands around his neck but stopped myself before I ran my fingers through his hair. He didn't need to know about that little gift. So I balled them into fists instead.

"Ow, ow!" Dean's voice rang out in the darkness.

Graham reluctantly pulled away and looked at me shyly. I started chewing on my lower lip as my cheeks heated up. I could hear Graham's heart pounding as loud as mine but I couldn't tell if it was because Dean embarrassed him or because he liked the kiss.

I hoped it was the latter because I certainly had.

"Well don't stop on my account. Continue please." Dean said with a huge grin on his face. Graham stepped back slightly and loosened his grip but didn't completely let go of my waist.

"You two love birds ready to go?" Erica asked following Dean out the door.

I looked in the window and was mortified to find everyone else standing there ginning…well almost everyone. Brittany looked a little peeved.

We both just stood there sheepishly while everyone walked past making little comments or kissy noises. Once the hazing was over, Graham and I looked at each other and started to giggle; neither of us could stop smiling. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and kissed my temple as we followed everyone to the cars.

He held my hand the whole way to his house, tracing little circles on the top with the tip of his index finger. Every five seconds I would peek at him out of the corner of my eye – I didn't need to watch the road as intently as a normal human did. When I caught him looking at me, we would both grin widely and looked away.

I wasn't ready for the night to be over when I pulled up to the front of his house.

"So, should I be the one walking _you_ to the door since I drove?" I looked at him grinning. Truthfully I didn't know the protocol in this situation.

He quickly looked around. "No, it's probably better you stay in the car." I looked past him and saw most of his family peeking out the front window. "I'll never be left alone."

"Aw too bad…" I shook my head and pretended to be extremely disappointed.

He leaned closer. "And why is that?" He said with a mischievous grin on his face.

I leaning close enough that our lips were almost touching and looked at him. I heard his heart pounding and surpassed a grin. "No reason. Have a good night." I leaned back.

"What?!" He looked at me startled. He sat there blinking at me with his lips slightly parted.

"Well, you didn't want me to walk you to the door. I just assumed it was a dismissal." I shrugged. He had not moved an inch. "Of course I have been wrong before." I looked at him hopefully.

"Oh you are definitely wrong this time." He reached over and put his hand around the back of my head, gently pulling me to him.

Our lips met and I felt my heart start racing.

It was a good thing I had lightning fast reflexes because I barely remember the drive back to Charlie's. My head was in the clouds as I replayed our kiss over and over in my mind.

 _Man he's a good kisser. Not that I had anything to compare to but…who cares. He was great in my book._

I skipped all the way to the front door. It was a good thing it was dark outside and most of our neighbors were asleep because I was getting pretty good air on my skips. I stopped at the door to listen to see if Charlie or Sue was awake, but I could hear their steady slow breathing upstairs. I was in my room without a sound in five seconds – I had to lock the front door. I went straight to the window and opened it, inhaling deeply.

But my good mood was fractured as I didn't smell my Jacob on the breeze.

I stood there scanning the woods but didn't see anything either. Hoping he would come later I went and curled up under the covers. I figured I was too keyed up to sleep anyway so he wouldn't leave if he saw me asleep. But when my head hit the pillow I was more tired than I thought.

I was asleep in minutes.

The sun was just starting to set as Graham and I walked hand in hand through Port Angeles. I could feel the crunching of the snow under my feet as we walked.

 _Snow?_

I stopped and looked down. I didn't remember hearing it was going to snow this early in the winter. Sure enough when I looked around the entire town was covered in a blanket of soft white snow at least a foot deep.

"What's the matter?" Graham asked turning back to look at me. He had taken a couple of steps before he realized I had stopped.

"It snowed?" I looked at him puzzled.

"Nessie there is always snow on the ground here." He smiled at me and started pulling me with him.

 _Always snow here…what was he talking about?_

I stared at him, but his smile made it hard not to believe him. So I followed him.

We couldn't be in Forks if there was always snow on the ground. I looked around for some clue to where I might be but there was no doubt in my mind we were walking through Port Angeles.

I still couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. As we walked my sharp eye sight scrutinized every detail. Something was off. It didn't feel like Forks. But no matter how hard I examined my surroundings, everything screamed the sea side little town. The same shops lined the road in the precious order, the side walked cracked in the correct places and even the right street lights were broken.

I inhaled deeply feeling the cold air move through my lungs. Even the smells were true. I held my breath a moment tasting the air but it even tasted right.

Everything was perfect…but maybe that was it. It was too perfect.

As I exhaled I thought I saw the tiniest movement out of the corner of my eye - a movement too fast to be made by a human. I instantly froze.

"Come on Nessie, you are acting like you have never seen snow before." Graham said.

I ignored him straining my sight in the direction I was sure I saw movement. At least I think it was where I saw it. I blinked a few times but didn't see, hear, or smell anything.

 _Am I going crazy?_

 _No I already knew I was crazy. My imagination was just running away with me now._ I relaxed and turned to smile at Graham. Then it hit me, the cold air didn't _feel_ right. It somehow seemed colder. I could still feel the chill in my lungs even though I had completely let all the air out of them.

I suddenly got a prickly feeling on the back of my neck. It felt like someone was watching us very intensely. I spun around wildly searching everywhere…nothing.

I was officially out of my mind.

"Where are we going?" I asked Graham.

"It's a secret." Graham looked at me, but this time he had a strange look on his face. I couldn't tell if it was the way the last of the sun's rays was causing shadows on his face but he suddenly looked…frightened.

"Graham…" He held his finger to his lips indicating me to be silent and pointed westward. I looked back but couldn't make out what he was pointing at. There was nothing over there but the setting sun.

He picked up the pace with determination. I don't know why but I kept my eyes to the ground as we walked. I really wanted to be looking around but my eyes wouldn't move from the white carpet we walked on. I had this uneasy feeling I needed to be looking for something and that our lives depended on it.

Then I spotted it – two little spatters of blood on the ground.

 _This is bad…_

I stopped but Graham kept tugging my arm. I looked up at him. I wanted to cry looking into his beautiful brown eyes.

"I'll protect you, don't worry."

 _This is very very bad!_

"Come on Nessie, please." He pulled again and we started to run. To where, I had no idea but I followed him faithfully. I wanted to pick him up because I could go that much faster than him, but I couldn't get my body to do anything but run at a human's pace.

The spots of blood turned into streaks which got bigger and bigger as we made our way to wherever we were going. Whoever made those marks put up a good struggle. The blood was mixed with the snow and dirt to make a morbid dirty red slushy…blood flavored.

All of a sudden Graham stopped and I nearly crashed into him.

I craned my neck around him to see what made his stop and immediately place myself between him and the creatures leering at him.

 _They did come!_

There were six of them. The same creatures I saw on the movie screen with midnight black eyes and razors for teeth. Blood was smeared all over their chins and clothes and they smelled like death; only not so much smell as felt like death.

"Nessie…" Graham sounded far away even though I knew he was right behind me. I hushed him but the leader let out an ear piercing screech which caused the others to do the same. I felt Graham cringe and cover his ears and I crouched into a defensive position. Two of them started to shift their weight back and forth, preparing to strike.

I let out a vicious snarl and glared at the leader, daring him to make a move. I knew I didn't stand a chance and so did they. They could smell the blood running through my veins just as they could Graham's. But if I could keep their attention, maybe Graham could get away. After all I had a better shot at survival than he did.

The leader started jerking his head- almost like every movement was painful - and spoke in some ancient forgotten language only a very old vampire would know. The others began to very slowly spread out.

They were going to surround us.

I let out another snarl and a low deep growl. I felt Graham straighten behind me. As I stared into the black eyes of the leader, I felt any hope I had for Graham bleeding out of me into the snowy ground. I was no match for even one of them, let alone six.

Even as the others moved, I didn't take my eyes off the leader. I couldn't. He was both frightening and alluring at the same time. Like a beautiful angel of death, he was magnificent and sinister at the same time. I was horrified to find that I found him mesmerizing.

 _What did that say about me?_

A screech came from further off in the distance and I heard the pounding of some poor victims heart as he, I assumed by the weight of the steps, tried to escape.

 _How many were there? Was there any hope for anyone? What about my friends, Charlie, Sue…did any of them stand a chance?_

For whatever reason I swirled around to face Graham, taking my eyes off the leader. Only he was not staring at them, he was staring at me with the same look of fear he had earlier.

"You…you're…" He stammered. He started backing up and I was afraid that might trigger one of those creature's hunting instincts.

"Graham…" I tried to reach for him but he thrashed out of the way.

"No!" He yelled and took off running.

I followed.

I didn't hear the creatures pursuing us. Maybe they were just toying with us in a sick game of cat and mouse. Graham kept running and so did I. I was the only one hot on his trail.

As we ran down the main street and past the closed stores I finally caught up with him. "Graham!" I yelled as I gripped his shoulder.

"Stay away from me." He tried to squirm out of my hold but my hand instinctively squeezed harder. But I squeezed too hard and I felt his bones crush in my hand. Graham yelled and dropped to his knees in pain. He looked up at me terrified. I caught sight of my reflection in his eyes and starred at it in horror.

I had turned into one of them.

I had somehow become one those vile creatures with the same dead black eyes and razor teeth. I let out a screech that sounded too much like one of theirs and Graham cringed. I saw a tear role down his cheek and I reached to wipe it away but he cowered away from my touch.

 _What happened to me? Was this my true self? A vile monster…_

I wanted to tell him I would never hurt him. That I may look like a monster on the outside but it was still me on the inside but I wasn't a hundred percent certain that was true. I let out another screech.

I woke up shaking on the floor, tears streaming down my face. I heard Charlie moving quickly down the hall. He didn't knock but burst into the room fully alert.

"What happened?" He asked scanning the room. He looked a little startled to find me on the floor. "Everything alright Nessie?"

"Yeah Grandpa, just a bad dream." I said, which was the understatement of the year. I stood up and climbed back into bed.

"Oh, well do you need a glass of water or something?" He asked standing there awkwardly. I saw a flash of real concern cross through his eyes, almost like he was expecting something worse to happen.

"No thank you. I'm alright. I'll just lay here and read a little bit." I reached for the book sitting on my nightstand.

"Okay, well if you need anything you know where to find us."

"Thank you Grandpa. Goodnight."

He hesitated a moment then walked over and kissed the top of my head. "Good night kido." He lingered a moment as if to make sure I was really okay and then left.

I flopped back onto the bed. I wanted to talk to someone…and I knew just the person.

"Come in."

I gently opened the door, slipped in, and closed it softly behind me. I always felt bad interrupting Carlisle when he was reading in his study, even if he did have eternity to do so.

He looked up and smiled at me, placing his book on his desk. "Hello Nessie dear. I didn't expect to see you here."

"Hi Grandpa," I stood there a moment and looked at him sitting behind his big desk. He looked like he should be in a corner office on the twentieth floor of some high rise not in a Victorian style house in the middle of the woods of Forks Washington. There was absolutely no doubt Carlisle was the foundation of this family and I could see that even more as I looked at him.

"How was the movie?" He asked.

I just shrugged. I moved over to his side and kissed him on the cheek. "Oh, that's one of my favorites." I said looking down at the book he held in his hand. It was Chaucer's _The Canterbury Tales._ I smiled slightly as I remember reading it to him when I was younger.

"Yes, it's one of mine too."

I lingered there a moment before drifting over to his massive bookshelf. I gently ran my fingers over the spins of the books, some as old as Carlisle and some much newer. The tranquility of his office had a calming effect and I felt a little silly at how worked up over my nightmare I had been.

Carlisle didn't say anything but went back to his reading. He knew I was sorting things out in my head and he was prepared to give me as much time as I needed. And he had plenty to spare.

"Grandpa," The sound of my voice almost made me jump. After having been there over a half an hour in total silence, it sounded more like I yelled it. Everyone else was hunting or doing something else that took them out of the house. It was only myself and Carlisle - which was nice because I didn't really want dad to know what was going through my mind.

I had been thumbing through an original copy of some old text, not really paying attention to the words. I slid it gently back into its place as I turned to look at him. He had placed his book down again and sat there patiently watching me. As I looked at the twenty something year old – who was really closer to four hundred – I felt ashamed. Carlisle had never in his long life killed a human. Heck he probably never hurt a human wither. What would he think of me if I told him my dream?

He seemed to sense my hesitation and offered "Why don't you start by telling me what brings you home at such a late hour. Aren't you supposed to be asleep at Charlie's?"

"Well I don't sleep much so I usually go out for a run or something." I informed him. It wasn't really an answer to his question, but it was all I had.

"Really?" He leaned forward a little in his seat and folded his hands on top of his desk. He looked like a real physician who had just been told something out of the ordinary.

"I only sleep four hours now." I continued as I walked over to the couch and sat down.

"So you no longer need eight…since when?"

"Well I think maybe three and a half years ago I started waking up after six hours…"

"...and now you wake up after four. And you stopped growing over six months ago." He was looking at me but more so repeating the facts to himself out loud. But I nodded again. "And you are half human. Interesting."

 _I wonder what he's getting at._

But he remained quiet. I looked at him a moment then lowered my eyes. "Do you think some nonhumans are evil no matter what their actions?"

"No more than any human is." He replied not fully understanding my true meaning.

"But humans weren't made to kill other humans to stay alive."

"No, but they kill out of greed and jealousy." He moved from his desk and to the sofa next to me. "You can't call a lion evil because it kills an antelope to survive."

"But lions don't eat other lions." I mumbled more to myself.

He pondered that for a moment. "Do you think we are evil Nessie?" He asked.

"No! Of course not!" Horrified by his question I looked into his eyes but quickly looked away. I didn't mean that…did I? "It's just…well…I'm not fully vampire and I'm not fully human…."

"And you want to know where you fit in?" He nodded with sudden comprehension. He looked at me a moment. He inhaled deeply – an act more out of habit than necessity - and brought his hand to his chin mulling over what I was saying.

"What if no matter what I do I will eventually do the wrong thing because that is what I'm programmed to do?" I asked quietly. I wanted to slink out of Carlisle's office as the words spilled out of my mouth.

"I don't think you are programmed to do wrong Nessie. I believe your heart will never lead you astray."

I just shrugged. "Maybe I don't have a heart." And by heart I didn't mean the organ pumping blood through my body.

We sat in silence a moment and I could feel Carlisle watching me but I refused to look at him. He must think I'm nuts.

"Do you believe humans have souls?"

"Of course." Carlisle knew I wasn't talking about an organ either.

"And do you believe we have souls?" By _'we'_ I knew he meant vampires.

"Absolutely." This had been a debate in my family since before I was born but I sided with Carlisle from the beginning.

"So you believe humans have souls and vampires have souls, but what makes you doubt your own soul?" I just stared at him blankly, not knowing what to say. "It would seem to me that if both humans and vampires have souls, and you are half of both, then you should have one as well."

"Or I'm some hybrid freak that wasn't enough of either to get one." I could hear the bitterness in my voice.

"Do you love your family and friends Nessie?" Carlisle asked.

"More than anything." I said with as much conviction as I could,

"Then how can you have no soul or heart if you love so completely?"

Being stubborn I replied, "Because the chemicals in my brain…"

"I'm not talking about just the physical reaction." Carlisle replied with as much patients as he had at the beginning of this conversation. "I'm talking about what make those reactions and why. Why you feel certain ways and think certain things. Why you like this particular song over another. I'm talking about what makes you, you."

"But what if my soul is evil?"

"Nessie, there are no evil souls. There are people who do evil actions because they don't listen to their hearts."

"But I have horrible dreams in which I hurt people." I blurted out.

"Nightmares?" I nodded. "I seem to remember those." Carlisle said, squinting his eyes ever so slightly like he always did when he was remembering something from a very long time ago. "Tell me about this dream." He asked. I always wondered if they missed dreaming, since no one in my family slept but me.

I usually tried to not say anything about dreams I had just in case it somehow reminded them about all the things they had lost or given up, but this time I couldn't stop myself. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes as I lifted my hand to Carlisle's cheek and replayed my dream. I really hoped he hadn't notice my hand shook a little.

There was only one negative thing about doing it this way of communication; Carlisle would get not only the images but all my thoughts and feelings. Even though I was born with this little 'gift' I wasn't able to filter very well.

"Well for one thing you should probably not watch scary movies anymore. You have a very active imagination as it is." Carlisle sounded just like dad when he said that.

"But dreams are supposed to be a manifestation of your inner thoughts and desires."

"So you desire to be good." He concluded.

"What are you talking about?" I asked. "I obviously want to be a monster. I want to be one of those horrible creatures from that movie."

"For someone so young, you have an awful lot of ' _what ifs_.'Nessie, you saw yourself in your friend's eyes as one of them but you didn't want to harm this Graham boy. In fact you wanted to protect him. I fail to see how that makes you one of them."

I opened my mouth to counter and found I had nothing to say. He was right. He grabbed my hand and squeezed it slightly. I felt a little better as we heard Emmet and Jasper arguing as they walked in the back door.

"I think you should get back to Charlie's before he wakes and finds you missing." Carlisle said standing up.

I thought of the concern I saw in Charlie's eyes earlier and figured that was a good idea. "Thanks Grandpa." I said kissing him on the cheek.

"Anytime, sweetheart." He said smiling at me.

I rushed out the door with only a "Hi" to my aunts and uncles and hurried home. Charlie got up early because he liked to go fishing. I didn't want him to open the door to my bedroom and find it empty. The last thing I wanted was for him to have a heart attack. Mom would probably be pretty upset with me if that happened.

I caught Jacob's scent as I entered the back yard at a dead run. _Jacob!_ I thought happily as I closed in on the dark house. _Good, it looks like they are both still sleeping._ I looked at the moon and knew that I was cutting it close.

I jumped up into my bedroom and felt like the wind was let out of my sail. It was empty. I had missed my Jacob.

I froze as someone opened the door.

"You should tell Sue to get some O.J." Jacob said.

"Jacob!" I jumped across the room into his arms, causing him to drop the muffin he was eating.

"Aw Nessie look what you made me do." He said as I wrapped myself around him. I squeezed him as he bent down to retrieve the discarded pastry.

"You're still here." I said grinning from ear to ear.

"Not for much longer." He replied. "I'm actually heading out."

"Why do you always keep doing that?" I pouted as I slipped out of his arms.

"Hey, I've been here waiting. It's not my fault you were out." He actually sounded a little annoyed with me.

At his tone I instantly became defensive. "I went to see Carlisle."

"Oh, how is the doc?" He asked walking over to the rocking chair and sitting down.

"He's good."

He nodded at me but didn't say anything further. Instead he shoved the whole muffin in his mouth and let his eyes wonder over the room. I plopped down on the bed and picked up my book, _Wuthering Heights_. Actually it wasn't my book, it was my mom's. She had let me borrow it when I was little. It was old and well used and I fingered the edge of a page that had been dog eared multiple times.

"Alright, I'm out." Jacob said suddenly standing up.

"Fine." I said trying not to let the hurt come out in my voice.

"Good night Nessie." He said then disappeared out the window.

I sat there staring at the open window stunned. _What was that all about?_ Hurt and a little angry I threw a pillow at the now empty rocking chair. I now was going to have to get Sue a new pillow.

Jacob didn't come over to the house till Sunday evening. Sue had invited him and Seth over for dinner because I had been "sulking around the house" all afternoon p - which was an exaggeration. But he didn't even say anything to me and of course I stubbornly refused to be the first one to talk.

That night I didn't get any sleep, I just tossed and turned thinking about how childish Jacob was acting. He was just being a stupid boy. I didn't know why he was acting like that and I didn't care.

 _Well, if he wants to act like that, fine by me. He can call me when he's over his little tantrum._

But no matter how angry I pretended to be, I was more hurt than anything. Jacob had never, never acted like this before. I shot up as a dreadful idea hit me.

 _Maybe he has a girlfriend._

I hated the idea of Jacob with a girl. For one thing none of them were good enough for him, and for another what if I never got to see him because he spent all his time with her now. _Stupid girl, I wonder who she is_.

I spent the rest of the evening running through all the possible girls he could be dating until it was time for me to go to school…where I was temporarily distracted with my own human boy.

 **Chapter 8: The Dance**

"So I'm supposed to be there at what time?" Dean asked for what felt like the fiftieth time today.

"Seven." I replied.

"Why do we have to get there so early?" He whined.

I was very much not in the mood for this. "Well, how often is it that we get you in a tux? There are definitely going to have to be pictures." I asked pinching his cheeks.

"Oh hardy har har." He said stepping back out of my grip.

"Look I'm going to tell Erica…" I said this because I heard Erica walking up behind me.

"Tell me what?" She asked causing Dean to give me a pleading look.

"Dean was just saying he was going to be at Charlie's a little early so you can take your pictures first." I said both giving him some brownie points and getting him back for complaining about what time he had to be at the house. Just because some boys were stupid didn't mean I needed to take my annoyance out on the nice ones.

"Oh how sweet of you." She kissed him on the lips. "Nessie, isn't he sweet?"

"Yup." The look on his face was both relief and irritation. Our eyes met and I winked at him. They walked off toward his locker holding hands – still excited over their new relationship. I stared at their interlocked fingers with envy.

 _Stupid Jacob._

My hand flexed involuntarily. Jacob was still acting like a jerk. While I had seen him every day as usual, it had only been in passing. He and Seth would be leaving Charlie's while I was just getting there and all I would get from him was a quick "Hello/Good bye."

I hated it more than anything.

He and I had never fought. What was worse was that I had no idea what I had done to piss him off. As far as I could tell I didn't deserve this treatment a _nd_ he was hogging Seth, so I had no way of getting any information out of _my_ best friend.

"Would it make you that happy if I showed up early too?" Graham said from behind me. The sound of his voice seemed to unexpectedly lighten my mood. I quickly turned around and planted a hard kiss on his lips, wrapping my arms around his waist. I pulled away and he looked at me with wide eyes.

"Hi Graham." I smiled up at him with my most dazzling smile. I heard his heart start pounding faster.

"Um…hi…" At least he was still talking to me, sort of.

"So what are you doing tonight?" I asked suddenly getting an idea in my head. If Jacob didn't want to see me then I'll just make myself scarce.

"Oh, um we have, um, family game night twice a month." He looked a little embarrassed.

 _Okay, so much for that idea._ I tried not to look disappointed. "Oh that's great. I wish my family had done that when I was little." Which was mostly a true statement. We did always try to play baseball whenever there was a thunderstorm.

"It was something my parents started when Craig and I were little." Graham explained as we walked slowly, hand in hand, to our cars. It wasn't Jacob's hand, and I was glad of that - or so I told myself. "I'm sure they wouldn't mind if you came." He added as we walked through the double doors and into the breezeway.

"Absolutely not." I said. "I'm not going to interrupt family night. That's too important." He looked at me skeptically. I knew there was no way he could understand exactly what I meant, but for me, my family was the only constant I would have in the long, long, long years of my life. "Besides, I really should prep Charlie for having six teenage girls running around his house all afternoon tomorrow."

Somehow I talked Charlie into letting me have all the girls come over to his house to get ready before the dance. I think it helped that Sue seemed to really like the idea. She did have a daughter but from my understanding Leah was pretty independent. I don't think Sue ever got to do girlie things like this with her. I think Charlie could tell she seemed to be looking forward to doing something like this.

"Yeah, that's probably a good idea." Graham agreed. As we stood at my car a few drops started to fall from the sky. Graham looked up and got hit right in the eye. "Ah!" He whipped his eyes as I started to giggle. "Guess I deserved that." He looked at me grinning. "Hope it doesn't rain tomorrow." He added.

Alice said that tomorrow it would be overcast, but no rain. "It's won't." Before he could say anything, I stepped closer to him, looked up and puckered out my lips. He bent down and planted his lips to mine. We stood there a moment before it started to rain a little harder. "Go, I don't want you getting sick on me." I said shooing him away as he opened my door. I slid in and he shut it behind me, then turned and dashed to his car only a few spots away.

Traffic was slow, even though it rained all the time here, and I needed to make a stop before I got home. I pulled out my phone as I made the familiar turn down the dirt road and gunned it. Like everyone else in my family I hated driving slowly. I made it down the three mile stretch to the house in about a minute. Rose was standing on the porch waiting for me, looking annoyed as usual. She really hated getting wet.

"Took you long enough." Rose griped as she got in the car. I ignored her and put the car in reverse. I made it back to the street just as fast as it took me to get to the house. It would have been faster in my Ferrari, but I couldn't use that to drive around Port Angeles.

I had asked Rose to help me pick out the makeup for my friends because, while all vampires had nearly a perfect eye, Rose was the most into appearances. So I figured she would have the best eye for this since mine wasn't quite as exact as theirs and I didn't really wear makeup. Plus I liked spending time with her. She was pretty blunt and I seemed to be in the mood for.

We spent the rest of Friday afternoon picking out the perfect shades of eye and face makeup for each girl and her dress, which was the exact reason I suggested we all go and get our dresses together.

Unfortunately, that was an experience I'll not soon forget. I thought Brittany and Ashley would be the worst but it was actually Erica who was the most irritating. I guess because she was the least girlie of the bunch. She must have tried on every dress in about three different stores – complaining the whole time - before she went back to the second one she tried on in the first store. At the end even my head was spinning.

If every dance was going to be like this I might have to pass on the rest of them; though I guess since I'd be going with my family it wouldn't be as bad.

"So are we finally done catering to dogs now?" Rose asked out of the blue as I turned down the nearly hidden driveway of my family's house.

"What do you mean?" I tried not to sound hurt. Okay, her bluntness was nice so long as it wasn't directed at me. And if Rosalie notice, it must have been bad.

"Bella tells us that you and furface are fighting or something along those lines."

"Who told her that!?"

"Charlie. Not that I mind not having the smelly mutt around anyway, but you seemed to be happy around him. I just thought you might want to talk to someone…" She fell silent.

I was genuinely touched. I knew Rose and Jacob were never on the best of terms; okay they barely tolerated each other, but for her to make an effort was pretty significant. "He's just being a stupid boy." I told her.

"Okay." It seemed like that was all she was going to say about it. And that made me want to spill my guts.

"I mean I had gotten home from the movies last weekend and had a…" I stopped myself before I said anything. That was one of the hazards of having a father that could read minds. But I guess if I already told Carlisle...

"Nessie, I've been keeping things from Edward for decades now. If you don't want him to know he won't find out from me." She said perceptively.

I knew she meant it. "I had a dream."

"Is that all?" But she seemed serious.

"A nightmare in which I was a horrible bloodsucking monster and I was about to kill my friend." I couldn't help but felt pretty silly about the whole situation.

"Okay." Rose sat there waiting for me to continue.

"I went to talk to Carlisle and when I got back Jacob had been waiting for me."

"In your room at night, no wonder you don't want Edward to know."

I opened my mouth but stopped. _Oh, I hadn't thought about that part._ It's a good thing my teenage instincts told me to go to anyone _but_ my parents.

"Relax, Edward would go and stay with Bella almost every night once they were together. He can't really say anything without being a hypocrite." I could tell Rose was getting a little too much enjoyment out of this.

"Well anyway, I said I was glad Jacob didn't leave but then he said he was about to so I asked him why he was always doing that because he did that to me once before and it seemed to piss him off because he said that he had been waiting but _I_ wasn't there and then went to the rocking chair and sat down for like forty five seconds before getting up and saying he was leaving so I said 'fine' and he just left…just like that." I didn't take a single breath through my entire explanation.

"Whoa…" Was all Rosalie said.

"What's the supposed to mean?" For some reason the irrational part of my brain kicked in and I thought maybe she knew something. "I'm right. He does have a girlfriend and doesn't want to see me anymore."

Rose made a gagging sound. "Ew gross Nessie!" But when she saw my face she added. "Trust me the mutt doesn't have a girlfriend." I had long since given up on asking her not to call Jacob a mutt. He called her blondie or babrie and she called him mutt or dog; it seemed to work for them.

"But how do you know?" I whined. We had been sitting idle in the driveway for about two minutes.

"I have my ways." She leaned over and kissed my cheek. "You went to the movies with your friends…and that human boy you are going to the dance with right?"

"Yes, a group of us went and Graham was there." Not sure why she was asking me this and a little annoyed she was completely changing the subject.

"Ah, Graham. You know that's a nice name." Was the last thing she said before she closed the door and disappeared into the house.

 _So what if that was a nice name._

I growled with frustration. Why does it seem like everyone knows something but never wants to tell me. It's like some annoying game of "keep away." I stomped on the peddle and the tires spun in the soft ground a second before catching and roaring backwards down the dirt road. I shot out of a hidden drive at sixty and almost took out a small hatchback. Lucky for them I had lightning fast reflexes and I was able to swerve and turn my car right way before they knew what was going on.

My frustration only grew as I pulled up to Charlie's house to see Jacob's car, and another car I didn't recognize, sitting out front.

 _Oh great, what does he want?_

It was weird, but he was the last person I wanted to see at this particular moment in time. I took a deep breath and tried not to pull the door off my car as I got out. It may not have gone very fast but I still liked it. Plus dad would have not been too happy with me.

I stood at the front door a moment before quietly opening it and walking in. I was pretty sure only Seth and Jacob heard me so I noisily placed my bag on the stairs and took off my coat.

"Nessie is that you?" Charlie called from the living room.

"Yeah." I replied and waited as I heard him get up and walk to the door. I sniffed the air and recognized Leah's scent but there was some other guy here I didn't know. It must be Daniel, Leah's boyfriend.

"Where've you been? I thought you would be home earlier." Charlie looked a little irritated.

I quickly glanced at my watch and realized Rose and I had been out an hour later than I said I would be. "I'm sorry Grandpa. I was picking out necessities for tomorrow." I picked up the bag and shook it. "I would have called but I lost track of time."

"Well, that's okay." He shifted a little. "Um, we have company." After what Rose told me, I could see he was a worried about Jacob being here. Gee, I hadn't realized we were acting that poorly. Well I would make an effort to be nice to Jacob, for Charlie.

"I saw the cars." I smiled at him and he visibly relaxed. I walked into the living room to see Seth, Jacob and who I assumed Daniel sitting on the couch. It looked extremely crowded. I could hear Leah in the kitchen with Sue.

"Hey Nes." Seth smiled at me.

"Hi Seth. Jacob." Jacob just nodded at me and I bit my tongue to keep from sticking it out at him.

"Nessie this is Daniel, Leah's boyfriend." Seth offered.

"Hi Daniel nice to meet you." I smiled at him.

"Nice to meet you too Nessie." He returned the smile.

I looked at Jacob a moment as he purposefully stared at the television ignoring me. I could see Seth shift uncomfortably, so I walked right past them and into the kitchen. "Need any help?" I asked.

Leah was chopping vegetables while Sue was over the stove stirring what smelled like gravy. Charlie had gotten the table extension out of the hall closet to make the table that normally seats two large enough to hold seven. Needless to say there was hardly any room left in the tiny kitchen.

"Oh Nessie, could you set the table?" Sue asked without looking up.

"Sure." I moved around the table to get to the cabinet where the plates were. "Hi Leah." I said remembering my manners.

"Hello Nessie. Long time no see." She said. I could see Leah eyeing the plates out of the corner of her eyes as I pulled them down off the shelf. There were only two people here who didn't know what I was. She was probably wondering if I was going to actually eat the human food – which I could – or not.

 _Well wouldn't she like to know._

"How's school going for you?" She asked getting out a bag of lettuce and pouring it into a big bowl. She mixed the vegetables she had been chopping into the bowl and started rummaging around the refrigerator for dressing.

"Oh it's great, despite what everyone has been saying." I replied as I set out the silverware and napkins. I really didn't want to talk about school so I changed the subject. "How are your classes going? I hear you are close to finishing."

"Last semester." She replied. She moved back about two years ago and started taking classes.

Right around the time Sam and Emily got married Leah had taken off. No one knows where she went and she never phased so the guys couldn't locate her. It was obvious that Leah took Sam marrying Emily pretty hard. I think she thought it should have been her instead.

When she came back, she never talked about it and no one asked.

"Oh I bet you are excited about that." I said genuinely happy for her.

"Yeah." She shrugged and I took that as a sign to drop the conversation.

Leah went to the same community college Seth did. She was a couple of year older than Jacob and had she gone straight into college, technically she would have been done. I hoped I hadn't just treaded on some thin ice by asking her that. Sue seemed proud of both her kids and talked about it openly so I figured it was okay to ask.

Sue pulled a roast out of the oven and placed it on the counter. "That smells good mom." Seth called from the living room.

"It still needs ten minutes to cool down." Sue replied taking some gravy and spooned it over the meat. "Why don't you boys go wash up." Sue suggested. I heard Seth, Daniel and Jacob get up to go to the downstairs bathroom while Charlie slipped in the kitchen and over to the sink.

I plopped down quietly on the chair closest to the door while Sue, Leah and Charlie moved everything over to table. I tried not to act like I cared when Jacob came in and sat at the opposite end of the table but I spent the entire dinner fighting back tears and "picking" at my food. Jacob was usually my favorite person on the planet, but not at this moment in time. Thankfully no one seemed to pay any attention to me, or at least they were all pretending not to pay any attention. I would catch Charlie eyeing me every once in a while.

"Boy that was good Sue." Charlie said as he plopped down in his arm chair. I pictured him rubbing his full stomach as he often did when complementing Sue's cooking.

I had excused myself early and went up to my room. I had already organized everything for tomorrow so I just sat there on my bed with my knees tucked up to my chest, ebbing between anger and misery as I listened to the conversation below.

I perked up as it sounded like everyone was getting ready to leave. I should at least say goodnight to Jacob even if he didn't want to talk to me. I hoped off the bed and quickly – human quickly – made my way down the stairs. I poked my head around corned and saw that Daniel and Leah were putting on their coats. So I waited quietly at the bottom of the stairs.

"It was very nice to meet you." I said to Daniel as he and Leah passed me on their way out.

"You too Nessie." He replied politely. I felt a little bad I hadn't been very social. He was a really nice guy and Leah seemed happy with him.

"Leah, always a pleasure." I smiled at her and she smiled back, though it looked more like a smirk than a smile.

"Yeah, you too Nessie. You sound a lot like Edward." She said a little more quietly to me.

I smiled a little wider at that, even if she didn't mean it as a complement. Everyone said that. I had picked up a lot on my dad's mannerisms.

"Do you want any help mom?" Seth asked as he stood up, followed by Jacob.

"No, I've got two able bodies here." That wasn't a question. I started to make my way back to the kitchen but stopped in front of Jacob.

"Good night Jacob." I said as nicely as I could.

"Yeah good night Nessie." He finally looked at me and I saw a hint of my Jacob there.

"Hey Nessie, have fun at the dance tomorrow." Seth said and I saw the anger return in Jacob's eyes.

"Yeah, try not to hurt this one." Jacob said.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Seth freeze. It felt like Jacob had just punched me in the stomach. _How could he say such a horrible thing?_ I managed to turn and make it out of Charlie's sight before the tears streaked down my cheeks. I raced into my room and slammed the door. I flung myself onto the bed and curled up into a little ball.

"What was that all about?" Charlie sounded mad. "What did you say to her Jacob?" Charlie demanded.

"Nothing Charlie." Jacob said in his 'I don't listen to authority' voice.

I heard Seth mumble in a very low voice I knew Charlie couldn't hear. "That was cold man."

The door opened and Seth moved out but Charlie stepping in front of Jacob before he made it all the way down the hall. "You listen to me Jacob. Just because you are Bella's best friend and Billy and I go way back doesn't mean I have to let you into this house. Now I don't care what happened between you two but if you make her cry the way you made Bella cry I'll do everything I can to keep you away from her. Do you understand me?"

My head shot up. _Made Bella cry?_ What was he talking about?

"Yeah, I got it." Jacob sounded a little more like his old self. He left silently. I heard Charlie walking up the stairs and quickly dried away my tears.

When he knocked on the door I was happily organizing everything for tomorrow, again. "Come in." I said as cheerfully as I could.

"Everything okay Nessie?" Charlie asked guardedly as he opened the door and peered in.

"Sure. I was just getting everything ready for tomorrow." I said shifting things around in my new makeup case.

"Oh, okay." He lingered.

"Are you ready for tomorrow?" I asked him.

"For five teenage girls in my house all afternoon…absolutely not." He said but tired to smile at me. "But it'll liven up the old place." He was trying to make a small joke so I smiled in return.

I went over and hugged him. "Thank you Grandpa."

His arms wrapped around me and squeezed slightly. "Anytime kido." I looked at him and thought for a moment he knew I was talking about everything, not just tomorrow. I was convinced Charlie knew more than he ever let on. He inhaled slightly and dropped his arms. "I guess I'll head to bed early since tomorrow is going to be a _long_ day."

"Night." I wasn't sure if he was planning on actually being here or if he was planning on working. Since he married Sue, he seemed to spend a little more time at home than he used to.

It was about twelve when I decided I should probably get a little sleep. I was really excited about the dance and had spent a good bit of the night imagining what tomorrow was going to be like an perfecting my hair and makeup; and of course that meant I had to be wearing my dress.

It was a long fitted black dress with a slit up either side that went to just above mid thigh, a deep 'V' front that just brushed the top of my breasts and with the right bra – which I had – enhanced the neckline. The straps were about two fingers wide and were bunched at the shoulder in a knot. The back was straight across my back right at the bottom of my shoulder blades. Because of the stretchy type material, it didn't need a zipper.

It had been Jacob's favorite dress of all the ones Alice made me try on.

 _Jerk!_

I stripped off the dress in one movement and tossed it to the side, suddenly very disenchanted with it. The quick movement of air had caused some of the pictures I had sitting on the desk to flutter to the floor. Annoyed I put on the tee and shorts I usually slept in before I bent down to retrieve them.

Well I should have just left them there because the picture on top was one of me and Jacob, with Jacob giving me a big kiss on the cheek as I held the camera out arm's length. Resisting the urge to rip it up I dropped it and without thinking bolted out the window. Lucky for me I had opened it earlier that night or I would have taken it down to the lawn with me.

I must have run ten miles outside of Forks before I stopped to cry and take my aggression out on a poor unsuspecting sapling. When I was all cried out I plopped down on a small patch of grass and looked up. I couldn't see the stars because of the clouds so I let my eyes wonder around the dark forest. It was quiet…kind of peaceful in a sad and lonely way.

I suddenly felt very alone as I sat there in the dark. I missed Jacob, and Seth. _Stupid boys!_ I couldn't believe I had cried more in the last three months than in my whole life. And it was all because of those silly old boys.

First it was over Nick when all he really cared about was his ego being bruised. Then it was over Graham, who was just a human boy I would never see again after I graduated – rather depressing thought. And now it was over Jacob, who I had never thought would ever make me cry. That one hurt the most. He was always the first person to make me laugh when he knew I was upset about something. Just a hug would make me feel better. But now…

 _Again, stupid boys!_

I sat there for I don't know how long watching my breath in the cold night air. I hadn't realized I was hungry till I caught wind of a bobcat. No one really liked me hunting alone, especially animals with claws and sharp teeth, however at the moment I was tired of being treated like a child. And if I was going to be spending a whole lot of time with my friends tomorrow, I needed to go hunting.

I took off as fast as I could and caught the wild cat off guard. He got in a bite to my forearm and a couple of scratches before I was able to efficiently break his neck.

 _Man, this was my favorite set of pajamas._

But as fate would have it, I wasn't going to get my wish to be left alone. As I finished up, a very large and very angry wolf came stalking out of the bushes.

Jacob.

He growled at me but that only made my temper flare. "What do you want?" I snapped.

He growled again and stalked closer.

"Oh just leave me alone Jacob." I turned to bolt when his words stopped me.

"Don't even think about it."

Now for the most part Jacob could take or leave being pack leader. He never used his alpha voice – which for the most part wouldn't have worked on anyone but his pack - but I could tell he was putting as much authority in his words as he could muster. He was really mad at me.

 _Well so what, I'm mad at him too._

"What the heck do you think you are doing out here alone?" _Oh yeah, he was mad_. When I heard him pull on his pants – his pack didn't normally travel with a full set of clothes while in wolf form - I turned around and glared at him. That only seemed to make him madder. "Are you bleeding?" I couldn't tell if I was detecting a bit of fear behind his words as well.

He was right in front of me in two strides.

"Oh I see you have finally decided to talk to me again." I replied ignoring his question and still glaring at him. "Well you can just leave because I don't want to talk to you." I could tell he was ignoring me. He was eyeing my arm which was no longer bleeding and already clotting.

Jacob looked down at my stomach a moment and then up into my eyes. We just started at each other a moment and then I saw his shoulders slump. He sighed deeply. "I deserved that."

"Darn right you deserved that." I folded my arms and stuck out my hip, trying to ignore the fact that he was shirtless, which was making it hard to stay mad at him.

"Nessie, I'm sorry." He was looking at me with those eyes and I could feel my anger subsiding.

I looked down at my arm and shirt. I hadn't realized was torn all the way across the entire front, exposing my whole stomach. "That was very mean of you Jacob." I could hear my voice quivering.

"I know it was. I didn't mean to hurt you. It's just that…" He stopped and straightened. "No, no excuses. I shouldn't have said that to you. It was a hit below the belt." He shifted closer to me and I resisted the urge to make my own move toward him. Then I made the fatal mistake, I looked back up into his eyes. They were hurting.

He had hurt me and he knew it, but what I didn't realize was just how much he had hurt me. "Then why?" I managed before the tears came rolling down my cheeks.

His arms were around me in less than a heartbeat and he was pressing me gently to his chest…his bare chest. _Wow, has he been working out?_ I saw my hand reach up to stroke his smooth skin but managed to pull it to my face to wipe the tear that was about to drip off my chin. "No, please baby, please don't cry." I wasn't sure if it was the fact that he called me baby – which unexpectedly caused butterflies in my stomach - or that fact that he wasn't wearing a shirt but I suddenly couldn't concentrate on anything but Jacob. I completely forgot I had ever been upset.

After a few moments I was able to get my thoughts back under control. "Why have you been ignoring me Jacob? What did I do to make you mad at me?" I sounded pathetic.

"I'm not mad at you." He said quietly after a short pause.

"Then do you have…a…girlfriend?" I choked out the last word.

"No!" He seemed shocked by my question. "What would give you an idea like that?" He started rubbing my back.

I shrugged. "Well, why else would you suddenly stop talking to me?" I realized as I said this I had been watching too many TV shows for teens.

He stepped away and dropped his arms, much to my dismay. "Well, you're the one who's been hanging out with your _new_ friends all the time." He said defensively.

"Well you started it." And the mature part of the conversation has begun.

"I so did not start not talking to you first." He crossed his arms.

"What?" We both looked at each other then burst into laughter. "What does that even mean?" I said between gasps of air.

"I have no idea." He chuckled then wrapped his arms around me again and I inhaled deeply.

"Stop avoiding my question and tell me why you were mad at me." I said craning my neck to look up at his face. He was looking down at me with those beautiful brown eyes once more and I instantly forgot everything else.

It was so not fair.

"I was never mad at you." He replied. "I just didn't want to get in the way." Suddenly I realized what Rose meant when she asked me about the movies. She was trying to tell me Jacob was jealous of my new friends. I looked up at him a little shocked. Jacob and I would be together forever, there was no need for him to be jealous that I spent a few weekends with my human friends.

He seemed genuinely upset about this. "You are never in the way." I said squeezing him tighter.

"Oh really?" He asked.

"Hey, I wasn't the one who rejected you." I clamped my hand over my mouth. _I can't believe I just said that!_

"I never rejected you."

"Oh yeah, I was going to ask you to the dance but you said no…in so many words…before I could ask."

"You were going to ask me to your dance?" He seemed truly surprised.

"Of course I was. But you made it perfectly clear you were not going to go with me."

"Nessie…" He unexpectedly picked me up into a big bear hug and kissed my cheek. I wrapped my legs around his waist and locked my arms around his neck. Man I had really missed him. "I would have loved to go to the dance with you." He whispered into my ear. I suppressed a shiver as I felt his warm breath on my neck. "But Angela knows me. She would probably think it was really weird that I was in high school when she was and now I'm going to a high school dance with Bella's 'little cousin' seven years later."

"Oh…yeah I can see how that might be an issue." I didn't know Jacob knew Mrs. Cheney.

"How did you know I was here and not at Charlie's?" I asked.

"I went to apologize and when I found your room empty I followed the most recent sent I could find." He explained.

"You came to apologize?" I was touched almost to the point of tears.

"Of course I was sweetheart. I was being a jerk. You didn't deserve being treated like that."

With me wrapped around him, Jacob started picking his way quickly and efficiently through the woods. "Thank you." I whispered while holding back the tears welling up in my eyes. He squeezed me tighter but said nothing.

We didn't talk the rest of the way, but then we never actually needed to talk when together; just being near each other seemed enough. Reluctantly I placed my hand on his neck to tell him that it was probably best if he put me down so we could run. I needed to make it home before Charlie woke up. Jacob didn't listen at first and I didn't protest. Then a couple minutes later he stopped and set me down.

Unfortunately this was where we would need to be parting.

"Come tomorrow?" I asked taking his hand and hoping the personal contact would make him say yes.

"I'll try." He kissed my cheek and before I could ask what he had to do instead said, "Good night Nessie."

"Good night Jacob." I said and sighed internally. He smiled at me, took a few steps backward, then turned and disappeared behind the trees toward LaPush.

Despite the feeling that our relationship had changed somehow, I felt light and bouncy all the way home. Jacob was talking to me again and that seemed to make everything else fall back into its place.

One good thing about our little spat though was all the new things I learned. Of course all this confirmed that my family was keeping a pretty big secret from me. Though what, I had couldn't even imagine.

I hadn't wanted to ask Jacob what had happened between him and mom to make Charlie so angry. I felt like I needed to be careful for a while; like our relationship was strained. It did give me something to chew on for a while though.

Mom and Jacob never really fought. They bickered like siblings, but I couldn't imagine Jacob being mean enough to make her cry. Well, actually I could. Hadn't he just made me cry? Of course it would have had to have been when she was human because vampires couldn't cry. But I found it odd that Charlie would still be holding a little grudge about it.

As I drew closer to the house, I started wondering how Jacob and Mrs. Cheney knew each other and how well. Obviously my family knew Jacob through mom because he didn't go to Forks High School. Mom knew Jacob through Charlie who was old friends with Billy. And come to think of it, she had mentioned first learning about dad when she and her friends went to LaPush, maybe Mrs. Cheney and Jacob just met there.

I couldn't help thinking how this was perfect timing. I had hit a bit of a snag in my little investigation into my parents past.

Okay more like I ran face first into a brick wall.

I had already asked Mrs. Cheney every question I could think of – at least that she would probably know and then some she didn't – about my family. That turned up a whole lot of nothing. The Cullens were nothing if not true to form; recluse. She didn't know much. Most of what she did tell me I already knew or had suspected. So I had gone back to square one.

Maybe now I had moved a couple of spaces. After all my suspicions were confirmed, everyone was keeping a secret from me. And it had to be a big one since everyone seemed to be involved. It would have had to have been before I was born because my memory perfect from the time I was born. Unlike everyone else whose human memories were fuzzy at best, I could remember my whole life.

I jumped into my window and landed on my toes, making no sound at all – at least not that Charlie or Sue could hear. I plopped on the bed and sighed deeply. It wasn't like I could do anything with this new information anyway. I couldn't just ask Mrs. Cheney about Jacob out of the blue, that'd be too weird and I wanted to keep my new found knowledge a secret from my family, at least for now.

Absently my eyes scanned my room. The room my mom had spent two years in. Maybe there was a clue here. After all Charlie and Sue hadn't changed anything and neither had I - same bed, same desk, same curtains and same rocking chair. I didn't think it was likely, but just to make sure I cased the room. As I suspected I found nothing.

I curled back up under the covers and began to imagine dad coming in through the widow, silently of course, and he and mom talking through the long hours of the night. Or maybe that he would watch her sleeping while she lay curled up in his arms.

 _At least they can't get mad if Jacob was here late at night._ I thought smiling to myself as the idea of Jacob in my room all night crept into my mind. I wasn't exactly opposed to that idea.

I spotted my dress crumpled up on the floor where I had thrown it earlier and got up to retrieve it. I picked it up still smiling. Once again I was excited about my dress and the dance tomorrow.

"Nessie, Lydia…oh," Sue jumped a little as I came bouncing quietly down the stairs. Unfortunately I often did that to her – unintentionally of course. You would think with two supernatural kids she would be use to the silent movement by now.

Today was the day of the dance and I had been up and running since four, _way_ too excited to sleep.

As I hopped off the last step I tried not to cringe at Lydia's new grey hoodie. I guess old habits die hard. "You are the first to arrive." I said letting all my excitement show through my voice. I kissed her on the cheek and grabbed her dress to go hang up in my closet. Earlier that morning I had been moving some of the clothes out in order to make room for this afternoon.

"Well, I thought maybe you needed some help." Lydia said a little shyly.

"Oh that's very thoughtful of you Lydia." Sue said.

"Um, let me just go hang this in my closet and I'll be right back." I just hated to tell her that Sue and I had finished everything over an hour ago.

I quickly ran up the stairs and carefully hung her dress up. I couldn't resist the urge to unzip it for a look. I had helped her pick it out. And by helped I mean I picked it out, made her try it on and then, with the help of all the other girls, convinced her it was the perfect dress and she needed to buy it.

It was simple and elegant. It was long with an umpire waist and it was emerald green. It matched her eyes almost exactly. The color was so close it made her eyes pop when she was wearing it and they were the only things you could focus on when looking at her. She was absolutely stunning in it. Even Brittany had agreed she needed to get the dress and she was usually pretty disagreeable.

I quickly zipped it up and rushed back down the stairs, grabbing my camera on my way.

I wasn't about to miss one moment of this day.

"Nessie, this is amazing." Lydia said when I walked into what use to be the living

room. Well it was still the living room only now it looked more like a sorority house bathroom – or so I thought.

Sue and I had spent a good part of the morning rearranging the furniture into little stations so everything could flow nicely. The couch was already against the wall but we had moved the television out of the way. We moved it upstairs into Charlie and Sue's bedroom to give us more room. Since Charlie was planning on being here most of the afternoon Sue thought it would make it easier for Charlie to stay out of the way if he had the TV to keep him occupied.

With the TV stand out of the way, we moved the arm chair into its place and brought in a little card table for a place to paint our nails. It had taken us three tries but we settled on having nails first followed by makeup then hair and their dresses would all be waiting in my room. I offered to do the makeup and Sue asked if she could help with the hair.

I don't know where she found the time, but Sue had made little sandwiches and set out some fresh cut fruit for snacks. I really think she was looking forward to this as much as I was.

I stood in the doorway beaming as Lydia walked over to the makeup wide eyed. I may have gone a little over boar but _I_ was very pleased with how everything turned out.

 _My first high school dance!_

As I finished pinning the last strand of Ashley's hair up, I heard someone moving around the woods behind the house. I stood perfectly still focusing on the sound. There were only a limited number of people it would be but I instantly knew it was my Jacob by the way he moved. He had a surprisingly light foot for someone his size.

I felt a little knot of excitement forming in my stomach. I had begun to think he wasn't going to show.

"I'll be right back." I said rushing out of the living room and up the stairs. I closed my bedroom door behind me and locked it, just in case. I stood there listening a moment to see if anyone was going to follow me. There were girls in and out of just about every room of the crowded little house. The last thing I needed was to suddenly appear through the window and scare the crap out of one of them.

I could hear poor Charlie sitting in his bedroom watching some game on television, trying to stay out of the way as much as possible. He probably wouldn't be out of his bedroom any time soon. He had made the unfortunate mistake of coming downstairs about an hour and a half ago when Erica was having a hair crisis – she singed part of a curl with a curling iron - and Brittany ripped part of the back seem of her dress when she tried to bend over to pick something up. It was almost exactly like a scene from a sitcom and I had to bite my tongue to keep from laughing – that would have been mean. Of course all the commotion had brought Charlie down.

Don't think he'll ever make that mistake again.

I listened to Sue move into the kitchen, but she wouldn't think anything of me dropping out of the sky. I'm sure she'd seen me do it before. Since the boys were going to be arriving within the next fifteen minutes all the girls were chattering away in the living room making final touches to their appearances.

Satisfied, I slipped out the window and landed on my toes, careful not to get the heels of my stilettos stuck in the soft ground or the hem of my dress. I sprinted across the backyard and into the woods knowing no one inside would see me.

I didn't have to go far because Jacob was a few paces past the tree line. He looked like he was actually leaving but turned at the sound of my approach.

"Jacob you came!" I said stopping a little more than an arm's length away from him. I would have jumped into his arms like I always did but first I was wearing a nice dress and two his eyes were wide and he stood completely motionless as if he had heard something.

I stood a moment listening but couldn't hear anything and gave up.

"Jacob, are you okay?" I asked effectively pulling him out of his little trance.

"Nessie…you…um, wow." He stammered and reached his arm around to scratch the back of his head. He seemed a little nervous.

I bit my lip feeling very self conscious; he was making _me_ a little nervous. "Do you like my dress?" I asked looking down and tugged on the black fabric. I was glad I decided to wear my hair down and softly curled; Jacob liked it that way. "It's the one you picked." I added when he didn't say anything.

"Yeah…you look really...really beautiful." He stepped closer and reached out his hand but dropped it. "I mean you always do but…wow."

I felt my face heat up. I couldn't bring myself to look up at him because I was certain he could see my heart pounding in my chest. Something flickered in his hand but he balled it in a fist and moved it slightly behind his back. "What do you have?" I asked glad to have something to say.

"What…oh uh…it's nothing…" He shrugged, sounding embarrassed.

"May I see?" I held out my hand expectedly. "Please?"

"Sure okay." He looked down at his fist before holding out his hand and unclenched his fingers. A black beaded necklace lay curled up in his palm.

"Oh Jacob!" It was not like the typical necklaces he made; this one was made of black glass that sparkled in the dull light. It was absolutely beautiful.

"I thought maybe you would like a necklace to go with your dress. But you already have nice one." He closed his fist and crammed it back into his pocket.

"You made that for me?" I whispered, very touched.

"Yeah…but I didn't know you already had one." He shrugged. I reached up for the silver necklace I picked out with the girls and yanked it off, letting it drop to the ground.

"Nessie?! What the heck is wrong with you?" He cried. Jacob had the broken necklace in his hand before it even hit the ground.

"I want to wear the one you made."

He looked at me. "But this one is real silver." He started fidgeting around with the thin chain. It disappeared in his big hands.

"So, yours is more beautiful." I said holding out my hand.

"It's just some stupid old beads Nessie." He had the silver necklace relinked and was proudly holding it out to me.

"They are not just some stupid old beads." I said defensively. "You made that one for _me_ so I want to wear it."

He blinked at me skeptically but I stared back, still holding out my hand palm up. "You really want to wear it?"

"It matches my dress perfectly, I have to."

A moment later my favorite smile engulfed his whole face and he dropped the other necklace to the ground. He reached into his pocket as he walked up to me. The butterflies in my stomach returned as he wrapped his arms around my neck, ignoring my outstretched hand. His warm breath caressed my cheeks and my whole body heated up.

His eyes caught mine and we both froze. I felt myself inhale sharply, the warmth from his arms radiating on my skin. He was so close it was distracting. I forgot about everything else except how close he was to me.

We stood as still as statues except the loud pounding in my chest; the loudest noise I had ever heard.

 _Oh please shut up!_ I knew Jacob could hear my heart battering the inside of my ribcage.

His eyes suddenly flicker to the right and his head turned ever so slightly. I was pulled back to reality with a bit of a thud. He looked back at me and smiled. I felt his hands finish clasping his necklace on and he stepped back.

"Good it fits."

"Jacob I love it." I turned a little so the beads would catch the last of the light and sparkle. "It's so beautiful! Thank you." My hand reached up and I caressed the beads with my finger tips.

He stepped closer and kissed me on the cheek. "I'll come over when you get back. Have fun." He said and turned to leave.

"But don't you want to come in?" I didn't want him to leave. "Sue made sandwiches."

"I got to see who I came here to see." He said over his shoulder. I watched as he broke into a run and disappeared behind some trees.

 _Bummer_. I sighed and turned back to the house. I could hear three new voices inside and figured that was probably why he didn't want to come in. I darted across the yard and up into my window. I stopped briefly to look at my refection in the mirror and smiled.

His necklace matched my dress perfectly. I brought my hand up to lightly touch the beads again then turned to go back downstairs.

"Nessie, what on earth are you doing up there?" I heard Sue call from the bottom of the stairs. "We have some special visitors."

It was a good thing I heard Charlie walking down the hallway otherwise I might have collided with him as I excitedly bounded out of my room. That would have been a disaster.

He stopped and his eyes moved up and down my dress. "Wow. You look really nice Nessie. Very grown-up."

"Thank you." I smiled at him and he smiled back. But it wasn't one of his usual smiles, this one seemed a little sad.

We stood awkwardly a moment before Charlie said. "Beauty before age." He gestured for me to go down before him.

I hurried down the stairs and - for show - squealed with delight when I saw my parents and Alice standing in the doorway of the living room.

"Bella…Edward...and Alice, what a nice surprise." Charlie said behind me as I bounced over to them and gave them all a big hug and kiss - like it had been years since we saw each other instead of only hours.

"Bella and Edward said they were headed back here and I wanted to see the old place again." Alice said as she hugged Charlie.

"Hey dad." Mom said as he turned to hug her and then stuck his hand out to dad.

We moved into the living room and I introduced them to my girl friends. Then there was the sound of a car door slamming out front and the girls started squealing and fussing about in the living room causing Charlie to jump quickly into the foyer, backward. Of course mom, dad, Alice, and I had heard the car all the way down the street so it wasn't a surprise for us.

The first guy to arrive was Dean. I wasn't surprised he took my comment seriously; and I'm certain Erica had a hand in that. Austin came next and then a minute later Graham.

As Charlie opened the door for Graham I felt jittery all over; but whether from nerves or excitement I couldn't tell. All I could think about was that Graham was about to meet my parents.

 _I hope they like him._

"Hello Chief Swan." Graham said in a very formal tone. At the sound of his voice I felt my hands start smoothing down my dress and hair.

"Hello Graham." Charlie didn't sound very pleased to see him. "Come in. Nessie and everyone are in the living room."

"Thank you." I heard Charlie step aside and Graham walked past him. I felt like the whole room could see me trembling. I tried to take a couple of deep breathes to calm myself down. It was just Graham after all. Of course they would like him; what was not to like?

I walked over to the door to meet him, unsuccessful at making myself feel any better. The only thing I could think about was how I hoped he liked my dress.

As he turned the corner, he stopped dead in his tracks. I stole a quick glance – which none of the humans would have seen – to see my parents quickly look at each and Alice standing there looking like she was fighting back a giggle.

 _Wonder what that was about_.

I turned back and was face to face with his chest. He was closer then I was expecting. I looked up and his eyes were wide and scanning my dress while the rest of his face was expressionless. _Wow he looks good in a tux._ As I looked at his eyes I found myself wishing I had not gone with a black dress. Red was his favorite color.

He swallowed. "Nessie." He voice cracked. He cleared his throat and tried again. "Nessie, you look amazing."

"Thank you." I felt my face heat up. "You look very nice as well." As we stood there awkwardly I became aware that the room had become very quiet. Apparently everyone wanted to witness our rather clumsy exchange. Then I remembered my parents and turned to introduce Graham. "Graham, this is um…" I wasn't exactly sure how to introduce them. It felt weird calling them by their names but I couldn't exactly call them mom and dad in front of everyone.

"Hi Graham I'm Bella, Charlie's daughter." Mom stepped forward and stuck out her hand, which Graham shook. "And this is my husband Edward and Edward's sister Alice."

"Graham." Graham then shook dad hands.

"Very nice to meet you." Graham was using his formal voice again. I bet he would freak if he knew these were actually my parents he was meeting.

I saw mom and dad shoot each other another glance. Man it would have been nice to have inherited dad's little gift, just to know what they were silently discussing. My parents never needed words, they always knew what the other was thinking or feeling. So I knew they had a whole conversation with that one look.

Nick and Evan showed up at the exact same time and all the cameras came out. It was pretty cold outside being the first weekend in November (it had been a huge issue having the dance about three weeks later than usual but gym was getting a new floor so it couldn't be helped) so all the pictures were in Charlie's little living room.

First all the girls posed, then all the guys, then each couple, then each couple presenting their corsages and boutonnières. All the while I was taking candid shots. Graham had given me a corsage of two deep red roses, which matched his boutonnière of a single red rose.

I stood there pressed against Graham with his arm around me watching Nick and Ashley taking their pictures. They made a cute couple, both with blond hair and blue eyes. My jitters had worn off and I was feeling much better. It probably helped knowing my parents seemed to like Graham. I glanced over at my dad. He stood with his arm wrapped around mom's waist and I could hear him softly humming into her ear. I knew no one else could hear him.

I smiled to myself and moved my eyes away to give them some privacy. I looked over at Lidia and Austin. She had a weird look on her face and her eyes were darting back and forth between me and my dad. She cocked her head a little to the side and frowned.

Now either dad noticed it the same time I did or Lidia was thinking how similar we looked because he suddenly excused himself and quickly made his way into the kitchen glancing at me over his shoulder.

 _Uh oh_ …

I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand up as I realized she had to note something very odd about the similarities between dad and I. I mean it was alright for mom and I to look alike, we were supposed to be cousins, but dad and I were not related as far as she knew.

I turned a little into Graham's chest to hide my face from Lidia while trying not to look obvious about it. I had to be extra careful from that moment on. She was way too observant for my own good. I felt Graham squeeze me tighter and I looked up at him. He was looking at me and smiled when our eyes met.

"You really do look amazing."

"Thank you." I smiled shyly and pretended to straighten his boutonnière.

He frowned a little. "What happened to your arm?" _Oh shoot!_ He grabbed my forearm and ran his finger over the little pink scars that were forming from where the bobcat got a hold of me. They weren't actually scars so much as the scabs fell off this morning, leaving marks. Luckily there would be no marks there by tomorrow morning, but they were still visible now. I had been wearing a long sleeve shirt all day and forgot they were even there.

"Um, scratched myself." I said sheepishly ignoring the glare from my dad – who was now standing in the doorway of the kitchen, still somewhat out of sight.

"It looks like something bit you." He bent down a little to examine my arm more closely. "Like a dog or something."

I pulled my arm away and wrapped it around his waist, hiding from his site. "I don't know any dogs." I grinned at him knowing full well I was going to have to answer some questions when I got home.

"Finally we can go." Dean commented as Ashley and Nick finished their poses; they were the last couple.

We all filed out the door, a pack of well dressed teenagers bundled up like eskimos. We climbed into our respective cars and drove off with Charlie, Sue, mom, dad and Alice disappearing into the night as they watched us leave from the front yard.

The parking lot was already almost full when we pulled in. Dances were a big deal here. When we finally found a spot, Graham made me stay in the car while he ran around to get my door for me. I giggled a little as he awkwardly ran in his tux. Then I realized he was probably trying to not slip in his new dress shoes.

He opened the door and held out his arm to me. "Shall we go?" He asked.

"Absolutely." I took his arm and hopped out.

We met up with everyone else at the entrance. The butterflies in my stomach returned with vengeance as we walked through the double doors. Since this was only the homecoming dance, it was held at the school gymnasium. But the entire place was littered with balloons and streamers from top to bottom. After we checked our coats, we walked through a balloon archway into the gym. There were tables lining both walls, a DJ was set up in the corner and a refreshments table to the right of the entrance.

It was all so exciting!

"I want to go find where they are taking pictures." Erica announced loudly over the music.

"But we already took a million pictures at Nessie's house." Dean whined. Erica shot him a glance.

"I think they are in one of the classrooms over there." Lidia supplied pointing to back of the gym where a line was already forming. Erica started dragging Dean back and he was smart enough not to protest this time.

"Maybe we should get our pictures over with too." Graham said. "My mom will kill me if I forget to take some formal pictures."

"Let's wait till the line goes down a little. I'll keep track of it I promise." I assured him. Lucky for me that silly old wives tale about vampires not being able to be photographed wasn't true. That would be a bit awkward, not to mention hard to explain.

 _If that were true, I wonder if I would only half show up._

As we made our way to an empty table I felt like there were a lot of people staring at us – mostly because I saw them stop whatever they were doing to watch Graham and I walk past. I looked up at Graham's face to see if he noticed. From the look he was wearing he had, only it wasn't what I expected…he was beaming. He seemed to like the attention, which was not exactly normal for him. Well since it made him happy, I shrugged it off and pretended I didn't notice anything.

We found a vacant table and Graham had me out on the dance floor before you could say cheesy prom theme. Not that I minded. Jacob would have never asked me to dance, he hates to dance. After three songs we played musical dates, swapping out so each boy got to dance with each girl. I also pulled Lidia into a dance and then danced with Josh since I had promised – which seemed to annoy his date Katie. She scowled at me the whole time.

I then spent the rest of the night glued to Graham, who I discovered was an incredibly good dancer both slow and fast.

About half way through the night I noted the line for the pictures was only two deep and dragged Graham back there before it grew. We bumped into Mrs. Cheney on the way back there but only exchanged pleasantries. She still wasn't showing and hadn't made her announcement so I couldn't ask her anything about the baby.

Graham and I took two different types of pictures; one fun one where he was pretending to lean on my head while I stood there with my arms crossed pretending to be annoyed; and one formal one where he stood behind me with his arms wrapped securely around my waist. We even got the whole group in there for a third one. I was pretty sure Graham's mom would be pleased with the three different pictures and the countless ones from everyone's personal cameras.

Everything was absolutely perfect. So perfect I felt kind of like Cinderella as the clock struck midnight when the DJ announced the last dance.

Of course it was a romantic slow song.

Graham took my hand and led me to the center of the floor. He placed it on his shoulder and ran his fingers lightly down my arm, gently over my shoulder blade, and to the small of my back. Goosebumps followed his soft movement and I shivered a little.

We didn't really dance but just swayed slightly from side to side. His eyes were very intense and I found it impossible to look away from them. They were beautiful.

I'm not entirely sure why I decided to ruin this perfect moment, but I started thinking about graduation. It was hard to think about never seeing Graham after that. For some silly reason, I was saddened by the fact that I would never get to grow old with him - or anyone actually. I would never have kids with him – or possibly never at all – never even really get to know what happens to him. Sure an e-mail here or there maybe even a phone call, but that would be as far as it could go with everyone.

I began to wonder what type of girl he would eventually marry. I was surprised to find myself actually jealous of her…of the life she was going to get. Of the life I could never have with anyone human.

As we stared at each other I never felt more like I didn't belong; like I should have never intruded into their lives...into Graham's life. I didn't actually notice when we stopped moving, but I certainly noticed when he bent his head down to press his lips softly, at first, to mine. I lost myself in the moment, forgetting reality for just the brief time. That was how we remained till the music stopped and the lights came on.

My wonderful evening was over just as fast as it had begun.

The drive home was quiet but not at all awkward. We stood outside the front door, holding on to the evening just a little longer and complementing each other's apparel and dance skills.

"So, beautiful." I smiled at his new nickname; I liked it. He pulled me close and smiled down at me. "Did you have a nice evening?" He said slipping his hands around my waist and pressing them gently onto the small of my back. I felt my pulse speed up and my body warm.

"I had an absolutely wonderful evening." I replied greatly trying to keep my composure. It was very hard not to kiss him, he was very close.

"That's very good to hear." He bent his head so he was barely touching my lips with his. I felt a little light headed. "It would have been very disappointing if you said otherwise." Not being able to control myself any longer I pressed my lips firmly to his.

I could hear Charlie hadn't moved from the couch so I wasn't worried about him opening the door, but what actually did happen I wasn't expecting at all.

A loud snapping noise in the woods to the side of the house fractured the silence of the night. It was followed by the sound of something very large moving very quickly through the forest – and taking some small trees with it. Fifteen seconds later and further from the house a loud howl rang out through the night air.

I instantly pulled away from Graham as I recognized the howl.

 _Jacob._

"What was that?" I asked when Graham looked at me a little hurt.

"Just a wolf." Graham replied looking around him. "It didn't sound very close." He was going to lean back into kiss me again when the front light flicked on and Charlie opened the door…with his gun.

I thought Graham was going to pass out right there. The color completely drained from his face and he jumped as far away from me as he could manage without going over the railing.

"You kids hear that?" Charlie wasn't really paying attention to us. His eyes were scanning the dark woods.

"Hear what?" I asked slightly nervous. Not that I was afraid Charlie could actually hurt Jacob or would hurt Graham, but because that was a cry I had never heard from Jacob before. It almost sounded like he was already in some kind of pain. I hoped he hadn't hurt himself running through those trees like that.

"That crashing noise coming from the woods." Charlie stepped right through the middle of us and down the stairs. He started to move toward the trees mumbling. "I hoped that damn wolf isn't back again."

All I hoped was that Charlie would put two and two together and not try to shoot anything out there. Just because he knew Jacob could turn into a giant wolf, didn't mean he liked to remember it.

"Charlie, hun, you should come back inside." Sue called from the open door causing Graham to jump a foot in the air. "It's dark out there." Sue didn't seem very pleased and shot me a quick glance.

I found myself second guessing my first thought. Maybe it wasn't Jacob but Seth. But what would Seth be doing outside Charlie's house in wolf form. For that matter, what would Jacob be doing out there? My eyes widened as it dawned on me why. Something could have been prowling out there - something very dangerous.

I felt myself freeze as I strained to hear what could have been lurking out there. But I neither heard nor smelt anything out of the ordinary.I took a deep breath knowing there was no immediate danger…at least not anymore.

Then remembering my date was about to have a heart attack, I grabbed Graham's hand and stepped closer to him. Graham stiffly wrapped his arm around my waist. Charlie finally came back after Sue called him again and gave us an unhappy look, like he finally noticed we were standing there. "Don't stay out here too much longer." He said then turned and closed the door.

So he had known we were out here. I had to give him props for not dragging me in fifteen minutes ago.

"So," I wrapped myself around Graham in an attempt to distract him. I could feel his heart pounding in his chest. His eyes were darting around the yard and I thought maybe I had lost him. "Did that completely ruin the mood or can we finish what we started?"

He bent down and at first he seemed distracted but I quickly ran my fingers through his hair with the thought that nothing was in the woods but trees. It worked. He pulled me tightly to him and gave me more of his attention.

We stood there another five minutes before the light flickered on and off again.

"I think that's my cue to leave." Graham said eyeing the woods again. "I guess it is a little unsafe."

"I think whatever was out there isn't there anymore." I tried to reassure him. Of course I knew there was nothing in those woods anymore but trees and shrubs because I couldn't hear anything, but I couldn't exactly tell him that.

"Are you still going to call me tomorrow?" I asked afraid he was too spooked to want to talk to me ever again.

He grinned down at me and ran his finger across my cheek. "Of course, as many times as you want." He said.

"Good." I nodded with satisfaction. "Then good night Graham."

"Goodnight Nessie."

I watched him drive off and stood a moment debating whether to quickly check the woods or just go back inside until I heard Sue softly say my name and I knew it was probably best to go inside.

I could hear Charlie pacing around the kitchen. I heard the blinds shuffle and figured he was looking out into the back yard – despite the fact that it was close to eleven thirty. I looked at Sue and she looked a little worried.

"Charlie, it didn't sound that close." She stood up and walked over to the kitchen door. I followed close behind.

Charlie looked up. He was still holding his gun, which he quickly replaces to its holster. "You remember how many people disappeared the last time." Charlie sounded really rattled. "That one sounded like it was practically in the back yard. If it's coming that close to the neighborhoods…it must be desperate."

"Last time?" I hadn't realized I said it out loud until Charlie looked at me like he just noticed I was standing there.

"Yes. Maybe eight years ago there was some kind of large wolf killing hikers out in the woods. We never caught it but the thing seemed to go away on its own."

I felt my mouth drop open. "Did anyone see it?" I'm not sure why I was asking that question. I really didn't want to know the answer.

"There were some eye witnesses that said it looked like a giant bear while others said it looked like a huge wolf."

 _Oh no, was this the secret my family was keeping from me. Jacob had been unable to control himself when he first started to phase and he ate people._

Since I was born there had been no new members of Jacob's pack. None of them talked about what it was like when they first started to phase though I figured it had to be pretty traumatic.

But if new born pack members were anything like new born vampires…I shuttered at that thought.

"I thought you never actually found any evidence as to whether it was a wolf or a bear." Sue said eyeing me. She wasn't directing that question at Charlie.

"We didn't. But there was no way a human could have done that. There were maybe a few drops of blood left of those hikers." Charlie suddenly looked at me. "Did you have fun at the dance Nessie?" He asked completely changing the subject. He obviously didn't want me to hear about this.

 _Geez are Charlie and Sue in on this secret too?_

"Yes, it was awesome." I replied. Feeling kind of like I had been dismissed, I faked a yawn and excused myself, stating I was exhausted. I kissed and hugged them goodnight and went upstairs.

I closed the door and just stood there feeling very strange. I tried to listen to see if they would continue the conversation but Charlie suggested they go to bed and that was the end of it.

I wasn't sure I wanted to know this secret anymore. Charlie was still pretty bothered by this event that had taken place so long ago. And even Sue seemed a little uncomfortable with the subject. I felt a little sick as I wondered if Charlie suspected Jacob was the cause of those missing hikers. He did know Jacob could phase after all.

My legs felt wobbly as I realized I couldn't exactly ignore his suspicions. I slid down the door and sat there numbly.

 _No, no this is my Jacob I'm talking about. He could never do that to someone…new born wolf or not._

I felt a little ashamed of myself for having even thought that about Jacob. Then I remembered Sue's words. I was pretty sure she had been trying to tell me it wasn't anyone from the pack that had been the cause of those missing hikers. And she would know.

Besides, the description Charlie gave was more like something a….I froze.

Something a vampire would leave behind.

 _But the only vampires that had been here at the time were my family._

 **Chapter 9: Life as usual**

"I can't believe it's such a nice day." Ashley was saying as she leaned her face to the sky. It was one of those rare sunny days. And since it wasn't too chili, we were sitting outside at the tables for lunch.

Ashley and Brittany were sitting on the table soaking up as much of the sun as possible; Nick, Evan and Austin were throwing a football around; Erica was scrambling to complete her Geometry problems with Dean helping her and I was sitting in between Graham and Lydia discussing our weekend plans. There was a concert in Seattle this weekend and Graham's dad had gotten us tickets to.

"Hey guys," Josh called running up to the table, waving frantically. No one really paid him much attention as he stopped in front of our little group, panting slightly. "We narrowed down the prom themes, wanna know what they are?" I looked over at Graham and he winked at me.

"Sure Josh, what are they?" I asked feeling a little bad that no one else seemed to care. Which was surprising since prom was about a month and a half away. Last week they had all the juniors and seniors submit different ideas to the committee to sift through and pick the top four choices. Josh was on said prom committee.

"They are Time After Time, A Night to Remember, Mardi Gras…"

"Oh those are so typical." Ashley complained suddenly interested in the conversation. "I would have thought the students here would have been a little more creative."

"And Masquerade Ball." Josh finished.

"Well, I guess that sounds better." Ashley said slipping of the table. "I would probably look good in a mask." She smiled a little.

"We are going to send out the ballets next Monday and everyone will vote. The winning theme will be announced next Friday." Josh said, beaming under all the attention.

"Oh, we'll have to go looking for dresses soon." Ashley turned to Brittany.

"Want to start Friday, after school?" Brittany asked.

Ashley looked at me. "Busy?" She wouldn't be able to go Saturday either. She was going to the concert too, just not with us. Over the holidays, Ashley had started dating a guy from another high school, Justin, and they were going to concert with his friends.

I was about to agree when Josh piped up. "Friday is opening night of the school play." And I had promised him I would go.

"What about next weekend?" I suggested. Ashley and Brittany agreed then launched into a deep conversation about dresses, shoes, and the prom themes. I felt Graham's fingers interlace with mine. I turned to look at him. "I think I'll get a red dress this time." I inched a little closer to him. "What would you say about that?"

"I'd say red is my favorite color."

"I know." I leaned in a pressed my lips to his.

The bell rang and we all made our way to our respective classes. Graham and I walked hand in hand to Biology. We had almost every class together this semester. It was amazing what you could get by asking nicely and smiling a lot.

"Oh crap!" Graham suddenly stopped.

"What?" I looked at him questioningly.

"I forgot my lab book." He replied.

"You can use mine." I smiled at him, not really wanting to let go of his hand.

He smiled back. "We have a test today." He reminded me.

When we had tests, the teacher allowed us to use just our lab books. The exams were always a step further than what we did in lab so we had to read the book. I think we were only allowed to have the books so we would get the spelling correct.

"Oh, right." I said stepping closer to him, strategically pressed myself against him. "I forgot." I truly had forgotten we were having a test, but I wasn't too worried about it considering I learned this stuff like five years ago.

"Yeah right, you were probably up all night studying." He teased, bending his head just slightly.

"Am I that transparent?" I stood on my tippy toes.

"Like an open book." He bent down and kissed me on the lips. "I'll see you in class." He turned and jogged off in the direction of his locker. I watched him as he disappeared through the double doors and then made my way slowly to class.

As I walked, I enjoyed the sun as it danced on my shoulders. It was unusually warm for this time of year. But that was going to change tonight when it was supposed to go back down to the mid thirties. I listened to a squirrel moving around on the ground. The rustling sound was so familiar that I stopped and my mind shot back to the events after the homecoming dance.

I sat with my back against the door telling myself no one in my family was capable…okay they were all physically capable. I just couldn't believe there was any way one of them could have done something like that. But a tiny voice in the back of my head kept whispering that it was a very real possibility. I knew some members of my family had kill humans before, so why should this be any different. But it was. Accidents happen, but not multiple times in a row…in the same area.

 _And they are so much stronger than me._

I mean I never had to deal with the painful feelings of hunger on a daily basis like they did. I was born a half breed, after all, so I wasn't even sure I was capable of the same kind of the same kind of self control they had. It wasn't like I didn't already think about what could happen at least a hundred times a day. I could be sitting alone with Graham and…and….I shuttered from the image my mind was forming. It was just too horrible.

I was so on edge I needed to get out of the house and away from the fragile humans I loved. I was too ashamed to go home to my family; I just couldn't confront them about something so personal. After all no one really liked being reminded of their personal demons. And how would I even start a conversation like that?

Either way, I needed to get out.

Knowing Charlie and Sue were fast asleep I slipped out of my window and ran as fast as I could to the only other place I had to go to, LaPush.

As I ran, I entertained the idea of going to Seth, but I thought better of that. While Seth always told me the truth about everything - and I was certain Jacob would hide whatever he felt I shouldn't know - I didn't want to put Seth into that kind of position nor did I want Jacob to be mad at him for telling me something Jacob felt he shouldn't. Though I personally thought I should be told everything, I apparently didn't know any better.

So that left one place for me to go.

I slowed my pace as I neared the little barn like house. The lights were all out and the whole house was dark. But even in the dark it looked the same to me as it always did and for a moment all those wonderful summer memories came flooding into my mind.

 _Seems like so much longer than just three months._

It took me a little less than a minute, but I made it to Jacob's window without a sound. I mentally congratulated myself for being so quiet when I peeked into Jacob's window and saw that he wasn't expecting me. He was lying on the bed with his back to the window so I couldn't tell if he was sleeping or not.

As I looked over his large form I was even more ashamed I had thought he could do something like that.

I watched his chest slowly moving up and down and began to wonder. Did I really want to know the answer? I knew that the answer really wouldn't make a difference in the end. I knew what my family was - what I was – what they had done and were still capable of. I wouldn't love them any less because of it.

But some unknown force kept me rooted where I stood. I couldn't turn away. I just had to know the truth. I was tired of everyone keeping secrets from me and treating me like a kid who couldn't handle the real world.

I was about to tap on the window when Jacob shifted. I totally lost my nerve. I turned to go and got about half way through the yard when I heard the widow open.

"Nessie." Jacob whispered. I stopped and turned. "What's the matter? Are you alright?" He sounded a little anxious.

"Yes." I replied. "I'm okay." I walked at a normal human pace over to his window, my legs feeling like lead.

"What are you doing here?" I couldn't tell if he was annoyed with me or sleepy. Under the weight of his eyes, I started chewing on my lower lip.

"Um…" I stopped. I didn't really want to ask him my terrible question anymore- especially since he seemed to be in a bad mood. "Did I wake you up?"

"No, I wasn't sleeping." He answered shortly and I tried not to flinch away from his tone. It was the same tone he had that night before he stopped talking to me.

I peeked at him from under my eye lashes and just couldn't stand the thought of him not talking to me again. "Jacob, please don't be mad at me." I pleaded. "I just wanted to know…I just…are you okay?" Alright not the real reason I was there but it seemed like a better question than my original one.

His face softened and he spoke gently. "I'm fine Nessie."

"Can I come in?" I even surprised myself with that question.

He blinked at me. "Of course." He stepped aside and I hopped through his window.

As soon as I was in his room, my arms were instantly around his waist in my version of a bear hug. I buried my face into his chest, inhaling deeply. "Please don't stop talking to me again. Please don't be mad at me." I ventured a look at him and my heart sank. His eyes were closed and his jaw was tight.

I looked down at the floor and felt my lower lip start to quiver. I just hoped it wasn't going to be a whole week this time. I slowly dropped my arms but he caught them. He stepped past me and sat on the bed, pulling me into his lap. I curled up in his arms and hugged him tightly.

We sat there for a long while without saying a word. I couldn't speak for Jacob but I was afraid to say anything. I knew that if our friendship hadn't been strained before, it certainly felt that way now. I was afraid if I said anything he would make me leave. I didn't want to leave.

So there we sat until the silence started to tear a whole inside me. I had to at least try. "I'm sorry Jacob." I whispered into his shoulder almost hoping he didn't hear me.

I felt his arms tighten around me. "For what?" He asked quietly into my hair.

"Making you upset." I looked at him. He was looking back but I couldn't read his expression – stupid poker face of his. "I did something to make you mad at me…again."

"Why do you always think I'm mad at you?" His voice was still quiet but he sounded more like himself.

"Because you act like you are and do things like not talk to me." I purposefully left off 'and say mean things.' That didn't need to be brought up ever again.

"Well, I'm not mad at you."

"Are you sure?" I looked at him hopefully.

"Of course I'm sure. Don't you think I would know whether I was mad at you or not?"

"I'm just checking. I hate it when you are mad at me." I said resting my head back on his shoulder. _It hurts too much._ Jacob was warm and I felt myself relax into him. I noted that this was the first time I had ever been in Jacob's room at night alone with him. Billy was snoring in the other room. I found it kind of exciting.

After a minute Jacob broke the silence. "So are you going to tell me why you are here in the middle of the night?"

"I have a question." Actually I had a number of questions but I thought it best to just stick with the main one.

"You came all the way out here just to ask me a question."

"Of course, it's not that far."

"So what's so pressing that it can't wait till tomorrow?"

"Charlie was talking about some giant wolf bear that had been killing hikers some years ago."

I felt Jacob's whole body go rigid. _So it was someone from my family._ I hated to think it, but Jasper was the most likely candidate. He had had the hardest time adhering to being a 'vegetarian.'

I swallowed and made myself continue. "Charlie said the only evidence left were a few drops of blood at the most. Jacob, was it someone from my family?" I felt Jacob exhale a deep breath. He shifted and slid me off his lap. I mentally prepared myself and looked him right in the eyes. To my surprise they were amused.

"You came all the way to LaPush from Charlie's house to ask me about some missing hikers over eight years ago?" He was smirking now. "No Nessie, it was just some nomad vampire passing through."

"But how do you know he was just passing through?"

He looked a little offended by my question. "Because I was there."

"Why?" I looked at him wide eyed. I guess that would make sense. He was smiling now and stretched himself back out on the bed, propping himself up with one arm and looking back at me. My eyes ran the length of his body and I temporarily forgot what we were talking about. Even though he had a shirt on, I could see every muscle through the thin material.

"Of course, we take our job very seriously." I knew when he said 'we' he meant his pack. _But I guess at that time it would have been Sam's pack_.

I was pretty relieved to find out it wasn't Jasper, or anyone else, but all that did was succeed in leaving more room for my other questions. I looked at him and he was watching me.

"But why was he…or she…here?"

"He knew your family…so to speak."

"Was he a friend?" I found that hard to believe. "But Carlisle would have surely asked him not to hunt here. Why was he killing those hikers?"

"I didn't exactly strike up a conversation with him."

"Okay, then if those hikers were not on tribal lands, why did the pack kill him?"

"What?!" For a split second Jacob looked absolutely dumbfounded at my question. He obviously wasn't expecting me to ask that.

"You said you take your job seriously, when it comes to vampires that usually only means one thing. And the pack would have been Sam's then and he was a different leader than you are. There would have had to have been some kind of threat to the pack or the tribe." That was the only reason I could think of.

"Um, yeah you could say that." Jacob seemed to get uncomfortable and started picking at some imaginary object on the covers. I knew Jacob was keeping something from me.

"What did he do?"

"Look all you need to know is that he started it. Even if he was a vamp, we would not have killed him unjustly." Jacob sounded defensive.

"I never thought you had." I said quietly. I sat there digesting that a moment. "Jacob there hadn't been a rogue vampire…um outside Charlie's?" I hadn't smelt anything unusual, but then I didn't venture out into the woods where Jacob had been. The sudden thought that I had left Charlie and Sue alone with a possible rogue vampire made me freeze.

 _That was really stupid of me. I should have checked the woods._

I saw the corner of his lips turn down slightly. "No, there is no vampire. Charlie and Sue are fine. I just wanted to make sure you got home alright." He said coldly.

"Graham wouldn't have let anything happen to me." I realized it was the first time I have ever said Graham's name to Jacob. Though from the look Jacob had, I was pretty sure he didn't care.

"I just wanted to be sure. You seem to attract the stupid clumsy humans."

"He's not a stupid clumsy human." I said defensively. "He's actually a surprisingly good dancer." I trailed off knowing as soon as the words left my mouth that was the worst thing I could have said. Jacob's jaw clenched and I felt his body heating up.

He stared at me with hard eyes and I felt myself shrinking away from him. I hadn't realized he was holding his breath until he exhaled. It sort of reminded me of one of a balloon having all the air let out of it.

"He makes you happy." I couldn't tell if it was a question or a comment but I nodded. I was a little surprised by his words. He nodded too and stared off into the darkness.

We sat in an uncomfortable silence yet again. I couldn't believe he was so upset again. It was strange that he always seemed to… _No._ As Rose's words came flooding back into my mind, I felt my eyes widen. Was Jacob jealous of Graham? He was now staring down at his hand which seemed to have become the most fascinating object in the room.

 _No that's crazy, why would Jacob be jealous of Graham?_

Not wanting to pursue that silly train of thought, I changed the subject. "Well next time you phase near the house, be more careful. You almost succeeded in giving two people a heart attack."

He looked up at me questioningly a moment then looked sheepishly down at his finger which he had started tracing along the sheets. "I didn't think anyone noticed me." He said that more to himself.

"Well Charlie did. That's how the topic of the 'giant wolf bear' came up. You had him pretty upset."

"Charlie knows what I can do." Jacob snapped. Though to my knowledge Jacob had only phased in front of Charlie one time, right before I met my grandpa for the first time.

"Just because he knows doesn't mean he likes to remember." He shrugged. "Jacob, no more phasing around Charlie."

"Fine." He used his 'I don't listen to authority' voice.

"I mean it."

"I got it." Jacob huffed. "You sound like Bella." He mumbled just loud enough for me to hear. I ignored him. I took sounding like my mom a complement.

I had never been so awkward around Jacob before, but here we were for the third time in complete silence. I racked my brain for anything to say to fill the lull; I didn't want to leave. Only I couldn't exactly spill my guts about the dance especially after the last reaction I got.

"So I guess you had a good time at the dance."

I blinked at him then felt a smile spread across my face. I wasn't expecting Jacob to ask me that, but I certainly knew how to answer it. "I would have had way more fun if you would have been there…even if you don't like dancing." I smiled brilliantly at him and I was rewarded with a huge grin.

"Really?" He asked.

"Of course! Don't you think I would know who I would have more fun with?" I asked using his words.

He pulled me down so I was lying next to him. He wrapped his arm across my stomach and around my waist and planted a kiss on my cheek. Feeling completely content, I snuggled up next to him and his arm tightened. I couldn't help but think how perfect we fit together.

We fell asleep just like that.

"Miss Swan?"

I was shaken out of my haze by a white piece of paper waving in front of my face. I blinked and looked up to see Mr. Molina holding out my Biology test for me to take. "Will you be taking the test today?" Some of the students giggled.

Slightly embarrassed I took the test and turned around in my seat. Faster than anyone would see, I looked around the classroom a little dazed as to when I got here. I had no recollection of my walk to class. Graham was already sitting next to me – which I hadn't even heard him come in – and answering questions.

 _I think I need to get my ears checked._

I sat there staring at the paper in front of me for a moment. Normally I had a set of rules I followed while taking high school tests. Those being: don't finish before the half way mark unless a few other students have, always miss a different number of questions, and try not to be the first one done every time.

So much for rules, after answering all the questions correctly I was the first person to turn in my test after only twenty minutes - about nineteen of which I spent stalling. I sat back at my seat and watched a little finch hopping from branch to branch on the tree right outside the window.

I had asked my parents about that rogue vampire – they said his name was Laurent – and his little nomadic cove. Apparently they had happened upon my family while playing a game of baseball. As usual I didn't get many answers. What I did get was that those friends had not been very friendly at all. No one had actually said why but I could see the anger in dad's eyes when he mentioned them – not by name which I thought was odd.

The little finch flew away and I found myself wondering why I was even thinking about this again. What did this vampire mean to me? I had never met him and he wasn't even alive anymore. So why did I keep thinking about it every day?

 _I guess because it just seems odd._

I knew I wasn't being told the whole truth but I didn't know who I could ask about it. If my dad hated them so much, why was it Jacob's pack that killed them? Well they killed Laurent I didn't actually know what happened to the other two.

"Everything alright beautiful?" Graham was suddenly standing in front of me.

I blinked up at him then looked around. There was no one else in the classroom. I hadn't even heard the bell ring.

 _I really do need to get my ears checked._

"Yeah," I said regaining my composure and standing up.

"You sure? You seem a little distracted." I nodded. At this time he would normally have grabbed my hand but he just stiffly stepped back a little. "Want to talk about it?" He asked reluctantly.

"I was just thinking." I replied.

"About anything, um, in particular?" He asked hesitantly. I heard his heart start thumping and realized he was afraid I was going to break up with him. He was right; I would have to just not at this moment.

I grabbed his hand. "Just some family stuff." I smiled at him and he smiled back, relaxing. "So, I'm really excited about this weekend." I changed the subject as we walked hand in hand down the hall. We had history next.

Graham wrapped his arm around my shoulders and kissed the side of my head. "I still can't believe this is going to be your first concert, ever." He said. My friends knew I didn't like to talk about family stuff. I'm pretty certain it made them all uncomfortable so no one ever questioned me further.

"I mean, you're seventeen, traveled all over the world, but have never been to a concert. I find that hard to believe." Without stopping, he moved his hand to the small of my back and gently ushered me into the classroom first.

"I never had anyone to go with."

Graham stopped and looked at me. "You never had anyone to go with? What about a boyfriend?"

He was fishing but I still couldn't stop my cheeks from flushing. "I never had a boyfriend." I replied quietly as I sat down. I'm not sure why, but I was kind of embarrassed at having to admit that out loud in a room full of teenagers.

Graham plopped down in his seat and stared at me with wide eyes. "You never had a boyfriend before." Thankfully he was gentlemanly enough to say that just above a whisper. I shook my head. "But, I mean you're…well I mean look at you." I shrunk away from his attention. I didn't want to talk about this anymore. I felt my whole face heat up and I turned to face the front of the classroom.

A second later, Mr. Byrd walked in wheeling a video cart. I could see out of the corner of my eye that Graham was still looking at me, probably thinking there was something wrong with me since no one else had wanted to date me.

A sudden wave of sadness washed over me as I thought he probably wanted to break up with me now. Which was silly because I knew this was all going to have to end eventually. I really liked Graham. In fact I loved him. If circumstances were different, if I was human, I could see spending the rest of my life with him. But that just wasn't possible and thinking about it seemed to make things that much more painful.

 _Maybe it's best if he does breaks up with me now._

When the lights went out and the movie started – we were watching "1776" – Graham turned to the front. He rested his head on the wall and I saw my hand reach over to grab his hand. I still was not ready to let him go.

We sat like that the whole class.

Still holding hands, we walked silently to our lockers and then to the locker room. Graham was on the track team and had practice after school. I went to every practice and every track meet that was here. I liked watching him run, his muscles were very hypnotizing.

Today was just practice and there were a handful of other students scattered around the bleachers, but I sat alone watching. Graham was one of the best on the team so a lot of students listened to him. He was leading the warm up exercises for the relay teams and right at the moment they were practicing how to pass the baton.

"Hey Nessie!" A freshman boy, who was standing right in front of Graham, suddenly yelled at me. He waved at me till Graham gave him a dirty look. When the boy – who I think was named Matt – looked down at the ground, Graham looked back at me. I couldn't help but smile. I waved at him and he smiled and nodded. He gestured for me to join him but I shook my head. He had asked me numerous times to join the track team but secretly I had sworn off anything that increased the possibility of me hurting someone so I politely declined him.

"Nessie." I turned to see Lydia trotting down the stairs.

"Hi Lidie-bean." I waved as she walked over to where I was sitting in the middle of the stadium and sat down next to me.

"Are you ever going to tell me why you call me that?" She asked looking slightly annoyed, even though I knew she wasn't really.

"Nope." I grinned up at her and she rolled her eyes but smiled back. We had this discussion about once a week. She didn't have any lotion or shampoo that smelled like vanilla so she thought I was just teasing her.

"Fine…anyway, we are having a little family party tonight for Andrew's birthday and I wanted to know if you could come." I felt my heart warm at the invite. I was honored to be invited to their family's party.

"Sure, that sounds great."

"Awesome! Can you be there by seven thirty?"

"Yeah that sounds good."

"Excellent!" She said goodbye and ran up the stairs. She was probably running late picking up her little siblings.

Track practice went until five thirty and I waited in my usual spot outside the locker rooms for Graham. I knew the names of everyone on the track team. I was talking to two sophomore boys when Graham walked over.

"Okay, well gotta go Nessie."

"Bye Adam. Bye Brian." I smiled and waved as they quickly walked away. I looked up and saw Graham watching them as they departed. "I guess you scared them."

"And I'm not even a senior yet." He looked at me and smiled. "I'm beginning to think it's a good thing you haven't joined the track team."

I frowned a little as I stood up. "Why's that?"

"Because you would be too much of a distraction." He said matter-of-factly.

"Hey I can be focused if I need to be. I don't talk all the time." I said pretending to sound a little hurt. I grabbed his hand and pulled him close to me, wrapping my arm around his waist. His muscles were warm from track practice and I liked the way they felt. The warmth was comforting and familiar.

"I didn't mean you would distract them by talking too much Nessie." He held the door open for me as we walked out of the gym.

"Then what, do you think I run funny or something?" The only time he had seen me really run was that time I played flag football with them back at the beginning of the school year.  
Our play racing I didn't count.

"Man, I'm kind of beginning to see why you never had a boy friend."

 _Ouch!_ I stopped. I tried not to let the hurt show on my face. He stopped and looked back at me.

"No, no Nessie. I didn't mean it that way." He lifted his hand up and gently cupped my chin. He softly stroked my cheek with his thumb. "I meant that you seem to be completely oblivious to how amazing you are. All the boys on the track team would be watching you instead of practicing." I looked at him skeptically.

 _If he met my family he wouldn't be saying that._

"You probably had guys throwing themselves at you and you just didn't realize it."

"All the guys I know are more like brothers."

"Poor guys."

"It never seemed to bother them." I replied trying not to sound offended.

"If you don't mind me asking were they stupid or blind?"

"Neither." I frowned up at him.

"Okay, I'm sorry." He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into a big hug. My head was pressed against his chest and I could hear it rumble as he spoke. "How did I get to be so lucky?" I didn't know if he was expecting an answer.

"I think I'm the lucky one." And I meant that. Graham was wonderful. He was thoughtful and pretty much the nicest person at school...and, well, he was pretty hot too. I was the one who didn't deserve him. I was the one constantly putting him into danger because I was selfish. I couldn't break up with him because it made me happy, not because it was best for him.

We stood there silently for a couple of minutes, holding each other. Another wave of sadness washed over me. I almost felt like I had run out of time and I had to give him up already; even though I knew I still had till the summer of next year.

"I saw Lydia talking to you earlier. Isn't Wednesday her day to pick up her siblings?" Graham was as good as well everyone I knew at completely changed the subject.

"Yeah, she wanted me to come over tonight for Andrew's birthday." Graham and I let go and continued our walked - hand in hand - to the cars.

"Lydia, Nessie's here!" Rachel, Lydia's eleven year half old sister, yelled when she opened the door.

"Well don't be rude Rachel, invite her in." I heard Lydia's mom say from somewhere in the living room.

"Oh sorry." Rachel turned back to me. "Please come in Nessie." She stepped to the side.

"Thank you Rachel." I winked at her as I walked past and she smiled shyly.

"Sweet!" I heard Jason say under his breath.

I walked into the living room to find Lydia's mom, Nancy, sitting on the floor with Andrew on her lap. Andrew was turning five today. I didn't hear Don, Lydia's step dad, so I assumed he was picking up another night shift.

Lydia's real dad had run out on her and her mom when Lydia was a baby. Nancy met Don a few months later and got married the next year. I think there was some drama about seven years ago when Lydia's dad came back into the picture. It turned pretty ugly and Charlie had to be called a couple times. Lydia still saw her dad on occasion; he lived near Kitsap Lake. But it was a very strained relationship.

Lydia had five little half siblings, all of whom were spread out round the living room. Aside from Andrew and Rachel, there was Kristy and Bret, who are seven and eight, and Jason, who was fifteen and the oldest.

Since Lydia's family actually lived in Bogachiel, everyone but Lydia went to a Jefferson county school. They had moved there when Lydia was in fourth grade and, from my understanding, she didn't want to change schools so her step dad had gotten permission for her to remain in Forks Elementary – at the time - until she graduated Forks High. I think it helped that he still worked for Clallam County.

 _I wonder if she ever regretted that decision._

"Hey Nessie." Lydia said walking up from her basement room she shared with Rachel. She walked over to me and gave me a quick hug.

"Hi Lydia." I turned to Andrew. "Happy Birthday Andrew." I smiled at him. He didn't like to be called Andy or Drew.

"I'm five." He said holding up his chubby little hand for me to count his fingers. He smiled as soon as his eyes landed on the little pretty parcel I was holding. "Is that for me?" He hopped out of his mother's arms and raced over.

"Yes it is." I handed it to him. It was a little Lego set.

"You didn't have to get him anything." Lydia said quietly to me as Andrew ripped off the wrapping paper.

"It's his birthday, of course I did." I whispered back.

"Mama, look!" He carried the box over to his mom.

"Wow that's cool." She said, taking it and examining it. "What do you say?"

Andrew turned and looked at me shyly. "Thank you Nessie."

"You are very welcome Andrew." I smiled back at him.

"Can I play with it now mama?" He turned back to Nancy.

"I thought we were going to play a family game." She said.

"Oh yeah." He said looking slightly crest fallen for a moment then sat on the floor by the coffee table grinning as his brother and sister set out all the pieces.

"Nessie's on my team." Bret suddenly called out. I saw Andrew's little lip quivering and his eyes were wide like he was fighting back tears. I guess he wanted to be on Bret's team.

"Why don't we let the birthday boy pick first?" Nancy must have known her youngest was upset by Bret's comment. Which I thought was amazing because she hadn't even looked up at him as she read the back of the Lego box.

Andrew's little eyes lit up and he grinned at me. I noticed he was missing a front tooth. "I want to be on Nessie's team." Surprised I happily agreed. Kristy picked Nancy on her team and Bret picked Jason, leaving Rachel and Lydia on a team.

We played till about eight thirty when it was time for Andrew to go get ready for bed. He was adamant about Lydia reading him his bedtime story and tucking him in. He gave me a great big hug then practically dragged Lydia up the stairs. Kristy and Bret wondered off after them. After putting the game away, Rachel jumped on the computer and Jason went back to channel surfing. I followed Nancy into the kitchen where I helped her put away the dishes.

"I'm sure Lydia will be thrilled to be staying away from this crazy house for the weekend." Nancy was saying as she wrapped the remaining birthday cake with plastic wrap and put it into the refrigerator.

"I know I'm excited about the concert." Lydia was going to be spending the night at my house after the concert. Lydia's mom gave me a knowing look for a moment then returned to putting the dishes in the dishwasher.

"I'll be grateful when Jason gets his license. Lydia will be able to enjoy being young instead of taking on so much responsibility." Nancy said absentmindedly. Lydia's mom was a nurse at the community hospital and was there a lot. She had even known Carlisle when he worked there. But with six kids, things were always tight for them – hence why Don was picking up yet another night shift. Lydia was the only other person in the house with a license so she spent a lot of time driving her younger siblings around. "I wish she would have agreed to switch schools."

At that moment Lydia walked into the kitchen. "His head hit the pillow and he went out like a light." She informed her mom.

We finished helping put the dishes away and Lydia walked me to my car. "Thanks for coming." She said once the door was closed. "He gets a little upset when dad has to work too much. It's a good distraction for him when we have company."

"You know me, I love birthdays."

"Well, he loves it when you come over." She chuckled a little. "So do all my little brothers. I guess that makes me a bad older sister since I'm not concerned."

"You are a great older sister. You do so much for them."

She shrugged. "My parents can't do it all."

"Lydia, why didn't you want to go to the same school as your other siblings? You wouldn't have to always rush home to take them somewhere." I asked cautiously.

In the seconds that followed at least fifteen different emotions danced across Lydia's face. Most of them pain. She looked up at me and stared me right in the eyes with the most intense look. I was beginning to think I had crossed some friendship boundaries when her shoulders slumped and she looked down. "David." She said simply.

"David." I repeated hoping she knew I had no idea what that meant.

"He was my best friend…more than my best friend." She looked up and her eyes were full of pain and tears. I waited patiently. I could tell this was going to cost her to tell me. "But he died."

Okay, what do you say to that?

"How?" I asked in a voice barely above a whisper.

"Leukemia." Lydia whispered, looking down. I saw some tears drip off her cheeks. "He was nine. I would visit him in the hospital every day he was there. I kept telling him that he was going to get better because we were going to get married and live on the moon." I could see her cheeks pulling up in a smile. "David was really into astronomy." She looked at me. "Debbie was my mom's college roommate and best friend. David was their only child." I stood there just blinking away tears. "We were exactly six months apart to the day…I was older. We were inseparable from day one. They used to live next door to us in Forks. I don't think my mom has spoken to Debbie since the funeral."

She didn't have to say anymore, I knew she wanted to stay in Forks because leaving the place that reminded her of David would be too painful.

"I'm so sorry Lydia." I said quietly. What else could I say? Nothing, so I wrapped my arms around her.

"It still hurts sometimes, but it's better now." I felt her thin arms around my waist and she squeezed. "Much better than it used to be." She said again.

I felt kind of awkward having nothing else to say. I wasn't use to being stunned for words. But I opened my mouth anyway. "No one told me."

"No," she dropped her arms. "No one would, though everyone knew him. It was easy for David to make friends. Heck, Graham used to play with us since he lived right down the street; at least until third grade when he moved away. But it's just too sad and no one wants to remember."

I should have known what to say to her since technically I was supposed to have lost my mother, but I was drawing a blank.

"It's a school night, go home." She smiled slightly, "Even though you don't need it."

The little warning in the back of my mind started sounding. "Yeah, well good night Lydia." I said, turning quickly to leave. I was ashamed I felt relieved she had order me to go home. She had just spilled her guts and I wanted to get away. What kind of friend was I?

But I had no idea how to handle that situation. I had never been through what that poor girl had. I certainly didn't like that little comment she made about sleep. I thought I had been careful, but apparently not careful enough.

All the way home I felt…well I didn't really know how I felt. I had never lost someone I loved.

 _Well, that explained why Lydia was so folded in on herself._

I pulled into my spot in front of Charlie's house and sat there looking at the light shining through the curtains. It wasn't something we talked about in my family. We live forever – at least no vampire has died of old age or sickness so far – while our human family and friends didn't.

I slipped through the door quietly. I peered around the corner to see Charlie lying on the couch watching some game and Sue sitting in the arm chair weaving a basket.

"Did you have a good time?" Sue asked without looking up. Charlie looked at her startled and then over to me.

"Nessie, I didn't hear you come in."

"Yeah, I didn't want to disturb you."

"Did he like the gift?" Sue asked. I had asked her what Seth liked when he was five.

"Yes, I'm kind of tired I think I'm going to bed now."

"Okay, goodnight kido."

"Goodnight Nessie."

"Night." I turned and slowly walked up the stairs.

I sat on my bed in the dark just thinking. I should have wanted to spend as much time with them as I could, but I just didn't want to look at them. It was weird thinking that everyone I knew was going to be dead one day and I was going to be the same….forever.

No wonder my family never got close to normal humans. It hurt. It hurt a lot. Charlie, Sue, Billy, Rene, Lydia, Graham, they were not going to live forever.

 _And poor Lydia._ I brushed the tears away from my cheeks. I was so lucky Seth and Jacob and my parents were all going to live forever.

At that moment I wanted nothing more than my mommy. Charlie and Sue had gone to bed an hour ago and I could hear them both snoring lightly. I slipped out of the window and ran home. I didn't even have to knock. Dad already had the door open and they were waiting for me.

I ran right into their open arms and cried. Dad could already read my thoughts so I placed my hand on mom's cheek and replayed the whole evening – which in hind sight was probably poorly thought out. Charlie was mom's dad after all.

"That's why Carlisle made me." Was all dad said.

I slept at home that night.

"Good luck." I said as I stood on my tippy toes to indicate I wanted a kiss. Graham complied and bent his head to press his lips to mine.

"Ahem," said one of the sophomore girls from behind us. She stood with her arms crossed over her chest, looking rather annoyed.

Graham and I stepped aside and she glared at us before moving to climb up onto the bus. I stuck my tongue out at her as she passed and I heard Graham chuckle. "Have fun at the play tonight." He said still holding me in his arms. There were still a handful of other students not on the bus yet so we had a couple of minutes.

"I'll try." I pouted out my lower lip and he kissed it. "I don't know why I do these things to myself." I said with a sigh.

"You'll have fun and you know it." He said kissing my forehead.

"I wish I could go to the meet." I said pressing my head against his chest and listening to his heart.

"You promised Josh you would see his play." I felt his hand come up and he lifted my chin. "It'll be a good play. You'll have a good time." I tried not to frown as I had flashbacks to when Jacob said that to me, right before I broke Nick's collar bone.

"Ready to go, Graham?" Coach Mulkey asked as he walked up to the where we stood with our arms still enclosed in each other's arms.

"Yes Coach." Graham said letting me go.

"Nessie, will you be joining us?" Coach Mulkey asked looking at me out of the corner of his eye.

"Not this time Coach Mulkey." I stepped back so Graham could follow his coach onto the bus. "Good luck!" I waved as the bus doors closed. Graham turned and smiled at me and I could hear his team mates hooting as he walked to an empty seat.

The parking lot was mostly empty by the time I made it to my car. I recognized Josh's car as I pulled out of the parking space. I bet they were all pretty excited about opening night. They were doing a condensed version of ' _South Pacific_ '. I had never seen it but it the musical did win a Tony so I was guessing it was going to be good.

I parked right next to Jacob's car in the front and ran into the house. Jacob met me at the door.

"Ugh, Nessie." Jacob said taking a big whiff of my hair. I rolled my eyes but didn't let go. Instead I rubbed my head back and forth on his chest. He jumped back. "Hey, just because you like him doesn't mean I want to smell like him." Jacob bent his head a little and sniffed. He frowned. "He smells funny."

"He does not…he actually kind of smells like you." I teased. Actually I was serious, but Jacob thought I was messing with him and it was easier to just let him keep thinking that.

"I smell nothing like him." Jacob protested.

It had taken a while but Jacob had finally stopped referring to Graham as the stupid human. I still wasn't going to hold my breath that they becoming best friends or anything.

"Of course not, you smell much better." I said, walking into the living room. "Where's your partner in crime?"

"Ah, he had some group project for his class or something." Jacob actually sounded a little bummed out.

"So what are you planning on doing?" I plopped down on the couch. The play didn't start until eight, so I had plenty of time.

"Embry, Quil and I are going to see a movie." He sounded a little offended by my question as he sat down next to me.

"Okay Mr. Sensitive, I didn't mean anything. I was just following social norms." Jacob cocked one eyebrow. "I was making small talk." I replied, trying a smile that failed miserably.

I had thought after the night of the dance things would go back to normal between us; but they didn't. Most of the time we were fine, but Jacob still got pretty touchy sometimes. I seemed to always be walking on eggshells because it was so hard to tell how he was going to react.

Thankfully I think he was fine today. "Offer's still on the table if you want to join us."

"I promised Josh I would go see the school play." I snuggled up against him, which meant all I had to do was lean over a little because he took up most of the couch.

"Is your little antelope going to be with you?"

 _Well, so much for charming._

"No." I replied shortly, ignoring Jacob's reference to Graham as prey. I flipped the channels mindlessly.

We didn't talk, but I stayed snuggled up against Jacob till Charlie came home. Sue invited Jacob for dinner but he declined saying they were going to grab a bite while in Port Angeles. I used the excuse of having to get ready and went upstairs.

I pulled right into the same parking spot I had all day. The parking lot was filling up and I hoped the play had sold out. As I was walking into the auditorium I saw Mrs. Cheney and her husband. We talked a moment before going to take our seats. Unlike a professional theater, it was a fist come first serve basis and I opted to sit in the last row on the aisle seat.

The play ended at ten. Since I wanted to show Josh that I kept my promise, I made my way down the hall to the back of the stage. I waited just outside the doors but not for long. A few minutes later Josh came out. He was still in costume and hadn't wiped his stage make up off yet.

"Nessie, you came." He walked over and gave me a big hug. He was a little sweaty and I tried not to pull away.

"I promised you I would."

"Did you like the play?" He still hadn't let go of me.

"Yes, Josh you were awesome." And I wasn't just being nice. "You never told me you were such a great singer." He finally loosened his grip enough for me to wiggle out.

"Ah well, thanks." He beamed. He frowned a moment then looked behind me. "Graham here?"

"Track meet." I explained.

Josh nodded. "Hey, I want you to meet someone." Before I could say anything he started pulling on my arm. He pulled me up to a couple standing alone. "Mom, dad, this is Nessie, Chief Swan's niece."

"Oh," Josh's mom's eyes went wide and she stuck out her hand. I took it and she brought up her other hand and stepped closer to me. "It is so very nice to finally meet you Nessie."

"It's very nice to meet you too Mrs. Fisher." I could see where Josh got his sense of personal space, or lack thereof. I shook Josh's dad's hand.

I excused myself after about five minutes of listening to Josh's mom gush about her son. It had gotten a little too awkward for my taste. They were almost acting like we were a couple and it didn't help that Josh had his hand on the small of my back four of the five minutes. I don't know why I was surprised when Mrs. Fisher gave me a hug and I couldn't back away from them fast enough. I certainly didn't want another sweaty hug from Josh.

Charlie was sleeping on the coach when I slipped into the door. I went over and gently shook him. "Grandpa." I whispered, so as not to startle him.

His eyes flew open and he blinked at me a moment. "Nessie, what time is it?"

"Ten thirty."

"How was the play?" He sat up and stretched; his joints popping with the movement.

"Really good. They did a shorter version of South Pacific." I replied. Charlie just nodded. He may or may not have heard of it.

"Well I'm heading to bed." Surprisingly he bent down and gave me a kiss on the cheek. "Goodnight kido."

"Goodnight Grandpa."

It didn't happen often, but I was in the mood for some eggs. I walked into the kitchen and over to the fridge. As I poured the cream into the scrambled egg mix, I heard a soft bump on the floor in my room.

 _Oops, I had forgotten to close the window before I left._

I added the rest of the carton of eggs and made a note that I would have to get Sue some more in the morning. There was complete silence until Charlie started snoring and then I heard someone quietly moving down the stairs. The steps were so fait the only reason I could hear anything at all was because of my acute sense of hearing.

"Going to put some cheese in those?" Jacob asked as he walked into the kitchen.

"Sure, what kind do you want?" I asked without even turning around.

"What kind do you have?" He walked over and sat at the table.

I went to the refrigerator and opened the cheese drawer. "You can have cheddar, cheddar or cheddar." I pulled the hunk of cheese out and went to get the grater.

"Hhmm, I can't decide. Surprise me." I could hear the smile in his voice.

As I added the cheese to the egg batter Jacob stood up and walked over to the sink to wash his hands. "Whoa, who have you been hugging?" He asked frowning.

"Josh was happy to see me…"

"I bet."

"And so was his mother."

"His mother?" Jacob grabbed the hand towel to dry his hands.

I shrugged. "Yeah, apparently she's been wanting to meet me all year." Jacob looked at me. "I don't know." I said dividing the eggs onto two plate, giving Jacob well over half.

I carried them to the table and sat down. Jacob sat next to me and we ate in silence. I hated these times, they made me sad. I felt like I had ruined my friendship with Jacob all because I started dating Graham.

I cleaned off the dishes and Jacob followed me upstairs. I took some clothes into the bathroom and changed. Jacob was sitting on the rocking chair with his eyes closed when I returned. I stopped a moment when I saw the light dancing across his skin and hair. He really would be a catch for any lucky girl.

"What?" His eyes were opens ever so slightly.

"Nothing." I sat on the bed and Jacob stood up. He walked over to kiss me on the top of my head and I grabbed his hand. I looked into his eyes and without a word asked him to stay. He wordlessly crawled into bed next to me and I snuggled up against him.

"Jacob?"

"Yeah?"

"You're not ever going to leave are you?"

"Not as long as you want me to be around."

Satisfied I nodded and went to sleep wrapped in his arms.

 **Chapter 10: And the evening ends in a bang…literally**

"You're going to come straight home after the concert." It wasn't a question anymore.

"Yes, Grandpa. As soon as the concert is over we are getting in the car and driving back to Forks." I tried to reassure him for the hundredth time today. "And mom and dad are fine with me going." I tried to slip that in before he said anything else. It hadn't worked earlier, but I still had my hopes.

Charlie had been fine with me going to the concert in Seattle up until this morning. Then first thing he starts his interrogation of which he already knew every answer: who was I going with, which venue was it at, when did the concert start, when did it end, who was driving, what kind of car were we taking, how many people were going to be in the car, and on and on all afternoon.

It was really pointless for him to worry like this. I mean if he only knew the full truth….I sighed. We can't tell him because it was safer for him not to know, but it would sure make my life easier at the moment. Grandpa, I am part vampire you have absolutely nothing to worry about. It would take much more than a car accident to kill me.

"I don't know. Maybe you kids should get a hotel room and stay the night. It's going to be late and it's a long drive." Charlie was awkwardly standing in the door way to the kitchen watching as I helped Sue make their dinner. "On second thought that isn't a very good idea either."

"Charlie, hun, they are young, they need some excitement. Plus they have plenty of energy and run on practically no sleep. They'll be fine." Sue said without looking up from kneading the dough she was going to make bread out of. I could see the corner of her mouth twitching slightly. She knew more about me than Charlie did. While I did sleep, I really only needed about four hours.

I was glad she had become more comfortable around me, especially now that I have been living with them for over five months. She was kind of like a cool older aunt. Plus she had some really great stories of Quileute history and myths and about Jacob and Seth as kids.

When Charlie had first started visiting us, Sue had usually been with him and would hover around him like a mother protecting her young. I remember being amused by that as a child. It was kind of pointless considering her and Charlie were the only two normal humans in the whole house - unless Billy was there as well. But I guess it was nice to know she cared about Charlie that much.

"It's only a three and a half hour drive." I explained yet again. "The concert starts at eight and will end probably around eleven. We will get home about two thirty or three. And it's not a school night."

"I still don't know. Maybe I should drive you." Charlie offered.

 _Ugh, no!_

"That's a terrible idea." Sue shot me a sympathetic look before she turned to glare at Charlie. "You are getting too old to be gallivanting around the state in the middle of the night. Leah used to go to concerts in Seattle and drive home all the time. They will be fine. "

"I guess if you say so." Charlie seemed to be content enough with that answer. Okay, so he shrugged with defeat, same thing. He seemed to be happier with simple explanations for things and he usually just accepted whatever Sue told him. That often made life easier.

 _Good, hopefully this stops the million and one questions._

"Trust me, no one is going to die."

 _Odd choice of words_ …I looked at Sue but she was looking back at her dough.

"So what are you going to see anyway?"

"Oh, um, you wouldn't know them…just some trendy pop band." I think I liked the other questions better.

"Hey you never know. I should get a ticket and go with you."

Sue burst out into laughter at the same time I almost yelled. "No!"

"What?"

"Charlie, really?"

"Hey I can hang with the…" He stopped talking as he looked back and forth between Sue laughing and - what I assumed – my horror stricken face. He turned to go back into the living room mumbling about Bella being easier to deal with and that I must take after Edward.

I stood there still staring at the empty door way, grateful he seemed to be done. I felt Sue's hand on mine and I looked over. She had a weird expression on her face, kind of like the one Alice got sometimes when she saw things.

"Please be careful."

All I could do was nod. I felt a chill run down my spine.

She stared into my eyes for a long moment and then went back to kneading. That was a little unnerving. Could she see things like Alice? I had never heard anything; neither Seth nor Jacob ever said Sue could see future events. Maybe they didn't know.

I'd have to pay attention from now on. That was just too weird. _Huh, funny, you'd think growing up with family and friends like mine, nothing would surprise me_.

We stood there in silence till I got too uncomfortable and went to my room to go and get ready, or so I said. It would take me less than a minute to do that, I just wanted to be alone to think.

I went upstairs and laid down on my bed thinking back over all the words I had ever heard Sue say trying to pick out clues. I was so lost in thought I lost track of time and was a little startled when I heard Graham knocking on the door. I had not even heard the car pull up. I jumped up, threw on the clothes I was going to wear and was half way down the stairs before Charlie opened the door.

"Hello Chief Swan. Is Nessie ready to go?" Graham asked, always formal. I stifled a giggle. I found it amusing when he acted like that…which seemed to only be around adults.

"Hello Graham…"

"Hi Graham." I said jumping down the last two steps so I was standing next to Charlie. "I'm ready." I turned to give Charlie a kiss on the check, called good-bye to Sue and headed out the front door.

"Be careful." I heard Charlie call as we made our way down the walk way. I could see Lydia, Erica, and Austin in the back seat and Dean in the very back of Graham's Explorer.

Graham stepped in front of me to open my door and I climbed in.

"Hi guys." I pulled the seatbelt across my chest and felt my lips curve into a slight smile. There really was no need for me to wear a seatbelt. I was greeted with a chorus of _'heys'_ and _'hellos'_ and as we pulled away everyone went back to their conversation.

The whole ride there, Graham and I sat quietly listening to the four of them chatting away in the back. I was too lost in my thoughts to add much to the conversation.

I felt Graham lift my hand to his lips and kissed my knuckles. I looked over and smiled. "Welcome back." He said returning my smile.

"Sorry, I just have a lot on my mind." I said without thinking. He still held my hand but pretty much left me alone after that. I was busy memorizing the way everyone sounded when they talked and laughed and the way they all smelled and looked. I wanted to be able to remember them exactly as they were.

When I looked at Graham again, I felt a little bad. I had been moping around all week. Ever since Lydia told me about David I hadn't been able to think about anything but the mortality of my friends. Let me just say how depressing that was. I would never know what happens to them in their lives. No matter when that ended, mine would continue on…and on and on and on. I think I kind of even freaked Charlie out when I spent every moment I could with him the past couple of days.

We stopped about half way to Seattle to fill up so we wouldn't have to stop in the middle of the night on the way back. We made it to the city an hour before the concert started; which was good because for me it had turned into a very long car ride. It took forever to park (this was a huge concert) but we finally made into a spot and filed out. Graham rounded the car and grabbed my hand. I was used to it not being as warm as Jacob's was, but my little hand was still lost in his. It felt familiar and nice.

I told myself I wasn't going to ruin this moment. I was going to live in the now and have a great time.

There were cops directing the flow of both car traffic and pedestrian traffic; there were hundreds of people going to this concert. I wonder what it would be like in dad's head with all these people around. _Noisy I would imagine_. I tried to concentrate on the excited babbling of my friends – and even joined in at times - as we made our way to Key Arena.

I was watching all the people around us, the atmosphere was electric. I bet Jasper would love to be here with this kind of energy. You didn't need to be Jasper to feel intoxicated by the air over the crowd.

We found our seats and the show to begin. The place was sold out. In all honesty, I could take the band or leave it. I went for the company and the normal human experience. I mean I had never been to a concert before and this was exciting.

As I stood there listening to a slow song, I saw a guy two rows down from us wrap his arms around the girl that stood next to him. I suddenly wanted to see Jacob. I had not seen him since last night. He had slipped out before I woke up and looking at that guy's arms around the girls waist made me I missed him, until I felt Graham's arms and I leaned into him.

"You enjoying the concert so far?" Graham bent down so his lips were real close to my ear. His breath brushed my neck and I shivered.

"Very much." I turned my head slightly to answer him. "You?"

"I always have a good time when you are around." His reply made me smile. I rested my head back on his chest and he kissed the top of my head.

"So, how would you rate your first concert experience?" He asked as we stood waiting next to the restrooms.

"Fifteen out of ten." I smiled hugely at him. "It was awesome!" I wasn't even exaggerating. He smiled back and pulled me to him.

"Good." He bent down and kissed me. We stood like that till we heard Dean clear his throat.

Everyone was much quieter on the ride back. Lydia was sleeping on Austin's shoulder, I think Dean was sleeping in the back because he was really still, and I could see Erica's head bobbing. My main concern was Graham. I just couldn't shake Sue's warning in the kitchen this afternoon. I was ready to instantly grab the wheel if he fell asleep. But he seemed to be fine so maybe I was worried for nothing.

Charlie and Sue knew we were headed back, I called and to let them know we were going to be driving. I think I earned some brownie points for not having been asked to call, even if I did wake them up. _Oh well, Charlie was probably just sleeping on the couch anyway._

"Are you sure you don't want me to drive? I mean I slept in this morning just so I wouldn't be tired tonight." It was the first thing I had said anything to him since we left Seattle. I felt a little guilty but I had once again been thinking about how this wasn't going to work. I had been doing that more and more lately.

He looked at me and smiled. "No, I'm really alright." He squeezed my hand. Okay, maybe it really was Sue just being cautious. He seemed alert. Maybe Leah had been in an accident or something and Sue was just a little spooked. After all, Leah had not always been as solid as she was now.

We were more than half way home and everything seemed to be going fine – which should have been a signal right there.

I heard the truck before I saw the truck. _A truck? He shouldn't be driving this late at night, there were laws against that I thought._ They had to pull over at night so they wouldn't fall asleep at the wheel. But sure enough a minute later a logger truck came around the turn about three miles ahead of us. We were on a long stretch of the highway that was a straight shot for those miles.

My eyes zeroed in on the driver, he seemed okay. I didn't see his head bob or the cabin swerving. I was still nervous. I looked over at the speedometer. It said eighty. I looked at the truck and he looked like he was doing about seventy.

My gut was screaming danger.

I watched the driver intently. I wasn't going to rattle Graham's concentration if it wasn't necessary. As we got closer I saw the guy's head bob the tiniest bit and the cabin swerved slightly to the right.

 _Oh crap!_

"Graham, I think you should pull over." If I could get him over to the side of the road and best case, it would just drive on by. I could fake not feeling well. Or maybe the truck wouldn't even reach Graham's Explorer before it flipped.

"No really Nessie. I'm not tired at all. I have driven this late before…and I was alone." The cabin jerked again and holy crap did he just speed up? My heart started pounding as we approached the logger truck.

"No Graham I really need you to pull over." If we could get off the road the truck cabin won't hit us and it should flip the other direction if it jackknifes. "Now!" I screamed at him as we reached the truck's cabin.

Graham slammed on his breaks. I hadn't counted on that and for a heartbeat I thought everything was going to be fine as the cabin sped past us. Only stopping turned out to be the worst thing that could have happened because when the truck's cabin jerked back it hit the back corner of Graham's Explorer.

Everything seemed to speed up after that. Even with my lightning fast processing skills it happened too fast.

The back of the Explorer spun out bringing us perpendicular to the bed of the truck. I watched in horror as the cabin and the bed - heavy with logs - folded in on itself trapping us in the middle. We were still moving and we were about to broad side with the bed full of logs. Reflexively I turned and punched my arms out the window, bracing myself as best I could with one foot pressed firmly against the floor, the other against the bottom of the door, and my back pressed up against the center arm rest.

The truck slammed into my hands. It hurt way more than I was expecting and I screamed, but my screams were drowned out by everyone else's scram. I could feel the glass shards embedding into my skin as I was forced backward and the middle arm rest dug into my back. My foot broke through the floor scraping along the metal as it hit the pavement. I couldn't stop us completely from hitting the truck, but we didn't hit as hard as we were going to.

I heard the snap of a large bone…Dean or Erica?

The force of the collision bounced us back toward the cabin. We were about to get slammed on the other side when I heard a log roll off the top of the bed. I heard it move the air as it fell. I shot my arms up, reinforcing the ceiling. It seemed to be mostly on my side, but I could hear the back window bust under the pressure of the other end of the tree. Dean yelled. While it stopped the sideways momentum, the tree tipped the Explorer over. We landed on our side and it was all over.

It took about thirty seconds. The sounds of screaming, glass shattering, metal bending and breaking suddenly stopped and the night was silent.

And then it hit me.

The smell of blood…human blood. It was everywhere. My throat started burning with an intensity I had never felt before. I sat there stunned and horrified. I couldn't tell if the adrenaline racing through my veins was making everything worse, but I could feel myself losing control of my instincts.

These were my friends, I loved them how could I be thinking this.

Suddenly I felt warm liquid dripping on my face. Too afraid to move my head I looked out the corner of my eye. Graham was unconscious, he hung in his seat, still strapped in by his seatbelt…bleeding on me. I instantly put my hands up to stop the drops from hitting me but it was too late. I felt myself tense for the kill.

 _NO!_

I covered my mouth and nose with my hands. Bad idea, they were covered in blood that wasn't mine. I pulled my shaking hands away from my mouth but that didn't do any good. My mouth was watering. I pursed my lips together afraid if my mouth opened I wouldn't be able to control myself. But some blood had gotten on them from my hands.

It tasted irresistible.

I closed my eyes and held my breath. _No! No! No! These are my friends._ I was fighting so hard to keep myself in my seat I was shaking. I clutched the seat and felt it mold under my hand, like dough.

 _Yeah, but no one would be the wiser._ No normal human should have survived this kind of collision. I was all too aware of the five beating hearts trapped in the car with me. I could kill them all and everyone would just think it was the accident. I could pretend I never went with them when I went back to school.

 _Wretched creature! How can I think that!_ I would know. My family would know.

 _But I don't have to tell them and as long as I didn't think about it they wouldn't know._ Maybe I didn't have to kill them all, maybe just two.

 _Stop that! I'm sick! I'm part human. I can't eat my own kind. No secrets, my family would know._

 _But I'm only half human. It would be so easy…just one. And my family had made mistakes before._ There wouldn't even be a fight.

I heard a low voice coming from outside. It was the truck driver. He was calling an ambulance from his cabin.

 _Oh…yes…I could kill him. Oh yes, yes…_ This was his fault and he was probably going to lose his job and there would be a lawsuit. It would be better for him to die now, much less painful and embarrassing.

 _No. I'm not going to kill an innocent man._ He probably has a wife and kids which was why he was driving when he shouldn't be; maybe to make more money or get home to see them faster.

 _Oh man, I need to get out of this car._ I kicked the rest of the front window out and climbed out. The cold night air helped a little but there was still blood all over me. I forced myself to look around. It was a mess. There were wood shards, glass, and metal littering the ground. This was a terrible accident and the worst part was that everyone survived the crash but might not survive me.

I was still shaking…desperately fighting against my very powerful instincts.

 _Maybe if I clean up the site a little, it would be easier for the paramedics to get my friends away from me._ I lifted the Explorer gently to an upright position, trying not to jar it. That was a really stupid idea. Blood was not only all over the ground, it dripped down the side of the car making the burning in my throat unbearable.

I didn't have to break the window because Erica's head already did that for me. I reach over and gripped her shoulder. I hesitated a little when I heard the bones crunch. She groaned softly, thought she was unconscious. I stepped over but stopped when I heard a gasp. My eyes darted up to see the truck driver looking at me from his driver side window.

 _Perfect…now he really had to die._ He had seen me. I was sickened by how pleased I was with the thought but I couldn't stop myself from springing to the top of Graham's Explorer. I smiled at the guy and jumped off. I landed on the other side and stalked toward the cabin.

This was going to be good.

A small voice in the back of my mind screamed for me to stop but I gladly ignored it.

I climbed the cabin and ripped off the door flinging it so hard it flew into the woods. The guy was cowering in his seat like that was going to stop me. He had a huge hole in his right temple that was bleeding all over his shirt. I inhaled. _Ah yes, his blood smelled divine. Not as good as Graham's but it would do._

But as a sudden flash of terror shot across his face and I caught a glimpse of my reflection in his eyes. I froze in horror. _What am I doing?_ I really was evil. I had become one of those creatures from my dream. I was completely disgusted with myself. As I starred at my reflection the image of Sam's two little boys flashed into my mind.

 _Sam…the treaty._ I was about to break the treaty and start a fight where people I loved would get hurt. I don't think it would matter that the Cullens and the Quileute pack were friends – loosely translated. And Jacob, what would this do to him? They would have to kill me and after my behavior I wasn't going to stop them.

I heard a whimpering sound coming from the guy. I looked at him and he was crying. I had him by the arm and I'm pretty sure I had broken it. It felt like soft clay in my fingers. I didn't know what to do so I punched him hard enough knock him out. I couldn't leave him there as a credible witness – not that the head wound would suggest that he was. I jumped down off the cabin feeling dirty all over.

I had just about killed an innocent man. I had arrived in my own personal nightmare and I really wanted to crawl under a rock and die.

How could I have just done that? What kind of a sick psychopath had I turned into? The worst kind, that's what kind. I was so ashamed of myself I felt cold all over. How was I going to ever face my friends again? Or Carlisle? And Jacob…how was I ever going to look him in the eyes after this?

I felt the tears welling up. I was an evil, evil person. But that's the problem; I wasn't a person because I wasn't human…not fully. And that made me worse than my family. I had been born a freakish monster. I wish I could have died in that accident.

I didn't fit in anywhere.

I don't know how long I stood there, but I heard the sirens off in the distance. I couldn't be seen just standing out here but I couldn't run away because my friends knew I was at the concert. No, I had to force myself to go back into that blood bath.

I bent down and dragged my hands across the road, scrapping the top layer of skin to get the smell of Graham's blood off them. I climbed back in and held my hands over my mouth and nose, inhaling the smell of my own blood…waiting.

There were three ambulances, a fire truck and two cop cars. I startled the paramedic when he opened the door and I slowly climbed out. I couldn't stay in that car while they were moving my friends…too much blood. I still had not gotten the burning to go away.

Everyone just thought I was in shock and they kept asking me questions like what my name was and where did I live. They even tried to see if I remembered what happen. Of course I did…all too well, but I only answered some questions and ignored others. They flashed a flashlight in my eyes to see if I possibly had a concussion and wrapped my hands in bandages.

I vaguely noted it was a good thing I could bleed and bruise, otherwise it would have been very hard to explain how I came out completely unscathed.

I sat in the back of one of the ambulances watching while they got Graham, Lydia, Erica, Austin and Dean out and put them on stretchers. Dean had the most serious injuries – every major bone on his left side was broken, a skull fracture, excessive blood loss; probably because he had been sitting in the very back without a seatbelt. He was going to need a blood transfusion so they took him away first.

Erica was next with a broken collar bone and shoulder, which I was ashamed to admit, was my fault, a huge gash across the side of her head, a concussion and a fractured femur. They took her and Graham away next. Graham suffered broken ribs and his face had been slammed against the steering wheel so he broke his nose and cracked his skull, but they didn't think he would need reconstructive surgery.

I rode in the ambulance with Austin, who hit his head on the window and possible broke his arm, and Lydia, who had the most minor injuries and was dropping in and out of consciousness. She had been sandwiched in between Austin and Erica, who took most of the hits.

Half way to the hospital she opened her eyes and looked at me. The right corner of her mouth twitched and she reached out her hand but I shied away. I couldn't let go of my nose and mouth.

I wasn't actually sure what hospital they took us too because I was concentrating on not attacking anyone. It was harder with my hands bandaged. The paramedic gave me a blanket because I was shaking and kept telling me that everyone was going to be okay and we were all very lucky.

Ha, what did she know? She wasn't aware of how close she was to death. _You're sitting in the car with a nightmare lady, you're the lucky one._

When we got to the hospital, one pushy nurse kept trying to get me to sit still so they could get some stitches in me - which I didn't need. When he stepped out to get something I darted out of the room. I spent about a half an hour in the bathroom hiding and digging the glass out of my own arms. I didn't need their treatment and, plus, I couldn't come up with any reason why my hands were already beginning to heal when they were pretty badly skinned a little over an hour ago. I had pulled the bandages off and they were completely scabbed over. I stood examining them; they looked pretty gross

Eventually I was able to sneak into the waiting room and sit in the corner partially hidden behind a fake ficus. A man who had been sleeping across from me woke up, took one look at me and moved. Of course he did, I probably looked hideous all covered in dry blood and deep chunks of my skin missing. My shirt and jeans were completely stained with blood and it had dried in globs all over my hair. I so wanted to take a shower but I wasn't sure I would ever feel clean again…not after what I had almost done.

Being so late, the waiting room was really quiet; which sucked because there was nothing for me to keep my mind from replaying the unpleasant events. Aside from the guy I creeped out, there was just an older woman thumbing through a magazine, though I could tell she wasn't really reading it. I found myself wondering who she was waiting for.

 _Probably not someone she almost killed._

I was an evil, wretched half person half monster mutant. I had wanted to kill my friends and almost been successful. I had been seconds away from killing an innocent man. I couldn't ever look them in the eyes again without thinking about what I had almost done. What if I lost control like that with Charlie or Sue? I couldn't live with myself if anything happened. I shuttered.

No, I couldn't live with them anymore. I had to leave Forks. It had been a stupid idea to come here. I wish I had never thought of it. I was putting people I loved in great danger. And Seth and Jacob….I actually felt my stomach lurch at that thought. I hadn't thought Graham smelled edible either.

"Nessie!?" I wasn't really surprised at all to hear Jacob's voice. I had heard the local police call Charlie who I knew would call mom and dad. In spite of myself, I jumped up and ran to him. He caught me in his arms and squeezed me. I felt him take a deep breath and his body relaxed as he held me.

My parents were at his heels. I could see the relief in their eyes. I heard a little whimper come from my throat and Jacob loosened his hold.

"Am I hurting you? Are you in pain?" He leaned me back a little and surveyed my arms, face and blood stained clothes. His eyes grew wide. "You need a doctor."

I placed my hands on his check and showed him me hiding out in the bathroom and behind the fake plant. I tried to add a hint of humor to it. He didn't find it that funny. There was no need for them to worry about me I was physically fine. I was a vile monster but I wasn't going to die.

"What happened, Renesmee? Why are you thinking that?" Dad asked. I was too ashamed to move. My parents would be disappointed with me and Jacob…he would be disgusted by me. He would probably never want to speak to me again. My parents both reached for me but their cool embrace comforted me a little.

 _No secrets._ I reminded myself as I looked at them.

I placed my hand on Jacob's face – the look in his eyes said he would go bonkers if he didn't know what was going on – and my mom's. Dad didn't need any help. I closed my eyes and replayed every awful detail from hearing the truck to the actual crash then going after the guy and avoiding Lydia's hand as she reached for me because I was too ashamed of what I had thought. I showed them everything.

I felt hot tears streaming down my face. No one said anything and I didn't open my eyes to look at any of them either. I hung my head and rubbed the tear off my checks. Mom went to the desk to check me out, claiming to be my older sister and legal guardian.

They really were disgusted with me.

Then Jacob picked me up, cradling me to his chest. He squeezed me tightly – I stifled a groan because his arm pressed my bruise just right - and kept gently kissing my cheek. He didn't put me down as we walked to the car. I looked at him. Why didn't he hate me, he should. I hated myself. What kind of a person wants to kill someone they love. I felt a cold hand on my back. It was my dad. He had such a strange look in his eyes but was silent.

I sat curled up in Jacob's lap in the back seat. I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew he was slowly sliding out of car.

My parents went into the house first and stood kind of stiffly as Jacob cautiously walked in after them. My eyes fell on Jasper and Emmet standing a safe distance away in living room. _Oh yeah, I was covered in blood and Jacob and I have a pulse._ This night just keeps gets better. Not that they would do anything…or maybe they should, I certainly deserved it.

Dad growled and Jacob tensed. I looked up and dad was looking hard at me. "We'll talk when you are clean." I shrunk into Jacob's chest and he squeezed me tighter. I didn't stop the whimper that escaped from my throat from the pain of the bruise on my back. Dad was really upset with me. I had never heard that tone before.

Jacob climbed the stairs with my parents walking behind us - putting themselves between us and everyone else. Did I really smell that strong or was I just that covered?

I was that covered. When I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror, I looked like I jumped into a pool of blood and went swimming. I sniffed…about half of this blood was mine. It dawned on me that this was probably why Jacob made Seth take it easy on me…my family of vampires. After tonight I was fully aware at how hard it was for them.

I sat under a cloud of self pity in the shower with my legs curled up to my chest and my head resting on my knees while the hot water ran over me. It made my unhealed wounds burn fiercely, but I ignored the pain. I looked down at the new pink skin on my palms. I was momentarily surprised to see that I had healed faster than usual.

I heard Jacob shift outside the door and there was murmuring down stairs. Hopefully my parents were filling everyone in so I wouldn't have to look in their disappointed faced as I told them what I had almost done to my friends and that…guy. I felt sick. So what if it was the cowardice way out. I wasn't strong enough to handle this, I felt mentally drained and weak.

I bet if I could always feel that burn, like everyone on my family, it would have been easier to control. Something else that made me different from them…something that made me once again wish more than anything I could be more like them.

Well, I certainly was going to have to move out of Charlie and Sue's house. I wasn't going to put them in danger like that…it would kill my mom if…something happened. After tonight's little episode, I couldn't be trusted around normal humans. Even though I knew in my heart my family would never hurt me, I hated knowing how much pain I put them in. I shouldn't even be around Jacob and Seth. I was convinced they wouldn't even phase to stop me if I lost it again.

I just didn't belong anywhere.

I suddenly needed to get out. I turned off the water, quickly dressed and jumped out the bathroom widow. I bolted across the lawn and was over at river before Jacob broke down the door. _Geez, it wasn't locked he could have shown some restraint and at least opened it._

I ran to the only place I could think of, the open field my family used to play baseball. I sat down cross legged in the middle and cried.

I had no idea what time it was when I ran away, but when I finally stopped crying the sun was already rising. Okay, I felt slightly better…but only slightly. I actually hated crying. My eyes always hurt afterward and my nose got stuffed up. It made me feel off balance having my sense of smell cut like that.

I took a few deep breaths and debated what I should do next. I couldn't go back to school and put all my friends in danger like that. I couldn't go home knowing my family had to put up with that burning in their own home. I certainly couldn't go back to Charlie and Sue and never to LaPush knowing what how close I had come to breaking the still in tack treaty. I couldn't do that to Jacob.

 _Oh Jacob._

I felt dizzy. If I ever hurt Jacob….I could never live with myself. I honestly don't think I could live if he... _Stop!_ The hollow feeling was too much.

 _No I have to leave Forks._

"We would be very, very upset if you did that." My dad's calm voice came out of the woods to the south. I looked over and two seconds later he was standing at the edge of the field, watching me.

 _I'm not going to run._ I thought at him.

He ran over and was sitting next to me in two and a half heart beats.

I waited.

"I'm very, very proud of you, Renesmee. We all are."

 _Proud?_ _Come again._ I looked at him skeptically. I didn't think I hit my head.

"Yes, you showed extraordinary restraint." I just blinked at him. "You must get that from your mother. Carlisle is the only other person I know who could have that kind of control."

 _Restraint? Control? I almost killed a man. I was inches away from his blood stained body and pleased at what I was about to do…how can you be proud of that?_

"Yes and you didn't do anything. You stopped yourself _after_ you tasted human blood. Nessie, most century old vampires can't even do that." He had a slight awe to his tone.

 _But my friends…_

"Are all still alive because of you. You are right no human could have survived that crash. If you had not been with them they would all be dead right now."

His words may have been true, but they didn't make me feel any better.

"I know you know how your mother and I met, but what you don't know is my side of the story." He looked over at me. "I almost killed her and our entire Biology class."

 _What?_

"Yes, the smell of your mother's blood brought out a thirst I had never experienced before. It was even stronger than the one you felt. I was about to throw everything away and…so the entire class I sat there contemplating how I was going to…" He trailed off. He didn't need to finish for me to know what he was talking about. I had contemplated the same thing that very evening. I could see that it hurt him to tell me this.

"Very much." He confirmed. "And just like you I thought I was the worst kind of monster."

 _But you're not a monster. You love her more than everything._ How could my dad ever think that about himself? He went over two years without hurting her. Monsters can't love like that, they are heartless.

"You love your friends and your family."

 _Not as much as you love mom._

He looked at me questioningly. "But you still love them. That's a bit hypocritical don't you think?"

 _No…_.He had me.

"I'm glad you see it my way." He wrapped his arms around my shoulders and pulled me closer. "We couldn't bear it if you left us." He kissed the top of my head.

 _It would have been easier if I was use to controlling the thirst…like the rest of you._

"You might be right, but none of us would ever wish that on you."

 _But Charlie and Sue…I can't live with them anymore. I could hurt them._

"They are in the same danger when they are around any of us…probably more. But I have every faith in you that you will never hurt anyone. Like I said, not even century old vampires could do what you did."

 _But the burning?_ I thought about my two uncles. _You had to keep them away…_

"Oh, yes, that." He craned his neck to look down on my face. "Well, that was a bit of an overreaction. I wasn't sure how your friends' blood was going to affect the situation. It also made Jacob more comfortable." He paused. "I was actually slight more concerned about Jacob." He looked sheepish. "Even just one bite and the venom could…well it would have some bad side effects."

I frowned. I didn't consider death just a bad side effect.

"Yes…that was why I was concerned. I knew it would hurt you if something happened." He left it at that. "But I can assure you that no one thinks you smell good…not in that way at least."

 _Like dinner…_

He flinched. "Yes. If there was even the slightest hint, we would be living on the other side of the world." He squeezed me tighter. "We love you very much, all of us do."

"I love you too." I said quietly.

We sat there as I watched his face. He was staring off into the trees, thinking. In the morning light he looked his real age, seventeen. As I watched him I realized he had to live out the rest of his life knowing he almost killed mom.

"Yes, but I also get to live the rest of my life knowing that I didn't. That I was strong enough." He smiled at me. "Jacob is going to have a breakdown if you don't return home soon. It took Emmet, myself and Jasper to keep him from coming after you even though I assured him you just needed to be alone for a little bit."

 _Then why did you come looking for me?_

He frowned slightly. "You are just as observant as your mother." He sighed. "Truthfully I was a little concerned that you might not come back. I had heard where your thoughts were headed when you left. Not that we wouldn't find you..." He became very serious and grabbed my arms tightly, leaning me back so I was looking in his eyes. "You always belong with us…your mother and I. Don't you ever forget that." He then pulled me into a hug that was boarder line painful.

 _Sorry._

I could see Jacob standing in the window as we broke through the forest on the other side of the river. _Oh no, I really upset him._ I hated doing that to him. If I hadn't have been so selfish I would have never run off like that.

I hesitated when I landed, my courage draining right out of my feet as I hit the ground. _I'll be right in, give me a moment._

Dad looked at me.

 _I promise I won't run._ Truthfully I was just trying to keep myself upright. I was nervous about having to go in there and face everyone…face Jacob…despite what my dad said. The feelings of guilt washed over me again and I was trying to keep myself from bursting into tears.

He nodded and went in ahead of me.

I watched Jacob as he watched me. He didn't look disgusted with me. That was a good thing. But he didn't make a move when my dad entered the house alone. He just stood there with his hands clenched in fists.

 _Oh no…I didn't upset him, I pissed him off. He wasn't disgusted he was angry. He looked…well he looked like an alpha wolf._

I felt myself cower backward. I hoped that treaty didn't include almost biting someone.

He saw my movement and was out the door seconds later. He had me in a bear hug.

"Oh baby, I didn't mean to scare you. I'm sorry." He was shaking his head. He was bent protectively over me. "Please don't be upset."

He was hugging me? He still wanted to touch me after what I had almost done.

"You didn't upset me….and stop apologizing." I said once the shock wore off. I looked up at him. "I'm the one that should be apologizing." How dare Jacob apologize to me? I had hurt everyone. I had hurt him.

I pulled myself free from his arms and marched toward the door. I was going to apologize to my family for disappointing them. He grabbed my hand and walked in with me.

We walked into the house and everyone was looking at me. The wind was knocked out of my sails as I took in their faces. What was going on? They didn't look the least bit upset or disappointed.

"After…astonishing." Carlisle said with a slight smile on his face. I blinked at him.

"Yes, after." Dad said. I shot a look at Jasper. "He's not doing anything Nessie."

Was I dreaming? Did I actually hit my head hard enough that I was really still lying on the pavement dreaming this?

"No you are not dreaming."

 _Oh…I was crazy._ Well I was expecting this. I was surprisingly calm for finding out I was insane.

"You are not crazy either honey."

 _But…but…they are not mad._ It even sounded like a whine to me.

"I told you no one was upset with you. I don't know why you don't believe me when I say what you did was amazing."

"Yes Nessie, in all my years I don't think I have ever heard anyone not attacking after tasting human blood." Carlisle said. I reflexively looked at Jacob to see what his reaction was, but he was smiling at me.

I still needed to apologize.

"There really is no need to apologize Renesmee. You did nothing wrong."

"Oh Nessie, dear," Esme rushed over to me and wrapped her arms around me.  
"Are you in pain? Can we get you something?"

"What?" Was all I could weakly get out.

"Hhmm, I don't know how much morphine would help. I'd hate to do a trial an error with her though." Carlisle was looking at me intently.

"What?"

"Did they give her something at the hospital?" Esme asked looking at my mom.

"No I think she hid from them."

"Nessie!" Esme scolded. "Carlisle, you need to check her out."

'I'm fine." I mumbled. _So I had a few scrapes and bruises_. Carlisle was at my side looking me over.

"I would say you had more than a few scrapes and bruises. More like you should have had stitches." Dad said walking over to me as well. He frowned down at me. "Are you sure you are not in any pain?"

I nodded. So I was a little scratched up, after seeing what happened to my friends I thought my wounds were pretty minor. I guess I would have to pretend to be more hurt when I went back to school.

"Oh, very good catch." Dad said and turned to Carlisle. "We are going to need to you to make her some props." Carlisle nodded and both of them started talking about what had happened and what kinds of injuries I should have sustained. I hadn't seen where Jasper and Alice went and Rose and Emmet went upstairs…I think. Mom and Esme were watching me with concern etched on their faces.

Jacob tugged me toward one of the armchairs and pulled me down onto his lap. He was so nice and warm. I suddenly felt exhausted.

I closed my eyes but my rest was short lived. I had a nightmare.

I was standing in the woods alone in the middle of the night. I stumbled around slightly disoriented. When I looked down I was covered in blood. At first I couldn't tell if it was my own blood, but then I saw the first body.

It was Erica.

 _Oh no_ , I cried.

I ran over to her. She was dead. I saw Austin as I crouched over her body. He was dead too. And then I saw Dean and Lydia….and Graham. I stood in complete horror as I realized it was their blood I was covered in.

 _No, no, no_ …I began to yell.

I ran.

I tripped over Sue and Charlie. Their dead cold eyes stared blankly up at me. I knew what had happened …I had lost control.

I started to shake as I saw a trail of blood. I didn't want to follow it, but I couldn't stop myself. I crawled until it saw a sneaker. My eyes moved up the leg, torso and to the face…Seth. I opened my mouth to scream but nothing came out. I scrambled backward and bumped into something.

 _No no no no, I don't want to look._ I knew who it was.

I woke up screaming.

"What? Nessie?" Jacob jumped up yelling. He still had me in his arms. A flurry of movement brought mom, dad, Carlisle and Esme.

 _It was just a dream...a horrible, terrifying awful dream._

I was shaking as the very real images flashed across my head.

"Nessie, it's alright." My dad took my hand because Jacob wouldn't put me down. "It was only a dream. It didn't really happen. Charlie, Sue and Seth will be over this afternoon. Everything is alright."

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." I started to babble.

"Shh, no no, sweetheart, you don't need to apologize." Jacob sat back down and rested his chin on my head.

"Jacob, I'm sorry." I said to him.

"Everything is alright Nessie." We sat in silence and when everyone left I looked up at him. "I will never ever hurt you." I whispered. "I promise."

"I know."

 **Chapter 11: Cutting ties that were getting too strong**

After the accident, the only way I could sleep was curled up on Jacob's lap, which was why I stayed at home that entire week. My mom told Charlie it was easier on me to be here so Charlie and Sue came over every day after dinner, even Billy dropped by twice. Carlisle had fitted me with a fake cast for my wrist and a sling because I should have a broken my collar bone.

"I have to go to work." Jacob kissed me on the forehead. I pouted out my lower lip, but I knew it wouldn't help. "I'll be back soon."

"Okay." He stood up and I pulled my legs up and crossed them. I wasn't so much upset that he was leaving, but that I had made up my mind today was the day I would have to break up with Graham. I was just too dangerous to be around him alone anymore. I didn't trust myself after tasting his blood.

Jacob left and I stared out the window. It was already Wednesday and it was overcast as usual. The news of the crash had spread like wild fire around the small town. Everyone was calling Charlie and he was keeping tabs on my friends for me as well.

Yesterday I had asked Carlisle to call the hospital to check on Dean and Erica. Dean would not be released until next week and Erica was getting out today. Everyone else had been able to leave Sunday, though no one was well enough to return to school. Lydia and I would be the first to return on Monday. I had called her Sunday night but she had been asleep.

Finally, I couldn't put it off any longer. I put on the cast, my sling and grabbed my keys. "Heading to Graham's." I said knowing everyone in the house could hear me. For the first time in my life I intentionally drove the speed limit all the way to Graham's house. I didn't want to break up with him. It was too soon, I wasn't ready to give up the human life I had briefly gotten to experience. I wasn't ready to let go of him. I even fantasized about telling him everything and him telling me he didn't care he loved me anyway. But that just made everything worse. That was a dream I would never get.

I hesitated as I looked up at Graham's window, not only because I couldn't do this but because his eyes would be the first ones I looked into after that horrible night. I sat a moment taking deep breaths in my car, fighting back the tears. I wasn't going to cry in front of him.

 _I have to do this. I can't keep putting them in danger._ I reminded myself.

"Oh Nessie dear," Graham's mom answered the door. "How are you?" She hugged me gently with one arm.

"I'm doing okay." I replied.

"It's so good to see you. You look good." She ran her eyes over me and hugged my gently again.

"Thank you. May I see Graham?" I asked politely, not sure if he was allowed visitors.

"Of course honey. He's upstairs." She stepped aside and waved me in. I thanked her and made my way up the familiar stair case. I had been to his house a hundred times, but this time felt different. Or maybe it only felt different because it was probably the last time I would be here and I knew it.

I tapped lightly on his door and slid in when I could hear he was sleeping. He was facing the window and I walked in, closing the door behind me. I stood a moment inhaling his scent. He smelled faintly of medicine and clean bandages. I silently moved over to his desk and sat in his chair. I could see his face as I sat there and tears welled up into my eyes. He had a bandage over his nose, a huge square gaze taped to his forehead where his head smashed into the steering wheel, and most of the visible skin was various shades of blue and purple.

I quickly wiped away the tears and held my breath as he shifted a little, but he didn't wake; so I waited. I watched him sleeping for maybe twenty minutes before his eyes opened. He blinked at me then frowned a little, like he was trying to recognize me. "Nessie?" His voice was a little horse and he sounded groggy - probably from the medication.

"Do you need some water? Should I get you some?" I stood up and went to kneel in next to the bed.

"Am I dreaming?" He blinked up at me.

"Graham," I was all I could say. He looked even worse close up. He shifted a little and winced. "Don't move!" I felt tears spilling out of my eyes. His hand came up to brush away a tear as it rolled down my cheek. I involuntarily pressed my face to his warm palm.

"You really are here." He tried to smile but the bandages made it hard. "You are never crying in my dreams." I half smiled half cried at his comment.

"I'll go get you some water." I stood up.

"No, don't go." He grabbed my hand.

"But you need water." I stood up. "I promise I'll be quick." And I was, probably a little too quick, but Graham didn't seem to notice so I didn't worry about it. He had shifted to a sitting position and was awkwardly trying to arrange his pillows when I returned.

"Stop moving around so much." I chided and went over to help him. I handed him the glass.

"Thank you." He drank greedily. He set the empty glass on his night stand and looked at my shoulder.

"Oh Nessie…" He started but I stopped him.

"No Graham." I sat down gently on the bed next to him and took his hand.

"Have you seen anyone else?" I shook my head. "They say Dean's leg won't ever fully heal. He won't ever be able to play sports again."

"He's alive." I repeated the words my family had told me over and over again.

"But…" I hear the sorrow filling his voice.

"Graham, you can't blame yourself for this."

"I was responsible for everyone in my car. I shouldn't have had that many people crammed in there."

"Graham, everyone is alive and in one piece. Dean will be able to walk again even if he can't play sports right now. And besides, you always hear about people recovering more than the doctors predict. They have to be conservative just in case."

Dean was going to need a lot of physical therapy but he would definitely be able to walk again and probably even play sports, or so Carlisle told me. When I had asked him to check on my friends he had actually gone to the hospital to see them, or I guess review their charts. I trusted Carlisle's judgment more than anyone else but of course I couldn't tell Graham that, so I all I could do was try and soothe him.

"How's Lydia?" Graham knew Lydia was the first person I would have called after I talked to his mom. At his question a fuzzy idea started in the back of my mind that wasn't quite ready to fully form.

"She's doing well. Just some stitches and bruising. She'll be going back to school Monday." He nodded.

We sat there quietly a moment and he brought his hand up to his to my sling. His finger gently traced the edges. "I don't think I'll be able to forgive myself for hurting you." He said in a very serious tone.

"You didn't hurt me." I lifted my hand to very gently cup his chin, concentrating on only allowing my emotions through. There were still scabs on my arm and they looked pretty ugly to me. Graham didn't meet my eyes at first and I could see the tears in the corner of them. "Graham, this is not your fault. That truck driver should have never been driving when he was tired like that."

Charlie said the driver was lucky no one had died because he would have gone to jail for vehicular homicide. He was going to have to pay a huge fine, his trucking license was suspended and he probably lost his job with the company. I kind of felt bad for the guy….kind of.

"Nessie, I've played it over and over in my head…" I didn't let him finish.

"Graham, the truck was already jack-knifing. If you hadn't slammed on the breaks like you did we would have collided full speed with the bed of that truck." Which due to the laws of physics was a lie, but I couldn't let him think this was his fault.

The official report was of course wrong and vague at best. But no one could ever find out the truth. My hazy memory, the position of the vehicles and debris, and the damage to Graham's Explorer added up to something the police couldn't make out.

"But…" He wasn't going to believe me. "How much do you remember?"

"Bits and pieces; it all happened so fast."

"Tell me." His eyes were intense and I still couldn't tell him no. "Nessie please tell me what you remember."

I took a deep breath. "Why don't you tell me what you remember and I'll tell you what I remember and maybe we can piece together the whole story." Not like I was ever going to let that happen, but Graham deserved to know the as much of the truth as I could tell him.

"Well, um….I remember getting hit from behind and spinning." He looked at me for confirmation. He remembered more than I thought he would.

"I think that was when you slammed on the breaks and the car fishtailed."

"Yeah, okay…" He kind of nodded his head. "Then I remember a blinding pain in my head that ran down my body."

"Probably when you hit your head on the stirring wheel." I offered.

"And getting hit from the side…were…did we flip over?" He looked confused. "The report said my car was found upright but I kind of remember hanging in my seat."

I blinked at him wide eyed, thinking of the best answer. He really did remember more than I thought.

"No, I guess you don't remember that either." He looked down at the covers. "We should have gotten a hotel room or something. I shouldn't have insisted on driving back." I could hear the pain returning in his voice.

"No, I won't let you blame yourself." I very, very carefully leaned over and pressed my lips to his. They seemed to be the only part of his face that wasn't bruised. When I pulled away he was giving me a very odd look. "What?" I asked.

He just stared at me.

"Do you need something? Are you okay? Graham?" Again I wished I could have read his mind.

He nodded and looked at the floor. He started chewing on his lower lip. "You are breaking up with me."

"How did you know?" I was so shocked he had picked up on it that I couldn't stop the words before they slipped out. I sat there stunned. That had not gone at all how I planned it. "Graham…"

"No, no," He swallowed. "I knew I couldn't keep you to myself for very long." He still wouldn't meet my eyes.

"Oh Graham, it's not that…I don't want…I love you." _Geez what's wrong with me. Not making the situation any better here!_

He certainly met my eyes after that. "You love me?"

"Of course I do. What's not to love? You are one of the nicest people I ever met, you are funny, considerate, intelligent." I picked up his hand and kissed his knuckles. "And not to mention you are hands down the hottest gut in school." I let go of his hand to run my fingers through his hair – stupid fake props. "But…I'm not staying in Forks."

"What?!" He moved too quickly and flinched. "But where are you going?"

"My dad is coming back to the States this summer and I don't know what we are going to do." I shrugged with my good shoulder. "Maybe go to my grandparents' in Europe." It had taken me three days but that was the best story I could come up with. If I left the country no one could follow me to college or expect to ever see me again.

"Leaving, so you won't be graduating with us?" He asked quietly.

"I'm all they have left of their daughter." I felt awful laying it on so thick especially since this was the easiest way for me only. I didn't have to own up to breaking his heart for no good reason. As I looked into his tear filled eyes I knew my good reason was nothing but a coward's lie.

I had never felt so low in my life and I burst into tears. His arm awkwardly wrapped around my waist and I rested my head against his chest crying. I cried even harder as he rubbed my back trying to comfort me.

 _I am such a terrible person._

"Have you told Lydia yet?" Graham's voice was husky with his own tears. That idea that had been forming early became crystal clear with his words.

"No." I looked up at him and rubbed my eyes with the back of my hand.

"She'll be devastated. I'm not sure she'll survive this." He said looking at me. I could see in his eyes that I was right about my suspicions.

"You have to be there for her this time." I knew I was hitting below the belt, but I also knew Graham and Lydia should be together.

He looked almost mad at me then inhaled deeply. "She told you." I nodded. "I just couldn't face her at first. David was my best friend, even more so than Nick. I kept thinking we could go back to being friends after some time had passed, but she didn't want anything to do with me." I was a little surprised to hear that. "Guess I can't really blame her. When she needed a friend the most I just abandoned her. And then it was just easier to ignore her and forget. You never really forget."

"You were just a kid." I knew Lydia's feelings were as strong as Graham's. The two of them were bonded by something that had cut them so deeply at such a young age, they would forever be connected.

I took his hand with my good hand and squeezed it. He looked up at me. "Ask her Graham?"

He stared at me a long moment. "She won't forgive me." He said finally.

"Yes she will and she'll need you. And you need her too you just haven't seen that yet." I wasn't pharmacist or anything, but I was sure the medication was helping me convince him. "I have no right to ask, but promise me you'll be there for her. Not for my sake but for you both."

"I promise." He assured me. I exhaled knowing he meant it. We sat there in limbo for a few minutes. I could see a number of emotions playing on his face. "I guess I won't get to see you in that red dress then."

"No, but Lydia will look great in a red dress." _Especially with her pale skin and dark hair._

"Yeah she would." Graham agreed with a sleepy smile. I wasn't sure if it was the medicine affecting him or he was just exhausted, but I knew this was my cue to leave.

I leaned over and softly placed my lips on his for the last time. "Bye Graham."

"Man I'm going to miss those lips."

I smiled. It was the medication. "I'll see you in school." He would either be starting the middle of next week or the following week. If I could convince Lydia to come over, it would be enough time.

On the way home I did a complete U-turn and headed straight for Charlie's. I needed to be alone and I knew his house would be empty. Charlie was at work and Sue was at Leah's. Daniel had proposed and Sue was helping with the wedding planning so she was spending a lot of time over there.

As soon as I parked, I bolted into the house and was upstairs in my room in less than thirty seconds. I was both surprised and completely not shocked to see Jacob sitting on the corner of my bed. His elbows were resting on his knees and when I opened the door he looked up. I blinked at him and his simple gesture of holding his arms out to me set me off. I burst into tears were I stood and his arms were around me instantly.

He wordlessly cradled me to him as I cried.

I stopped briefly when Charlie poked his head into my room; I lay there pretending to be asleep. He moved slowly to the side of the bed and gently kissed my forehead. I wasn't sure where Jacob had gone to but as soon as Charlie was moving down the hall he was instantly holding me in his arms again.

I cried well into the night and at some point fell asleep. I woke when it was still dark and Jacob was still there. I could tell by his breathing he was asleep too, but I shifted and he was immediately awake.

"Nessie?" He asked softly.

"I'm sorry." I replied hoarsely. "I didn't mean to wake you."

"Geez, how did Graham take it?" It was the first time Jacob had ever used his name.

"He's on medication, I'm sure that helped." I muttered. Jacob's body trembled a little and I could tell he was trying not to laugh. "He _was_ just in a car accident." I snapped.

"Nessie, trust me, the kid will be okay."

That comment left me with mixed feelings. "I hope so."

"Oh it'll hurt for a while, don't get me wrong. You are probably his first broken heart." Jacob sounded like he was enjoying this.

"Not exactly helping Jacob."

"But he'll find someone else and either she'll break his heart too or they'll live happily ever after."

"So poetic." I said sarcastically. I turned my head to look him in the eye. He was close…really close.

All of a sudden I became very aware that this was the first time Jacob had been in my bedroom in the middle of the night. As I mentally traced his rock hard torso pressed against me, I felt my whole body heat up with a mixture of excitement and embarrassment.

I shot up.

"Aw come on I was just teasing." He said quickly.

"No, yeah I know, I just…" I didn't know what to say. I had just broken up with my first boyfriend who I had loved and here I was thinking of Jacob's eight pack.

"You still need rest Nessie." Jacob touched my arm and I jumped. His finger tips left my skin feeling electric. "Nessie, what's wrong?"

"I should go home." I hurried to the window then remember I drove here and turned to go out the door but then stopped as I remember Charlie had seen me here. _Crap!_

"Whoa, calm down." Jacob grabbed my arm. "Did you have another nightmare?" He asked, concern filling his eyes.

"No, no I'm okay." I hadn't actually dreamt anything. I knew from Jacob's grip there was no way I was getting away from him so I allowed him to pull me back onto the bed.

"Then I'm pretty sure Charlie will be expecting to see you in the morning."

"Yeah." I agreed. I stiffly lay down next to him but stayed completely still. Jacob was so close that I really couldn't think of anything _but_ how close he was.

"I promise Charlie won't find me here." He whispered into my ear. His warm breath hit me like an electric jolt and I couldn't stop the shiver that ran down my spine. He moved away. "You can't be cold." He said skeptically.

"I'm fine." I blurted out and shifted the slightest bit away from him. I could see out of the corner of my eye a smile playing on his lips. He watched me a moment then kissed the side of my head.

"Good night baby."

"Night Jacob."

Returning to school you would think I had just saved a bunch of kids from a burning building. I got more attention than my first day here. This accident was the biggest news our little town had had in years. Flowers and balloons covered all our lockers and everyone wanted to know every single detail of what happened. I thought I was going to lose my voice talking so much.

As soon as Ashley saw me she started crying and blubbering like a baby. I chided myself for thinking that because she had almost lost her friends she had grown up with.

I only knew Lydia made it to school because I could hear the other crowed forming around her locker at the end of the hall.

I braced myself. I had gone to see her Friday evening and I think I made things worse. She literally started to hyperventilate. I had to force her to take her medicine so she would calm down.

She had been sitting on her bed reading a book as I made my way down the stairs to the basement room she shared with her sister. Rachel smiled at me as I walked into the room and excused herself to go get something to drink.

"Nessie!" Lydia got slowly off the bed and came over to me. She wrapped her thin arms around my waist and squeezed, careful not to hit my sling.

Aside from some stitches and bruising she looked good. "Lidie-bean!" I hugged her with my good arm.

"Wow, Nessie. Aside from the sling, you look like you came out if this pretty unscathed." Lydia eyed me. The only evidence left of the accident was the new pink skin from the scab on my ankle falling off this morning.

"You don't look so bad yourself."

"I was in the middle. I didn't have as much damage."

"I was in the front, neither did I." Most of the damage to Graham's Explorer was in the back – because I wasn't sitting back there – so mine was a believable argument.

Lydia moved stiffly back to her bed and sat down. I took the one arm chair in the room. I looked around the room buying time. I seemed to be the queen of poor timing this week, Lydia looked tired.

But it had to be done.

Thankfully, my eyes fell on some paintings Lydia was working on for class. Using any excuse I got up and went over. "Mind if I look?" I asked. Lydia shook her head. I gently shifted the canvases. "Oh Lydia…" I slowly lifted a painting of two red roses crisscrossed and laying on a table with a white vase off to the side. One single petal from each rose and fallen off and one lay delicately on top the other. I'm not sure why but this painting stirred something inside me. "This is beautiful."

I felt bad as she clumsily got up and made her way to my side. She looked down at the painting I held. "Oh, um, thanks." She sounded embarrassed.

"Is it for class?"

"No." She didn't seem to want to talk about it so I respected her wishes and didn't push the subject. "Want to see the one I'm turning in for my final?"

"Of course."

She took the paintings, thumbed through them, and pulled out one of the profile of a girl – who looked a little like Rachel. The girl's head was hanging down and a single strand of dark brown hair hung down across her face. Her face was a mixture of happiness and sadness. I had never seen anything like it.

"Lydia, this is incredible!"

"You think?"

"If nothing else this is going to get an A." I looked at her and she was staring at the piece with a slight frown on her face. "I'm not trying to jump the gun but I really think this could get you into any art school you wanted to go to."

"Well, it doesn't matter. I'm going to the University of Washington because it's close to home and offers instate tuition." She looked at me. "Have you decided which college you wanted to go to?"

"Not really." Truthfully I would probably be attending high school again with the rest of my family.

"Graham is going to Washington State."

"I know." I hesitated a moment before deciding that just getting to the point would be the best way to go. "Lydia, Graham and I broke up."

She stared at me wide eyed. I could see her body involuntarily tense and her heart started racing. "Why?"

"I'm…not going to be in Forks much longer." I looked down as I said this. She was silent. I looked back at her when I heard her heart racing way too fast. She started gasping for breath and dropped down to the floor.

"Lydia…" I followed her down.

"You…you are…leaving me." She sputtered in between gasps.

"Yes." Then she did something I was not expecting at all.

She slapped me. "How could you?"

 _Okay so I had been a little too blunt._

It didn't hurt but it was a bit of a shock. She then covered her mouth in horror and started balling. "Oh Nessie, oh I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hit you." She covered her eyes and fell into me. I wrapped my good arm around her and held her as she cried. _And here I thought telling Graham was going to be harder, but this was a hundred times worse._ Lydia had been an outcast since fourth grade but I figured since now she had her friends back she would be alright.

There was just no other way.

"When?" Even with that one word I could hear her voice trembling.

"My dad is coming back in the summer." I said.

"And then what? He's going to just pull you out of school. You lose your mother and he ditches you here. Then when it suits him he comes waltzing back in to take you away." I knew Lydia had a strained relationship with her biological dad, but I was still a little surprised by the venom in her voice.

"I'm all he has left."

"What about Charlie?" She was almost yelling.

"We are probably going to my grandparents in London since…"

"Europe!?" She started hyperventilating again. I ran to fetch her prescription and forced her to take one. She protested that she didn't need them but I was afraid she might pop a blood vassal or something.

I was so grateful Jacob was waiting for me when I got home that I almost cried. I had been doing that too much lately.

"Went that well." Jacob said after taking one look at my face.

"She had a panic attack."

"You Cullens seem to have that effect on normal humans." I had no idea what Jacob meant and I just didn't have the energy to care. I stripped off the sling and cast it aside as I plopped down on the couch next to him. I leaned my head against his side. He draped his arm around my shoulder and kissed the side of my head.

"I had to force her to take her medication to calm down."

"I'm pretty sure drugging her crossed some kind of bad friend line."

"She slapped me." I said defensively.

"And you are just going to leave it like that?" I could feel Jacob was looking at me. He had figured out what I was planning and he didn't agree with me.

"Well what else was I suppose to do Jacob? I almost killed everyone. I can't be trusted…"

"You are just taking the coward's way out." His words hit me like ice. I would have broken his nose if he wasn't right. He knew this so he continued. "You didn't do anything Nessie. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for."

"I can't risk it Jacob." I looked him in the eyes and let all the pain I had been feeling show. If I did something to someone I loved I would break. He looked at me a moment, nodded his head slightly and kissed my forehead.

He flipped the channels for a while. "What to go for a run?"

"Can we just sit here together?" I asked.

"Of course." He scooted the tiniest bit closer to me and I snuggled up to him. I took a deep breath, his scent filled my nose and I relaxed.

I had taken Graham to see Lydia Sunday, but I couldn't go in and face her again. Not after drugging her like I did so as I stood in the middle of the crowd, I expected the worst.

But I was pleasantly shocked by the glowing girl walking toward me.

"Lidie-bean…" I said cautiously.

"Nessie." She came over smiling from ear to ear and hugged me gently with one arm.

"Um…" I stared at her. "I don't think you are supposed to drive after taking your medication…or operate heavy machinery."

"I know that silly." I blinked at her as she took my good arm and walked me to class.

"So, you talked to Graham."

"Yes."

"And…" I was slightly afraid she had completely snapped.

"I know you are not really leaving." She whispered to me.

I froze.

"What?"

"You have to graduate here. Your dad just can't take you in and out of school willy nilly." She grabbed my arm again and started pulling me to class again. "Graham's going to ask his dad if there is any legal way for Chief Swan to keep you until you graduate."

 _Holy Crap! What?!_

"Lydia!"

"Don't worry Nessie. I'm sure any judge after hearing your story would let you stay with Chief Swan so you can graduate and have some normalcy in your life." I tried not to snort. _My life is hardly normal._

But I realized she was in denial. "That can't happen be Lydia."

"No!" Her shout causing a few students nearby to look at us. "Nessie you are not leaving. You just can't just be ripped out of your life like that." The desperation flooded out in her words. More students were looking at us and I smile at them and lead Lydia gently, but forcefully, into the girl's restroom.

"Lydia, I don't really have a choice."

"Yes you do. Don't you see? Mr. Barnes will find a way." She looked at me defiantly.

"Lydia." I felt the tears welling in my eyes because I knew there was no easy way to let her down. "It would kill my dad."

She looked at me a long moment then began to cry and grabbed onto me – not all that gently. I should have flinched away but I just couldn't drive the nail further. This wasn't going at all how I had planned it. How was I going to get out of this? I couldn't call anyone, I hadn't exactly told my parents I wasn't planning on not returning.

"I just don't want to be alone." She barely whispered.

"You are not alone." I whispered back.

"I don't need Graham or any of them. I need you Nessie." She started to visible tremble. I smiled brightly at a girl who walked out of the stall and looked a little freaked out. She smiled back, quickly washed her hands and left. "You don't understand. If you hadn't come along, if you had not been my friend. Nessie, is there any way you don't have to leave?"

I looked into her pleading eyes and felt my heart breaking. "I'm sorry."

I thought she was going to crumble to the floor but instead she squared her shoulders. "No. I know." She wiped her eyes and went to get a paper towel to blow her nose. "I'm sorry. It's probably harder for you than it is for me." She took a deep shaky breath and looked my dead in the eyes. "I won't talk about it again. I promise…only happy memories from now on."

I followed her to class feeling completely depressed. It only got worse as I looked at Graham's empty seat. I had completely forgotten that I had practically every class with him.

 _This is going to make things awkward._

I was walking to my second class alone and thankfully no one seemed to want to stop me and talk about the accident, but I wasn't completely left at peace.

"Nessie!" Josh called and I groaned internally, having a flashback to our last encounter.

"Hi Josh." I smiled politely at him, when all I really wanted to do was be left alone.

He grinned back at me. "I'm glad to see you are back to school." He fell in line with my stride. "We picked a prom theme last week. I thought you might want to know since you were absent."

"Well that's sweet of you Josh, thank you." I reminded myself he was just being nice.

"Masquerade Ball." He said proudly. "We are planning on handing out little masks at the entrance."

"Oh that's a neat idea."

"I thought so." Josh agreed. I stopped at the entrance to my next class and Josh seemed to realize he was not in the right place. "Oh, I have to go." He turned. "I'll see you later." He called over his shoulder and accidentally bumped into a teacher as he did.

Embarrassed for him I turned quickly and walked to my seat. The rest of the day was awful. Graham's absence in class seemed like a huge blinding metaphor for his absence in my life.

I was walking to my car, happy the day was finally over and looking forward to seeing my Jacob, when Josh came out of nowhere. "Nessie!"

I whimpered slightly then took a deep breath and plastered a fake smile across my face. "Hello Joshua." I said formally.

"I was wondering," He eyed my arm. "Well if you are still up to it, if you would be helping us with the decorations for the junior hall."

I looked at him blankly. _When had I said I would help him with decorations?_ I suddenly remembered that conversation we had…well he had…the second day of school. _Crap, I just knew that was going to come back to haunt me._

"Um, when did you need me?" I knew exactly when prom was…and that I was now dateless. _But I wasn't going so it didn't matter._ I reminded myself.

"We decorate the halls the week before. Will your arm be okay by then? I don't want you to strain yourself, but we are usually pretty short-handed."

 _Geez, guilt-trip much?_

"Yes the cast will be off in two weeks so I should be able to help like I said." _Why couldn't I just lie to him?_

"Oh that's wonderful. You being there will be a big help."

"Yeah, glad to lend a hand." I really did try to sound enthusiastic about helping out for a dance I wasn't going to, at a school I wasn't staying at.

"Did you think we wouldn't find out?"

I cringed as I closed my bedroom door behind me. _Uh oh…_

"Nessie, we went through a lot of trouble to get you here." I turned around but looked at the floor, avoiding my parent's eyes.

"I know, I just…"

"And you would probably break Charlie's heart if you suddenly move out now."

"But I…" One good thing about having a dad that can read your mind you don't always have to worry about finding the right words.

"Nessie, you are so much stronger than you realize." My dad's voice was soft with understanding. He sounded like Jacob. "Well, Jacob has a good point as much as I hate to agree with him."

"Renesmee, do you think we would put you in that kind of a situation?" Mom asked. "Or that I would put Charlie in danger?"

"No." I grudgingly agreed.

"You are going to finish out both years and graduate high school like every other teenager out there." Dad wasn't leaving this up for debate.

"But I can do that with you." I finally looked up at them. As usual they were standing so close it looked like they were touching.

"Trust me, you will plenty of times." Mom said, with the tiniest bit of bitterness in her voice. She hadn't much cared for high school, nor was she looking forward to going back. The only reason she never complained was because she was with dad.

Dad looked at her for a split second then said. "Yes, you will be going to high school with us over and over again. So don't you want to have this time to yourself? Your own normal teenage experience?"

He had a good point but he was overlooking the fact that I had just ruined my normal human experience by almost killed my fragile human friends.

I felt the back of his fingers gently caress my cheek. "You remember our talk." I looked up at him. His eyes were serious.

"Yes. But I'm not as strong as you. I can't do that again, I won't be able to control myself. The feeling was too strong." I plopped down on my bed, a little dramatically.

"Nessie…"

"Please daddy!" I shot up and wrapped my arms around him, not fighting the tears. "Please don't make me put my friends in danger like that any longer." I pouted out my lower lip and knew I had him.

"You don't fight fair." He said disapprovingly.

"Thank you, daddy."

"I still think you are going to regret this." Jacob said as he sat down in the rocking chair.

I was sitting curled up on my bed when Jacob came climbing through the window. I hadn't bothered closing it when my parents left.

I looked at him and wished he had decided not to wear a shirt. I caught myself and felt utterly embarrassed. I was beginning to like his night time visits a little too much.

"What?" Jacob asked cocking one eyebrow.

"What?" I looked at him innocently, hoping I had not just said that out loud.

"You are smiling." He replied.

"Oh, um, nothing." I turned my face to the closet so he wouldn't see it. I could feel the heat from my cheeks on my knees. _Oh man, how embarrassing._

"You are just as bad a liar as Bella." Jacob shifted and the wood of the rocking chair protested. "Let me guess, Edward agreed with you." I looked at Jacob a little surprised at his tone. He sounded annoyed.

"Yeah." I grumbled.

Jacob's eyes went to slits a second then he smiled. "But you have to tell Charlie." That was the only way mom was going to let me leave. I just stared at Jacob and he nodded - almost approving.

"If that's all you wanted to know, you can go home now." I said tartly.

He didn't budge. "You don't really mean that. You want me to stay."

I blinked at him but tried to play it off. "I have school in the morning and I should get some sleep."

"Okay then." He stood up and turned to go out the window.

"Jacob wait…" I was having unpleasant flashbacks of the last time this scene played out. "I'm not really sleepy." I admitted. He was right I didn't want him to leave.

Jacob sat down, chewing on his lower lip, thinking. "I know." He stood up. "Come on." He slipped out the window before I could ask him what he was talking about.

"Jacob?" I hopped up and stuck my head out the window. He had discarded his shirt and turned at the sound of my voice.

"Just follow me."

"Where?"

"What difference does it make?"

"I don't know I just…want to make sure I'm dressed appropriately."

"Are you kidding me, did you really just ask that?"

"Yes I did."

"It doesn't matter just come on." He turned and trotted into the woods without another word.

I waited a second so he could fasten his pants to his leg then leap out my window. I ran to catch up with him but I had given him too much of a head start, so I followed his scent trail. I was so busy tracking him that I didn't bother paying attention to where we were going. I was a little astonished to find that I really didn't care where that was as long as Jacob was there.

We ended up all the way over in LaPush at the beach. I found him sitting on an old tree trunk that was bleached white from a mixture of the salty air and sun. I walked over and sat next to him. He was looking out at the water and I turned to see what he was staring at.

It was the moon.

Tonight was a full moon and its reflection was dancing off the water with the movement of the waves. I looked up and was amazed to find I could see every star in the sky. "Oh wow." I barely whispered, afraid I would disturb the tranquility of the scene.

"Yeah." Jacob agreed just as quietly.

We sat there in silence and completely still for so long that when Jacob shifted I jumped. I heard him chuckle and looked over. It was the first time I noticed he had not put his shirt back on…and it was a much better view than the silly old moon.

The bright white light seemed to only be shining on him. It hit his skin just so that it looked more bronze than gold. It was very enticing…I couldn't help but gawk.

 _What warm blooded teenage girl with a pulse wouldn't?_

As I ran my eyes down his body, I became aware at just how gorgeous Jacob really was. I mean I knew he was pretty cute…okay pretty hot…but I never thought it was possible for someone to be this tantalizing.

I hadn't noticed he turned to face me until I felt his finger tips lightly brush a few strands of hair out of my face. I felt goosebumps over my entire body. My heart sped up as we locked eyes. He moved closer, placing his hand on the small of my back. I shrunk away from him the tiniest bit, more nervous than I had ever been in my short life. He was going to kiss me and I wanted him to.

Jacob moved much closer; so close his body felt like a breath on my skin. The only sound I heard was the pounding of my heart, which sounded like it was beating in my ears. Jacob leaned in so he was a mere half inch away and looked at me. I was trembling all over: nervous, excited, eager.

I began to lean in when a flashlight illuminated Jacob's face. I felt like I had just skidded into a brick wall.

"Hey, you kids shouldn't be out here this late. It's dangerous on these shores in the dark." I recognized the voice of Joseph, one of the park rangers.

"Sorry." Jacob called back, not bothering to hide his annoyance. "We'll leave."

"Jacob? Jacob Black is that you?" Joseph was about thirty feet away from us now and closing.

"Crap." Jacob said under his breath.

"Nessie Swan!" Joseph sounded a little horrified. It was my turn to say crap. "What are you doing way out here in the middle of the night? I bet Chief Swan doesn't know you are here."

"Oh come on Joseph. We were just looking at the moon. We'll leave right now." Jacob sprang off the tree trunk and I was a split second behind.

"That's right you're leaving because I'm taking you home." Jacob and I looked at each other and he rolled his eyes. We trudged hand in hand after Joseph. Jacob bravely sat in front while I crawled into the back seat like a kicked puppy.

"Where do you think you are going Miss Swan?" Joseph asked as I opened the door to escape.

"She's staying with us." Jacob grabbed my hand and pulled me out before Joseph said anything. "You can ask Billy." Billy had a lot of pull with the Quileute community.

That must have been some kind of code because Joseph eyed Jacob, then me, the Jacob one last time before leaving. I hadn't realized I had been holding my breath until Joseph's tail lights were out of sight.

"Charlie's going to freak out when he hears about this." I looked up at Jacob a little frightened. He was still staring after Joseph's car and he still had my hand.

"Joseph won't say anything to Charlie."

"How do you know? Jacob, I liked the day light."

Jacob turned to face me. "Nessie, Brady is his son." I blinked twice up at Jacob before I knew what that meant.

"I didn't think you were allowed to tell anyone at all."

"That was Sam's rule. We can tell out of necessity."

"Does your little Jennifer know? Cause it seems like that's something she should know. You know, out of necessity." I don't know why I thought that would be the most appropriate thing to say at that moment, but I said it. I also instantly knew that was pretty stupid.

Jacob frowned. "I think you should probably go home now before Charlie really does notice you missing." He kissed my forehead and I knew my night was over.

 **Chapter 12: At least my prom date isn't breakable**

I stared at Mrs. Cheney's bump, imagining all the different possible outcomes of that child's life. _All the normal possibilities of the normal child I would never get to meet._ And of course that just added to my depressed mood.

You would think that after my parents grudgingly agreed I didn't have to come back for my senior year I would be happy.

But I wasn't.

I was miserable. I hadn't realized just how much I was going to miss…well everything. My friends, the school, Charlie and Sue, Forks, I had come to cherish everything so much. I always knew I would have to say goodbye, but it felt too premature to have to do it now.

I felt cheated.

 _But this is for them, not me._ It was time I stopped being so selfish.

My English class was the only class I didn't have with Graham so it was a bit of a relief not to have to look him in the eyes and be reminded of that night, and my loss.

It was the last class of the day and, since it was Friday, the last class of the week. The bell rang and I shot out of my seat with a goodbye wave to Mrs. Cheney, making my way to my locker. I had gotten in the habit of avoiding my friends – too painful – but they all had caught on. Within minutes, Graham and Lydia were right on my heels. Their classes were a couple doors down from mine.

"I still think you would be a rock star on the track team." Graham said. "Anyone who can speed walk like you is bound to be an extremely fast runner."

Of my friends only Graham and Lydia knew I wasn't going to be returning for my senior year, and they were the most persistent that I spend as much time with everyone as possible.

"Thanks Graham, I'll keep that in mind for next year." I slowed my pace because I knew they would just corner me at my locker.

"A few of us are going to the movies tonight. You should really come and hang out with us." Lydia let go of Graham's hand and grabbed mine – her other arm was full of books. "We miss you Nessie and the end of the year is just four weeks away."

"I'm sorry," I really was. "The first day of school I unwittingly promised Josh I would help them decorate the junior hallway for prom." Graham made a face and Lydia just looked sad.

Right on cue Josh came strolling up. "Ready Nessie?"

"Well, maybe some other time then." Lydia squeezed my hand and her and Graham turned to leave.

The week Graham returned, our breakup spread like the plague; and I got to hear all the rumors whether I was meant to or not. For a while the three of us had to put up an extra strong front that we were all friends and I really wasn't going to beat up Lydia.

Luckily as in every high school, we became old news once something juicier happened, which had to do with Nick. Apparently he started dating a sophomore girl who had still been dating a senior linebacker at the time. But I tried to stay out of the gossip arena.

"Yup." I deposited my books in my locker and followed Josh into one of the art rooms. Not surprisingly all the juniors on the student council, the yearbook staff, the stage crew and some of the drama students were all sitting around chatting in little groups. They all stopped talking and looked at us as we walked in.

Josh cleared his throat. "As you all know the junior theme this year is Greek Myths." I was probably the only person in the room that was news to. Of course I had been trying for the past five weeks to disconnect with everything high school. "We are planning on recreating Mount Olympus."

 _That's ambitious...this should be interesting._

Josh dealt out tasks like playing cards and everyone got quickly to work; we only had the afternoon to prepare our hallway. I was paired with Josh and Mark, one of the stage crew guys, and our task was building the thrones of Zeus and Hera.

"Who were you planning on dressing up as? I'm going as Zeus." Josh asked as he painted one of the fake medallions going on Hera's throne.

"I was planning on going as Cronus." Mark said as he handed Josh the glue gun.

"But he's a Titan." Josh countered.

"So, he's still Greek Mythology. And he was king of the Titans."

"He was overthrown by Zeus."

"And Hades and Poseidon." Mark added.

Josh rolled his eyes. "Nessie what are you going as?"

"The Moirae."

"The who?" Mark asked.

"The Fates." Josh sounded like he was talking to a child. Mark stuck his tongue at the back of Josh's head. I bit the inside of my lip to keep from laughing and turned back to the cardboard I was cutting. "I think you should be Aphrodite, goddess of beauty and love."

"No man, the Fates are way better." Mark said. "They could control people's destiny."

"Aphrodite controlled people's destiny, sort of." Josh sounded a little hurt.

"Oh yeah, how?"

"She controlled who you fell in love with." Josh tried to sound very dignified with his response.

"That was Cupid."

"He's Roman, and where do you think Cupid got his power from?"

I rolled my eyes and tuned the two of them out as they launched into a huge debate about Greek and Roman mythology that lasted over forty five minutes. The only reason it ended was because the students assigned to build the mountain needed additional hands for all the papier-mâché.

"So, why do we decorate the hallways before prom anyway?" I asked as I handed Josh the last cardboard medallion for Hera's throne.

Josh thought a moment. "Tradition, I guess."

"Oh. How are the themes picked?"

"The class representatives pick them." He said as he glued the prior medallion to the gold painted chair, keeping his hand there to hold it in place while the glue set.

"And what do we get for winning?"

"Bragging rights." After a moment he made a face and tugged a little on his hand. It didn't come off. "Uh oh." He said frowning.

"Uh oh, what?" I took one look at him and knew. "Josh, did you just glue your hand to the chair?"

He turned bright red. "Maybe."

"Of course you did." I muttered under my breath.

"Think you could give me a hand." He turned even redder. "No pun intended."

I walked over to assess the situation. His hand was definitely stuck. "What type of glue are you using?"

"Wood glue."

I looked back at his hand and quickly analyzed my different options and chose the quickest way. I grabbed his hand and yanked. Josh yelped and instantly stuck his finger in his mouth.

"Sorry. It was the easiest way, you know like ripping off a band-aid." He took a piece of the cardboard with him but there was no blood.

"Yeah, sure, thanks." He looked down at his hand and I could see a thin layer of fluid covering his eyes as he tried to tear the gold piece of cardboard off.

 _Is he crying?_ I actually felt a little remorseful. _I didn't think I hurt him that bad._

"I'm sorry Josh. I really didn't mean to hurt you." I knew there wasn't any blood, I couldn't smell any, but it was socially expected of me to pretend to examine his finger. "May I see it?" I held out my hand. He eyed it suspiciously before placing his in my open palm. I looked at his finger. "It looks a little tender." I looked up at him and he had a weird look on his face. "I really am sorry."

"Oh, it's no big deal." He flipped his hand and gripped mine.

 _Oh no._ This wasn't headed anywhere good. "Josh?"

"Renesmee…" He stepped closer and I stepped back…or I would have if the stupid chair hadn't been in the way. "Nessie…" He leaned in, pulling my arm to keep me from moving, and planet his lips on mine.

I pushed him away. "Josh!"

"Nessie. You broke up with Graham."

"And…"

"I know you don't have a date to the dance."

He leaned in again but I held my hand to his chest, keeping him a safe distance away from my face. "Joshua." I was getting annoyed now.

"Let me take you. I'll treat you like the goddess you are."

"I'm not going." I was finally able to squeeze out from under him. I took a large step away so I was no longer within his arm's length.

"But you have a date now." He lunged forward trying to grab my hand but I slid out of the way. "I'm asking."

"That's not the reason." I tried to manage my temper. Hurting him wouldn't do anything but temporarily make me feel better.

"Do you have other plans?"

"No." I bit my tongue as I said that. I should have lied.

"Then why won't you go with me Nessie? Am I that terrible of an option?" He looked me square in the eyes and I felt the fire of my anger extinguished. I didn't want him to think that.

"No Josh, it's just that….well, I kind of already have a date." _Making things worse Nessie._

"Who?!" Josh didn't believe me - probably because I was a terrible liar.

"Someone I know outside of school." I just couldn't stop the lie now. "You have never met him."

"Oh that's convenient Nessie. If you didn't want to go with me, you can just say so. There is no need to lie to me."

 _Okay that backfired._ "I'm not lying to you." I inhaled and returned his look. "I am bringing someone that doesn't go to Forks High School." _I just don't know who._ I added silently.

Josh stared at me a long moment. "Oh, I see. You didn't want Graham to find out so you never told anyone."

 _Oh good excuse._

"Exactly." I said looking down at the floor. Looking him in the eyes was making it hard to continue the lie. "I'm sorry Josh. I didn't mean for…"

"No, it's not your fault. I should have asked if you had a date before jumping the gun like I did." He sighed and turned touch up the whole in the fake medallion.

It was an awkward silence and I was thankful when Mark returned. Then the two of them started arguing about how the chairs should be arranged on mountain. Needless to say it was a very long afternoon.

I dropped my book bag on the floor right next to the stairs with a heavy sigh. I had no idea what I was going to do about the prom and my imaginary date. I mean there was always the option of not going but I had already told Josh I had a date. If I don't show he'll be really hurt. I was already committed to my lie.

"Nessie?" I heard Charlie call from the kitchen.

"Yeah, it's me." I walked through the door as Sue was clearing off the table.

"How does the hall look?" Sue asked turning slightly to look at me. She was always good about remembering little things like that. I looked at her felt a twinge in my heart. I was really going to miss her.

"It turned out better than I thought." I sat down next to Charlie who seemed mildly interested in the conversation.

"What did you do?" He asked.

"Each grade decorates their hallway before prom. Our theme was Greek Mythology and we recreated Mount Olympia." I answered.

Charlie let out a low whistle and said. "That's ambitious."

I giggled. "That's exactly what I thought, but we have some talented kids because it looks great. I think we will actually win."

"Oh that's wonderful." Sue said at the same time Charlie asked. "What are the other grades doing?"

"I'm not sure. I didn't ask and we were not allowed to venture into the different hallways, so." I shrugged.

Charlie nodded, stood up and put his empty glass in the sink. He gave Sue a kiss on the cheek and walked into the living room. There was a game on.

I went over to help Sue dry the dishes. The phone rang and she walked over to answer it. "Hello."

" _Hello Mrs. Swan, its Lydia. May I speak to Nessie?"_ I could hear Lydia's voice on the other line. I shook my head violently. I had been purposefully not talking to anyone outside of class.

Sue narrowed her eyes then answered. "She has not come back from school yet."

" _Oh, okay. Then can you please tell her to call me."_

"I'll let her know."

" _Thank you."_ Lydia hung up phone.

Sue leveled me with a gaze that told me she knew something was up. I put the dish I was drying away and ran upstairs. I half expected her to come up and confront me, but she never did.

I think that was worse.

She knew one of my secrets - my leaving or what really happened at the accident - I just didn't know which. And that made me antsy. I had never kept a secret before. With a dad who could read minds and a family with super hearing, it made secrets close to impossible. I held my breath as I listened to Sue walking up the stairs but she went into the bathroom. A moment later I heard the shower turn on and I relaxed. I decided that listening to music would help calm my nerves. I put my headphones in and turned up the volume.

I must have fallen asleep because the next time I looked at the clock it said eleven forty five. I took my headphones off and jumped to a defensive crouch.

"Jacob!" I hissed.

He laughed. "Wow, never thought I'd ever be able to sneak up on a vampire."

"You probably can't but I'm only half remember." I sat back down and drew my legs to my chest.

My heart started racing and I felt very self conscious. This was the first time since that night at the beach Jacob and I had been alone. I wondered if he would want to pick up from where we had been interrupted. I hoped so but I would have rather chewed off my arm than bring it up.

"How was decorating the junior hall?" Jacob said with a smirk on his face.

"Fine." I said.

"Very convincing; I almost believe you had fun."

I just shrugged. Lately I was finding it hard to keep a conversation with Jacob - mostly because I had a hard time concentrating on anything but him when he was around.

"Everything alright, sweetheart?" One thing about Jacob, he always knew when I was upset. I looked at him a moment wishing desperately I could take him to prom with me. But I couldn't run the risk of Mrs. Cheney seeing him.

"I'm just going to miss living with Charlie and Sue."

"I told you you'd regret it." He said a little smugly.

"Well do you want a gold star or something?" I plopped back on my pillow and stared at the ceiling. I heard the chair shift and rolled to my side.

"I'm sorry." He paused. "You can always change your mind, you know."

"No, I can't." We had had this discussion before.

"I don't see why not. No one else seems to have problems putting normal humans in danger."

I ignored the jab at my family. "They have each other for support. I'm alone." I was a little startled by how sad my voice sounded.

Jacob heard it too because he was promptly kneeling beside my bed. "Nessie, you are not alone."

"I don't have anyone with me to…you know to restrain me if I lose control."

"You have gone the entire school year without anything happening." Jacob reminded me.

"You're right, minus almost killing five of my friends, not one incident at all." I snapped back.

Jacob sat down and looked at me with a raised eyebrow. "Have you felt anything since then?"

I knew he was asking if I had wanted to drink anyone's blood since I tasted Graham's. "No."

"Then why can't you stick it out for another year?" He looked at me. I didn't understand why Jacob wanted me to stay, he would be coming along.

I might be able to go another year without anything else happening but I didn't want to risk it; I would never forget what happened. It would forever separate me from my human friends. I involuntarily brought my hand to caress Jacob's cheek. A rookie mistake; he caught the tail end of my thoughts.

"Renesmee…" He hardly ever used my full name, but his voice was comforting. I saw a hint of pain in his eyes. I wondered if the emotion in my eyes mirrored his.

"Jacob, who are you kidding?" There was no use pretending he didn't "hear" anything. "I'm not fully human; I'm stronger, faster, I never age, and, oh yeah, I drink their blood. And I'm not fully vampire; I'm not as fast, or as strong, I have a heartbeat, a pulse, I'm warm, I sleep...it's just clearer now."

"I wish you were never in that accident."

"Maybe it was a good thing. I mean I spent a lot of time alone with Graham. I got too comfortable. It was easy to pretend I was one of them. But I have to face the facts…"

"No!" Jacob's tone and volume caught me by surprise. I think he was a little caught off guard by his reaction as well. He leaned in really close and lowered his voice. "I will always be here waiting." His eyes were looking at my lips and I had stopped listening to him. I was really hoping he was about to pick up where we left off. "Always." He breathed.

I leaned closer to him but he didn't move. I met his eyes and we stared at each other a moment. "When you're ready for me." I barely heard the last comment but I definitely heard what he said next. "It's late." He shifted and stood up. I was left staring at empty space.

 _What just happened?_

I gaped up at him, stunned. He was still looking me in the eyes and he held my stare till he slipped out the window.

I was too stunned to feel anything at first, but then it hit me like a tidal wave. I had been rejected by Jacob yet again. This time blatantly. I felt the tears streaming down my face as I accidentally shredded my pillows, the comforter, and put a sizable whole in the mattress.

 _He lied to me. He never wanted to go to the dance with me at all._

Then a totally different thought hit me. Maybe he was trying to tell me he wasn't going to follow us anymore. He was going to stay in LaPush and that was why he wanted me to stay so badly.

I didn't know what to do. I have never felt this way before. All at once I wanted to break something but cry my eyes out. I wanted to find Jacob and punch him in the face but I wanted him to engulf me with his arms and tell me everything was going to be fine.

Confused and hurting, I jumped out of my window and ran into the woods. I happened upon Jacob's trail and it took all my will power not to follow it. Instead I took out a few small trees, smashed some rocks before sitting down and crying till I had nothing left.

 _But he had just promised he would always be here with me._

It was a cloudy night but I could just make out the light from the moon. It was low in the western sky so I knew it was close to dawn. I gathered myself up and headed home. I needed to get new bedding before someone noticed.

I didn't realize crying could make you so tired, but as soon as my head hit the pillow I was asleep. My sleep was restless though I didn't remember dreaming anything. I woke up a couple of hours later, which wasn't long enough because my eyes were still puffy and my nose was a little stuffed up.

I just laid there till I heard Charlie get up. I toyed with the idea of getting up with him but he was going fishing and, truthfully, I just didn't want to see anyone. So I just stayed where I was, somewhat aware to the sounds of the world waking up around me.

I barely acknowledged Sue opening the door, but I definitely came back to reality when Lydia followed her in.

"Nessie!" Lydia stood with her hands on her hips glaring at me. "What are you doing in bed still? Get up. We are going to LaPush this afternoon and you are coming with us."

 _LaPush._ I tried not to tear up. That was without a doubt the last place I wanted to go.

"Nessie…" Lydia walked over and looked down at me. I briefly looked up at her and she sat down softly on the bed. "What happened?" I felt her hand on my shoulder.

"Nothing." I mumbled. _Absolutely nothing at all happened_.

I could feel her eyes on the side of my face but I didn't look back at her. "Well, then," She stood up and went to my closet. "You have no excuse not to go with us." She rummaged through my clothes and pulled out a tee shirt, jeans, and a pair of sneakers. She dropped them on the bed. "Put them on."

"What?"

"Put them on." She said slower. This sounded familiar. I eyed them, then her. She folded her arms across her chest.

I sat up defeated and started pulling off my pajamas and putting on the clothes she picked out for me. I didn't bother saying that I had already worn these once; I didn't really care.

"You kids have fun." Sue called as Lydia led me out the front door.

"We'll have her back before dark." Lydia informed Sue. She closed the door and turned to me. She hugged me hastily and whispered in my ear. "I love you."

Those three words worked like magic to make me feel better. I smiled at her and she smiled back. I felt light as a feather as I made my way to her car; that was until I saw Josh sitting in Nick's backseat as I climbed into Lydia's Volvo.

Then I remembered my other problem.

We were a caravan of cars making our way through Forks to LaPush beach. Lydia in the lead with Graham, Evan and me; Nick toting Kimie – the sophomore girlfriend - Josh, and Austin; and Ashley brining up the rear with Justin, Erica, Dean and Brittany.

It was partly cloudy – and by partly I mean you could see patches of blue sky, not the other way around. I got out of the car and immediately scanned the familiar surroundings hoping I wouldn't see Jacob.

I hated admitting I was disappointed not to spot him.

I helped Lydia pull a blanket and cooler out of her trunk, making sure I didn't make eye contact with Josh. I still had no idea what I was going to do about that little issue. As soon as we found a spot and set up, Nick, Evan, Justin, and Austin started a game of frisbee. Lydia got me to play paddle ball with her, Graham, and Kimie. Dean was still on crutches so Erica, Josh, and Brittany sat with him playing cards.

The morning went by quickly and I was surprised when Erica called out. "I'm going to open the bag of Doritos so if anyone else wants some they had better get some now." That got every males attention and all games ceased as they all realized they were famished.

I trailed slowly behind. For one thing I didn't eat ordinary human food and for another I had caught Josh eyeing me. I had a prickly feeling he was going to try and talk to me and I so did not want to deal with him.

But I must have had some good luck coming my way because as I neared the group, I caught sight of Seth's Datsun 240Z while he was stopped to let some pedestrians cross the road. Seth worked in the library at Peninsula College while he was taking classes so was probably return home from being there.

 _Bingo!_

Lower than any normal human ears could detect I called out his name. He instantly looked over and I waved at him. He smiled and turned to park. I started trotting over to him as he made his way across the sand.

"Hey Nessie, where are you going?" Erica called as I continued on past the group.

 _I can't believe I hadn't thought of this earlier_.

I knew exactly when my friends caught sight of Seth because Brittany gasped. "Holy moly!" at the same time Ashley asked. "Who is that?"

"How does she always get the hot ones?" Brittany commented I assumed to Ashley. Seth heard her too and stopped a second, smiling a little. When he got a little closer I broke into a run and leapt at him. He caught me and I hugged him tightly.

"Seth I have something to tell you." I whispered as I linked my arm through his and started pulling him toward my friends.

"Am I going to like this?" I could tell by his tone he knew I was up to something. Well, he was usually my partner in crime so that was expected. I just looked at him and smiled as Josh, Ashley, Lydia, Graham and Brittany stood up and started walking to meet us.

"Nessie, who is your friend?" Ashley shouted at the same time Lydia called. "Hi Seth."

"You know him?" Brittany's jaw dropped at Lydia, whose cheeks turned a little red.

"Just follow my lead." I whispered to Seth.

"How badly is this going to get me hurt?" He whispered back.

I ignored him. "Guys, I want you to meet Seth. Seth, these are my friends. Ashley, Brittany, and you know Lydia."

"Hello ladies." Seth said smiling at them. Brittany and Ashley started giggling.

"This is Graham." I nodded to Graham as he walked up behind Lydia.

Seth paused. "Graham." Graham nodded his head in acknowledgement and took a step closer to Lydia. In response I reflexively pressed myself up against Seth.

Josh had moved so he was standing next to me now. He leaned in a little and said in a low voice. "So, I'm guessing this is who you are taking to prom." I could feel Seth's eyes burning into the side of my head. But I nodded anyway.

Josh stuck his hand out to Seth and introduced himself. "Hello Seth, I'm Joshua Fisher."

Seth gave me a sidelong glance before shaking Josh's hand. "Hi Joshua." Pleased with himself, Josh turned back to go finish his lunch. "Prom?!" Seth said quicker and lower than anyone else could hear. "Are you trying to get me killed?"

"They are just teenagers, Seth." I replied just as quick and low.

"It's not them I'm worried about." I looked at him blankly a moment then in my normal voice finished introducing him to everyone else.

"Seth, come join us." Lydia offered.

"Well I have some class work to do." Seth replied turning to leave.

"Oh, do you go to the Tribal School?" Brittany asked, trying to step into his way.

"No," He looked slightly annoyed. Even though he was frozen at fifteen, he could pass for a nineteen year old easily. "I go to the Peninsula College."

"You're in college!" Ashley and Brittany squealed in unison. I could see some of the guys sitting up a little straighter.

Brittany jumped on this information. "Well you have to be hungry and we were just about to eat lunch." That caught Seth's attention. He was always hungry. "We have plenty."

Naturally Seth agreed and we all sat back down. Brittany cunningly placed herself right next to Seth, ignoring the fact that he was supposed to be with me. I sat there watching Brittany flirt with Seth and I didn't like it.

I didn't like it one bit.

I didn't know why it bothered me watching her. I mean Seth shifted into a giant wolf so it would never work out between them anyway. Plus I could tell by his posture he didn't like her. So there was no rational reason for me to care that Brittany was making a move on Seth.

But it did bother me...a lot.

He was _my_ best friend and I don't want just anyone dating him. Brittany was definitely not on that list of individuals. She kept placing her hand on Seth's knee and after about the tenth time I had had enough.

"Seth, let's go for a walk." I said getting to my feet.

"Sure." He looked grateful for my suggestion. "So, prom Nessie?" He said once we were actually out of ear shot.

"It's just a dance, Seth." I linked my arm through his to make it look like we were a real couple.

"Yeah but I don't really have a death wish."

"Look do you want to go with me or not? It's a simple yes or no question."

"It's not a simple yes or no question. It's complicated." Seth replied.

"Complicated? How?"

"Well…"

"Either you want to go or not." I stopped and looked up at him. I clenched my jaw to fight back the tears. I really wasn't up for getting rejected again.

"I do want to go. I never got to go to one."

"Great!"

"But…"

"But? What but? No but."

"But Nessie, Jacob will be royally ticked off if he finds out."

"Why?" I half whined half spat. He looked at me like I had just grown another head but I stared right back, waiting for my answer.

"You really don't know?" He sounded surprised.

"Know what?" I grabbed Seth by the arm and squeezed. "What did Jacob do, tell you you can't go with me? It wasn't bad enough he won't go now he's not letting his pack brothers go with me?" The words were like acid hanging in the air.

"Not exactly." I could tell from Seth's pinched face I was squeezing a little too tight. I let up.

"What do you mean not exactly?"

"Wait, you said you asked Jacob already but he said no?" Seth looked confused.

"Yes." I wasn't sure if that answer would be insulting to Seth since he wasn't first choice.

Seth's eyes narrowed slightly. "Um..."

 _Oh for crying out loud. Does everyone know when I'm lying!?_

"Fine, Jacob can't go. One of my teachers went to school with mom and dad. She knows him." I grudgingly divulged.

Seth nodded with comprehension. "So you never actually asked Jacob."

"I don't see how that's relevant but no, I never technically asked him."

Seth still looked uncertain. "I don't know Nes…" I couldn't help the tears that welled up in my eyes. I had just been rejected again. "Whoa, whoa wait. Don't cry. Please don't cry." He pulled me into a hug. I wrapped my arms around him and buried my face into his chest. I held my breath in an effort to suppress the sobs.

Seth smoothed down my hair and let me stand there a moment before asking. "What happened, Nessie?"

"Nothing." My answer was muffled by his shirt. "Nothing at all happened."

"Nothing?" He leaned me back to look me in the eye. His lips formed an o as he connected the dots. Unfortunately I connected the dots at the same time.

 _Oh great! I forgot they can pick each other's brains when are in wolf form._ I felt my face drop; Jacob was going to know about this.

"Sure." Seth said.

"What?" I blinked at him, momentarily forgetting why we were even standing there.

"Sure, I'll go with you to your prom."

"Awesome!" I jumped up and wrapped my arms around his neck, planting a big kiss on his cheek. I slid down and linked my arm through his. We continued our walk a few minutes. "Wait, Seth did you already know what happened?"

"Yeah, Jacob and I ran circuits last night after he left your place." Seth looked a little sheepishly.

After a pause I asked. "Seth, is Jacob going to stay in LaPush permanently?" As scared as I was about the answer, I just had to know.

"Probably not since your family will be leaving after you graduate."

"My family?"

"Yeah, you go wherever your family decides and he'll go wherever you are Nessie. He can't be away from you for too long."

"Why?" I looked at Seth but he was looking out over the water. A small part of the back of my brain didn't like the way that sounded. It made me feel like Jacob had no choice.

"Hey, thanks for suggesting we go for a walk." Seth ignored my question completely.

"I think Brittany likes you." I teased, poking him in the ribs playfully.

"It looked more like she wanted to eat me." Seth replied with a little shutter.

I laughed. "But Seth, why? You didn't answer my question."

"I know because I'm not going to answer it."

"You have to."

"No technically I don't"

'Oh come on!" I pouted out my lower lip. "Please!"

"You'll figure it out soon enough." He replied then took off at a dead run.

"That's not an answer…" He was listening anymore so I took off after him.

Jacob wasn't as mad about me going to the dance with Seth as we thought. He seemed to like this idea better than he liked me going with Graham. Of course I still had to be the one to tell him since Seth was being a giant chicken about the whole thing.

I was lucky for two reasons: one, they were still selling prom tickets until Wednesday so I could get two and second, I had a very resourceful aunt who found me a beautiful royal blue dress by Sunday morning. And since I asked him – that and he was a poor college student - I got to rent Seth's tux and drive. The best part was dad said I could take my Ferrari.

Man did that caused quite a commotion! I felt a little bad because the guys seemed to pay more attention to my car than their dates. We had to lie and tell everyone it belonged to Seth. No one really questioned him because he was a cool college student. The down side to this was him driving the rest of the night.

 _He didn't trust anyone with his precious car...please._

Everyone was way more dressed up for this dance. There wasn't a single girl in a short dress or a guy not in a tux. We almost looked like a bunch of grown-ups, parading around in our fancy evening wear.

Since this was prom it was not held at the high school. Instead we were at the George Washington Inn in Port Angeles. When we arrived we were ushered through the massive house and out the back door onto the huge lawn, under stars. White pillars wrapped in tiny white lights were spaced out to form a giant square, effectively carving out the designated prom area. Wires with round lanterns the size of softballs connected the columns and ran all around the dance space. There were two small white tents in the back: the one on the right holding the refreshments and the other one housing the DJ. An arch covered with the same little white lights stood between the two tents. It was the perfect place for pictures.

Walking through the doors I paused a moment, stunned. It was absolutely breath taking. The hundreds of tiny lights blended into the star speckled backdrop, giving the illusion you could actually reach out and touch the sky. It was so amazing even Seth was taken aback by the view.

Seth and I pretty much kept to ourselves. Mostly because the guys were shooting Seth glares while his back was turned and the girls were ogling him while he was looking. Not that I blamed either of them, Seth was six foot four with broad shoulders and thick arms _and_ I could see how the girls found him dreamy. I did however dance with Graham for old time sake, but he kept looking over my shoulder at Lydia who was dancing with Seth.

And because I promised, I danced with Josh as well.

We slipped out early - I was driving this time. I surprisingly had a wonderful evening, despite the fact that that dance would be my last social event with my friends ever and the little voice in the back of my mind reminding me all night that I wished Seth was really Jacob. Not that Seth wasn't a good date, he was my best friend and an exceptional dancer; he just wasn't Jacob. The venue was beautiful, the student council did a wonderful job decorating...all in all it had been a very splendid evening.

We parted at Charlie's front door. I gave him a kiss on the cheek and thanked him for going with me. He said he had a great time and was glad he got to go. I walked into the dark house and stood a moment with my back to the door. Only three more weeks till the end of the semester and only three short more weeks for me to be here. I sighed heavily. I was really going to miss my friends. I was really going to miss this house; my home away from home.

But there was just no other way.

Charlie and Sue were not waiting up for me this time; after all I had been with Seth. But I did hear a faint movement upstairs and was at my door in less than three seconds. I opened it to find Jacob standing in the middle of my room, shirtless. I didn't say anything but walked over to him, stopping a foot away. My eyes wondered down his solid body and a knot of excitement formed in my stomach. I moved my eyes back up to his face and he was watching me. We stared at each other and before I could blink his arms were around my waist pulling me into him. He wordlessly bent his head and his lips firmly met mine.

My whole body felt on fire as he pressed me closer to him. I reached up and ran my fingers through his hair, letting my emotions show through them. He guided me over to my bed and it protested under the weight. He caressed my cheek, moving his fingers down my neck and kept going to my thigh, where he took hold. My head was spinning and my breath was coming in short gasps. His hand came back up my thigh and under my shirt and...

I jumped out of bed and stood panting next to it. It was still early morning; I could hear a few birds chirping in the distance.

 _Whoa...whoa...what the heck was that all about!_

I had never had a dream like that before, much less about Jacob. I sat dumbfounded on the corner of my bed. What was I supposed to make of that? I just dreamt in detail about making out with Jacob and liked it, a lot. But this was Jacob I'm referring to. _I've known him since I was born he was like my...my...oh I don't know how to describe him. I still couldn't go around dreaming things like that about him._

I was slow on the uptake but it suddenly occurred to me where the dream came from.

 _Oh...oh wow._

I had a crush on Jacob...a _huge_ crush.

I was in love with him.

 _When did this happen?!_

The next week was humiliating to say the least. My dreams were getting more vivid and detailed. Not only did I have to keep my imagination under control around my dad, but I felt clumsy and self conscious whenever Jacob was around. I started doing irrational things like giggling a lot and sitting on the opposite side of the room because I didn't want him to notice me but then saying things just so he would look at me, no matter how stupid it was.

One time I even went as far as to purposefully linger while reaching up to get a plate from the cabinet - I was wearing yoga pants and a short tee shirt that lifted up to reveal my belly button. I had quickly peeked to see if Jacob had noticed but he didn't and I ended up accidentally pulling off the door and its hinges. I was so embarrassed I wouldn't talk to anyone the rest of the night.

And since Jacob came by every day, the only peace I had was when I was at school. Unfortunately today was Friday afternoon and the bell had just rung. That meant two days of teenage awkwardness were headed my way.

I sat in my last classroom pretended to be writing stuff down in my planner to buy myself some time. Mrs. Cheney's cell phone went off and I could hear her husband on the other side.

" _Hello Darling."_ A smooth male voice said.

"Hi sweetie." Mrs. Cheney smiled as she spoke. I stopped writing and watched her. She looked so happy. She had the pregnant woman glow about her. "Are you heading home?"

" _No, I'm sorry dear but the project is not going well. I'll be stuck here the entire weekend."_

"But how am I going to get the furniture together. I can't do it by myself." I heard the tears in her voice and it tugged at my heart strings.

" _I know darling I'm so sorry. I'll try to work longer hours tonight and tomorrow and maybe I can head home Sunday and we can finish then."_

"No, it's not your fault. Don't rush the project. We still have three weeks, we can finish next weekend." She took a deep breath and I could tell by her posture she was fighting back tears. "I love you."

" _I love you too. I'll be home as soon as I can."_

"I know. I just miss you." Mrs. Cheney looked deflated.

" _Me too. Bye."_

Mrs. Cheney hung up the phone and went into her drawer. She pulled out a kleenex and brought it to her eyes, dapping gently.

"Are you alright Mrs. Cheney?" I couldn't help myself. A pregnant crying woman just seemed wrong.

"Oh, Nessie," Mrs. Cheney jumped a little. "I thought you left with everyone else. You are so quiet."

I gathered all my things and stood up. "I was just making sure I had all my class assignments written down before I left." I explained. I walked up to her desk and an idea struck me. "Mrs. Cheney, I didn't mean to ease drop, but do you need any help? I'm pretty good at putting together furniture."

"I couldn't ask you to do that." But she looked at me hopefully. "I'm sure you have plans tonight."

"I'd be glad to help." I smiled brightly at her and she smiled back. "It would be fun."

"Alright then, can you be at my house an hour from now?" She asked, excitement once again in her voice.

"Yes I can do that. See you then." I said and left.

I pulled up to Charlie's and let out a groan. As usual, Jacob's car was in the front. I couldn't fight the butterflies in my stomach as I made my way into the house. At least Sue was home.

I walked in. "Hey Sue." I called.

"Nessie dear, we are in the kitchen."

I walked back to the familiar scene of Jacob, Seth and Sue sitting at the kitchen table. I was slightly surprised to see a box of meat lover's pizza on the table.

"Well if you want to go we had better go now. I have to start dinner soon." Sue was saying to Seth.

"Alright." He said and shoved the last bite of crust into his mouth. "You coming Jake?" Seth asked standing up.

 _Please, please, please._ I didn't want to be left alone with Jacob.

"Nah," He said looking at me out of the corner of his eye. "I think I'll just head home." He stood up. "Thank you for the grub Sue."

"Anytime." She turned to Seth. "Do you have a list of items you and Leah need?" Sometimes when things got tight for Leah and Seth, Sue would buy them groceries. I assumed that's where they were headed today.

"I'll take care of it." I said as Sue eyed the table.

"Thank you." She said and everyone walked out and I was left in the kitchen alone.

I sighed with relief, gathered all the dishes, and threw away the box since there was no left over slices. I just put the last dish away when a familiar scent filled the kitchen.

I froze.

"Is everything alright Nessie?" Jacob asked from the doorway.

"Fine, fine, yup everything's just fine." I babbled while deciding to wipe down the counters again just so I wouldn't have to look at him.

"Are you sure? Cause you seemed to be acting like something is wrong." He hadn't moved from the doorway.

With nothing else to occupy my attention, I turned around and looked at him. "Yeah I'm sure. Nothing wrong here fine and dandy." I unconsciously started winding and unwinding the towel around my hand. _Oh geez, I sound like an idiot._

"Okay, it's just that you are acting like you are mad at me."

"Me, no, I'm not mad at you, I like you…I mean…I mean you're my friend and I like you as my friend and that I'm not mad at you…as my friend." _Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!_ I was about to drop dead right there I was so humiliated.

He eyed me a moment before speaking. "Okay, well I was just making sure you weren't mad for any reason, like prom or… anything else."

"No, no yeah I understand. Can't have Mrs. Cheney seeing you, wouldn't be good." I spotted a glass in the sink and quickly grabbed it, thankful for being able to turn away from him. I knew he was referring to our almost kiss. I felt my cheeks heat up as I thought about it but I would rather stake myself than bring that up. My ego was still pretty bruised.

Unfortunately, I wasn't paying attention and when I turned back around he had moved and was standing behind me, very close.

 _Oh boy…_

I could feel his body heat and knew my temperature was rising in response. I found myself staring at his lips, remembering what they felt like in my dream and wondering if that's what they really felt like.

"I just don't like it when you are upset." He said and stepped closer to me. I was pressed up against the counter and couldn't go back any further. Half of me want to run and the other half wanted to find out how accurate my dream was.

"Nope, happy as a clam." It was hard to get the words out because I was busy concentrating on slowing my heart rate.

"Good." He inclined his head a little.

Not wanting to get rejected again, I blurted. "I have to go." I was able to slip out from behind him. "Helping Mrs. Cheney put together baby furniture." I jotted down a quick note for Charlie and Sue. "See you later."

 _I need to get a grip…I can't have a crush on Jacob._

 **Chapter 13: I want the truth…I can handle the truth**

Still pretty dazed, I knocked on the door to Mrs. Cheney's house about an hour after school. She and her husband lived in a typical Forks suburban house. It looked and smelled like it had recently been painted with a fresh coat of white and a dark blue trim. Their lawn was manicured and a fresh set of flowers had just been planted on either side of the walkway.

Mrs. Cheney opened the door with a huge smile on her face. "Renesmee, I'm so glad you came to help me. I really appreciate this." She said stepping aside and ushering me in. Like all my teachers, she called me Miss. Swan in school, so it was a little weird to hear her call me by my name. Normally I would have told her to just call me Nessie, but I kind of liked it that she called me Renesmee. It reminded me of my mom.

"I wouldn't have asked except Ben is working in Portland this weekend and my parents are with the twins looking at colleges in Southern California. I just want everything waiting and perfect for when the baby comes."

I could smell freshly baked cookies, cardboard, wood, and a mixture of baby powder and shea butter – but I think those last two might have been Mrs. Cheney.

"That's okay, I'm just glad I can help you, Mrs. Cheney." _And I'm trying to avoid someone._

"Call me Angela, please."

As she led me into the family room, I noted that I could hear the baby's tiny little heart beat and my mind was taken over by thoughts of Ben and Levi…and Caleb.

"I made cookies and we have milk. You know, practicing for later." She smiled down at her belly and her hand reflexively wrapped around it; like a protective blanket. I wonder if my mom held her belly like that when she was pregnant with me. It seemed so natural.

"Oh thank you, but I unfortunately have a lot of food allergies. I'm very limited with what I can eat." I smiled back at her. That excuse seemed to work on everyone else. After I explained, no one seemed to notice that I never ate in front of them.

"Oh, that's too bad. Well, I hope you don't mind…she seems to like them." She said winking and rubbing her belly. She took a cookie off the cooling rack and bit into it.

"It's a little girl? Oh how sweet!" I smiled.

"Yes, and Ben doesn't know but I just couldn't help myself. I had to know. I was standing in the store one day trying to decide how to decorate her room, of course I didn't know she was a girl at the time, but anyway I was just driving myself crazy. I wanted neural, but…and I don't care what people say, some neutrals are better for girls than boys. So I told myself 'Angela, for your sanity and your baby's, you just need to find out.'" She chattered on, smiling the entire time. Mom had said that she was pretty quiet back in high school. I guess the thought of having a little bundle of joy brought out the chatter box in her.

"Isn't it hard to keep Mr. Cheney from finding out?" I asked.

"Oh no, I went with a nice soft yellow and white. I think it's nice and bright and warm." I nodded agreement. "You know I think Ben thinks it's a boy." She giggled at her little secret.

Yellow was nice for a boy too, but I found myself leaning toward blue and brown for Jacob's little Caleb. _Why do I keep thinking about that?_ Jacob doesn't even have a girlfriend. Come to think of it I had actually never even seen him date anyone, not that I was keeping tabs or anything. But I felt my heart start fluttering at the thought of me being his girlfriend.

 _I would have to go see Levi and Ben before I left for good._ I thought changing gears. But the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to see them now. I made up my mind to go tomorrow. _I must have been having withdrawal or something._ It was like I needed a fix, like some kind of baby junkie.

 _I really have issues._

Mrs. Cheney stopped at the door of her dining room and sighed. "Are you sure you don't mind helping me? It's a bit of a mess. My sister in law sent us the crib and my college roommate sent us the changing table." She pointed to the different piles of pieces and unopened boxes.

I calmly looked at the scattered pieces of the baby furniture spread out all over the floor. If she only knew I was probably the best person she could have helping her. I was quick and didn't need the instructions to know how to put it together. In fact as I scanned the pieces I had everything already assembled in my head.

"Oh…." I said pretending to be a little taken aback, "no, I'm actually pretty good at putting furniture together. We moved a lot while I was growing up so I had a lot of practice." I lied.

"Oh, what do your parents do?" She asked as she walked over to the sofa and sat down. She then moved herself off the edge and slowly lowered her butt to the floor and proceeded to crawl on all fours to the scatter furniture pieces.

 _She's so cute._

I must have been staring because she smiled up at me. "Oh, um, my mom just liked to travel a lot and since dad was a surgeon, he would just transfer hospitals every couple of years." I walked over and sat down next to her on the floor. "I'll take the crib." I said eyeing the pieces.

"Oh…" But she bit her lip. I already knew what she was going to ask and that she felt bad about asking. She probably already knew some of the story and felt rude not to ask personally. "So, um, how did you end up in Forks? I must say when Charlie came to the register you at the beginning of the summer, we were all shocked. None of us knew he even had a brother."

I tried to look thoughtful. The hardest part was having to keep up the lie. My parents were both very much alive and I saw them every day. "Well, dad and Uncle Charlie had a falling out way before I was born." I frowned, pretending to think about it. "I think it might have actually been before my parent's got married…or maybe right after. I'm not really sure what happened. Dad never talked about it and if mom knew she never told me." I paused for effect and she nodded in agreement. "Well, when mom died, Charlie called and they sort of reconciled. Mrs. Cheney, are you okay?" I saw her wipe some tears out of her eyes. _Ugh, this was going to make it hard not to blurt out the truth…or at least part of it._

"Oh yes, I cry at just about anything now a days. It's the hormones. And please, call me Angela." She smiled weakly at me. She continued to look at me expectantly. I suddenly felt really bad lying to her, like I was lying to my own mom. But I had to keep up the story. So I took a deep breath and continued.

"Well dad volunteered to go on that 'Doctors without Borders' and since I was still a sophomore." I shrugged. "My mom was an only child and my dad didn't want me to take time away from school, so he asked Charlie if I could continue my high school education here." I continued to assemble the pieces trying to fumble around with them. "So, here I am."

"Your dad just left you? And right after you lost your mother?" Mrs. Cheney looked horrified.

"Well, he didn't want to go. I sort of made him." I amended. I didn't want my fictional dad to look bad. "He had talked about this for so long and then mom got sick…. Well, it's his way of healing. He needed to go more than I needed him to stay. They were childhood sweethearts; grew up in the same neighborhood and all that." I peeked at Mrs. Cheney out of the corner of my eye and tears were streaming down her face, like I had turned on a faucet. I felt just wretched about making an expectant mother cry over a lie. But, I guess somewhere this happened to someone…so I pretended she was crying for them. "Well, it's not like we were not prepared, or as prepared as someone can be. Mom had brain cancer. In a way I was able to make peace but dad wasn't so lucky. I figured by him saving other people, he might be able to start healing." I stopped when I felt Mrs. Cheney's arms around me.

"Oh, Renesmee, that's the bravest thing I have ever heard." She started smoothing my hair down – the way my mom did – and I actually started to tear up. I'm _such a lousy person. How could I make this sweet woman cry like this?_ "How long ago…if you don't mind me asking?"

"A little over a year."

"Oh….." She started balling.

"No, Mrs. Cheney, it's okay. Mom never wanted me to be sad. We talked a lot about what was going to happen." I wrapped my arms around her and started rocking. I rubbed her thin arm as her shoulders shook. "Mrs. Cheney, please don't cry. Mom didn't want anyone to cry for her. She had a happy life. She used to tell me to _'Cry for someone who needs it. I have everything I want and more right here.'_ Oh, please Mrs. Cheney." This was awful. I wanted to crawl under a rock. _This had turned into a bad idea. How could I sit here while this poor mother-to-be was hysterical?_

"Oh no…I'm so sorry." Mrs. Cheney pulled out of my arms and sat up, wiping the tears from her checks and eyes. "Oh my, these hormones are really something." She sounded a little embarrassed.

"No, I get that reaction a lot." I lied again. No one I had told that story to had broken down like that. But I figured if I was going to feel like crap for lying, I might as well try to make her feel better.

Then a thought hit me and almost knocked me over. Babies could hear at this stage. Her baby probably heard her crying and was upset too; that made me feel even more like the scum on the bottom of someone's shoe.

I felt a nudge on my hand and looked down to find I had unknowingly placed my hand on Mrs. Cheney's stomach.

"She likes you." Mrs. Cheney smiled widely.

 _Geez, now I really wanted to die._

I don't know what made me think of it. But strangely, I kind of felt like someone had made my mom cry like that. But it was just a feeling…like I had a dream but couldn't remember it.

"Have you picked out a name?" I asked trying to quickly change the subject.

"Well…I was thinking Jennifer or maybe Christine. But it's so hard. It may sound silly, but I feel like I have to meet her before I name her."

"No, that seems reasonable to me."

We sat in silence for a little while concentrating on fitting the various pieces together. I found myself thinking about my first day. Normal humans' couldn't remember being babies, but sadly I was anything but normal. For some reason the first thing I remembered was turning and seeing Jacob walking over to me. He had a funny look on his face, not the smile Rosalie had. I didn't know what it was then, but now that I thought about it he looked kind of star struck.

Hhmm, that was odd…I couldn't remember my mom or dad. Not the first day anyway. I remember having that memory but the first image I could bring up of my mom was a few days later. She was breathtakingly beautiful, that was the first picture in my head. _Well, that and the fact that no one would let her near me._ I know now it was because she was a newborn vampire and I had a pulse.

 _But there had been a picture there before…why could I not remember it?_

Mrs. Cheney took a deep breath. I looked over and she was surveying the wood pieces scattered everywhere. "This is going to take all night. Maybe you should go home."

"Home? I didn't mean to upset you…" I didn't want to go home. Even though I had made her cry, I just couldn't leave. Not yet.

"Oh no, it's not a big deal. Really, I cry at car commercials." She chuckled. "No I just don't want you to give up all your Friday night to help an old married and hugely pregnant woman." She said.

"Oh I don't mind at all. Charlie's probably watching some game on TV and Sue is busy helping her daughter plan a wedding. It's kind of nice to just talk." I saw her eyes light up, even though her mouth turned into a hard line.

"Are you sure? I don't want to ruin any plans you had and this may take a while." She said staring down at the two pieces she had been trying to fit together for the past five minutes. "We probably won't be able to finish tonight."

"I don't have any plans." I informed her.

"What about your boyfriend? He won't mind?" She asked skeptically.

"I don't have a boyfriend."

"Really?" She actually seemed surprised. "Oh, I thought that…well, you and Graham Barnes…" She trailed off sounding embarrassed again. She didn't chaperone prom and we didn't have her class together so she probably didn't know about Graham and Lydia.

I realized she must have been the youngest teacher at Forks High School…by far. I felt bad for her; she probably didn't have many people she could relate to; aged closer to the students to have anything in common with the teacher but still a teacher so she couldn't socialize with the students. _Poor Mrs. Cheney._

"Graham isn't my boyfriend, he's dating Lydia. We are just friends." I said. "I actually don't have a boyfriend." I didn't like where this conversation was going. I certainly didn't want to think about that night again.

"I'm sorry I just assumed." She looked at me. "Well, you are so beautiful. I know you can have your pick of the boys."

"I did date Graham, but no one before him." _Because it wouldn't be safe for them…I have some dietary snags._

"You know, Bella said that same thing." She smiled slightly. "What is it with you Swan girls? Absolutely stunning but no boyfriends…I tell you, if I had been as beautiful as you two I would have dated a lot more than I did."

I started to blush. If she thought mom was beautiful then, she should have seen her now. "It's hard to have a steady boyfriend when you have to move all the time." I shrugged.

"Oh, of course, silly me. Um, how about some juice?" She tried to get up. "Oh can you drink juice?" She added, still sitting.

"Oh, I'll get it for you." I jumped up quickly and headed for the kitchen. "What would you like?" I asked turning around. She had a strange look on her face. "Mrs. Cheney?" I hesitated. I got the feeling in my gut that something was very wrong.

She slowly looked over at me but smiled. "Would you mind getting me some milk and a cookie or two?"

"You know, your cousin actually helped me out of a real pickle one time too." Mrs. Cheney said as I handed her her snacks.

"Oh really?"

She was quiet for a moment and then said. "You actually remind me a lot of her. You look a lot like her too…same eyes."

"Oh, yeah…ha-ha the Swan genes are pretty dominant." I tried to chuckle. I was slightly taken aback that she said I looked like my mother. Most everyone, especially mom, said I looked like my dad.

"Well, she came to my rescue for graduation. My mom was making me address all my graduation announcements by hand. I'm talking over forty." She laughed at an inside joke. "I probably would have been crippled for life if she had not helped me."

"Wow, forty is a lot." I agreed. "So what was she like? Give me all the dirt. I have to have something to tease my perfect cousin about."

She laughed. "She was the most genuine person I had ever met." Yeah, I already knew that. "The first day she started school…everyone was talking about her. I actually felt bad because she really didn't like to be in the spot light, but everyone insisted on making her the center of attention."

"Yeah, that sounds like Bella." So _mom had not changed much?_ That was actually comforting to find out. I had always felt like I had been missing out on a piece of her that everyone else got to have. "So other than being shy and a strait A student, anything else? Did she date a lot if she didn't have any boyfriends?" I had tried to assemble the baby furniture slow enough so I wouldn't freak out Mrs. Cheney but I was already done with the crib.

"Wow you really are good with building furniture." Mrs. Cheney eyed the crib. _Woops, that was careless._ I should have paid more attention to keeping a normal pace.

"Yeah, I get a little obsessed about projects." I shrunk back with embarrassment, which she probably mistook for shyness. _Gee, she looks like she really needs rest._ I should not stay too much longer and just offer to come and help tomorrow.

"I'll say," She frowned a little at the partially put together changing table she was working on. "Well to answer your question, no…not really. Bella had a bunch of boys after her though, but she only really had eyes for Edward since she first saw him."

I had to smile at that. I knew that story. They both hadn't been able to live without the other from the moment they saw each other. It was the kind of love story only found in fairy tales or movies.

"A bunch of boys?" I tried to ask casually, but even I could tell I sounded eager.

"Oh yes…let's see there was Mike, Eric, and Tyler…well Tyler was after the accident." I froze. _Accident? What accident?_ No one ever said anything about an accident.

"Bella was in an accident?" I lowered my voice to just above a whisper so Mrs. Cheney couldn't hear my voice had risen an octave.

"Didn't you hear about that?" She looked shocked.

I shook my head. "Our dads were not talking then."

"Oh well, it wasn't really an accident…not like the second one…although it could have turned ugly." _Second one? What?_ "It was the first day of snow that year. There was ice on the ground in the school parking lot and Tyler had lost control of his van. Everything happened so fast after that I'm not even sure I know _exactly_ what did happened. I know Tyler lost control, he hit an ice patch and his van went skidding across the parking lot, strait for Bella." I felt my face go pale. "I think Edward had been near enough to her because he pushed her out of the way or something like that before the van could collided with her truck." I felt a little numb. "Though I'm still not sure how they both weren't crushed. Poor Tyler ended up with more stitches than both Bella and Edward. After that Tyler kept trying to make it up to her." She was quiet for a moment. "Though I still think he was using that as an excuse. You know he told everyone he was going to the prom with her. He even showed up at her house. But of course she went with Edward."

I nodded my head stiffly. Of course I knew why neither of them was hurt, even though mom had been human dad was fast enough to get to her and strong enough to keep the van from smashing into them. He would have never let anything happen to her. _But still, it turned out alright in the end, so why did no one tell me? And I knew it wasn't like anyone forgot…perfectly flawless memories and all._ I felt so…so hurt.

"You said second accident?"

"Oh yes, that one was real bad. For some reason, Bella had decided one night to go back to Phoenix. I think she wanted to move back with her mom or something. She never talked about it and I never pressed the subject. Anyway, Edward and his dad Carlisle…you know Alice might have gone too…anyway, they went down to ask her to come back, I guess. She somehow fell down two flights of stairs and out a window at the hotel they were staying in. Poor girl was beyond clumsy. She was in the hospital in Phoenix for like a week. She missed a lot of school. It was pretty bad." She reached for another piece of wood.

She paused a moment and squinted her eyes.

"Mrs. Cheney, are you okay?"

She looked at me frowning. "Mmm, oh yes. You know, I think that was when she and Edward started getting serious. Then he left and she started hanging out with Jacob a lot."

 _Jacob?_

"Yes, do you know Jacob Black?" She seemed a little surprised.

 _I said that out loud? Crap, I was talking without knowing it again._

"Um…well yeah I've met him. Charlie is very good friends with Billy Black…Jacob's dad." I was too stunned to make anything up. _My mom and my Jacob? No wonder dad didn't like him._

"Oh, well I'm not sure they actually ever dated. I mean he was really into her, but she was so hung up on Edward. I think they had become friends when the Cullens moved away."

"Wait the Cullens moved away?" I couldn't stop myself from blurting it out.

She sighed and shook her head. "That was a really bad time. I have never seen someone so depressed in my life. Poor Bella, it was like she – pardon me for saying this – but it was like she died and it was just her body moving around. She was like the shell of a person for months after Edward left. She wouldn't talk anyone, even the teachers stopped calling on her." She paused and looked down a moment. "I was really worried. Not to mention I missed her terribly. But then she started hanging around with Jacob and suddenly came back."

 _Of course, Jacob made everything better. But why had no one ever told me?_ I felt slightly betrayed. This must have been part of the secret everyone's been keeping from me.

 _I wonder what the whole story is._

"When the Cullens moved back, it almost turned into a fight one day at school. Jacob showed up on a motorcycle one morning and it looked like it would get pretty serious pretty fast, but as far as I could tell the three of them were just talking. Still, the guys were betting on who would win that fight. Ben wanted to help Edward because…well you've seen Jacob."

I flinched. _Fighting…dad and my Jacob?_ I shied away from that image…I knew who would have won that fight and it made me feel sick.

My head started spinning and I began to get lightheaded. It was almost too much to think about: dad fighting my Jacob. "Did it ever turn into a fight?" I couldn't stop myself from asking. _Stupid!_ _Jacob was fine._ But I my new found affections made even the thought of him being hurt unbearable.

"Not that I know of." She paused a moment and frowned a little. "Though that summer, I remember seeing missing person flyers up all over with his face on them. But I guess he came back since you've met him."

Yeah, that was too much. I could feel my mind slowing down. The only conclusion I could draw was that they must have fought. Dad probably told him to stay away but Jacob didn't listen. He was so stubborn he was just stupid sometimes. My poor Jacob must have been really injured to have to pretend to be missing. _How could dad?_ But I was just too numb to muster up too much anger at my dad.

"Oh are you cold? Let me go turn off the air." _Had I been shivering?_ She crawled back over to the couch and lifted herself slowly to a standing position. I should have gone to help her but I was pretty much paralyzed in my spot. She chuckled and mumbled, "So many old memories I have not thought about in years. I should give Bella a call" as she walked out of the room.

I sat there still not having moved an inch. I couldn't. A small voice in my head warned me I needed to move and act normal before Mrs. Cheney noticed. But I couldn't listen. I couldn't stop thinking of my Jacob…hurt.

 _Why had they never told me?_

They were probably trying to protect me or something. I snorted. My poor half human mind couldn't handle the pressure. I didn't have their full vampire brains. _Have to protect the weak human._

No, I shouldn't be so mean. They don't know what it's like to be the only half human half vampire in the family. They had no idea I felt like I didn't belong anywhere. Though, obviously they thought so too if they felt I couldn't handle the truth.

I was so lost in my thoughts, I barely noticed when Mrs. Cheney came back into the room and sat on the couch.

I couldn't wrap my brain around it. Why had no one ever told me? What else were they keeping from me? I bet even Jacob lied when he told me how they ended up with two alphas.

I could feel myself thaw enough to be angry. It would have been better to hear it from them. They were my family I thought we didn't keep secrets.

I guess that was something they could do with me, since I was so different. But I knew everything about my aunts and uncles and grandparents…even dad. How they became vampires, what they did before they were. _Yet nothing about my own mom!_ The one person I wanted….no needed… to know everything about.

 _How could they?_

I heard a low cry.

My eyes instantly darted to Mrs. Cheney. Her face was squished up and she was holding her belly. Something about the sound brought me out of my daze. "Mrs. Cheney, are you alright?" I heard my shaky voice ask. That was a dumb question, she certainly didn't look alright.

"Yes, I think…" She held her breath. "It's just a little indigestion." I could see the beats of sweat forming on her forehead. She began to pant lightly. That is not indigestion…oh no…

"Are you going into labor?"

"No, no I'm not due for another few weeks. I think I must have just eaten too many cookies. I'll be alright in a minute. This is just one of the hazards of pregnancy." She tried to smile but I could already see the lines of pain forming around her eyes. The corner of her lips turned slightly down. Yeah, she was definitely not alright.

"Babies can come early, it's alright." I said but she shook her head. "Let me get you some water." I jumped up and darted to the kitchen and was back again, probably faster than I should have been with a normal human in the room. She was standing and pacing slowly holding her side. Her eyes were closed.

"Mrs. Cheney you need to sit down." I walked swiftly to her side. "Look, I'm going to take you to the hospital. You are not okay."

"No, I'm alright." She whispered with her eyes closed and swatted me weakly away. But I could see the sweat dampening her shirt and hair. "Ben…just call Ben." She panted.

 _Ben?_ Oh right, Ben her husband. I could feel my brain slowing down. I was processing things too slowly.

I needed a number.

"His number is in my cell phone. On the counter…" She groaned and clutched her belly harder. I was talking out loud again without my permission, but now was not the time to worry. I dashed to the kitchen. _Did I just step in something wet? Wasn't I carrying a glass of water? What had happened to that? No…focus…I need the cell phone to call Ben._ I felt like I was in a children's book at the speed at which my brain was functioning. Everything outside me was happening too quickly and I was still a few steps behind.

I was at the doorway and back at Mrs. Cheney side when she clutched her belly and dropped. I grabbed her before she hit the ground but I was too nervous. I heard something rip.

I froze and Ms. Cheney screamed.

 _I broke something!_ And that sound…that scream. Something in my memory was triggered by that ripping sound. The sort of dream I couldn't remember earlier was actually my first memory. I must have subconsciously suppressed it because who would have waned to remember a sound as awful as that ripping.

Mrs. Cheney screamed again and it shot through me like a taser, incapacitating me where I stood. She started trembling and the room suddenly filled with the smell of blood.

I dropped her and jumped to the other side of the room. _Oh no, oh no, not again_. _Please not again._ I clutched my hands over my nose, but it was too late. I hadn't known where she was bleeding from and I put my hands in it.

Her taste filled my scenes and my throat burned. I started to cry. I remembered my friends and the all too real images from my nightmares. I remembered what I had almost done and here I was thinking the same things.

 _Why did she have to be bleeding? Why did I have to be a monster? I wish I would have just died in that car crash._

I was shaking and Mrs. Cheney was sobbing on the floor clutching her belly, her pants covered in blood. She threw up again – cookies and what I assumed was her dinner. She rolled over to her back and vomited yet again. Only she started choking on it.

 _Oh no, no, no. I can't go over there._ It was all I could do to keep myself firmly planted where I was. She started thrashing and looking too much like defenseless prey. _Stop thinking that! She's not a meal!_ I backed into the wall.

 _Do something!_ A child's voice screamed, causing me to crouch into a defensive pose. _Where had the child come from?_ I scanned the room but we were alone.

I watched Mrs. Cheney defenseless to help her and powerless against my own nature. Her blood was everywhere, I couldn't get any closer.

 _Do something!_ Same child's voice.

Perfect I am going insane while Mrs. Cheney is choking to death.

She started convulsing and turning blue.

 _The baby is choking!_ A man's voice sounding a lot like dad.

But I had to do something; I couldn't just let her die. I took a deep breath into my sleeve - concentrating on my sent - and forced myself over to her. I gently sat her up and patted her back.

Snap!

If I could pass out I would have; as it was my vision became fuzzy. I broke something…again. She screamed and clutched at her belly, which meant she at least wasn't choking anymore.

I gasped and inhaled. The smell of her blood filled my nose and my head spun with the scent of her fresh, clean, delicious blood. My mouth watered with the memory of her taste. It was better than Graham's blood.

 _No!_ I balled my hands in fists. I could feel my nails digging into my skin and my own blood squishing through my fingers. _No she is a mommy._ She needed to get to a hospital. But I couldn't risk being in the car with her.

With horror I realized I had bent over and was inhaling her blood.

 _Stop that!_

She was in so much pain, I could ease it all.

 _No, no, no, no, her baby. Her little girl!_

Suddenly she started screaming that the baby was choking. I recoiled. But…but her lips were folded between her teeth. _Who was screaming? Stop it, stop it!_ I covered my ears from the sound. But the screaming didn't stop. Who was screaming?

 _Was that me?_

She was losing too much blood. I needed to focus. There was something really wrong with the baby. _Yes, of course the baby was suffocating._ I fought back the panic that was quickly taking over. I needed to stop this screaming.

"Mrs. Cheney," I said trying not to breath. Her eyes were rolling back in her head and she wasn't responding to me. "I'm going to carry you to the car and take you to the hospital." She made no signs she understood.

 _Oh crap! Oh crap! I might be too late._ Biting my lip till it bled and focusing on the taste, I scooped her up and ran to the car. I gently laid her in the back seat and was speeding away within a matter of seconds.

I could do this. Jacob would never forgive me if I did something to her so I needed to focus. I left the windows down as I drove. I just needed to get her to the hospital. One thing at a time, my mind could handle one thing at a time…it had to. Her baby needed help.

But as the wind whipped through the car I got a fresh whiff of Mrs. Cheney's blood and I slammed on the breaks. Before I knew what I was doing, I was in the back seat bending over my helpless high school English teacher. I stooped closer and my teeth grazed the pulsating vein in her neck, nicking her tender flesh. A single drop of blood rolled out of the little puncture mark and onto the upholstery. I opened my jaw wider, preparing to bite when I felt something move under my hand.

I threw myself out the car door…taking it with me.

I stood on the far side of the road, my heart pounding. I gasped for the fresh air, desperate for it to fill my nose and stop the burning.

There was no hope for me. Here I was about to kill someone I loved…again. I couldn't face what I was anymore. I didn't want to see myself as I really was. I could feel my mind blacking out and I didn't fight it. I deserved to live in total darkness.

I heard a soft moan.

No, I just needed to hold on a little longer. Just long enough to get Mrs. Cheney to the hospital.

I slowly went to the car and climbed in. But I couldn't leave her I the back seat with no door. So biting my tongue this time I quickly strapped her in with all three seatbelts and took off.

As I drove, I was almost blinded by the pressure steadily growing in my head. I thought it was going to crush my skull before I could make it to the hospital. I could no longer tell who was screaming; Mrs. Cheney, me or the new voice in my head. But every scream shook me and made the pressure worse. My other senses were already dull, but at least I could still see the road.

I'm still not sure how we got there but we made it to the hospital minutes later. I pulled into where the ambulances normally parked and jumped out. I didn't need to remind myself to walk slowly I could barely feel my legs.

Two guys in paramedic uniforms ran up; no need to open the door. They took one look at me but Mrs. Cheney started groaning and they turned their attention quickly to her. They asked me what happened and I think I said "She just started screaming, holding her belly and throwing up" but my mouth felt weird – like my tongue was too big.

Someone said something about my car and I threw my keys in the direction the voice came from and followed numbly behind the two guys and Mrs. Cheney - who was now on a stretcher.

I was on the verge of my mental crash. I could feel it looming like a dark nimbus cloud of nothing just on the horizon of my sanity. I fought hard to keep it at bay I just needed to do one more thing and then I could let it claim me.

But what was that? Something in my pocket vibrated. _Oh yes, call Ben._ I looked and saw that I was holding a cell phone. _Where did I get this? Was it mine?_ I flipped the top….call Ben.

 _Ben…Ben…Ben…here_.

"Hello, darling." A nice smooth voice said on the other line.

"Mr. Cheney?"

Pause.

"Who is this?"

"Nessie, I'm at the hospital with Mrs. Cheney." At least that's what I hope I was saying. It sounded like mush to my ears.

"Angela?! Is she alright? Did she go into labor?" He voice went up two octaves.

"She started clutching her belly and screaming." I think I got that part right I had already said it once. "She is in emergency."

Silence.

"I'm on my way." A very weak, horse voice said on the other line before the phone went dead.

My task complete, I snapped the phone closed and with it my mind.

That snap was the last sound I heard. But it echoed through my head like thunder vibrating the walls of a house. Only the walls in my mind were made of glass and they had just shattered.

I could no longer fight the dark cloud. Like a floodgate opening, every feeling I had kept at bay came washing over me. I was drowning in the utter disgust and horror of what I was. I had been foolish to think I could live with normal humans; I was obviously weaker than my family. I was foolish to think I could stay with my family; I obviously cause more problems than I was worth. I didn't belong anywhere. I felt like I was suffocating but couldn't fight it. I honestly didn't have the will to anymore. It was finally too much and my mind shut down.

I just stood there.

I could see and hear everything, but I my brain wouldn't process what was going on. It felt like everything was on fast forward but me. I stood still while the world zipped around me. I couldn't get my brain to work. It wouldn't listen to me; it wouldn't focus.

A small fairy woman came over to me. It was a good thing I forgot how to use my legs because I wanted to pounce on her. After all I was a nightmare. Only I was much worse because I was real. My throat burned as she talked at me. I didn't understand what she was saying. Then she started walking. Did I follow her? I must have because I was sitting.

I don't know how long I was there. I had no comprehension of anything that was going on around me. My mind was empty of everything; hearing, speaking, feeling, thinking; it was all gone. I didn't know how to do anything.

I saw movement and felt my eyes slowly look. Someone was saying something to me and standing close. I saw her lips moving and heard noise, but it all meant nothing to me. I must have nodded my head because she started moving up and down. Then she was gone.

There was more movement around me….other people? The noise would fade in and out - getting louder at times and silent at others. The movement around me would pick up then disappear.

But I just sat there.

Then someone was directly in front of me; too close but I couldn't move away. I still couldn't get my body to listen to me. The burning finally went away but I couldn't get out of the cloud. I think I might have been breathing too hard because I felt my body tingling.

"Nessie?"

I recognized that word. _How did he know me?_ I couldn't figure out who this guy was. I felt something warm covering my hand. He was nosier than the other people. He wouldn't stop talking. And why was he shaking me? Something warm ran across my face.

 _Baby?_

The noise stopped and I wasn't being shaken anymore. But my hand was still warm…it was nice. I concentrated on that feeling and when it went cold and I began to panic. It was linking me back to the world. I wanted it back because I was afraid I would be swallowed by the emptiness that was slowly consuming my mind.

There was a scream in the distance and I flinched. The screaming in my head returned. _No, that was why I liked it here in the cloud._ I was a hideous evil creature. I couldn't stop the feeling of pressure all around me, suffocating me.

I wanted to kill people I loved.

 _No…stay away, go back into the darkness it didn't hurt there._

I began to shake uncontrollably. Was I crying too? Something really warm wrapped around me. It was just like the warmth on my hand. Was I being rocked or was that the shaking? I started to move…but I couldn't figure out how because I had forgotten how to make my legs move.

The world had not stopped speeding along around me. All of a sudden I was freezing again. _No, where was the warm blanket?_ I needed it to keep a handle on my sanity; I couldn't stop the terrifying images and screams from streaming at top speed.

My brain was working overtime now, making up for the time it had lost. Everything was moving fast outside me, speeding past at a blur. Every image I had thought earlier started playing in my head and combining with the memories of the car accident; twisting them into my own personal horror movie. I couldn't stop them: the blood all over the car, all over Mrs. Cheney, the fear in that man's eyes, my disgusting reflection. And the screaming, the awful pressure…the suffocation…

Snap!

My memory was triggered and I suddenly remembered everything. I remembered the sound of my mother's bones snapping as I broke through her soft human body. I remembered her bloody broken limbs. I remembered hearing her heart stop as I was taken away from her.

And the Volturi. It was my fault they crashed down on my family. It was because of what I was…a freak…that they came to Forks in the first place.

And I broke Erica's shoulder and one of Mrs. Cheney's bones like I had my mother's. I had just almost killed Mrs. Cheney and her baby.

I started to hyperventilate. What if my warm blanket never came back? I didn't know how to find it. I would be trapped in this terrorizing nightmare forever.

Suddenly, as if it heard me, I was covered once again and moving. I still couldn't figure out how I was doing that. I couldn't feel my legs. I couldn't feel any of my limbs. The only reason I could feel my head was because of the pressure.

I started to focus on the warmth again. I told myself I was okay as long as I was wrapped in the warmth. I heard a lot of movement but it wasn't directly around me.

 _Where am I?_

"Renesmee!"

I knew that word. _Why was the woman yelling my name?_ I didn't like it…it started the screams in my head again. But my warm blanket seemed to tighten around me as if it was telling me it wouldn't let me go.

"Jacob, what happened?"

 _Jacob? Where was my Jacob?_

"She's in shock." What a sad sounding voice. I didn't want him to be sad for me, I was a murderer. I killed people I loved.

That same voice, only much farther off in the distance, kept saying that was not true I hadn't killed anyone. But I ignored him, he was lying. He didn't know me. I had almost killed my mom and Mrs. Cheney and my friends and the truck driver and my family and Jacob's pack. How could I not be a monster?

I stopped moving but my mind didn't. The images flashed on at top speed, becoming more and more intertwined. Eventually they became one thought that morphed every time it circled thought my mind.

"Fight Nessie! Fight it!"

I tried to listen to the voice as my mind spiraled further from my control. Every awful thought I had ever had in the deepest darkest part of my brain flashed into my head. My friends' broken bleeding bodies with their horrified expressions…they knew what I was but they realized it too late. Mrs. Cheney, screaming as I bent over her and snapped her bones; the truck driver pleading for his life as I bit into his soft fleshy neck; Charlie and Sue's cold, dead eyes staring up at me – empty hollow eyes. Jacob's pack, I was covered in all their blood.

I was back in that horrible forest of death. I saw Levi and Ben's little disassembled bodies with their parent's barely recognizable corpses beside them. They couldn't protect their children from the likes of me.

 _No…this was getting to be too much._ But I couldn't fight the images.

I heard sobbing in the distance. I looked for it until saw Seth's stiff body - drained of all its blood. I heard myself laughing…

…until I saw my dead Jacob clutching my little dead Caleb.

And that was my breaking point.

I tore myself from my blanket screaming in agony. _I killed my Jacob and my Caleb._ I deserved to die. I began to retreat into the darkness. I needed to find a way out. I needed to find some way to die.

 _No!_ A voice screamed at me. I cowered away from it. It sounded furious and hurt. I didn't want to be near it. I hurt too much already. Something cold covered me. The voice repeating _Jacob is safe, Jacob is safe._

I didn't know where that voice was coming from but I wanted to call him….Jacob…I wanted him to come and find me.

 _Jacob._

Miraculously my blanket wrapped around me again and I buried my face into it, sobbing. _Oh Jacob, please don't hate me. I don't want to kill you. I couldn't live if I did. I will leave forever just don't hate me. I will rather die than have you hate me._

I heard the faint sobbing off in the distance.

"Shhh, Nessie. I'm here sweetheart. I'm alright. Everything's alright. I'm right here. I won't let you go, I promise. Shhh baby."

 _Jacob?_ Was I hallucinating?

"I'm here baby. It's alright."

 _Jacob was here? Where?_ I wanted to see him. I inhaled deeply and could suddenly smell him. My brain seemed to be jumpstarted by his smell and I blinked. I felt like I was waking from a very deep sleep. My mind had finally let me go.

My eyes took in my surroundings and my brain slowly began to process the information. I was home, but I didn't remember getting here. I was curled up on Jacob's lap on one of the overstuffed armchair, shaking and whimpering. It was dark out and far too quiet.

"You didn't hurt anyone, honey." Dad said sitting all the way on the other side of the room next to my mother. Her eyes were wild with fear. _Why were they sitting over there? Oh right…_

"No!" Dad yelled. His voice sounded like he had been crying all night - if that was possible. It was ragged and strained. I felt myself flinch from the sound, my mind still too raw. Jacob tensed up and dad stopped a few feet away from the chair, my mom right behind him. They didn't come any closer. "No, Nessie, you didn't hurt anyone. You love them too much. Monsters don't love people that much remember?" He was lying, I knew that. "Why would I lie to you?" But he couldn't hide the sorrow in his voice.

"Renesmee, you have never hurt anyone. Angela and her baby are fine. Your friends, the truck driver, you have never hurt anyone." Mom pleaded.

 _Why are you they still lying to me?_ _I snapped their bones, I remembered the sound. Mrs. Cheney almost died. I remembered the screaming and the blood._

I saw my dad's hand reach toward me but I buried my face in Jacob's shoulder and inhaled but then jerked my head back. I shouldn't be near him. I couldn't be trusted around him. But I still couldn't make my legs work. He raised his hand and pressed my head back on his chest. I could hear his heart beating strongly. All I could feel was his warm body wrapped around me.

My warm blanket which had protected me from the darkness was my Jacob. I got my hand to close around his shirt, holding it in a fist.

"Angela and her baby are fine. The placenta had separated from her uterus, but since they were able to deliver the baby everything worked out fine. They are recovering now and Ben is with them. If you had not been there, Renesmee, they could have died."

 _I almost killed her and I heard her bones snap._

"You saved her life Renesmee and she didn't have any broken bones. You didn't hurt her…just like you didn't hurt your friends or that guy or anyone else."

I blinked at my dad. _No broken bones…but I heard them._

"She didn't have any broken bones." Dad left out that the sounds were in my head. Well, I already knew I was crazy. I hurt my family. I brought the Volturi down on them. We would never fully be in peace.

I saw my dad wince at the name. "That was not your fault."

 _Yes it was._

"I am the reason the Volturi came here to Forks." I felt Jacob squeeze me tighter and saw mom flinch.

 _How?_

"Some of those memories are even too painful for us." Dad said quietly. I saw my mom's hand wrap around his waist.

Then it was true. It was all true. I caused my friends so much pain because I wanted to go to school and pretend to be normal. I caused my family so much sorrow because I was born. I wasn't normal and I didn't belong here in Forks.

"No…no…" Dad dropped his face into his hands. "I'm so sorry Renesmee. I'm so sorry. I know it's been so hard for you. What can I do, Nessie, please?" His voice was pleading with me not to ask what he already knew I was going to ask. I knew it would cost him, but I needed to know.

"The truth." I whispered. I felt Jacob pull me closer as my dad sank to his knees on the floor. My mom following like there was some gravitational force pulling her with him. I was used to them moving as one but even under these circumstances it was still amazing to watch.

"I can't, Nessie. I can't..." His voice was barely above a whisper and his eyes were still close. I felt Jacob's head shaking back and forth.

"Please, I need to know."

My dad took a deep breath.

He told me everything. Starting with the almost disaster of Tyler's van. He told me about the baseball game where James and his group showed up. How James and Victoria hunted my mom all the way to Phoenix and how James had gotten way too close to killing her. He had even gotten so far as to bite her.

He told me about leaving after realizing that mom would never be safe but being apart almost killed them both - quite literally. This was when mom started hanging out with Jacob. He had fixed up a couple of motorcycles - I had already seen mom's - and they use to go riding together. About this Jacob started phasing.

One day mom decided to go cliff diving for fun but Alice, not being able to see the pack, didn't see Jacob pull her out and thus thought she had killed herself. After finding out mom killed herself, dad went to Italy to ask the Volturi to kill him because he couldn't live without her. When they wouldn't oblige him, he had a plan to force them. Alice and mom were able to fly there and stop him but not before the Volturi found out about my human mother knowing about vampires. Luckily, the Volturi agreed not to kill mom right there as long as she became a vampire soon.

So they were able to return to Forks.

He told me about Victoria and the army of newborn vampires that had been tracking mom. Alice was able to see when they were going to attack. This was when the pack and the Cullens started a truce. Since there were too many newborns for the Cullens, the pack helped out. This was the first time the Volturi came to Forks.

He was reluctant at first but told me how Jacob had gotten busted up by one of the newborns. I started crying and Jacob had to assure me – a few times – that it was not a big deal and he was completely healed after a few days.

When I finally convinced my dad that I would not freak out like that again, he told me about Jacob taking off when he and mom got engaged – that was what Mrs. Cheney was referring too. That brought us to the part of the story that I already knew.

But it wasn't everything.

 _Did Jacob lie about why there were two alphas?_

"No, Jacob did not lie about that." Dad said.

 _Oh, just another half truth._

"They wanted…to kill you." Dad hung his head. "Jacob didn't agree with them so he, and Seth, came to warn us that the pack was about to attack."

 _Oh_.

I looked at Jacob but his eyes were closed. Were those tears in the corners?

 _I had really hurt everyone making them tell me this._ I felt terrible. How could I do this to them? I just couldn't get away from hurting people I loved…no matter what I did. They didn't tell me because it hurt them too much not because I couldn't handle it. _Wow, how selfish am I?_

Without thinking I lifted my hand and touched the tip of my finger to the corner of his eye, brushing the tear away.

His eyes flashed open and he looked at me, pain filling his beautiful eyes.

 _I'm so sorry to make you relive this._

"No, we should have told you." It was my dad's soft voice that answered me. "You are right, no secrets." He frowned. "Don't Jacob."

I looked back and Jacob was still looking at me with that hurt look in his eyes. I wanted it to go away. It hurt me to look at him.

"I had wanted to kill you too Nessie. I was protecting Bella when I warned them. But you were killing her and I loved her, so I wanted you to die too."

That I had definitely not been expecting.

I blinked at him. He stared back at me probing my eyes and searching for my reaction. I guess I should have been hurt or angry. But I couldn't be mad at my Jacob, not when I had just imagined myself killing him. No, he did something that cost him everything to protect my mom. And he had been living with that the knowledge ever since.

He really was amazing.

He grabbed my hand impatiently and pressed it to his face. His eyes widened and he said nothing. But all I cared about was that the hurt in them was gone.

I mean, it made sense that the pack was afraid of me. I grew so fast. No one would have known how strong I would become and new born vamps are supposed to be super strong to begin with. No, I wasn't mad or hurt by Jacob's reaction…or Sam's. They were only protecting their loved ones.

"You have the same abnormal reactions as your mother." Dad said. I looked at him and the corner of his lip twitched. "When I told her I was a vampire and had killed people, she said that seemed like a natural thing to do."

She shrugged. "It made sense in my head. But we both know that my brain never worked right anyway." She smiled and kissed his cheek.

The house was very quiet after mom and dad went back to their cottage. Alice, Jasper, Esme and Carlisle had gone on a hunting trip, returning Sunday, and Emmet and Rosalie would not be back for another week.

So I sat quietly curled up in Jacob's lap – having still not moved - listening to his heart beating while he slept; mulling everything over in my head.

Alice had sort of seen me at the hospital but she really couldn't tell why I was there. Mom and dad told her I had been helping Mrs. Cheney that afternoon and she was able to focus on her instead. Of course they knew everything was going to work out fine with Mrs. Cheney and her baby and they tried to call me. But when I didn't pick up, they got a little nervous and Jacob came to check on me.

It was kind of nice being able to explain what happened, well physically anyway; like how I ended up home for one thing and that those blurring images of the world zooming past me were actually me in the car with the scenery blurring past.

To my dismay, though, I could remember every thought that my mind had… and trust me, it was not a pretty sight. Some of those images would haunt me for the rest of my life. I was ashamed of those thought and I tried to force them back into that dark corner of my mind.

Despite it all, I actually seemed to be okay now that I knew the whole truth. But I still didn't feel any better about what happened this evening….or a few months ago. Now I was just one hundred percent convinced that I needed to leave Forks. But I couldn't think of that with dad so close.

I really needed to apologize for putting everyone through what I had. That weak attempt earlier was not enough. But how do you even begin to apologize for something like this? 'Oh, it was nothing really, just my half vampire brain getting overtaken by my human half which then ran amuck with my memories and imagination.' Or maybe 'sorry I made everyone relive some of the most painful memories of their lives, but I'm sick and can't stop making people I love suffer.'

 _Like I said Mr. and Mrs. Cullen, your daughter needs to be institutionalized._

I sighed.

I tilted my head back to look up at Jacob's sleeping face. He looked so peaceful. His face actually looked more like that of a sixteen year old. _I can't believe I had imagined…._ I stopped myself, I wasn't going to go there. I just didn't know what I was going to do without him when I left. He certainly couldn't come with me I was too dangerous even to him but I couldn't imagine a world without him. I didn't really want to. I sadly realized the depth of my feelings for Jacob. I loved him, very much. If fact I loved him more than everyone else combined and that just made me feel like a horrible daughter.

 _I just couldn't do anything right._

I pressed my head against Jacob's chest and his arms reflexively tighten around me. I inhaled and concentrated on the sound of his beating heart…memorizing it. It ached to know I soon wouldn't be hearing that sound anymore.

It was at that moment I noticed that my heart was beating at the same time as Jacob's and despite my feelings, I smiled. It was comforting to know our heart beats were the same. It seemed natural, like that was how it should be.

 _Had it always been this way?_

No, when I was little, my heart fluttered like a humming bird because I was growing so fast. But as my growth slowed, so did my heart beat.

I heard Jacob's stomach growl and shifted a little. His eyes flashed open.

"Nessie?"

"I'm okay." I said weakly. My throat was a little raw. "When was the last time you ate?" I frowned up at him. I hated when he didn't eat.

"Oh..um…I don't know, day before yesterday." He said watching my face.

"What? Jacob." I was getting my voice back.

"I'm not hungry." He lied because as he said the words his stomach growled louder.

"Right." I rolled my eyes. I hesitated but then climbed out of his lap. I stood there a moment, feeling totally drained and wobbly, before he pulled me back down. _Okay, if you insist._ "I'll make you something." I liked cooking for him, plus I figured I should get off my butt and start making up for my little melt down.

"I think you should probably eat something too. You had a rough weekend and you need to get something in you before school tomorrow." He said still watching me. As my eyes widened he quickly added, "If you feel up to it that is."

"Tomorrow? It's Sunday?" I asked looking out into the darkness outside.

"Saturday night," Jacob answered. "Well, I guess it is technically Sunday morning by now."

"What?!" I jumped out of his lap. "You mean…you mean…I lost a day?" I couldn't believe I had been like that for over twenty four hours. And Jacob had sat there the entire time. No wonder he was hungry.

He sat up and grabbed my waist, pulling me so I stood in between his legs and folded his hands around the small of my back. "Now there is nothing to be worried about." He hesitated a little, probably not knowing what to say, afraid to set me off again.

But I was in complete control, I wasn't going anywhere.

"But…so you have been sitting there the whole time…oh Jacob. I'm so sorry, I'm so, so sorry. " I could feel the tears welling up. This made everything so much worse.

He pulled me down and cradled me to his chest. "No, sweetheart, don't cry again, please. I wanted to stay here, please don't apologize for me spending time with you." I fought for my composure.

"Can I at least make you something to eat?" I asked quietly.

He smiled. "How about some eggs?" He knew that was the only human food that I would eat.

"Okay, if that's what you want." I said a little skeptically.

He kissed my cheek, stood up and set me down.

"Can I ask you a question?" He asked as we walked into the kitchen.

"You just did." I replied.

"Cute…who is Caleb?"

I froze.

 _Oh no! Oh no, oh no, oh no!_ Figures I had been talking without my permission again and apparently ruining my life while I was at it.

"Um…no one." Which was technically true. Jacob's Caleb didn't exist outside my head.

"Then why were you, er, saying 'My Caleb…my Caleb'?" He folded his arms.

"I don't know. I guess I kind of got attached to Mrs. Cheney's baby." Mostly true. "I mean I have only seen Levi and Ben so I just pictured a little boy baby."

"She had a girl."

"Oh really! How sweet." I tried to put on my most dazzling smile.

"Mmmm." He wasn't fooled. "So you named her unborn baby?"

 _No I named your unborn baby._

"I like the name." I said quietly looking down at the floor.

Jacob half smiled. "Yeah, I kind of like it too."

And despite everything I had just been through, I couldn't stop a smile from stretching across my face.

 **Chapter 14: What are you talking about…jumping off the cliff is a great idea**

I sat on my usual spot on the couch, staring at the same old spot on the wall, half paying attention to the deck of cards I was playing with. It was going to be a long weekend but I was glad Jacob had gone with Billy to help Rachel and Paul move to Tacoma. Things hadn't gotten any less awkward between us. In fact, knowing that I was one hundred percent stupidly in love with him just made everything worse. I was clumsy and self conscious all the time and the knowledge that I was going to leave Forks and never see him again didn't help the situation.

I couldn't stay, not after everything I had come to realize about myself. I finished out my junior year and was only sticking around because I had not been able to rally my nerves into actually going.

I had been planning this since the night after my mental meltdown. When I was at school it was easy. I could actually think about anything I wanted to without my privacy being invaded. I mused how I had never minded my dad being able to read my mind before I actually had a secret I was trying to keep from him. He probably knew I was trying to hide something from him; hopefully he just didn't know what.

But now that the school year was over and I was living back at home – it was safer for Charlie and Sue – I had to monitor what thoughts went through my head. Over the last two weeks I had gotten pretty good at thinking of insignificant things when dad was around.

I knew it was getting close to the time my parents would be returning so I would have to change my train of thought. I started thinking about what it would be like to start high school in a new place and be the new kid once again. I happened to be thinking how I needed to tell Rosalie and Alice what kinds of items needed to be filtered through my wardrobe when I heard my parents running through the forest.

I turned my head and weakly smiled at them as they entered the back door. I hadn't even noticed Emmet and Rosalie had gone with them. "Good hunting?"

"Man Nessie, you should have seen this last one, he was huge. He was the biggest one so far this year." Emmet said grinning. I saw mom roll her eyes and the corner of dad's mouth twitched.

"I think you said that about the last one." I replied.

"Yeah, well this grizzly was even bigger than the last one. He must have been twice the size of one of your dogs." Emmet and Rose switched off at taking pot shots at the pack whenever they could. They preferred to do it while the guys were actually here but they seemed content with any audience.

"Right…" I mumbled. I went back to staring at the house of cards I had made, thinking about nothing. I saw Emmet shrug at dad out of the corner of my eye before he and Rose left silently. At that moment, I had the sudden urge to go to La Push

 _Perfect…I'll go see Seth_. He had been taking summer classes so I hadn't seen him in a while.

"Say hi to Seth for us sweetheart. And don't be out too late." Dad said from the other room. I smiled slightly at his comment. He liked to throw the dad card down every once in a while.

"Yup." I jumped up and the house of cards I had build fell to the table. _I'll get it later._ I was out the door a second later.

Once out of _hearing_ range of my dad I began to go over my little scheme again. The only difficulty I was having was that I didn't actually have a plan. No matter what plot or ploy I thought up, I also thought how easily it would be foiled. A dad who could read my mind, an aunt who sporadically saw my future, a Jacob who knew me better than I knew myself and the abnormally super hearing of an entire house of relatives was not making any of this easier for me.

 _Too bad I wasn't half super hero._

It was a gross drizzly day and I had to put my windshield wipers on before I got to LaPush. The beach was empty as I drove past it; tourists didn't like playing on the beach in weather like this. I pulled up to the house Seth shared with Leah and parked next to Seth's Datsun.

"Nessie?" Seth opened the door before I was fully out of my car. I hadn't even thought about calling him beforehand until I saw the look on his face. His eyes looked back into the room behind him and I noted how he was strategically blocking my view of the kitchen.

I stopped when I heard a slight movement inside. Seth was not alone. I inhaled, concentrating on the new smell that was wafting out of his house.

 _A girl!_

I could smell her lotion. I smiled slyly at Seth but didn't go any further. Just then I heard the chair in the kitchen scraping against the linoleum flooring and a shuffling of papers. Seth turned his head to look behind him and stepped aside as a pretty little copper skinned girl appeared next to him.

"I have to be at work Seth, but I'll see you on Tuesday." She was saying as she passed. She paused briefly in front of him and smiled timidly. "I'll give you a call when I get off."

He grinned stupidly down at her. "Great!"

She stood up to his chin with black hair half pulled up, round cheeks and brown almond shaped eyes. She was slender but had curves and was wearing a cute little baby blue sundress. I tried to hide a smile; she was very pretty. _Way to go Seth._

"Here let me take you home." Seth offered.

She smiled broadly at him until she turned and spotted me standing in the middle of the yard. There was an awkward pause while she glared at me, waiting for Seth to introduce us. He finally caught on and cleared his throat. "Uh, Niki, this is Nessie."

"Nice to meet you Niki."I smiled at her.

"Yeah." She said shortly and turned to Seth with more of an annoyed expression this time. "I'll just see you Tuesday." She practically spat at him. She turned on her heels and completely ignored me as she marched past and continued on down the street. I felt it best to keep my mouth shut until she was well out of hearing distance. She seemed pretty mad to want to walk in this rainy weather.

"Geez Nessie, you have like the worst timing ever." Seth turned back into the kitchen but left the door open.

"She's pretty Seth. Who is she?" I offered as I hurried after him. He was clearing papers off the table and stuffing them into his bag as I stepped over the threshold.

"Yeah I know she's pretty, thanks for pointing that out though. She's a girl from one of my classes and now she's not ever going to speak to me again." Seth was mad.

"Of course she will." I said confidently, leaning against the counter. "Why wouldn't she?"

Seth's house was set up pretty much like Jacob's house. The front door led into the kitchen which opened into the living room but all the bedrooms were on one side instead of both. And it was just as small.

"Well, she walks out of my house to find you standing in my front yard. I'll be lucky if she even looks at me again."

"Why would she care whether I'm in your front yard or not? You're just my best friend. And besides, you like each other." I stated. It was obvious from both their posture and pulse rate they had the hots for one another.

"She doesn't know we are just friends. And no girl likes to find a girl like you anywhere near…" He stopped and looked at me. Shaking his head he said. "Never mind."

"A girl like me?" I couldn't fake that I was a little upset he was blaming me for something I didn't do intentionally.

"Nothing." He muttered, flipping through his text book.

"Fine!" I'll leave." I snapped and turned to walk out the door.

"No Nes, come on don't go." Seth sounded apologetic so I stopped. "What is it you wanted?" He walked over to the sink and placed two empty glasses in it.

"I just wanted to hang out." Even I couldn't hide the sadness in my voice. This would

probably be the last time I ever saw him and I didn't want to leave things on a sour note. "I didn't mean to piss off your girl."

Seth sighed. "Yeah I know and she's not my girl anyway."

"But you want her to be. I'm sorry I should have called."

"Yeah, you should have." The words stung even if he said them softly. He looked down at the floor. "I have mid- terms coming up. I want to graduate by the end of the summer." Seth seemed to be debating with himself. He looked at me a long moment and I tried not to look at him too hopefully. He dropped his shoulders slightly and asked. "What did you have in mind?"

"I don't know what do you want to do?" I perked right up.

"Nessie! You came all the way out here, ruined my chances with Niki, and you are asking me what I want to do?"

"Okay, okay what about a movie."

"Seen all the ones I wanted to see."

"Are you hungry?"

"Nope." After that answer, I knew there was only one thing he was going to agree to. He never turned down food; he was permanently a fifteen year old teenage boy, with the appetite of one.

"Want to watch some TV?" I tried one more non-boring option knowing he wouldn't agree. I was right, he just stared at me. "Okay, fine I'll help you study." That he agreed to.

We studied for another three hours before he started complaining about his head being full of too much information. As he stood up and stretched his legs I noticed the sun was shining.

"Hey, want to go to the beach? The sun is out." I offered, pointing to the window.  
He thought a moment. "Yeah, I could use some fresh air. And if I don't know this information by now, I'm never going to get it."

I hopped off the chair and playfully leapt at him, circling him with my arms. "You'll ace it, now let's go!" I grabbed his arm and dragged him out the door.

The sun was not going to be out much longer, there were huge dark clouds looming out over the ocean. And that kept the visitors away. The beach was practically deserted as we walked up. Only a few locals were roaming around.

I kicked my flip flops off into the air and caught them on their way down. Being out of the house somehow lightened my melancholy disposition. The sand was packed tightly from all the rain and felt more like hard clay than the soft grainy sand it usually was.

We walked a while in silence, just enjoying being outdoors. The wind started picking up from the oncoming storm but it was still warm. It wiped my hair around my face and I stopped to watch the clouds rolling in. It didn't feel like a thunderstorm, no electricity, but we were definitely in for a torrential downpour from the looks of it.

My eyes scanned the horizon until they spotted something that caught my attention.

The cliffs.

 _I bet those are the same cliffs mom jumped off._

I'm not sure what made me do it. Maybe I thought it would be fun or maybe I thought everything would magically work out right like it had for mom or maybe I just thought it would make me more like her. More likely though, I just wasn't thinking anything at all, I was just feeling. Before I could register a reason I took off down the beach. I ran a fast human speed at first until I heard Seth start after me.

"Nessie!?"

I heard him speed up and I responded by going faster.

"What the heck are you doing?" I could tell by his voice he knew exactly what I was going to do and he was not happy about this idea. But I ignored him.

I felt the rain start falling and pulled off my jeans and t-shirt, tossing them to the side. The water danced down my exposed skin like hundreds of little beads rolling off a table. The wind tugged my hair so it thrashed behind me. I only ran faster. I was closing in on the cliff's edge. Seth was too far behind to stop me but he was protesting loudly.

I launched myself out into the open air and forgot everything.

In the back of my conscious I heard Seth holler out some choice curse words after my feet left the ground. I spread my arms as I soared through the air; like I was actually able to fly. I felt completely free…completely alive. Up here I wasn't a monster…a murderer. I wasn't going to hurt my family by running away. I wasn't anything up here.

I just was.

It didn't matter I didn't belong anywhere.

I belonged here.

But all too soon the water was rushing at me. It looked like glass and I could see myself as I approached. I brought my hands together over my head so I was straight and pointed like an arrow as I connected with my reflection. The cold shock was electric. I went deep, almost touching the bottom. It was totally silent…peaceful at the bottom.

I stayed there, enjoying the solitude. I could hold my breath for hours and I would have, if something the size of a small boulder hadn't came crash through the tranquility not too far from me. I saw Seth untuck himself from a ball and search frantically for me.

I made my way up. My head broke the surface, I was laughing hysterically.

A moment later Seth's black hair emerged. "Damnit Nessie!" He shouted as he fought with the waves. "What the hell is wrong with you? Are you trying to kill yourself?"

The water had gotten really choppy so I let the waves control my destination. They threatened to crash me into the rocks then pulled me back at the last second, over and over again. The near misses were almost more invigorating than the free fall.

"I'm going to get in so much trouble for this." Seth was mumbling to himself. "I hope Jacob knows it wasn't my fault she went insane and decided to fling herself of a cliff."

I splashed water at him. "Oh stop being a whiney baby Seth." I was still feeling exhilarated from my jump and he was ruining my mood.

He started making his way away from the rocks and closer to shore; he was mad at me. The rain was pouring down now so there really wasn't any point getting out, but I followed him anyway.

"Stop being a baby. That's easy for you to say, no one is going to turn you into a fur coat or rug or something."

"No one is going to do anything to you." Some salty water splashed into my mouth as I spoke and I spat it out.

He reached a spot where he could stand and turned to glare at me. "I always get in trouble because of you."

"That's not true." I said defensively.

"Oh yeah, remember three years ago when you thought it would be fun to see if you could run through the trunk of one of those huge redwoods in Oregano." Of course, I made it half way through but then had to sit still the rest of the afternoon while Carlisle pulled the splinters out. "Well, Jacob made me run circuits with Colin and Brady for a month because I was supposed to be watching you."

"What?" I was a little stunned.

Jacob kept the guys running circuits for the random vampires that showed up; sometimes because they had heard of us or sometimes because they literally sniffed us out. You know, just in case.

"Yeah, and that time you wanted to see if you could pick up Emmet's four runner." It was going fine till I sneezed and dropped it on my foot. I didn't break anything but I took off a few layers of skin from my knee to my foot. "I had to run a double shift for two weeks."

"Jacob never told me that."

"No, well Jacob wouldn't tell you something like that would he."

"I'm sorry Seth. I didn't know." What could I say to him? I hurt him and I didn't even know it. "I'll tell Jacob you had no control over me."

I never knew Seth was punished for my antics. I turned and sulked up to where the water was half way up my calves and sat down. The rain was beginning to subside and there were small breaks in the clouds. I could see beams of light shining through the cracks.

My moment of peace had completely dissipated.

I hit reality like a ton of bricks. I wanted to be mad or sad or something but I couldn't. I just didn't have anything in the emotions department left. I had drained everything that night and saw no point in recovering.

I was reminded of the character Grendel from Beowulf - which we had just finished studying at the end of the semester. The outcast monster who didn't belong anywhere and went around killing people. I was Grendel. And maybe I hadn't actually killed anyone yet but it was only a matter of time before I was too weak to fight the hunger.

Maybe I should take myself to the Volturi and see if they would actually kill me. Unlike dad, I had nothing special to offer. If I ran away for a while then made my way over there, no one would ever know. They would continue to think I was alive somewhere. Everyone would win.

Seth wondered over and sat next to me. "I'm not trying to blame you or anything Nes." He started to say.

"I know." I cut him off. "It's just not fun finding out my best friend is getting in trouble because of me."

"Well, at least I got a good thrill out of this one." Seth gave me a toothy grin and I managed to tug the corner of my mouth up for a pathetic half smile. He nudged me. "Oh come on you know that was wicked."

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked, unable to look him in the eye.

"What was I going to say? Sorry, I'm not going to do that because Jacob's going to make me do double duty. I never would have lived that down." He draped his arm over my shoulder. "And besides you are my best friend Nessie, it was usually worth it." I looked at him out of the corner of my eye and was truly touched by his words. I was really going to miss him.

After a couple of minutes the rain stopped completely and it looked as if we might have a few hours of dry weather. "Let's go dry off." He eyed me. "And put some clothes on you before I really do get skinned."

I looked down and blushed a little. I had forgotten I stripped down to my underwear before I jumped. "Eh, it doesn't reveal anything more than my bathing suit does." I said trying to make Seth more comfortable.

I located my dripping wet clothes in some bushes and tugged them on. We found a little grassy area near the top of the cliffs and stretched out. Seth pulled off his shirt, laying it next to him to dry, and used my lap as a pillow. I sat leaning back on my arms and closed my eyes. I concentrated on the way the sun felt as it warmed my skin and dried my clothes.

We sat like that for at least an hour when I remembered Seth said he was graduating this summer. I would have to get him a present before I left. I knew what I was going to get him but I was going to ask this time.

"Seth," I said sitting up. He opened one eye and looked at me. For a second he reminded me of Jacob and I absently started to run my fingers through his hair. I found if I used my nails I could keep my thoughts to myself. "What about a Corvette?"

He closed his eye again and shifted a little. "What about a Corvette?"

"Do you like Corvettes?"

"Of course I like Corvettes, why?" He opened both his eyes and looked at me expectantly.

"Want one?"

"Well yeah but I don't need a car first off, and second, there is no way I can ever afford one."

"Perfect. I can get you one for your graduation."

"What?" Seth sat up.

"You said you were graduating this summer right?"

"Yeah but…"

"Well I told you I'd get you a car didn't I? And I will need to get you a graduation gift anyway. So how about a Corvette?"

"You can't get me a Corvette Nessie."

"Sure I can." I said smugly.

"No you can't." Seth really sounded like Jacob when he said that.

"Oh not you too, why can't I?"

"Because." Was his answer.

"I was just trying to be nice and let you pick out your own gift since Jacob doesn't seem to like his. But whatever, I'll just get whichever one I like and you can just deal with it."

"Jacob loves his car."

"He never drives it." I sounded hurt even though I was trying not to.

"You don't drive your Ferrari around everywhere." I couldn't argue with that. "Trust me Nessie he loves that car more than anything."

I couldn't handle talking about Jacob so I stirred the conversation back to Seth's graduation present. "Silver."

"No Nessie."

"Yes, Seth"

"No Nessie."

"Look, you know I'm going to get it no matter what you say."

He sighed and was silent for a moment. "Silver's good." He said laying his head back on my lap. I grinned down at him and started playing with his hair again. He kept it longer than Jacob did so there was more to twine my fingers through. My eyes flashed briefly to his bare chest and I found myself doing a double take. He was just as cut as Jacob was, only more slender.

 _What the heck are these wolf boys doing to get so ripped?_

I saw my hand reaching for his six pack but I jerked it back. _What is wrong with me?_ I scolded myself. _I need to learn to keep my hands to myself!_ It was bad enough I was in love with Jacob and trying to touch him all the time. I couldn't just reach out and stroke Seth's presumably solid abs no matter how much they reminded me of Jacob.

And that's where my mind stuck, on Jacob. I wondered what he was doing and if he was thinking of me. I shouldn't, but I missed him. So much so it ached to think about him. So naturally I tried changing the subject again. "What do you plan on doing after graduation?"

Seth shrugged. "I don't know. Get a job I suppose."

"That's it." I wanted the conversation to keep going.

"I guess I'd eventually get married, have some kids. That is if Niki ever talks to me again."

"I'm sure you're just being over dramatic. She'll talk to you again."

He shrugged. As I watched his face the meaning of his words began to sink in. Seth wasn't planning on phasing forever. I opened my mouth to say something but I couldn't think of anything to say. I had always just assumed he would be my best friend forever. And if Seth didn't phase, he would grow old and eventually die. Then I had a nauseating thought.

 _What if Jacob doesn't want to phase forever?_

It was at that moment I truly understood what it meant to live forever; never changing while the world evolved and shifted around me. Knowing that one day ever human I came into contact with would die while I lived on; all my friends, Charlie and Sue, Billy, Mrs. Cheney and baby Abby, now Seth and…and maybe even my Jacob.

I had never felt so completely and utterly alone.

I didn't like the idea of letting Jacob go but I couldn't force him to stay with me forever if he didn't really want to stay. But I just couldn't imagine my life without him. I had been with Jacob every day since the day I was born. He was one of my first memories. I remembered the first time I saw him. I had no words for it then but I felt like I was looking at the only thing in this world that mattered.

 _Jacob is the only thing that matters._ I reminded myself.

My chest grew heavy and my breathing labored. I could live as long as I knew he was alive somewhere, I had to, but I couldn't live if I knew he wasn't.

My hand froze clutching a fist full of Seth's hair and when he suddenly sat up, I kept that handful. "Ouch!" He reached his hand behind his head and rubbed a moment.

His movements reminded me of Jacob and in a split second, something took over. I lost control of my limbs and before I knew what was going on I grabbed Seth and pulled him to me. I firmly planted my lips to his in a desperate attempt to keep Jacob with me forever.

Seth was too shocked at first to react, but once he realized what was happening he jumped back out of my grasp like I had burned him.

"You really are trying to get me killed!" He shouted.

"No I just…I don't know…I was…" I sat there staring at him, my embarrassment over my behavior growing while he stared back wide eyed and horror stricken. "I'm sorry."

"Jacob is going to kill me for sure. I'm going to be lying on his living room floor while he walks all over me." Seth seemed genuinely scared. "Nessie, I thought I was your best friend, why are you trying to kill me?"

"I am not!" I cried back, my feelings still raw from everything that happened. "Why do you keep saying that? I would never hurt you and neither would Jacob." There was an edge of hysteria in my voice. I knew there was no hiding what I had done from anyone in the pack, least of all Jacob.

"Why, because _he's_ imprinted to you, I'm not." Seth jerked his thumb over his shoulder, indicating the absent Jacob.

"What?" I asked flatly.

"Oh come on, you know Jacob imprinted to you."

I blinked at him blankly. I had heard the term before: Sam and Emily, Quil and Claire, even Rachel and Paul, but I was never told what it meant. I honestly thought it was one of those wolfy things, like a wolfy engagement or something.

He was silent for a long while. "Yeah I guess you really wouldn't know, not growing up around the tribe and your parents certainly never bringing it to your attention."

"I've heard it before but what does it mean?" I knew Seth knew the feeling. When in wolf form the pack's mind was one. He would hear and feel everything his pack brothers would.

"It means Jacob is only for you." I blinked at him, not comprehending what he was saying.

"Only for me?" I repeated back the words, still confused.

Seth looked at me like I just grew a third eye. "He loves you Nessie, more than anything and everything. He can't be without you."

"So…" I was exactly split down the middle, half of me was souring hearing Jacob loved me back but the other half was scared to death. _If I ever lost control…_

"So he can't stay away from you."

"Like he has no choice, like an addiction?" At least that was how it sounded to me and I didn't much care for it.

"No not like that." Seth frowned as he tried to explain it. "More like having to know that person is safe and happy at all times, and needing nothing more than to just be near them. Nothing else matters to him but you, Nes."

I was filled with euphoria and desperation. I couldn't leave Jacob if it meant hurting him. I promised him I wouldn't ever hurt him. But I just couldn't stay anymore.

"But what if he wants to leave?" I asked quietly, not really wanting to hear the answer.

"He never wants to leave you." Seth had seemed to relax a little now that we were talking about Jacob. "Nessie, he'll stay with you as long as you are happy and want him to."

I nodded numbly. _If Jacob would never leave me, how could he ever be safe from me?_ I knew he would never phase against me. He didn't when mom attacked him; he wouldn't if I attacked him. I suddenly tasted blood and realized I had bit my tongue.

This train of thought was getting to be too much for me. I needed to change the topic before I crashed and burned again. _But how could I? How could I not think about the only person in the world that mattered to me?_

A nudge from Seth knocked me out of my haze. "It's about to start raining again." He nodded his head in the direction of his house indicating we should head back.

We walked to his place in silence and made it through the front door just as the sky opened up again. Seth sighed heavily as he looked at his books on the table.

Then an idea hit me I knew would brighten both our moods. "Want to go check out Corvettes on the internet?" He looked hesitant so I added. "I'll make you something to eat." That got him. He smiled hugely at me.

We hopped into my car and argued all the way home about what kind of Corvette he should get. But we both knew something was wrong the moment we opened the car doors. There was a strange vampire in my house.

We looked at each other over the roof of my car. "Smells kind of like you." Seth whispered. I sniffed. The scent seemed familiar but I couldn't place it. It wasn't quite as sweet as a vampire but not dull like a human's either. This vampire smelled a little like wet flowers. I lifted my arm and inhaled, hoping I didn't have that wet smell to me. "I said almost." He assured me.

We silently crept up the front porch and after a silent argument about who would go first I cracked open the front door, with Seth less than an inch behind me. I could feel his body heating up and he was quivering.

No one else was home so I froze when I heard a noise come from the living room. I heard the ripping of material and saw a flurry of movement and before I knew what was going on Seth had pushed the door open and phased. He stood in front of me growling at the young vampire standing in the archway of the living room.

The young man seemed familiar. He was much shorter than Seth, both as a human and as a wolf. His skin was a rich dark brown, almost ebony, and his eyes were a warm yellowish brown and shaped like almonds. He was beautiful and I couldn't help but stare. He stood there eyeing Seth warily but his eyes flickered to mine every so often. I knew I had seen him before.

It took me a minute but I finally recognized him. "Nahuel?"

 **Chapter 15: This is exactly what I've been looking for…right**

"Renesmee." Nahuel looked relieved and smiled at me. He had a beautiful accent and his voice was a little deeper than I was expecting. "I am glad you remember me. Would you mind calling off your dog?" That comment cause Seth to growl and take a step closer to Nahuel, who crouched reflexively into a defensive pose.

"Seth." I said without taking my eyes off Nahuel. Seth whined and turned to look at me but I ignored him. I stepped around his bulk and this time stood between him and Nahuel.

I just stared. I couldn't believe it. The solution to my ginormous problem, walked right into my house. The only other half human half vampire I had ever met was standing in my living room. He was exactly what I had been looking for. _He would be my excuse to leave._

Nahuel was still watching Seth and when his eyes looked like they were about to pop out of his head I knew Seth phased back. "You know him?" Seth ask.

"Yes." I responded without turning around. Seth would not be wearing any clothes. "He's half human half vampire like me."

"Oh right, from when the uh…" Seth trailed off. He didn't need to finish his statement, we all remembered that day very clearly. Nahuel hadn't taken his eyes off Seth and I couldn't tell if he was uncomfortable with Seth being able to shift into a giant wolf or Seth being naked. But I figured I could at least try to fix the latter.

"Hang on." I shot up the stairs to Jaspers closet and found Seth some clothes. Jasper was closest to Seth's size and he wouldn't mind if Seth barrowed them. When I returned, I tossed them over to Seth who was now holding a pillow in a very strategic place. "What are you doing here?" I turned back to Nahuel.

Grateful Seth now had clothes on he replied. "There are not may like us in the world. I was curious to see how you grew up." He ran his eyes down my body and back up to my eyes. "You are exquisite."

I ignored Seth's snort and gushed at the complement. I had never been called exquisite before. And it was by someone who had been alive for over a hundred and fifty years. I chewed on my lower lip, feeling my cheeks heat up and looked down at the floor. "Thank you."

Seth cleared his throat. "Nessie…"

"How long will you be here?" I asked, again ignoring Seth.

"I guess that would depend on you." Nahuel stepped closer to me and Seth was at my side that same second.

"Hey buddy…"

"I…" I began but we were interrupted by Emmet and Jasper busting through the back door…and wall.

"Esme's not going to be happy about that." Alice called from somewhere behind them.

Jasper stopped first and grabbed Emmet's arm. "Nahuel?" Emmet blinked at the young vampire then looked back to his brother.

"Jasper…Alice." Nahuel turned ad smiled at them. "It has been a long time."

"A little over seven years." Alice said appearing next to Jasper. She smiled brightly and rushed over to hug Nahuel. "What brings you to Forks?"

His eyes flashed to me almost like he was looking for an answer but he said. "My sister was very interested when I told her of you. So I came to see how my vegetarian friends were fairing."

Alice's eyes followed his but only for a second. "How did you know we would be in Forks still?"

"I sent a letter and was pleased to receive a response from Carlisle." He frowned and looked around.

But I beat him to the punch. "Where is everyone else?"

"They went to a movie." Alice replied. Her eyes went blank a moment and she added. "They will be back in thirty minutes."

I heard Seth shift behind and instantly felt bad I had been ignoring him. "I'm about to make Seth something to eat. Are you hungry? Do you eat human food?"

"I do eat human food." Nahuel smiled genuinely at me. I couldn't help but smile back. His shiny white teeth were brilliant against his dark skin.

"What would you like?" I knew I didn't like human food so I wasn't sure if he was picky. I wasn't worried about Seth, he ate anything.

"I will eat whatever you make." He said as he and Seth followed me into the kitchen. I wasn't certain but I thought I heard Emmet say something about competition. I assumed he was talking to Jasper so I dismissed it.

I made them hamburgers and french fries. Seth had the works but Nahuel only eat the meat and bun and he didn't touch his fries – not that I blame him. I couldn't stop myself from staring at him as he ate. He had an exotic look about him that wasn't attributable of his birth place. When the sun hit his skin through the window it would sort of shimmer, like an opal. It was rather alluring.

He caught me staring and asked. "Why are you not eating?"

"Oh I don't really like human food…except for eggs."

"So are you vegetarian like the rest of your family?"

"Yes."

He took a bite of his burger but only nodded. They finished up just as my parents and grandparents walked in the front door.

"Nahuel," Carlisle extended his hand to the young half vampire, who took it happily. "It's good to see you again and thankfully under happier circumstances."

"Thank you for inviting me." Nahuel said, shaking hands with dad, mom and Esme.

"You did not bring your sister?" Carlisle asked.

"No, she is still trying to figure things out."

"Ah, well she is welcome whenever she wants to come visit us."

"I will let her know."

They continued talking and Seth nudged me. "I think I'm going to head out."

I looked at him and was reminded he was the one I wasn't going to spend forever with him. "No, we haven't picked out your graduation gift."

"Seth you are graduating?" I hadn't realized anyone was listening till mom spoke up.

"Hopefully after this summer." He replied.

"Congratulations." Mom said smiling at him.

"Thanks." He reached his hand up and scratched the back of his head. A habit that made him looked a lot like Jacob.

"Come on." I dragged him over to the computer and sat him down. I grabbed a second chair and pulled it over.

But as Seth and I searched the net I found myself constantly peeking over at Nahuel. He sat in the living room in the middle of my family. They were catching up with the hero of that day; only no one actually mentioned that day. It wasn't that I was attracted to him, at least not in that way.

Our eyes met and he smiled at me. I smiled in return and turned my attention back to the screen. I suggest Seth look at the different features. If I was going to get him a present I wanted it was at least going to be fully loaded.

My mind kept wandering over to boy who was just like me. I was definitely not attracted to Nahuel like that. I mean he was lovely and all but my heart belonged completely to Jacob, no one else. No, my attraction was completely different. I felt more of a kind of connection to him. He knew exactly what it was like to be me; half in two very separate worlds that could never mix without disastrous consequences.

I noticed my dad looking at me and I changed gears. "Seth, want to go see a movie?" We had already picked out his gift and he was checking his phone.

"Um, Niki just left me a message…" He trailed off.

"Awesome!" I held out my fist for him to punch. "I told you she would talk to you again."

"Yeah,"

"What time?"

"Eight." He looked down at his phone a little nervously.

That was my cue. As his best friend it was my responsibility to make sure he didn't screw up his date with Niki. I looked at my watch, it was six thirty. We needed to act fast. "Jasper?"

"Sure Nessie, take anything you want." Jasper could pretty much figure out what you were thinking by the feelings he was getting.

I darted over to kiss my uncle on the cheek before dragging Seth upstairs for some date clothes. We were out the front door five minute later. It was too bad his car wouldn't be delivered till Tuesday he could really impress Niki then. We pulled up to his house fifteen minutes later.

"You should use my car." I suggested. Everything had been fixed and cleaned since that night so it was practically like new.

"Your car's girlie. And what's wrong with my car?" Seth seemed offended.

"What is it with boys and their cars?" I said more to myself. "Seth you duct taped the little door to your gas tank closed."

"So…"

" _And_ that huge tear in your back seat."

He frowned a little. "You know I won't be able to drive the Corvette around everywhere Nessie, someone will think I stole it."

"No they wouldn't." I protested. "And you can just tell them it was a gift."

"And who am I suppose to say this gift was from…you, my mom, Leah?"

"An anonymous wealthy benefactor."

"We are not in _'Great Expectations'_."

I knew he was right no one in the tribe was wealthy by any stretch of the imagination. I started chewing on my lower lip, thinking. If I had known he was going to need to impress girls I would have gotten him a more practical car. But I saw Leah's car in the front and was struck by an idea.

"Hold that thought." I hopped out of the car.

"What…Nes." I paid no attention to Seth as he followed through the front yard.

I opened the door and found Leah and Danny sitting on the couch watching what sounded like Rachel Ray. They both looked up a little startled and blinked at me. I knew Leah had never been a very big fan of my family but she had always been friendly with me.

"Nessie?" Leah looked at me confused until Seth walked in behind me.

"Leah, I would like to ask you a favor." I cut right to the point. "Can Seth borrow your car for his date tonight?"

"Whoa, I didn't put her up to this." Seth declared from behind me.

"No he didn't. I need a wedding gift and I would like to get you and Danny a car and Seth can take your old one. Well not old one but your current one." She had just purchased a used Toyota Camry.

Her mouth dropped open and Danny looked at her to see if I was serious. "Nes!" I heard Seth from behind me.

"You want to buy us a car?" Leah said stunned.

But I turned to Seth, since he was my real concern. "Seth, I should have gotten you a car you could use all the time." I replied.

"Wait wait wait, you bought Seth a car?" I heard Leah stand up and walk over, Danny close behind.

I turned back around to face her. "Yes. But what do you say? Any car you want." I added.

"Nessie, you can't buy us a car." Danny said.

"Damnit why does everyone keep telling me that? I've already bought two and I can buy as many as I want and give them to whoever I want." I stopped and looked at everyone, a little embarrassed. "What do you say?" I said in my normal inside voice.

 _Okay, that little outburst came out of nowhere._

Leah looked at Danny who shrugged. She looked over my shoulder at either Seth or her car in the front and smiled. "Any car I want?"

"Yes." I said at the same time Seth snapped. "Leah."

She gave her brother a sour look. "What, she bough you a car. Plus those va…Cullens are loaded." Seth had no come back to that. Instead he growled and marched off to the bathroom to take a shower and get ready. Leah and Danny went back to the couch but they were discussing which car they should get. I went to fetch some thread out of the hall closet and then plopped down at the table and waited.

I heard the water stop and Seth move quickly through the hallway. I waited a few minutes before asking. "Seth, are you picking her up or is she coming here?" I didn't want to mess things up again.

"I'm picking her up." He said walking out of his room. Jasper's pants were a little too long but the shirt fit great. He looked sharp and I smiled at the sight of him.

"Wow you clean up pretty good little brother." Leah complemented from her seat.

"Thanks." Seth was twitching and fussing about with the fabric so it was hard to say just how much longer.

"Stop fidgeting." I said as I walked over to survey him. It would take me a less than a minute to hem the pants.

"I can't, they stink!" He crinkled his nose and Leah began cracking up. Dan looked at me with a raised eye brow and I just shook my head. I didn't want to say anything if Leah never told Danny anything about her past.

"Well, don't you have any cologne?" I knelt down and quickly stitched up the hem.

"No."

"I have some." Danny stood up and went into the bathroom. He tossed the bottle at Seth. "Keep some here for emergencies."

"Thanks," Seth squirted a couple of sprays then looked at me expectedly. "Do I look okay?" He seemed really nervous. It was kind of cute.

"You look great Seth." I smiled at him and he smiled back. I stood on my tippy toes and kissed his cheek. "Where are you taking her?" I asked.

"Um…" He looked at little miffed.

Leah started laughing again but Danny shushed her. "What about some place it Port Angels?" He offered.

"Oh what about Bella Italia?" I asked, remembering that was the first sort of date my parents went on. Aside from some bumps in the road, things worked out great for them. Maybe the good luck would rub off.

"Yeah, they've got pretty good food there." Danny offered. Leah was still holding back the giggles.

"Okay sure." Seth was visible anxious now.

"Seth, relax." I hugged him one last time. "Just be your charming self and she'll have a great time." Leah snorted but Danny covered her mouth before she could say anything. I was really beginning to like Danny. He would make a great brother-in-law to Seth.

Danny tossed Seth Leah's keys and Seth walked out the front door. I watched him out the front window before turning back to Danny and Leah. "Just let me know what car you want and any features." I said then hurried out the front door without another word.

My mind was so preoccupied thinking of Seth on his date that I temporarily forgot about our visitor. That was until I got out of my car and smelled him. I opened the front door and Esme was suddenly right there.

"Nessie, we have company. How could you just take off like that?" I peered around and only saw Alice and Jasper sitting on the floor in front of the sofa while Nahuel flipped the channels.

"I'm sorry, Seth had a date. I needed to make sure he didn't walk out of the house looking like he usually does." Not that Seth normally looked like a bum or anything he just wore jeans and a white tee shirt ninety percent of the time. Not exactly date qualified.

"Oh how wonderful, who with?" Esme asked, excited.

"I only met her once but her name is Niki. He has class with her."

"Their first date?" I nodded. "How sweet." She was all smiles. The pack was over so often, especially Seth, that Esme felt like their mother.

Nahuel had wondered over during our conversation. "I'll go to the movies with you Renesmee." I looked at him blankly. "That is if you still want to." He added.

 _Oh right I had asked Seth to the movies before we left._ "Um, sure. Was there anything you wanted to see?"

He grinned hugely at me. "Nothing in particular. Whatever you had in mind is fine with me."

"Okay." I went over to the internet and found a movie with some times. I had had enough horror flicks for a while so I chose a comedy. We climbed into my car and sat in an awkward silence most of the way to the theater. At least it was awkward for me. I felt like I had everything and nothing in common with this person next to me.

But he seemed to enjoy the movie which was good because he was easier to talk to on the way home. Maybe because we had the movie to talk about but it was still better than silence.

"Do you sleep?" He asked me after we turned down the long dirt road leading to old Victorian house.

"Usually four hours a night but I can go a couple of days without any."

"Are you tired?"

I slowed the car. "Not really. Was there something else you wanted to do?" I looked over at him and completely stopped the car. "Everything is pretty much going to be closed this late, but we have a Wii." I wasn't even sure if he knew what a Wii was.

"I have only been here once before. I would really like to see more of Washington."

I blinked at him. "Now?" I asked not sure what he was getting at.

"Of course, in the moonlight is the safest time to be ourselves."

I couldn't argue with that logic. "Uh, okay, where do you want to go?" I was almost afraid to ask thinking he was going to make me pick.

"I'd like to see the ocean." He said grinning.

I smiled back thankful he actually made a decision. "I know just the spot."

I'm still not sure why I thought it would be a good idea, but I drove us to La Push beach. The moon was mostly hidden, but it was still a beautiful warm night. The beach would have been closed to tourists and any locals wouldn't bother going after a storm like this afternoon. So I knew it would be pretty much deserted.

I was right. I parked off to the side so no one would notice and Nahuel jumped out of the car and took off down the beach. His movements reminded me slightly of a jaguar as I trailed along after him. He went straight for the water but I stopped on the shoreline. I had had enough ocean for one day.

The water was calm after the storm but the beach was littered with sea debris; broken shells and seaweed and other stuff which washed up with the waves. I watched Nahuel splashing around and it became very clear just how unlike my family I was. He was so different; his movements, his speed and strength, his shimmer. I must look like that to them…dull and clumsy.

 _I'm their ugly duckling, only I wouldn't ever turn into a beautiful swan._

"Come on Renesmee, come in." Nahuel's head popped out of a wave. I didn't bother corrected him when he used my full name even thought it kind of annoyed me.

"No thanks. I went swimming earlier." I called. I wondered over to a washed up tree trunk and sat down. There was a slight warm breeze that moved the air every so often. I looked up at the overcast night and was reminded of that night Jacob and I came to the beach.

 _I wonder how different things would be if we had kissed._

"Renesmee," Nahuel was walking out of the water. His clothes were dripping and he shook his head to dry his short tight curls. He sat down next to me and I shifted a little as some water drops landed on me. "Oh, excuse me." He said and pulled off his shirt. As he turned to wring it out my eyes scanned his torso. His muscles had a harder more stone like look to them, unlike Jacob's or even Seth's - theirs looked more human.

I looked away before he could catch me staring. "Nahuel, tell me about your sisters. It's not often I come across others like me."

"I have three sisters, Safiya, Colette and Amaya. They are all younger than me, both in their real age and how long they have been alive."

"You said one of them wanted to come visit us."

"Yes, Amaya. She is the youngest, only eighty five, and she has struggled the most." I must have given him a funny look because he explained. "She does not like…hunting. When I told her of your family and your diet, she was very interested."

"Why didn't she come with you?"

"She has never been away from our sisters and she is afraid to go to other places."

"Afraid?" I asked not even thinking it might be prying until after the words were out. "Has she been in contact with other full vampires?"

"Just the odd one here or there. That is another reason she is hesitant to come." He paused, seemingly searching for the words. "She thinks you are only alive because you are blood family."

"Oh," I tried not to take it personally. She had probably never heard of a vegetarian vampire before and only Carlisle had been practicing for over a hundred years, so I could see why she would be a little nervous. "Yeah, I can understand that." I said because I didn't want him to think he insulted anyone. "So does she just want to try being vegetarian? Can't she practice where she is?"

"She has tried but as you know it is very hard to fight the hunger once it takes over. And she wants to be part of a family."

I frowned at him. "But aren't you and your sisters her family?"

"None of us are true blood relatives and I do not live with my sisters. Amaya, Colette, and Safiya live together in the Brazilian rainforest. Amaya could not bear to be too far away from her human family."

"Human family?" Now I was really confused.

"Yes, Amaya had two older human sisters. She has been tracking her nieces and nephews for decades, but she is afraid to get too close because she does not trust herself. She is afraid she will lose control around them."

I just nodded. I knew exactly how she felt.

Nahuel continued. "But she does not like the life she has now. She is so unhappy. When I learned about how your family lives I thought maybe she would be happier if she could learn your ways." That was really sweet of Nahuel. He was acting like her real older brother.

"Washington is an awfully long way from Brazil." I said more to myself.

"Yes." He agreed quietly. We sat a few minutes in silence before Nahuel jumped off the trunk. He turned and offered me his hand. "Are you sure you don't want to join me? The water is very nice."

"No, thanks I'm good just appreciate the night, dryly."

He shrugged and was back in the water within the blink of an eye. He seemed to really be enjoying himself. As I watched him, I found it slightly ironic I was looking to leave Washington to protect my family and this Amaya was planning to come to Washington to protect hers.

I began to wonder if this was the best way to handle things until my eyes focused back on Nahuel, who was now walking slowly out of the water straight for me. The very intense look on his face froze me in place. I didn't think he would hurt me, but accidents happen. For a moment the moon was uncovered from the clouds and the light hit his pupils just right, giving the impression they were glowing. It was pretty freaky but I couldn't get myself to move.

"Nahuel…" I whispered. He was right in front of me with his arms around my waist. He was stronger than me and even though I tried to pull away I couldn't. But what I could move was my arms and as he bent his head down I lifted my hand and placed in over his mouth.

He stood there blinking at me as I eased out of his grip. I heard the soft footsteps a second later, but it was too late.

They paused a few feet away from us. "Everything alright Nessie?" A harsh voice asked into the night.

I jumped off the tree trunk like I had just been caught with my hand in the cookie jar. "Seth! Yes, Nahuel just wanted to see the ocean."

"How was your date?" Nahuel asked smoothly.

Seth's eyes narrowed as they shifted back and forth between us. "Fine."

I smiled. "Is there going to be a second one?" I linked my arm through Seth's and started pulling him. "Tell me everything."

"Jacob's back." Was all he said still eyeing Nahuel who trailed along to the left and slightly behind us.

I paused. His words were like a punch in my stomach. "Oh," But I quickly gathered myself together. "Well he' probably tired. I'll see him tomorrow…"

"I'm kind of tired too." Seth cut me short.

"Oh, um, okay. You can tell me about your date tomorrow then."

"Sure." Seth pulled his arm from mine, kind of roughly, and stalked off.

 _Uh-oh, this is not going to be pretty._

And I was right. I planned on waking up early and going straight to Jacob's but he beat me to it. He was sitting silently in the kitchen eating pancakes and waffles Esme made him when I wondered down stairs. Nahuel was sitting on the other side of the table, also eating pancakes and waffles.

I gulped as I slowly inched over the threshold. But Jacob's eyes light up as he saw me and he smiled. "Good morning sunshine. Sleep well?"

I blinked at him dumbfounded. "Yeah…"

"Great." He whipped a camera out of his pocket. "Nessie you've got to see Amber. She's the cutest baby ever and I'm not just saying that because she's my niece."

Not wanting to ruin his unexpected good mood I hurried over to his side. He grinned from ear to ear as he narrated all thirty pictures. Not that I minded, he could have talked about paint drying and I would have been happy to listen. "I can't wait to…" Jacob looked at me "for Rachel to have more." He turned the camera off and put it in his pocket.

Those words were the last nail in my coffin. Jacob wanted kids and a family and I was pretty sure I couldn't give that to him. I wasn't going to put him in danger and take away his chance at the normal life he's always wanted. But I smiled at him. "Are they already planning for more?"

"Not yet but Paul was talking about another one the whole time. I think he wants a boy."

"May I see your niece?" It was the first time Nahuel spoke this whole time.

Jacob didn't so much look at him as shot death rays from his eyes - if that was possible. "I already turned the camera off, maybe later." He stuffed a half a waffle in his mouth and stared at the table.

I had to admit I was a little stunned by his response. "Jacob." I saw his jaw tense and without looking at me he held out the camera. I walked over to Nahuel and showed him.

"She is very beautiful." Nahuel complemented.

"Yes she is and she's got shifter blood." Jacob snapped.

Trying to defuse the situation I asked. "You think she'll grow up to shift?"

"I hope so."

Nahuel diplomatically just smiled and looked back at the pictures.

"Nahuel, is there anything you wanted to do today?" I asked clearing the dishes off the table and putting them in the dishwasher since Esme was nice enough to make them food.

"I heard you were on _our_ beach last night." Jacob finally spoke after a little brooding spell.

 _So Seth snitched on me._

"Yes, Nessie took me to the beach. It was very nice." I watched for Jacob's reaction at Nahuel decision to use my nickname - of all times – and us being at La Push. "I still think she should have joined me for a swim, the water was very refreshing."

"Oh she didn't miss out. She went swimming earlier that day." Jacob glared at me and I

actually giggled nervously. _I can't believe Seth squealed about everything!_

"Yeah, the water was really nice." I shifted uncomfortably and looked back at Nahuel.

He didn't seem to catch our silent communication. "You mentioned you had a Wii. I have heard of these, video games right?"

"Yup, you want to play?"

He nodded. Nahuel had obviously never played before so I sat there and tried to explain Mario Kart to him but it was hard to teach him since Jacob wouldn't let him get very far. Jacob was having way too much fun smearing Nahuel's name all over the Nintendo world. So much so he was beating Nahuel within minutes of the game starting.

After an hour and a half Nahuel placed his controller on the floor. "What you don't want to play another game." Jacob was waving the controller in front of Nahuel, who remained calm considering he had just lost forty games to an ego crazed teenager. "Can't stand to lose?"

"Jacob!" I couldn't believe Jacob was actually taunting Nahuel.

"No, I don't mind losing. I just wish to do something less juvenile now."

I completely froze, except for my jaw which dropped to floor. I looked at Nahuel who was focusing on Jacob squarely in the eyes. From the look on his face he knew exactly what he was doing. And if looks could kill, Jacob would have annihilated him where he stood. I had never seen that color on Jacob's face before and I had to admit even I was scared. I wasn't the only one, I noticed the whole house became very still.

"Alright we'll go hunting. A man's game." Jacob didn't wait for an answer. He just stormed out, bumping Nahuel's shoulder as he did. He was out the door and running through the woods in wolf form before anyone could say otherwise.

Now if Nahuel was smart he would have just let Jacob go and cool off, but apparently crazy was a common condition among us half humans. He was right at Jacob's heels.

"Guys, come on. What the heck, you ate like two hours ago." I called after them. But my efforts were futile. "Damnit!" I took off after them. _Boys are such idiots sometimes._

They had gotten a huge head start and the testosterone pumping through their veins only gave them additional speed. As fast as I ran I just couldn't catch up to them. Jacob was leading Nahuel to our normal hunting ground when he suddenly took a sharp turn and headed toward the boarder of Canada. I wasn't as familiar with this area and I wasn't about to get the chance to sight see either. I heard noises that sounded too much like a fight to think it was anything but.

I put all my efforts into pumping my legs harder when I heard Jacob's unmistakable yelp of pain. The only though racing through my mind was that Nahuel was venomous and if he bit Jacob…

But the scene I came across was much different than the one flashing through my brain. Jacob in wolf form had Nahuel pinned to the ground and was snarling an inch away from the boy's face. I froze when I saw blood dripping from Jacob's mouth and saw there was a rather deep bite mark on Nahuel's forearm.

"Jacob!" I screamed and rushed over. I grabbed a handful of Jacob's russet fur and yanked. I wasn't trying to physically pull him off, just trying to get his attention.

Nahuel used this distraction to scurry out from under Jacob's huge wolf body and crab crawled back to a tree. He leaned against it and cradled his arm to his chest. I rushed over to him. "Are you alright, what happened?" I demanded.

"He punched me!" I turned around to see Jacob crouching on the ground and surprisingly wearing black sweats. He must have had them hidden somewhere along the path we took because there was no way he tied them to his leg when he left the house. But I then my eyes zeroed on a bruise forming on Jacob's lip and some dried blood on his chin, which I had attributed to Nahuel. It must have been some punch since Jacob healed very fast.

"I told you it was an accident." Nahuel actually seemed mad. "We were aiming for the same buck at both decided to attack at the same time. We collided."

"That was no accident pal." Jacob spat. "He broke one of my canines." Sure enough Jacob's front corner tooth was chipped.

"You bit me." Nahuel said the same time I said. "Jacob he said it was an accident."

"Oh that's it." Jacob stood up and started flailing his arms. "That's just great Nessie. Fine, go ahead and take his side. I don't really care." And he disappeared into the woods.

"Jacob!" I jumped up and called after him, but to no avail. He wasn't coming back. "Fine, act like a jerkface! See if I care." I shouted at the empty woods. I was allowing the anger to seep to the surface to mask the stabbing pain I was really feeling. "Well this is just ducky." I muttered to myself as I spun around to face Nahuel. He was still sitting against the tree fingering his wound. "Stop that!" I hurried over to him. "You are going to make it worse. Let me see." He held out his arm without protest and I took it gently to examine it. "You might need stitches so there won't be any scarring. I'm sorry Jacob bit you."

"Why should you apologize for his behavior?"

"We should get you back so Carlisle can take a look at it." He stood up and we both took off. "Nahuel, what were you doing hunting elk with Jacob anyway. I didn't think you were a vegetarian."

"I wanted to see what it would taste like." He grinned at me. "And he challenged me. I never back down from a challenge."

I suddenly didn't feel quite as bad about his arm.

"Jacob bit him!" Esme and Carlisle said at the same time.

"Geez, he's not the venomous one." I mumbled. I couldn't stop myself from defending Jacob's actions, as stupid as they were.

"Renesmee!" I hung my head at Esme's sharp tone.

"Sorry." I noticed my parents didn't seem all that surprised Jacob took a chunk out of Nahuel's arm.

"Let's just say this isn't the first time Jacob lost his temper." Dad answered my silent observation.

I opened my mouth to ask what he meant but closed it tightly. I was sure I really didn't want to know. Not to mention I didn't care.

"I have to act fast if you don't want scarring." Carlisle said. Nahuel opened his mouth to say something but looked at his arm and nodded.

Carlisle got to work and I sat with my head resting on the table wallowing in self pity. I was so mad at Jacob. I couldn't believe he could hurt me so deeply. But I knew that was a lie. I knew there was no one else in this world who _could_ hurt me like Jacob could.

I was glad everyone left me alone because I wasn't in the mood for dealing with a pep squad.

 _Maybe it's best Jacob is mad at me. It'll make everything easier…_ I instantly dropped that thread of thinking but it was too late.

"Easier for what Renesmee?" Dad had heard me.

 _Nothing._ But my mind shot to Seth. _Perfect._ He would be at Charlie's for Sunday dinner. If I could talk to him he could relay everything to Jacob. I jumped up and was out the front door in a heartbeat. I barely noticed Nahuel following me until he climbed into my passenger seat. I just looked at him, shifted into reverse and gunned it.

I was barely able to hold back my thoughts till we were a presumably a safe distance from my dad's range. I knew this was a stupid idea I should let him stay mad at me but I just couldn't leave without at least apologizing. I knew if Jacob was mad at me it would only make things easier for me and that wasn't fair. I could be mad at him instead of hurt. Anger was an easier emotion than pain.

But I knew if I was never going to see Jacob again I certainly couldn't let things end like this. I would apologize through Seth before leaving. It was still the chicken's way out but I at least owed Jacob an apology.

Nahuel proved to be a perfect companion, completely mute. I parked in front of Charlie's but stopped half way through the front yard and turned to face him. "This is my grandfather and his wife's house." I was both informing and warning him. Not that I thought he would actually hurt anyone, but accidents happen. He nodded silently at me.

"Nessie, what brings you here?" Charlie seemed genuinely happy to see me as I opened the front door and walked into the living room. I walked over to him as he stood up and gave him a good hard squeeze. "Whoa, everything okay kido?" He patted my back awkwardly.

"Everything's fine grandpa." I let go and stepped back. "Grandpa this is my friend Nahuel."

"Oh, um, nice to meet you Nahuel." Charlie eyed him up and down while extending his hand.

"It is very nice to meet you as well." Nahuel said shaking his hand in return.

"Sue is making dinner if you are hungry." Charlie said mostly to Nahuel. After living with me for almost a year he knew I didn't keep regular eating habits.

"No thank you Grandpa, we are not staying long." I could smell and hear Seth in the kitchen with his mom. It smelled like he heard me coming and darted back there to hide, his sent still strong in the living room.

 _Yeah that's right, run to mommy._ I was surprised to find I was rather pissed at Seth. I needed an outlet for my emotional molotov cocktail and it was Seth who told Jacob everything. I stalked back there and glared at him. "How could you Seth?" I said without even acknowledging Sue. He was leaning against the back door watching his mom cook.

"He has a right to know. La Push is _our_ beach."

"That is so not what this is about." I took a step closer. I knew he was lying through his teeth. There was a totally different reason he told Jacob.

"No." He straightened and glared right back at me.

"Then what?" I took another step.

But Seth didn't say anything only looked behind me. I turned to seen Nahuel standing in the doorway. "He has a right to know."

 _He thought I kissed Nahuel and told Jacob._

I could feel my anger reach a boiling point and I was about to take out a few of Seth's teeth when Sue sliced her finger open and swore. I knew this because the smell of her blood filled my nose. I felt myself crouch ever so slightly as the burning in my throat began to take over my senses. My mouth watered and I zeroed in on the blood dripping into the sink; the sound, the smell.

I hadn't realized it had been well over a week since the last time I went hunting until that moment.

And I was hungry.

Seth was suddenly in my line of sight. "No Nessie!" That was a threat. He was puffed up and I could see him vibrating.

 **Chapter 16: And everything falls like a house made of cards**

I looked at him through blurry eyes, my worst fears unfolding before me. I was losing control around Charlie and Sue, putting them in mortal danger.

"What's going on?" Charlie said not two feet from me and I nearly jumped out of my skin. He was too close and I needed to get away.

"I have to go." I whispered and slipped past Charlie.

"You just got here, wait Nessie." He was following me and I started moving faster than I should have, but I needed to get out of the house.

I sped through the front yard at a blur not even bothering to wait for Nahuel. My head was spinning and I couldn't think. This was too much. I had no clue where I was going, I was just driving. I didn't even bother stopping when I came to the red light in the middle of town. Lucky for me no one was really out and about this afternoon so I didn't cause an accident.

 _What was I thinking coming back here?_

That was the problem I didn't know what I was thinking or feeling or doing anymore. I had been so stupid to think I could come to this quiet little town and blend in. I was just so desperate to fit in somewhere I didn't think of consequences to anyone else.

I only thought of my immediate happiness.

My family was practically under house arrest because I dragged them to a place where they still knew people. I put Charlie, Sue, Billy, and my friends in danger so I could find normalcy in my world of abnormal. I tortured Jacob and Seth with my childish antics. And let's not forget the two hearts I broke of two innocent humans who would have been better off not knowing me. All the while I never once thought what I was doing to any of them.

What would happen when we left Forks? I just assumed everything would go on as it always had, Seth as my best friend and partner in crime, Charlie and Sue as my grandparents, my family never changing and Jacob as everything to me.

But that wasn't the case anymore.

Charlie and Sue were humans and had expiration dates which were rapidly approaching. Seth had no desire to live forever and I would never, never make Jacob give up a life with a family. Everything was changing.

The world I knew was falling around me like a house of cards.

I had grown up believing the life we had would never change, that everything was essentially perfect and always would be. I lived in a make believe fairy tale where everyone, including me, would live happily ever after. Only I knew now there would be no happy ending for me; I had caused enough pain and been nothing but selfish my whole life.

I was a fake, my life wasn't real.

I looked at the reflection of my eyes in the rearview. I hated those eyes. I hated all the things she had done to those she supposedly loved. I flicked them. They cracked down the middle and shattered around where my finger made contact. Disgusted with myself I ripped off the mirror and tossed it out the window. I didn't need to look back anyway.

I hadn't thought about it till I passed the little spot in the tree line where the trees were slightly crooked – unnoticeable to human eyes. I instantly pulled off to the side of the road. I jumped out of my car and started running as fast as I could. I had never been to this place, but Jacob told me about it once. He said mom and he spent the better part of one summer looking for this place. It was just a small clearing, nothing unique about it except on a sunny day the sun could be seen on every inch of uncovered ground the whole day.

I was going purely on the memory of a map where Jacob circled the area but I found it without much difficulty. I stopped just at the tree line. I peered around the little area. It seemed so serene, so undisturbed it felt like a dream. The day was not sunny by any means. It was overcast as usual, which may have only added to the eerie haze. I hovered right at the edge, wondering if I would disturb the peace or be swept away in it.

I filled my lungs with air, took two steps in and felt my life tearing apart at the seams. I looked up to the sky and let out all the air I inhaled in the loudest scream I had ever shrieked. All the birds in the surrounding tree tops flew away and the few little rodents scattered at my outcry. My screamed turned to a sob and I dropped to my knees as all the pieces began to fall away.

I sobbed uncontrollably. But I wasn't crying because of what I had done. I wasn't crying for who I had hurt. I was crying for what I had lost…myself. I was teetering on the edge of a cliff while pieces of me flaked off and fell into the black obis that lay below; all pieces too small to bother trying to catch.

I would be a monster forever.

I sobbed until I had nothing left, only my body still wanted to cry. It convulsed and shook with every unshed tear, but there were just nothing left. I knelt there on the forest floor like a withered flower; dried up and empty. I felt a weight so heavy it felt I would be smothered on the spot.

I didn't know how long he had been standing there but after I had been silent a while he stepped out from behind a tree then hesitantly into the small meadow.

"I have only seen such pain in one other person." Nahuel said quietly.

I looked up at him. I didn't want it to be him standing there because I knew what it meant. It was all real. I was leaving. He was there offering me comfort and a chance to be real again. Thinking I could be whole again was hopeless. I would never be whole, I had lost so much of myself I would never find all the pieces.

He stood there watching me. If he was waiting for me to care, he would be waiting forever. "My mother as she lay there dying." He walked over and sat down next to me. I watched his every movement. "Why do you carry the pain of a dying person Nessie, when you are so young and full of life?" I looked away.

 _Because it all fell away._

"It must be hard for you." He continued when he realized he was on a one way street. "Being the only half vampire in a family full of whole vampires." He was going to play that card and I was defenseless against him. "I can't imagine never knowing anyone like me. I know I live with my aunt and she is a full vampire, but I have my sisters. I couldn't imagine being all alone." I hated him for being right. "I guess I don't really mean alone. You have your family, your mom." I looked back at him when I detected a hint of sadness in his voice. "My sisters and I have never known our mothers." He didn't need to explain further. I remember being born and if it hadn't been for my dad I would have also been motherless.

 _Or probably just dead._ I hadn't forgotten the number of people lined up to take care of the _problem_ if things had gone wrong for my mom. _I have been everyone's problem since day one._

I wanted to tell him to go away. I wanted to stand up and run away from him' run back to my Jacob but I couldn't find the strength. There was nothing left of me as I knelt on the forest floor. I was a shell.

"Come home with me and meet my sisters." Nahuel's soft hand wrapped around mine and I looked down. His dark fingers gripped my hand; they were not much bigger than mine. "You can encourage Amaya to be a vegetarian and maybe she can find peace." He brushed a strand of hair from my eyes. "Maybe you too can find some peace."

I looked up into his light brown eyes and felt something stir inside me. But it wasn't happiness or sadness or even really an emotion. It was more like an understanding; an understanding that everything had already changed and I would never be returning home. The life I used to know was gone forever.

"Okay." Someone whispered in my voice. I marveled how that small four letter word could pack so much anguish. I felt a coldness in my chest, like I had just swallowed an ice cube that was stuck in my throat

He smiled hugely and leaned in. He gently planed his lips to mine and this time I didn't bother stopping him. "Let us leave then." He took my hand and pulled me up. It felt like I had taken root into the ground, my body felt heavy and hard to move.

As we ran every limb felt like lead. I had to concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other. Nahuel got into the driver's side and I handed him the keys. I never really let anyone drive my car but whatever.

He looked at the ceiling and frowned a little. "What happened to the review mirror?"

"It broke." I muttered.

As we drove I realized he was heading back to my house. "Where are we going? I thought we were leaving."

"We are going to get your things and to inform your family that you have decided to come live with me." His words felt like he had slapped me in the face even though I knew that's exactly what we were doing.

I began to panic. I hadn't planned on actually telling my family I was leaving. I was going to call them when I got there. "No! I mean I can buy new clothes and…"

"Nessie, I am not going to steal you away from your family without properly informing them."

"Why the hell not?" Those words were meant to stay in my head.

"Because that is not the way things work. There is no honor in skulking away from one's family."

 _Why do I feel like I had just been chided?_ I didn't say anything else to him only looked out the window sulking. If I was going to do this I needed to mentally prepare myself. Thankfully Nahuel was a slow driver so I had a few more minutes than if I was driving.

 _Of course if it was me, I would have just driven straight out of Forks._

The only way I was going to pull this off - and make it believable – was by telling myself over and over that this was best for everyone. When we were about ten minutes away I asked Nahuel to tell me about his home. I concentrated on his words and tried to paint the most beautiful picture in my head I could. We turned down the driveway and it was show time.

I instantly perked up…at least I hoped I looked perky. Of course I felt myself cower as I saw mom and dad standing on the front porch waiting for us. And they did not look happy.

"Renesmee, where have you been?" Mom had her hands folded across her chest and her hip was sticking out. She never looked more like a teenager then when she was mad. "Charlie called two hours ago saying you stormed out of the house pretty upset about something."

"We have been calling your cell but you didn't pick up." Dad continued as if they shared the same mind. I looked down at the ground feeling like a child. My phone was in my back seat so I hadn't heard it.

"Where is she? Nessie?"

I nearly ran at the sound of his voice. It was going to be hard enough telling my parents but I didn't think I could tell Jacob.

"Tell us what Renesmee?" Dad asked but his eyes flashed over to Nahuel. "What?' He jumped off the porch and grabbed my arms. "Is that true Nessie, you what to leave us?" His eyes were a mixture of disbelief and pain.

That brought everyone out front. This was not exactly how I wanted everyone to find out but the bomb was already set to detonate.

"What?!" Mom and Jacob were right behind dad. "You can't leave!" Mom looked like she would cry if that was possible. I couldn't stop myself from tearing up if I continued to look at her so I looked over to Nahuel.

"Yes, Nessie has agreed to come back with me." He shifted in my direction – like he was going to stand next to me in facing my family – but didn't budge.

"You don't have to do this." Dad began to say.

"But I do." I didn't know where the words came from but they started to flow freely once I opened my mouth. "You don't know what it's like. None of you do. No one is like me."

"You fit in with us, you always will!" Mom cried.

"I'm half vampire half human. I'm a freak among the freaks. I don't fit in with anyone."

"I know it's been hard for you…"

I couldn't let them talk. "No you don't truly know what it feels like. Nahuel and his sisters are the only ones who could possible know how I feel. I'm not like you. I'm not as fast or as strong, I can go out in the sun I have a pulse and a heartbeat, I sleep, I'm warm. But I'm not human, I'm _too_ fast and _too_ strong, and though I can eat human food I can't control the urge to drink blood." I could feel tears running down my cheeks at this point. "You may know what it's like to never really fit in with humans, you face it every day you attend school, but try dealing with that when you get home as well." I turned to get back in the car because I had just ran out of stream.

Jacob was instantly in front of me and he looked mad. "I don't like the jungle." He declared firmly.

I stared at his chest unable to look him in the eyes. "You are not going Jacob."

"What do you mean, of course I am." I could see him clenching his fists and his chest start heaving in and out faster.

"You're not." It was now or never. I looked up into his beautiful eyes and almost, almost lost my nerve.

He grabbed my arms firmly. "Nessie please don't…" His words were like a sword to my heart; desperate and pleading.

"Jacob…no." Was all I could say to him. _You will forget about me after a while. You'll find someone and have the family I can't give you. You deserve the normal life you have always wanted._ But the thoughts never manifested into words.

We stared at each other for a very long moment. "Will this make you happy Nessie?" He asked simply. He looked me in the eyes, daring me to lie to him.

 _Will making you safe make me happy?_ "Yes." My voice only a whisper.

I could feel the bomb exploding around me.

I watched as something in his face changed. It wasn't physical; he didn't frown or scowl. It was something behind his eyes; more like a strange calm had come over him. He looked me in the eye another moment longer then let go and started wordlessly backing away - all the while not taking his eyes off me. His movement was stiff and machine like. When he had taken about ten steps he turned and instead of running slowly walked off into the forest.  
As he walked away I heard the loud screaming in my head and the sound of a mirror breaking, the pieces clanging as they hit the floor. It was the worst single moment of my life, my Jacob turning away from me. It was all I could do to keep from dropping to my knees; as it was I felt myself swaying.

When he was out of sight, a comforting numbness washed over me like a wave. I felt nothing at all. I stiffly turned to my family and was greeted with such a sorrowful sight.

Esme held onto Carlisle, half burying her face in his shoulder with his arms around her. Alice and Jasper held hands and Emmet's arm was around Rose's waist. But my parents were the hardest to look at. They were not so much holding each other as clinging desperately to one another.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." Was all I could say over and over as I looked at them. They became blurry with tears and I turned and just started to run

 **Chapter 17: Normal is so overrated**

"It's a beautiful night," Nahuel said quietly at my side. He took my hand and started playing with my fingers.

"Yeah," I agreed smiling weakly at him…at least I think I was getting my face to smile. I couldn't tell anymore.

We were supposed to be in Brazil. Well actually we were supposed to be there a week ago, but that night I had just kept running and running…apparently in the wrong direction. I had even left my cell phone and my family had no way of knowing that we had not left yet, otherwise they would have come looking for me.

No matter how far I went I couldn't escape their faces. I finally stopped when I caught sight of a wolf in the distance. It wasn't one of…but I couldn't make my legs go any further.

So here we were, still somewhere in Canada.

We had been camping all this time because Nahuel did not exactly have the same diet as I did and we couldn't exactly stay in any towns. Plus I wasn't sure there were any towns within a hundred miles of us to stay in but it still would have been too risky.

I shuttered internally, Nahuel's diet was definitely going to take some getting used to. I had forced myself this entire time not to think about it. It helped a lot that he only needed to hunt once this week, but I knew that wouldn't last much longer. But the more I tried not to think about it the more I did and every time my mind instantly went to all the people in Forks. And then to my….

 _No, they are better off without me._ Now that I am away, they don't have to always look out for me or be reminded of all the terrible things that happened. After all, I had caused them a lot of pain already. They should be relieved I'm gone.

Of course no matter what I thought about everything reminded me of them. So I pretty much shut my mind off which didn't make me very good company. I knew it was getting on Nahuel's nerves too. I felt bad…well, I wanted to feel bad about ignoring Nahuel, but every time I opened myself up I felt nothing but empty anyway.

He leaned over and kissed me and I let him but I just couldn't make myself kiss him back. _What was wrong with me?_ Nahuel was exactly like me - half human, half vampire. I wanted this. I wanted to be like someone else. After all, he knew exactly what it was like not fitting in anywhere. And there was no pain in his eyes. I didn't have to look into them and be reminded that I had put that pain there…in the eyes of the people I loved the most in the world. This is the best situation for everyone. Win, win for all…right?

 _Of course it was._

But when he pulled away and looked at me with his yellow brown eyes I could actually feel the rock that had been forming where my heart no longer beat. I imagined this is what it felt like to have no heart beat. And actually, as each day passed I could feel the void less and less. So I was getting use to the idea of never seeing them again. I mean not being able to feel anything is better than feeling like all the lights in my life were quickly burning out.

He sighed and looked out over the quiet forest, putting his arm around my waist and pulling me close to him. Out of a very old habit, I laid my head on his shoulder. His was low and kind of boney compared to…but I tried not to think about that.

"What are you thinking about?" Nahuel whispered in my ear, I could feel his warm breath on my skin. He had a nice smell so I inhaled thinking it would make me feel better; somehow it only made me feel even more hallow. I began to feel unbalanced, slightly dizzy even, like I was going to fall over. I must really need sleep.

So I sat up.

"Oh, um…you know just about how nice and peaceful it is out here." I lied. I think that was the longest sentence I had said to him all week. I tried not to frown at the sound of my own shaky voice. Again I wanted to feel guilty but I was unable to feel anything but empty.

"Yes, it is very quiet," he frowned. "A little too quiet." He sighed. He was dropping that oh so obvious reminder that we were supposed to be in his rain forest and not in the middle of Canada. It probably never got this quiet down there, even at night.

"I know…" I took a deep breath. "We should leave tomorrow."

His head snapped to look at me. "Really?" His voice was filled with skepticism but he wasn't able to hide the excitement in his eyes. I didn't really blame him I had said this to him two days ago but here we still sat.

"Yes." I hoping I sounded convincing.

"Excellent," He said smiling. "I'm sure you will like it down there. There is plenty of exotic game. It will be nice change of pace for you." I tried not to frown at that. I didn't exactly like the inference that my game was boring. I always had a blast hunting with…never mind. New game would be exciting. If nothing else, running through a rain forest would be interesting. I mean I did love running in the rain.

He must have seen my frown because he quickly added "You know we can switch off, few years here a few years there. Whatever makes you happy…" his voice trailed off.

I flinched at the last words and felt the tears welling up in my eyes. That was what…it wasn't important. I quickly blinked them away. I shouldn't be upset, I made this choice and now he was safe and that's all that mattered. I had sat and thought about it for a very long time. I couldn't go back now.

But the idea of coming back…only made it that much harder to leave.

Nahuel gave up trying to talk to me and we sat in silence. I went through that internal battle for the hundredth time telling myself that I had made the right decision. But it always ended with me not being able to leave. That was why we were still here after all…me. I couldn't get myself to leave the spot where I had stopped running; where I had seen that lone wolf….my lone wolf.

I had actually seen him every night since, mostly because I hadn't slept the entire time. I had that dream the first night but it was the worst ever.

As usual I was running through the white forest looking for Jacob. But this time I caught up with him. He stood there with tears rolling down his cheeks.

" _Why?"_ He asked softly.

" _So you will be safe."_ I replied.

" _But I need you to breath…to live. Without you there is nothing here."_ He placed his palm to his heart. I tried to go to him, but I couldn't move. My legs were made of stone. I reached out to him but he started to crack, like someone threw a rock at a mirror. Shards of him started to fall and I screamed out to him. I tried to grab at the pieces, tried to catch them.

I felt my life draining away as he crumbled in front of me.

I woke up shaking and in the middle of the forest. Luckily Nahuel, once asleep, was a very heavy sleeper. He only slept two and a half hours but he slept like the dead – no pun intended.

That was the second time I had seen my wolf. He stood on a hill over a mile away and watched me as I woke from that dream. He was a beautiful tan color with black speckles. Every night, while Nahuel was sleeping, I would sneak out and look for him. I never had to go far he seemed to always be around – standing off in the distance, alone.

He would just stand there, looking at me, unmoving and unafraid. Most animals ran from us because they survived with their instincts which told them we were dangerous. But he would stand there like he was trying to tell me something. I always stood completely still when I saw him. I was afraid he would run from me. He was the best part of my day and the thought of him turning away from me like…

I had only seen him at night. During the day there was no trace of him at all, no scent no trail…nothing, almost like he was a ghost wolf or maybe a figment of my imagination. I had never ruled out the possibility that I was nuts.

Suddenly a low howl pierced the night.

 _Jacob_.

Of course I knew it wasn't him. I could pick his howl out of thousands. But something in the back of my mind told me this was my wolf despite having never heard his voice. He was alone out there and his cry sounded so sad…too sad. It made my eyes tear up involuntarily. _What had made him so sad?_ I wanted to go to him.

In that instant, something clicked in my head and the look Nahuel gave me made me wonder if he had actually heard it.

"What's wrong?" He asked frowning slightly.

But I wasn't listening, my mind flashed back to that awful afternoon.

" _Will this make you happy, Nessie?" Jacob asked searching my eyes._

" _Yes," I said quietly._ I had practiced that lie so many times even I believed it.

I now knew what changed in his face. His eyes became dead. They pleaded with me: _How can you pick him over me? What did I do wrong?_ They were the eyes of someone who had just had his heart ripped out of his chest.

Those eyes were the reason I had a whole where my heart used to be.

"Jacob…" It sounded more like a whimper. I wasn't actually answering Nahuel's question, I was calling for Jacob. My Jacob. _What have I done?_

I broke my promise. I hurt him.

"What about him?" Nahuel almost spat. I would have been angry at him for that, but I needed to leave; I needed nothing else but to see my Jacob.

"I have to go." I shot off into the darkness before he could say anything. I could hear him start after me calling my name and telling me to wait, but I was much faster than he was so I knew he wouldn't catch me. I just hoped my speed would get me back to my Jacob in time.

 _How stupid am I?_ I was so painfully in love with Jacob. No, it was more than love; I couldn't live without him. I had been trying in vain to do that for a week and it wasn't much of a life. It was completely void of all feelings except the painful ones.

 _What the heck was I thinking letting him walk away from me like that? How could I just let my life slip though my hands without a fight?_

There was something very wrong with me.

The forest was a blur past as I ran faster than I had ever run before. I hardly noticed. I just needed to get home as fast as I could. I knew I had always loved Jacob, but it never seemed like anything more than the love of a best friend. He had always been my safety blanket – always keeping me warm and safe.

 _Maybe it was because I have never been without him before._

I just took for granted that he would be there. He always had been, ever since I was born, and I just assumed he always would be. How selfish was I to think that he would be around forever; especially now that I forced him away?

 _Oh stupid, so stupid why did I chose to leave?_

I was so engulfed in my thought that I was closing on the river sooner than I expected. A little part in the back of my mind told me that we must not have gone very far from home.

I knew dad could hear me by now. _Daddy!_ A second later I heard him.

"Renesmee!?" His voice was full of concern.

"Renesmee?!" My mom echoed him.

I broke through the trees and flung myself over the river into my dad's waiting arms. I hadn't realized I was crying because the wind whipped my tears away before they had a chance to escape down my cheeks but now that I had stopped running, I was sobbing. So much so I couldn't speak.

"Renesmee, oh sweetheart, welcome home. We missed you." I was hugged and kissed more than I thought I would be. I was actually expecting them to be mad at me.

"Why are you crying? Are you hurt? What happened?" My mom's voice was anxious. She examined me for any signs of injury. I guess she was satisfied because she wrapped her arms back around both of us as I clung to my dad, burying my face in his shirt.

 _Jacob?_

"We have not seen him, or the pack, since…in a week." Dad said quietly. They both continued to kiss me and hug me tightly. I could hear the rest of my family inside. They were all out in the back yard a moment later. My parents let me out of the hug but still held onto me as the rest of my family welcomed me home.

But my thoughts were on what my dad said. They had not seen Jacob in a week. _What had I done? I was so stupid._

"Honey, everything is going to be alright." Dad said taking me back into his arms. "Please don't cry it's going to be just fine." It always really upset him when I cried, which wasn't often…until this past year. Since my mom was not capable of crying he was not use to it. I felt terrible upsetting him like this, but I couldn't stop.

Everything wasn't going to be alright. Jacob had walked away for good. He never stayed away. If nothing else, mom was still his best friend. I heard my mom dialing the phone.

" _Hello?"_ Billy answered after two rings.

"Hi Billy," Mom said.

" _Oh…hi Bella…"_ He replied.

"Is Jacob there?"

" _Um…no he's out."_ Billy replied. Translation – Jacob didn't want to talk.

"It's Nessie…"

" _Right."_ Billy cut her off then the line went dead. She snapped the phone shut and looked at me.

 _I'm too late._ Another round of sobs shook my small frame. He didn't want to talk to me. He never wanted to see me again. I had driven him away forever.

"Nessie, it's not too late." My dad answered my thoughts but I ignored him. "Bella, I don't seem to be doing a very good job at this and I can read her mind."

Mom's arms were back around me. "Renesmee, honey, I'm certain Jacob is on his way over here right now." Mom said a little more calmly.

"Bbbut how ddddo you knnnow, you have not seen him." I stammered between sobs. "He nnnever stays away. I drove him off forever." Her arms tightened and pulled me closer to her chest. I placed my face in the curve of her shoulder. Her cool skin felt nice on my swollen eyes.

"He just wants you to be happy." She said softly. But I was convinced I broke the bond between us.

 _Leave it to me to mess everything up._

"You didn't mess everything up." Dad tried to reassure me.

"Jacob still loves you, Nessie. Everything is going to be alright." My mom said as she smoothed my hair.

 _I broke my promise. He's never going to forgive me._ I couldn't talk anymore because another round of tears flooded down my cheek.

"Jacob will forgive you, Nessie. I'm sure of that." My dad said quietly. I felt his hand on my shoulder.

I sobbed even harder as I realized why I felt off balance; I must have broken Jacob's imprint. What had I done to my poor Jacob? It was probably better that he wasn't with me…I was selfish.

I felt sick and hollow. If I never saw him again…I wasn't sure what I would do. Suddenly my life seemed very meaningless. I felt my dad's arms slip around my sides and pull my mom's waist closer to me. But he didn't have a comment; there was nothing that could be said.

I stood there sandwiched in between my parents – the two people who loved me more than anything else – feeling more alone than I thought possible; like I was missing some very important part of my body. _Yeah my heart._ But this thought only made me feel worse because my dad would know the terrible thoughts I was thinking.

I cried harder.

I loved my parents but right now I only cared about Jacob. I'm a terrible person.

"Nessie, you are not a terrible person. Honey, we love you no matter what." Dad said softly in my hair.

"Nothing will ever change that." Mom completed the sentence.

 _But, I lost him dad. I broke my promise…I hurt him. I could see it in his eyes. How could I do that to him? How can I expect him to forgive me?_ I let Jacob's face run across my memory so my dad could see what a terrible thing I had done.

"Everything will be alright, I promise." Dad vowed.

And as if answering his promise, the sound of large paws padding across the ground filled the air. My head shot up and my heart just about jumped out from my chest. "Jacob!" I all but screamed. I broke free of their arms and was half way through the house when I heard Jacob call out.

"Nessie!"

I was off the porch and launching myself at him before he even had time to put his leg into his sweats. We both flew through the air with the force of my jump and landed hard on the ground. Jacob took the entire impact, positioning himself so I wasn't even jolted when we hit. We slid a few feet before stopping and I could hear the skin on his back tearing and smell his blood.

"Jacob, Jacob, Jacob," was all I could manage to say as I buried my face in his bare chest. I was sobbing, but not tears of sadness this time. My Jacob came back to me. I still had a shot to make things right with him. It felt so good to be in his arms again.

He squeezed me and I felt him inhale. "Are hurt you baby? Why are you crying? Did he hurt you? I'll kill him with my bare hands." Jacob growled and I could feel his body quivering under me as his arms wrapped tighter around me.

"No, no, you are here. You came back!" I started kissing his chest all over. It was warm and smooth. I inhaled deeply, letting his sent fill my nose. It was more wonderful than ever before. I still never knew why everyone else thought he smelled bad. I always thought he smelled great.

And right now he was intoxicating.

"Nessie what are you talking about? Of course I came." He lifted his head to look at me, but I couldn't look into his eyes. The last time I had seen them, they were full of so much pain; pain that I had caused. How could I look at him again knowing I had hurt him so much?

So I just kept kissing his chest and moved to his shoulders and even his neck - anything to keep from looking in his eyes. He realized I was up to something and his hand came up under my chin, gently forcing my face up so he could look at me. "I'm sorry sweetheart but I'm not like your dad. You are going to have to give me a clue here." He said patiently. Good sign, he didn't seem to mind the kissing. I made a mentally note that I would have to do that more often.

"I did something so unforgivable." I whispered still not meeting his gaze. Instead I pulled his hand away from my face and kissed his palm. I knew it was a pathetic but what else could I do.

"I seriously doubt that," He snorted. His hand pulled free of mine and his finger tips gently brushed my cheek and I felt them grow warm.

"It absolutely is unforgivable." I gulped. "I left and I broke my promise to you. The worst, most unforgivable thing anyone could ever do." I finally looked him in the eyes, but they just looked soft and confused. I probed them, looking for any sign of that pain from before while he just looked back at me blinking. I could see he was working over my words in his head.

Then I saw his eyes clear as he figured out what I meant. He opened his mouth to say something, but I wasn't ready to hear his answer. So before he could get any words out, I did the only thing I could think of to keep him from talking.

I slammed my lips onto his.

He didn't respond and I couldn't tell if it was because he didn't want to kiss me or if it was because we had never kissed before this - well not like this anyway. Desperate for any kind of response I started to pulling myself forward and closer to his face to wrap my arms around his neck; mindful to face my palms outward so as not to let him see what I was thinking. His arms tightened around me and for a moment I was afraid he was going to pull me away. But instead he pulled me up so my arms fit around his neck perfectly and I felt his lips part.

 _Holy crap!_

A shiver ran up and down my whole body. This was amazing…better than I even imagined possible. After so many times of wanting to kiss him….and he seemed to be kissing me back.

I balled my hands into fists and pushed his head closer to mine, still careful not to let my palms touch the skin of his neck. I somehow couldn't seem to get his lips close enough even thought they were pressed firmly on mine.

As our lips moved together I concentrated on how they felt, so warm and soft it was unbelievable. I was completely intoxicated by his taste, his smell, and the way his arms held me. Every one of my senses was filled with him.

My head started spinning.

I felt his warm hand move up my back and stop at my neck. His fingered gently curled into my hair. I didn't think it was possible but I felt my heart begin to pound faster and harder –so much so it hurt my ribs. My breathing turned into short gasps. I felt like I was going to explode and go everywhere if he let me go. _Oh what a dreadful thought...I never wanted him to let me go again._

I finally realized what I had been searching for all along. The piece of my life I had been overlooking was Jacob. I belonged anywhere Jacob was and it had taken me long enough to figure it out. Actually I felt kind of stupid for not having realized before this sooner. But he had always been there as anything I ever needed, and I had taken advantage of that.

 _Never again_ I vowed. I would spend the rest of my life making my broken promise it up to him, if he forgave me. Even though he seemed as into kissing me as I was kissing him, I couldn't let myself hope. I needed to hear him forgive me and know it was from him.

But it was so hard to stop kissing him.

I had no idea how long we were like that – minutes, hours, a day - when a very small voice in the back of my mind suddenly remembered my dad could hear me; even though he really shouldn't be listening in the first place.

And not surprisingly, in response to my thought, I heard a low growl come from the porch. I felt Jacob try to push away, but I clung tighter to his neck, not ever wanting to him go. Thankfully he didn't put up much of a fight.

I heard mom gently elbow my dad in the ribs.

"I know… but he's not wearing any clothes." Dad said but he wasn't whispering; the disapproval seething from his voice.

 _Oh woops…forgot about that_.

Immediately, Jacob - using a little more force than before - gently pushed my face away. "Um…sweetheart, your dad…" He trailed off as I frowned down at him, refusing to let go. I was pleased that I could feel his heart pounding in his chest just as fast as mine. Actually it was exactly the same beat, as it always had been. He quickly scrambled to stand up with me still wrapped around the front of his torso like a backpack.

 _It was going to take Emmet and Jasper to pull me off of him_ I thought smugly.

"He would never touch you." I said more to my dad than to him. Another low growl came from the porch. Jacob tried to bend down to grab his pants, but I was apparently making that difficult. It was hard to keep myself from kiss him again; his lips were so close to mine. Normally I stood up to the middle of his chest but I liked this advantage point much better.

"Okay, but we have a bit of an, um, audience and I'd really like to put my pants on if you don't mind."

"Oh…fine." I sighed and dropped off. I crossed my arms and turned around to glare at my dad - and give Jacob some privacy - but was shocked to see that my parents had been joined by all my aunts and uncles, as well as Quil, Seth, and Embry. I should have guessed Jacob would have brought some of his pack if he thought there was going to be a fight.

Instantly I felt my cheeks flush as I took in their very different levels of disapproving expressions. I heard Emmet laughing softly and suddenly felt very embarrassed by my behavior. I looked down as my eyes fell on Carlisle and Esme's faces. I really didn't know what had come over me. But it wasn't like any of them never kissed their other half in front of the rest of us. Well maybe not Quil, Claire was still only ten. I saw my dad's eyes flash quickly to Quil and back.

"Great, we just got the smell out of the house. Now we are never going to get that stench to leave with the dog as a permanent fixture." Rosalie said rolling her eyes. But she didn't seem as bitter as usual about it, there actually seemed to be a tiny bit of a smile playing on her lips. Maybe when we landed I had hit my head or possibly jarred my brain loose…Rose still hated Jacob, right?

Emmet was smirking. "Bet they still won't break any houses though." He muttered to her. Instantly my mom turned and punched him in the arm. Emmet just laughed. Another inside joke that was only amusing to Emmet; he had a whole lot of those.

"Do you mind?" I hissed at them all. I was becoming angry. I still hadn't gotten Jacob to forgive me and they were all making jokes and ruining everything.

"Easy Nessie, we heard the commotion. We didn't exactly expect to see you…um, attacking Jacob." Quil, Embry and Emmet snickered. "We just wanted to make sure everything was alright." Jasper explained while trying to fight a smile. My temper flared and I was about to spring when a wave of calm wash over me.

 _Dang it!_

"Well, shows over….go away." I tried to snap. This is private; or as private as you can get with a house full of freaks with super hearing. I was struggling to keep my anger. I wanted them to leave… _Uncle Jasper's stupid gift._

"Okay, enough…let's give them some privacy." It was the fact that my dad said this that shocked me. I was expecting him to be the least reasonable of everyone. I was convinced that no matter what he said he still didn't really liked Jacob.

I stared at him blankly as he ushered everyone else into the house. Was this just protective father instincts or had he known how it would end up this way the entire time? Alice couldn't see Jacob …

 _Thank you, dad._ I thought before he disappeared out of sight. He nodded his head to me as he turned to close the front door.

I sighed. At least it was easier to pretend no one could hear us when they weren't standing out on the front porch being obvious about it. Unfortunately I knew eleven sets of ears would be intently listening from somewhere in the house. Well, maybe not Seth's. Good old Seth, always minding his own business.

 _Okay, quit stalling._

I turned slowly to face Jacob. His arms were crossed over his chest and his face was unreadable. _Ugh, I hated it when he puts on his poker face_. I could read his face just as well as he could read mine, only _I_ didn't have a poker face. It was so not fair. I got my inability to play it cool from my mom and sometimes it really sucked. I chewed on my lower lip and looked down at my foot, concentrating on the way the rock felt through the sole of my shoe as I rolled it back and forth across the ground.

"Renesmee, I think you owe me an explanation." _Uh-oh_. I flinched as he used my full name. It meant he was disappointed with me. In my whole life, he had only used it four times before this. He didn't like my name, he thought it was too awkward – so he gave me my nick name.

I took a deep breath to calm the butterflies that had suddenly appeared in my stomach. "I owe you so much more than an explanation, Jacob." I peeked at his face from under my eye lashes and slightly pouted out my lower lip; he may have had a poker face but I still had a few tricks up my sleeve. His face softened a little bit and his dark eyebrow rose into an arch on his golden colored forehead.

But he said nothing.

I put my hands behind my back because they started fidgeting without permission. I had never been this nervous before…let alone around Jacob. I couldn't stand to watched them as they gave me away. I looked at the ground. I needed to focus. "I owe you an apology. I did a very…I did a terrible thing to you." Silence. _Ugh, he was going to make me say it_. He must have been really hurt.

Which was why I was surprised when a half second later I felt his warm hand cupping my chin. He only needed one; both would have covered my entire face. I hadn't even heard him move. I guess he could have closed the distance between us in one stride. He leaned down to kiss me and it took all my focus not to stand on my toes to meet him.

"Wait," I whispered. He had not forgiven me yet.

He paused. I looked into his eyes, but they were not hurt or angry. They were actually quite calm.

"Jacob, I am so…" He pinched my lips together and shook his head.

"Nope. You have nothing to be sorry about. I don't know how many times I have to keep telling you that as long as you are happy that makes me happy." His eyes were still calm.

I don't know why this made me so mad but I jerked my head away and scowled up at him. "Stop that!" I growled. "I did do a terrible thing. I left you…and my family…and I broke my promise never to hurt you. That is the most unforgivable thing I could ever do." My eyes stung as I remember his face from that afternoon. "I don't deserve to be forgiven for that." I spat at him.

His lips set into a thin line, his eyebrows touched as he frowned and he crossed his arms again. "Don't I get to be the judge of whether you are forgivable or not? After all, I'm the one you are asking forgiveness from."

"No you don't get to have a say." I snapped at him. "You don't think I did anything wrong." _Okay, that didn't make much sense but whatever._

"Boy, you are as stubborn as Bella." He shook his head. "But, if you are happy not being here, then you did not break your promise."

"Ugh!" I threw my hands up. "My happiness, my happiness. Why won't you listen to me? All I care about is _your_ happiness. I'm miserable when you are hurting especially when I'm the one that hurt you." I struggled to control my volume. I was beginning to yell at him. "And don't you tell me I didn't hurt you, Jacob, I saw it in your eyes."

"Temper like her too." He smiled. "Sweetheart, you didn't hurt…" I slapped my palm - harder than I wanted to – onto his face and showed him his face from my memory. Focusing specifically on his eye and what I knew they were saying. I saw him wince.

"You were saying?" I felt like sticking my tongue out at him, but bit it between my teeth instead. Now was not the time to act like a child.

We stood there in silence for a while staring at each other. I knew he was trying to think of a way I wouldn't have to apologize, but I knew I had him. He was going to have to give in.

"I see that we appear to be at an impasse." He said finally.

"What?"

"Well, I can't hide what you clearly saw. You are more observant than you use to be. But that was my own fault. I should be apologizing for ruining your happiness." I tried to say something but he pressed my lips together again. "I'm not finished. My only concern is you, Nessie. You are all I care about…that _you_ are happy. And as long as you _are_ happy, then my feelings are aligned with yours. It was stupid of me to let that reaction show on my face." I struggled against his figures. There was no way I was going to let him apologize for this. I stomped on his foot and startled he let go of my lips just long enough for me to dance backwards a few paces.

"I will not allow you to apologize for this Jacob. You tell me the truth and you tell me now." I actually growled at him, which I instantly felt ashamed of. I pretended not to notice the sudden flurry of movement inside the house. I would, however, tear apart anyone who decided to come out here to investigate. I knew dad had said something because the movements stopped.

 _Well fine, you can all just go ahead and listen, but don't say anything if you hear something you don't like._

Boy, I was so angry; tears were streaming down my cheeks now. Another characteristic inherited from my mother. Luckily Jacob knew the difference between sad tears and angry tears.

"Fine. I was hurt, but not because of you. In all of our history, the imprinted pair always ended up together. I was supposed to be everything you ever needed. I thought…" He faulted momentarily but took a deep breath and continued. "I tough there might have been something wrong with me if I couldn't be everything you needed." I felt sick at those words. "I remembered a conversation I had with Leah a while ago about…it was stupid. I can't deny you anything that makes you happy. At least I thought this made you happy."

It took me a moment to absorb the truth. Then the real tears started. "Oh Jacob." He reflexively stepped toward me, but I was in enough control of myself to take a step back. "There is nothing wrong with you. There is, however, something very wrong with me." He opened his mouth but I held my hand up to stop him. "I'm not finished. You deserve an apology and an explanation for me breaking my promise. Now, whether you can truly forgive me is something I will have to live with. But your forgiveness needs to be because _you_ can forgive me not because you think it will make me happy." I tried to make my voice as serious as I could but I could still hear it quivering. "So promise me you will consider my request only for your own sake."

He was momentarily silent. "I promise." He said quietly.

"Jacob, what I did was a terrible thing to do. I am the most selfish being on the planet. I thought the by leaving I could keep you safe."

"Safe?" Jacob looked at me blankly.

"From…from me." He opened his mouth but I pleased. "No Jacob. I almost lost control, I almost killed people I loved and it scared me. I couldn't forgive myself if I did something to someone else, but if I…if you." I choked back a sob. "I wouldn't be able to live if I lost you. But I see now that leaving was the easiest for me only." I paused. "I'm sorry I broke my promise. I'm sorry I caused you pain. Can you ever forgive me for hurting you Jacob?" I want to use every weapon I had to make him say yes - tears, pouting, pleading - but I knew I needed it to come from him.

I tried to fight back more tears as we stood in silence. I knew he was taking my request seriously, so I knew I could live with the consequences. The silence stretched out and I was beginning to think he was trying to think of a nice way to say "Shove your apology," but he finally spoke.

"Yes, I can and I do forgive you Nessie." I planted me feet firmly into the ground to keep from leaping at him again because he was not finished. _Oh no, there was a 'but'._ "Now you have to answer a question for me." _Ugh, even worse_. "If you made the wrong choice, what choice is it that will make you happy?" He said with smugness in his eyes.

"Yes, I did make the wrong decision. I don't want a life without you Jacob. It means nothing; it isn't even worth living unless you are in it. You are _everything_ to me. You are the only person that can make me happy…ever. I am in love with you Jacob Black. I guess I always have been and I'm sorry for not seeing it sooner. And I promise to spend the rest of my life making this up to you."

A smile I have never seen before spread across his beautiful lips and devoured his whole face, eyes and all. I didn't think it was possible for there to be anything better than my smile, but there it was plain as day. He was positively beaming. I found myself blinking to make sure he wasn't actually glowing. His golden colored face actually looked like a sun - my own personal sun. I couldn't help but smile back even though I knew my face didn't look half as pretty has his did.

"So…since you said you wanted to make this up to me…" His grin turned impish.

"Anything you want…" I had an idea what he already wanted and I felt butterflies in my stomach.

"How about another kiss like that last one?"

"I thought you would never ask."

He closed the distance between us in less than a heartbeat and planted his lips firmly on mine. _Wowzers!_ I thought that last kiss was amazing, but this one was positively divine.

I jumped up to wrap my legs around his waist. His hands caught my calves and wrap them around for me. But he didn't let go. Instead his hands slowly slid up the back of my thighs. His left hand gripped firmly around my hips and his right hand slid up so I could feel his warm palm on the small of my back. I shivered.

He was driving me absolutely crazy.

I couldn't help myself; I ran my hands through his shaggy spiky hair, allowing my palms to touch the back of his neck – showing him everything I wanted.

Him.

He responded fiercely, taking a few steps, pressing me up against a tree; leaving his hands free to roam at will. I was surprised at how gentle he was despite the force of his kiss. I barely felt the tree.

As if responding to my thought, I hear the tree groan. _Huh, maybe he wasn't being as gentle as I thought_.

His lips left mine and were now examining my jaw and neck. _Oh wow. Breath…just keep breathing._ The tree protested again.

"Jacob," I gasped. "The tree…." He was making it extremely hard to concentrate.

"My head is hard." He said between kissing my jaw and moving back to my lips. I was all too aware of his bare chest pressing against me and I was very glad he wasn't wearing a shirt. I'm certain I would have torn it off of him. It was hard enough to keep from ripping mine off.

I heard the tree groan again. Or maybe it wasn't the tree. Geez, I hope for embarrassment's sake it was. Okay, I didn't actually care. I was only aware of Jacob and how much I needed him.

He must have picked up on the strength of my desire because he started to kiss down my jaw again only a little less fiercely than before; much to my disappointment.

"Nessie… baby…" he whispered breathlessly between kisses. It made me more excited that he was just as into it as I was. "We…should probably…stop."

"Why?"

"I really think…the tree's had enough." He gripped me tightly and jumped to the side as a loud snapping sound came out of the trunk. Then the top of the tree went crashing into the nearby branches and stopped there. It swayed dangerously for a moment, threatening to fall all the way, but then all was silent.

I burst into laughter, still clinging to Jacob's neck. "We broke a tree!" I was thrilled. I barely noticed Emmet laughing from in the house. I started kissing Jacob's jaw again; I wasn't about to let that tree steal my thunder.

"Sweetheart?" Jacob asked. But since he didn't push me away, so I kissed his lips.

"Yes?"

"Don't get mad." I hated it when he started out a sentence that way. I instantly broke off my attempts to distract him and looked at him. "I think you owe your family an apology."

That did it. Total buzz kill.

"What?"

"I think…you really…upset them." He snuck a couple of kisses in between his gentle chiding.

I pouted out my lower lip but he shook his head. So I started to gently brush my lips against his and ran my hand along his jaw, showing him exactly why I wasn't ready to stop yet.

"Nessie…baby, please…" he gasped. His lips met mine, but only too briefly. He wasn't going to let up. "One of us needs to act like the adult here." _Dang it, he was building up immunities already._

"There is no need to take such a drastic step." I said brushing my lips and the tip if my tongue along the soft skin at the back of his jaw, right under his ear. I felt him shiver in my arms and smiled. _I'm pretty good at this if I do say so myself._

"You ran away from them. They were really upset about that."

"How would you know? You left and didn't come back."

"I could see it in their faces. And trust me I know what they were feeling."

I flinched at those words. I clung to Jacob's neck, looking at him and trying not to cry. I really had hurt him…and my family. The very thing I had been trying to avoid. There really was something wrong with me.

"Jacob, I'm so sorry."

He shook his head. "Nessie, I already forgave you and I never want to hear you apologize for this again. Do you understand me?"

I nodded.

"Good." He stood there a minute. "Do you want me to carry you?" I knew he wasn't offering; he wanted me to get off and walk in there. I rolled my eyes at him and slid down. "That's my girl."

 _And I thought asking Jacob for forgiveness was the hardest part._

I began to lose my nerve and I hesitated at the top of the stairs, contemplating escape. I knew I could out run Jacob, but then I felt him gently take my hand. He leaned closer and whispered into my ear so low I knew no one else could hear it.

"By the way, I love you more." He kissed me lightly on my cheek.

My heart started racing, my face grew hot, but I found the courage to open the door. I was doing this for my Jacob. And he was finally _my_ Jacob.

"Not possible." I whispered back and walked through the door holding Jacob's hand and stopped. I was met by nine sets of eyes, all very interested.

 _Fantastic…_

 _No, no I can do this._ I took a deep breath and walked into the room, Jacob still holding my hand. This was becoming a rather uncomfortable tradition. I felt like hiding my face in his chest and mumbling "I'm sorry" from there. But I owed them more than that.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I ran away and…"

"It's alright sweetheart." Mom said rushing up to me. Esme was right behind her. "We are just glad you are home…where you belong." She said as they both wrapped their arms around me. I looked over at my dad who sat on the couch staring at Jacob through narrow eyes.

Then it hit me. _Oh no!_ He had seen every inappropriate thought…from the both of us. _Oh how awful...how embarrassing!_ _Oh dad, I'm so, so sorry._ I walked over to where he sat, dropped to my knees and put my forehead on his knee.

"Dad, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to upset you and there is no excuse for my behavior…" I'm a terrible selfish daughter. I should be grounded for this."

I felt his cool hand on my shoulder and looked up to meet his gaze. "We're not going to ground you, Renesmee. You have had a lot to deal with pretty much your whole life. And I _do_ know how tough it's been on you." He ran his finger tips across my cheek. "Seventeen years of growth crammed it into seven as well as being half human and half vampire is bound to have some side effects." I noted he didn't mention my behavior. "We have all come to grips with what we are in our own different ways. Everyone is allowed to get upset once in a while." He smiled weakly.

"I promise I won't ever overreact and leave like that again."

"I'm afraid you get that from me. I tend to overreact a bit at times."

"At times?" Alice questioned. "More like every time." The side of my dad's lip quivered as if he were trying to keep from smiling.

"I'm just glad everything is back to the way it should be." Esme said.

"Can I ask that you at least keep your thoughts and images under lock and key from now on? I really don't know if I can handle that again." Emmet burst into laughter and Quil and Embry snickered.

"Absolutely," I promised, blushing deeply.

He looked at Jacob. "Your mental images have always been far too detailed, but please, she is my daughter."

"Sure, sure, I'll keep it PG for you."

That caused another round of laughter.

"Nessie, there is someone else you should probably talk to." Carlisle said. My dad's expression went flat. I looked over at Carlisle and he nodded his head out the back window. I followed his direction and looked out. I could see Nahuel sitting by the river. I groaned and put my head back down on my dad's knee.

I didn't think he would come all the way back here.

"You at least owe him an explanation." Carlisle repeated.

 _Yeah, I know._ I stood up and turned to go out the back door. I looked over at Jacob and his eyes asked if I wanted him to follow. I shook my head slightly and walked out the door.

I hesitated after I closed it behind me. What was I going to say to him? Sorry I almost gave you everything you wanted but I'm already seeing someone who I can't live without, but hey if it doesn't work out I'll call you. Or maybe, well we only have one heart but maybe after a few hundred years he'll let me have the whole thing and I can come look you up.

Yeah, there was no easy way to say this. I was the bad guy any way I phrased it. I was going to hurt yet another person. He was so going to hate me.

I took a deep breath and walked over and sat next to him. He didn't look at me for a while, so I sat there quietly debating if it would be better if I spoke first or if he spoke first. Either way was going to be very unpleasant.

I was about to say something when he spoke first.

"Your friend…Quil…told me about this imprinting thing." He said. _Okay, not quite what I was expecting but I'll go with it._ At least his voice didn't sound like he hated me so maybe it was only a strong dislike. "So, what's it like to be so intertwined with a werewolf? I mean aren't we suppose to be their mortal enemy or something?"

"They are actually shape shifters." This is not at all what I was expecting.

"Really?"

I nodded.

"Oh…huh."

"Nahuel…" I started to say but he held up his hand.

"Look, when I first met you, I saw the way he looked at you - like he was looking at his very heart or something." He snorted. "From what Quil said that is exactly what you are to him. But when I saw you returning that look, I sort of guessed what I might be up against. I figured it couldn't hurt to try. I thought maybe you would like someone more like you. But after a week of hanging out with a zombie." He shook his head. "I'm just amazed you lasted that long." He looked over at me. "And I'm sure I'll be able to find someone who will look at me the way you and the wolf look at each other at some time in my life. I mean I have forever to look right?" He leaded over, kissed my cheek and stood up. "Hey, keep in touch okay. We can at least be friends. And my sister would still like to meet you."

Before I could say anything, he vanished into the night. I sat there a little stunned. I felt a little bad that it went so well, like I was getting more than I deserved. And he wanted to still be my friend.

I curled my legs into my chest and put my head on my knees. Someone more like me…ha, normally those words would have upset me. I wasn't bothered in the least. I had been searching so hard to understand who I was, I completely missed that I knew everything I needed to all along. I was surrounded by people who loved me and had never thought of me as different from them. I was part of this family just like each of them were.

I felt myself smiling. I couldn't believe anyone deserved to be this happy.

I sighed. I really had been so stupid. I don't know how I thought I could live without my family…without my Jacob. Everyone had pieces of their past that they had to live with…good and bad. But that's why you have a family, to help you through the bad and share in the good.

We were all in this together.

I heard the door open and I turned my head. Jacob was standing in the doorway. I felt my pulse accelerate with happiness. Can you actually die from being so happy? Personally I didn't think it was a bad way to go if it was your time.

Suddenly not able to stand being where I couldn't touch him I jumped up and ran to him. I leapt into his waiting arms – a move we had been doing since I was little. I wrapped my legs around his waist and planted a hard kiss on his lips. He squeezed me and I heard my dad clear his throat. We reluctantly separated and he winked at me.

I giggled a little. I could so get use to this.

He turned into the house and I rested my head on his shoulder so my nose was touching his neck and inhaled.

Perfect!

As he walked over to the couch, he swung me around so he was cradling me and plopped down. I rolled myself off his lap and nestled myself under his arm, laying my head on his shoulder.

I smiled as I looked around at my family.

Dad was playing his piano with mom sitting next to him. Alice and Jasper were playing cards and Rose and Emmet were in the garage. Esme was at her design table and Carlisle was in his study. Embry, Quil and Seth were watching television. Everything was back to normal. Actually everything was not normal…it was so much better than normal.

Everything was perfect.

 **Chapter 18: Geez, graduation took long enough to get here.**

I didn't open my eyes when I woke to the sound of the birds chirping outside. I was a little shocked that it was so late in the morning but I didn't really care. I just laid there trying really hard not to move. But I felt the tip of a warm nose slowly trace a line from my neck to my cheek where I received a soft kiss.

 _Dang it, he knows I'm awake._

"I'm going to go now." Jacob whispered into my ear. I felt his warm breath on my skin and suppressed a shiver of delight. Instantly my lower lip began to quiver. "Aw baby…" He kissed my cheek and then the corner of my mouth. "I'll see you in a few hours."

 _A few hours…a few hours…what was I suppose to do without him in those hours? It already seems like forever from now._

"Please don't go." I whimpered. I opened my eyes and pouted out my lower lip. I was going to fight dirty this morning.

"Charlie will skin me if he found me here." But he started kissing my jaw. "And you would miss me too much if he did that."

I don't know why, but I was being extra needy this morning. Maybe it was the thought that after today I would never have to spend a second without my Jacob and I was tired of waiting. But whatever the reason right at this very moment, I didn't want to be apart from him for any reason, let alone to graduate high school. I mean I had forever to do that again and again…and again. So I rolled to my side and started kissing his collar bone.

"Now you're just not playing fair." He protested.

"I know." I started kissing up his neck and around his jaw. "That's the point." He groaned and met my lips with his but he broke away as the sound of Charlie's snoring stopping.

I growled softy and Jacob smiled at me.

"Stay." I was seconds away from turning on the water works because that always worked.

"Stay where? I can't exactly fit under the bed, there is no room in the closet with all those clothes, and I'm certain Charlie would notice if I hid under the covers." He kissed my forehead and I knew he was right. "It's just a few hours."

"A lot can happen in a few hours." I replied, giving him a sly look.

I watched him a he climbed out of the bed and walk over to the rocking chair where his shirt hung. It was all I could do to keep myself from leaping across the room as I watched his shirt slide over his perfect chest and stomach muscles. My stomach knotted with anticipation.

Tonight I would finally be able to have all of him.

I sat up and hugged my knees pouting. _This is going to be the longest day of my life._

"It's only a few hours." He said sympathetically from the window, after all he had to wait too.

"I don't really have to go to graduation. We all know I passed."

"Oh no, graduating high school for the first time is a big deal, even if it is just high school." He said twisting my words and using them against me.

"I'm sorry I'll never make you walk again if you don't want to." I looked up innocently.

"I'll see you at the ceremony."

"Fine." I sighed. But he came back and gave me a hard kiss. I couldn't stop myself as I leaned into his lips. If I didn't have perfect balance I would have fallen off the bed when he pulled away.

"That was so mean." I mumbled.

"I know." He kissed me again and walked over to the window. "Don't fall in love with any clumsy humans while I'm not there." He smiled wickedly at me and I stuck my tongue out at him. Even though I deserved it, he was never going to let me live down Graham as long as we lived…and that was going to be a while.

"Love you." I said, hoping he would come back.

"Love you more." He said disappearing out the window.

"Not possible." I called a little louder knowing he would hear me.

I flopped back down on my bed and stared at the ceiling. It was still predawn dark outside, morning twilight. The ceremony was at eight thirty which was still over two hours away.

I absentmindedly played with the little silver band I wore on my ring finger of my right hand. I pulled it off and looked at it. Jacob wore one just like it on his right hand. He had bought them for us for my birthday last year and I never took mine off. Jacob only took his off to phase so he wouldn't ruin it, but he would put it on a silver chain he wore around his neck. I protested against that, afraid he would chock himself or something, but he just laughed and said I was acting like a little mother hen.

We had promised my parents we would wait to get married till I graduated. I didn't see the need to wait. I mean I was going to spend the rest of my life with Jacob anyway and that's what marriage meant…they were the same in my mind. But my parents countered with what was a year to forever. Jacob refused to get in the middle and obviously I gave in.

Of course every night we both regretted that decision immensely.

We took turns climbing into each other's windows so all through my senior year we feel asleep in each other's arms. Let me just say neither of us knew we were capable of such incredible will power.

Right after graduation we were going down to the court house and getting married, which Alice was _not_ happy about. Up until last night she tried to get me to change my mind and let her plan our wedding. She pleaded and begged, she tried to bribe, she even tried pretending never to speak to me again but I wouldn't budge. I just wanted simple…no frills; just my family, Seth, Billy, Charlie and Sue. No one else needed to be there. And truthfully all I really needed there was Jacob but I could never do that to my family.

I almost slipped the ring onto my left hand to see what it would look like but stopped myself. It sounded silly but I wanted Jacob to be the only person to put his ring on my finger. I felt butterflies in my stomach and I smiled.

 _Renesmee Black._

That had a nice ring to it.

After a few minutes I shifted my train of thought to the upcoming event. I was surprised to realize that I was actually going to miss high school and my friends a lot.

About two weeks before school started I made my way over to Lydia's house. She burst into tears the moment she saw me because she thought I was there to say goodbye then slapped me in the face when she found out I was staying and told me I wasn't ever to do that to her again.

The reason I was staying – as far as they were concerned – was that after my dad and I spent some time in Europe with my grandparents, they convinced him I needed my friends and as much stability as possible at my tender age. It would be best for me to graduate with my friends. No one thought twice about it, they just accepted me back with open arms.

 _I'm really going to miss everyone._

I was suddenly reminded of the first morning I had woken up in this bed almost two years ago. I had woken up early then too with absolutely nothing to do. I chuckled at the irony of it all. It was like I had come full circle. And what a circle it was. After an extremely eventful junior year, senior year was boring…thankfully. Nothing at all happened and I was more than grateful that was the case.

The only downfall to the entire year was that I still couldn't take Jacob to any of the dances with me. But Seth did make a charming substitute, so I couldn't complain…and neither did any of the girls at my school.

"I hope you know you are not going to be staying in bed all day." Alice suddenly appeared through my window. "As I recall you are graduating today young lady." She said pulling the blanket off me.

"Oh right, that's what I forgot to put on my calendar." I muttered as I sat up and put my feet on the floor.

"Bella?" Alice said in a low voice so the humans in the house would not hear.

"There's no need to yell, I'm right here." Mom appeared next to her holding a box. "Try it on." She moved over to me and handed me the box as she leaned over and kissed the top of my head.

I opened it up and inside was a pretty little clover green sundress. "What about the other one Aunt Alice picked out?" I asked taking out the dress and holding it up to my torso.

"I can't have my sister-in-law dressing my daughter for every big event in her life." Mom said looking sideways at my aunt. She looked back at me. "Your dad actually picked it out."

I quickly slipped it on and looked at myself in the mirror. "It's so pretty, I love it. Thank you." I said turning side to side, watching the skirt flow back and forth. Mom's reflection appeared next to me and I turned and hugged her tightly.

"I'm glad you like it." She said smiling.

At that moment the door started opening and I was alone in the room. Charlie poked his head in. "Oh, I would have assumed you were still in bed." He looked shocked to see me up and dressed. "That's a pretty dress."

"Yeah I couldn't sleep anymore…too excited." I smiled brightly at him and he smiled back. "You like it? Mom and dad got it for me."

"It's very nice, Nessie." He looked like he was going to leave but he paused. I thought I saw his eyes turn glassy with tears. "You look a lot like Bella."

I felt my cheeks turn red and I smiled shyly; that was a great complement. "Thanks." He hesitated and I took that chance to rush over to him and hug him. I was surprised when he hugged me back. Not one of his usual one armed awkward hugs but he wrapped both his arms around me and kissed the side of my head. I felt a single tear drip on my back. "Grandpa…" I leaned back. The rims of Charlie's eyes were red as he fought back the tears. I noticed he was wearing a new black suit. "You look nice yourself, new suit?"

"Yeah, Alice actually picked it out for me." He paused. I found it odd Alice would pick out a suit for him to wear to my high school graduation, but I figured she was probably board and dismissed it. "I'm too young to have a granddaughter graduating high school and…" He didn't finish his sentence but I knew he was going to say getting married. He smiled and grabbed my shoulders gently. "Just like Bella." He paused. "Well Sue's making you a special breakfast. I don't have any idea what she could make that you would eat, but she assures me you will so hurry up."

"I'll be right down." I replied. He kissed me one more time on the forehead and headed down the stairs.

Instantly mom was back in my room and at my side. She had that look on her face; the one where if she were still capable of crying she would be.

"Oh not you too." I hated that look. It always made me want to cry.

"If he thinks he's too young I defiantly am." She hugged me tightly.

"Next time we'll be doing it together." I reminded her.

"I know I know." She let me go. "Go enjoy your breakfast. We'll see you there." She disappeared out the window. I stood there alone staring at the curtains as they were gently lifted by a slight breeze.

As I watched them it occurred to me. This was the last time I was going to be in this room.

A tear fell on my hand and trickled down my finger. I heard it hit the floor. I looked around the tiny room that had been mine for two years, I felt like I had come to the end of a great book. Even though I knew I would be graduating high school many, many more times, none would ever be like this time. This time was special.

This graduation belonged to only me.

 _Huh, dad was right. I'm glad I decided to graduate._

"Nessie, breakfast is ready." Sue called from the stairs.

"Coming." I called as I hurried out of the room. I paused as I turned to close the door taking one last look around. I sighed as I pulled the door shut and heard the latch click. I stood a moment more then rushed down the stairs.

Charlie was already seated at the table and Sue was getting the orange juice out of the refrigerator. Charlie smiled at me as I walking in. "There's our high school graduate."

Sue turned around as he spoke. "Good morning Nessie. I made your favorite." She then produced a plate of scrambled eggs.

"Oh wow, thank you Sue." She placed a plate in front of me and kissed the top of my head.

"Congratulations, we are proud of you." She said. I felt my cheeks flush and I shyly picked up my fork and dug in. I had taken about three bites when I noticed Charlie staring at me. I blinked up at him.

"Sorry kido, I didn't mean to stare. I've just never seen…I never knew eggs were your favorite." Sue put a plate in front of him and sat down herself. I realized this was the first and last time we would sit down and have a meal together so I tried not to eat quickly.

I was a little bummed by how fast the morning went as Charlie stood up and proclaimed we had better leave before we got there late. I didn't realize exactly how much I was going to miss them until then. I sat quietly in between Charlie and Sue in Charlie's cruiser as we made our way to the school. He wasn't about to let me sit in the back even though I had heard that wasn't the case when mom and dad graduated.

Charlie and Sue were talking about something and even though I was right in the middle of them, I wasn't paying attention at all. I was contemplating how much my life was about to change on this partly cloudy day in this small town. We pulled into the parking lot and I suddenly felt butterflies in my stomach. I caught site of dad's Volvo in the parking lot as Charlie drove around back to drop me off but had looked in vain for Jacob's Rabbit.

After I climbed out of the car, I stood there a moment sniffing the air to see if I could smell Jacob but was interrupted by Erica and Austin.

"Nessie!" Erica's arms were around me and she picked me up in a bear hug. "Can you believe it, we finally made it out." She squeezed once more before letting me go.

"Yes very exciting." I replied. "Austin." I smiled at him.

"Nessie." He smiled back and held out his fist. I gently punched it. I caught sight of Dean looking around until he spotted Erica then headed over.

"Hey guys, we had better get going. They are asking everyone to start lining up." Josh came walking up with Ashley right behind him, who gave me a quick hug. They had started dating over the summer and were pretty much joined at the hip ever since. They had even been voted Mr. and Mrs. Forks Highschool for our senior prom.

The three of us made our way into the back of the gym. It was rather nosy back there, excitement rampant in the air. Mrs. Edison, the vice principle, was ushering everyone into place and I was instructed to head to the back of the line with the other 'S' students.

"Nessie!" Lydia squealed as we caught sight of each other. She was already in line but she stepped out and hurried up to me. We hugged each other and started jumping up and down and squealing. "I so told you, you would be graduating with us." She said smugly.

"Yes quite the little psychic congratulations." I wasn't as sad to say goodbye to her for the summer, we were going to the same college.

After Lydia got accepted into the University of Washington, Jacob and I enrolled. It probably wasn't the best move, considering neither of us was going to be getting older, but I just couldn't say goodbye to her just yet. I felt like there was still something for us to do yet.

"Ladies, please get back in line." Mrs. Edison called from somewhere close to the front. "Students we are about to begin." She said to everyone. A hushed came over the large group and we could hear the principle over the loud speakers. Shortly after we were all filing out into the gym.  
My eyes instantly scanned the chairs till I found Jacob. He smiled and winked at me and I felt my cheeks heat up. To his left sat Billy, Charlie and Sue and to his right was Seth, mom and dad. I knew no one else would be there because they couldn't run the risk of being recognized. After all mom and dad had an excuse to be here, no one else did.

I waved coyly at him then turned and continued to my seat. The principle spoke followed by the valedictorian and then Graham, the class nominated speaker. I peeked over at Lydia who sat beaming up at him as he spoke. I smiled to myself, already planning their wedding in my head.

Eventually the principle started handing out diplomas. I kept looking back at Jacob as I stood waiting to cross the stage. He was watching me and I fidgeted excitedly. _Only a couple more hours._ When my name was called Jacob, Seth and Billy stood up hooting and clapping so I paused briefly after I received my diploma and struck a little pose so they could take a picture.

Once the last student walked across the stage and back to his seat, the principle made one final formal congratulations and a loud cheer erupted. Hats went flying through the air and everyone started turning to congratulate and hug one another. The crowded gym became very loud as everyone started talking at once.

I looked back at my family, who were sitting patiently as I started to make my way back to them. I wiggled around a group of parents when I was rushed by Graham and Lydia shortly followed by Erica and Dean. Graham was having a graduation party at his house that night but I already told them I would be on a plane heading out to meet my dad that afternoon. At least the plane part was right.

I turned to continue making my way back to Jacob when I saw he wasn't there. I froze. _Where the heck did he go?_ Everyone else was there, but not Jacob. Charlie waved at me and I held one finger up indicating I'd be there in a minute. _Maybe he just needed to use the little boys room._

"Nessie, Graham, Lydia!" Josh and Ashley came up and hugged us. I kept one eye out for Jacob but he never reappeared. I began to feel a little panicked. I tried to concentrate on what my friends were saying but I was just too distracted. _Where is my Jacob? Why did he leave?_

I saw dad pick up his cell a moment then start to make their way over here to recue me, with Sue and Charlie close behind. I said my quick good-byes and promised I'd see everyone before the summer was over.

I was surprised to see Seth and Billy were still waiting outside the gym doors…but not with Jacob. They congratulated me as we walked up and I hugged them both. They left without one word of where Jacob was.

"Where's Jacob?" I asked as my parents started ushering me to the car.

"He's waiting for you." Mom replied giving a quick look at my dad.

"Why aren't we headed down town?" I asked looking out the window after I finished changing in the back seat.

"We are making a quick stop at the house." Alice replied. I didn't believe that for a second. I looked at her and she smiled at me.

 _Uh oh!_

"For what?"

"Some things I need." She replied.

"Aunt Alice you don't need anything."

"Oh relax Nessie, it'll take a minute." She then turned and looked out the window, ignoring me. She had been sitting in the car waiting when we finally made it out of the gym after the ceremony.

"Mom!" I whined.

"You know there is no telling her no." Mom looked back at me sympathetically.

"I recall, you asked me." Alice said defensively.

"Did I really have a choice?" Mom countered.

"You always had a choice." Dad said. Mom reached out and grabbed his hand. He lifted it up and gently kissed it.

I dramatically sighed and thumped my head against the window. I saw Alice roll her eyes. "You'll thank me later."

I sat there pouting the rest of the way home. I had thought I made it very clear I didn't want big ordeal. Family that was it. I should have known she would have thought of a way get what she wanted. Jacob was _not_ going to be happy about this.

 _Plus I wouldn't get to wear my cute little white outfit._ I had decided to wear a white fitted tee shirt, white pants, and white sandals with cork wedge heels while Jacob would wear a black tee shirt, black pants, and black shoes.

I sighed heavily again as we turned down the dirt road but when we pulled up to the house I couldn't deny I was a little disappointed. There were no decorations…anywhere.

I sat up and looked around. It didn't even look like anyone was here. I looked at Alice but she got out without even a glance in my direction. I thought I saw a smirk on dad's face but I couldn't be sure and mom had no expression. I took another quick survey of the sounds and smells but nothing out of the ordinary.

 _Maybe she actually did listen to me._

Slightly bummed, I got out of the car. "What did you do with my Jacob?"

"Don't worry about him." Alice finally looked back at me when she reached the door. She stood blocking my way in. My parents had already through before her.

"Um, he's kind of an important part of the whole event." I reminded her as I climbed the stairs.

"Don't you trust your old Aunt Alice?" Alice looped her arm in mine.

I would have responded no but I only had a split second before she covered my eyes and carried me up stairs so fast I wasn't even sure how I got there. I thought I caught a whiff of flowers but she was moving too fast for me to be certain.

"A little warning would have been nice." I said as she set me down right in front of her closet door.

"Alright please close your eyes. I have something for you." I looked at her a moment then obeyed. "Now don't open them until I say so. You will ruin it." I listened as she opened the door. I heard the sound of a zipper but nothing else.

"Okay, open your eyes."

I instantly opened my eyes. They fell on Alice holding the most beautiful silk satin chiffon wedding gown.

I felt my eyes widen – which turned out to be a bad thing when a flash came out of nowhere. I blinked a couple of times to make the spot go away.

"Alice…" I was all I could manage to say.

"Do you like it?" She asked impatiently.

All I could do was nod.

"Great." That seemed to be some kind of cue because I suddenly heard a flurry of movement all over the house. "You will be happy to know you are now getting married here and you are welcome." Mom and Rosalie were suddenly at my side. "Well don't just stand there, put it on her."

Without any effort on my part I was in the dress. It was form fitting all the way to my hips where a soft flowing train started in the back. The front scooped down leaving just enough to be desired and the back formed a soft v at the bottom of my rib cage. There were tiny pearl buttons that started at the point of the v and went all the way to the lining of the dress. There were even matching pearl colored satin strappy stilettos.

Alice and mom fussed about around me while Rosalie put my hair up in a soft bun at the base of my neck. She tucked my waist length veil in the top and secured it with a good number of bobby pins. I watched them moving around amazed they didn't seem to get into each others' way.

"Oops, I'm going to need this." Mom pulled the silver band off my finger and put it…well I wasn't really sure where. She was already dressed in a sleek black floor length dress and she moved too fast for me to see. She kissed me on the cheek. "You are the most beautiful bride I have ever seen. I'll see you downstairs." And she disappeared out the door. Rose followed her a moment later.

I could hear the cars arriving. _How did everyone know when to get here?_ This had to have been planned in advance. I started to get antsy. I still didn't want this to be an ordeal and who knew what I was facing with Alice unchecked.

I listen closely as Esme greeted the guests hoping I could hear Jacob. I was a little nervous that he was going to be very annoyed with Alice…especially after he was kidnapped by Jasper after the ceremony – or so I was finally told.

"Stop fidgeting, it's just family and close friends like you want." Alice placed her hand on my shoulder to keep me in place as she finished putting the last of the little hair crystals around the bobby pins holding my veil in place. "Honestly you are just like Bella sometimes."

"I heard that." Mom called from downstairs.

"You were meant to." Alice replied winking at me. "Now I'm not going to let you make the same mistake she did." She disappeared out the door and a moment later came in carrying Rose's full length rather large mirror. "You are going to see yourself." She placed the mirror down in front of me and I gasped.

I almost didn't recognize the beautiful girl looking back at me. I was almost as breathtaking as my family…almost.

"Actually I think you are more so." Dad was suddenly standing at the door. "But I am a bit biased." He was at my side smiling at me in the mirror a moment later. I felt my cheeks heat up. He gently brushed his finger tips across them.

Rose came in carrying a little bouquet consisting of beautiful purple roses surrounded by light green lisianthums. She, as always, looked absolutely stunning in a long pale pink dress. "Good luck house training him." But her voice was warm and I smiled at her. She smiled back and kissed my cheek then disappeared out the door. A minute later I heard her at the piano.

"Show time." Alice kissed me on the cheek. "Don't start without me."

"Wouldn't dream of it." Dad replied instantly. She leveled him a gaze then followed Rosalie out the door.

I turned back to the mirror for another look. _I hope Jacob likes my dress._ I thought as I smoothed down the fabric nervously.

"He'll love it." Dad replied. His face then became serious as he looked at me. "I knew this day would come, but it still seems too soon now that it's here."

"Aw dad." I hugged him tightly. I began to wonder if he had always known it was going to be Jacob I would marry.

"Yes, actually I did." He replied to my unspoken query. He leaned me back and looked down at me. "I knew what imprinting was from the beginning. I knew how he felt about you and that you would eventually fall in love with him too. I hated the idea at first, I mean I certainly didn't want _my_ daughter associating with one of the pack let alone marrying one. But if I had to pick someone for you it would be Jacob. I wouldn't trust your heart to just anyone and I know he will protect it just as I would."

I felt tears welling in my eyes but he brushed them away before they slid down my cheeks. "Thank you daddy." I said and hugged him tightly.

He hugged me back till we both heard Alice clear her throat from down stairs. "Guess we better go down stairs before Alice carries you all the way." He offered his arm to me and I looped mine through. "Ready?" I smiled widely and nodded.

We headed out of the room, down the hall and to the top of the stairs. I could make out the scents of roses, lavender, lilies and hyacinths, as well as the different pack members and humans that were present.

There was a pause in the music and when Rose started playing again we started our slow descent down the stairs case. Instantly my eyes zeroed in on Jacob and everyone else faded into the background. He looked unbelievable in that black tux and I could feel my dad's arm tighten around mine to keep me from running up the aisle. My eyes locked to Jacob and I saw nothing else.

I blinked up at my dad when he kissed me softly on the cheek, shocked to see we were already standing at the front. I was so distracted I didn't even remember the walk up there. I quickly looked around and smiled widely when I noticed my mom standing at Jacob's side as best man. And I tried not to giggle when I turned to hand my maid of honor, who happened to be Seth, my bouquet.

Billy was the officiant and when he cleared his throat the room fell completely silent. He began with a Quileute blessing, which caused Jacob to tear up and that caused me to tear up. We had prepared our own vows so it was a rather short ceremony. Not that I was complaining, both of us had been looking forward to tonight for a year. Dad softly cleared his throat and Jacob suppressed a smile and winked at me. I bit my lip to keep from giggling. We had promised not to let our imaginations go during the wedding.

Finally Billy pronounced us husband and wife and everyone started clapping and cheering. But I didn't hear anything as Jacob bent down and firmly kissed me.

 **Chapter 19: Weddings, visitors, and bobcats…oh my.**

Since everyone there was supernatural or part of the supernatural world, we didn't have to worry about catering to normal human customs, but I did choke down a piece of cake for Jacob and the pictures. It tasted like powder.

I was shocked by how many people were actually there. Clare and her sister and parents, Leah and Danny, Rachel and Paul with Amber, even Rebecca and her husband Eric flew in from Hawaii with their kids, Alex and Evelyn. Some of the former pack members were there, Sam, Emily bringing Levi and Ben, and Jared and Kim. And there were even some faces I hadn't seen in a while; Tanya Kate, Garrett, Carmen and Eleazar.

The reception was of course in the back yard and it was beautifully decorated. As Jacob and I made our way out the back door after everyone else, I stopped to admire how amazing everything looked. The day was a partly cloudy day, but there was still more sun than not. The stereo was set up off to the side and out of the way. There were four tables set up for the non humans to sit with a center piece made of the same purple roses and green lisianthums tightly balled and stuck on a thin stick planted in a little silver flower pot. Flower petals circled the base of the pot.

In the past year Esme had done some remodeling. She had redone the whole back yard in multi colored flag stones. The stair case fanned out from the back door onto a huge patio where everyone was gathered. The sides were lined with beds of various flowering plants, small trees, and stone benches strategically spaced out. A thin winding path led to the river where a gazebo stood solitaire close to the river bank.

"Some party." Jacob said.

"It's beautiful." I replied as I smiled up at him.

"You surprised?" He smiled at me.

"You knew?" I blinked up at him. "I thought you didn't want a big affair."

He kind of shrugged and pulled me to him. "As long as you liked it…" I didn't let him finish. I reached up and pulled him down to kiss him. At that moment everyone caught sight of us and started clapping and whistling. We reluctantly pulled apart and Jacob held out his arm to me and we made our way down the stairs.

"Nessie!" Clare came running up. She latched onto me. "You look like a princess." She beamed up at me. I wasn't taller than her anymore; she had shot up like a weed this past winter. She was about to turn twelve so she would probably going to grow another two inches and stop. Her dad was tall and lean and it was easy to see she took after him.

"Thank you Clare." I smiled down at her. "You look very lovely too." She was wearing a little lavender short sleeve sundress.

She let go to give Jacob a hug. "Hey Clare." She was engulfed by his big arms for a moment.

"Did you have some cake?" I asked, thankful someone had the insight to actually get some.

"Yes and it was the best cake ever."

"Well I'm glad you liked it."

"Nethie," Levi came toddling up with Sam right behind him. I bent down and scoped up the little boy. He giggled and wrapped his little arms around my neck.

"Congratulations Jacob." Sam held out his hand to Jacob who ignored it in favor of giving him a hug.

"Thanks Sam."

Sam turned to me and gently kissed me on the cheek. "Congratulations Nessie."

"Thank you." I gave Levi a kiss on the cheek and handed him over to his dad.

"Hi Clare." Sam smiled down at Clare and she shifted shyly closer to me.

"Hello Sam."

"Emily is catching up with Diane." Sam nodded his head in the direction of his wife and sister-in-law.

"We'll make our way over there later." I smiled at him.

He looked at Levi, who was watching dad and Rose on the dance floor. "You hungry buddy?" I hadn't realized there was anything to eat other than cake. The little boy turned back around and nodded shyly.

"We'll see you later." Jacob said to Sam.

"Bye Levi." I smiled at him and waved; he smiled and waved back.

"There you are, Clare-bear." Quil said emerging from behind my Denali cousins. Ever since that day when the Volturi came, the pack and our vampire family had been more civil to each other.

"Quil!" She rushed over and grabbed his arm. "Doesn't Nessie look like a princess?"

I felt my cheeks turn pink. "Yes, she's very pretty." He walked over and hugged me tightly giving me a kiss on the cheek. "Congratulations, Nessie."

"Thanks Quil."

He looked at Jacob. "She's too good for you man."

"I'm well aware of that." Jacob said grabbing Quil into a hug.

"If you are done hogging my daughter, I'd like to claim my right as her dad for my father daughter dance." Dad was suddenly next to us.

"Be my guest dad." Jacob grinned widely at my dad who politely ignored him.

First dad and I waltzed around the dance floor; then Charlie and me, Carlisle and me, Emmet and me, and finally Jasper and me. I could see that Jacob was getting a little annoyed so I pranced over to him and plopped down on his lap. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I planted a big kiss on his lips. "Miss me?" I asked grinning at him.

"I was just waiting for my turn."

"Your turn?" He didn't answer but stood up and led me out onto the dance floor. He started with a spin and then began slowly waltzing me around the little area. I beamed up at him, tears filling my eyes. "You learned to dance for me? But you hate to dance."

"I needed a wedding gift." He looked a little embarrassed. "I didn't know what else to get someone who can buy herself anything she wants."

"This is the best present ever." I really did feel like a princess. "You are such a great dancer I don't know why you never wanted to dance before."

"I got a little help." He said not looking at me.

I turned my head to follow his gaze and Rosalie smiled and winked at me. "More like a _lot_ of help." She mumbled loud enough for us to hear.

"Rose?!" I said surprised. I still found it funny that with a family of vampires and a shape shifting husband I could still be surprised by things. I was caught by that thought. _Jacob is my husband._ I couldn't stop the tears from flowing this time.

"Ah come on, I thought you said I was a great dancer." Jacob looked a little hurt.

"No, I'm happy." I whispered, fighting a losing battle against my tear ducts.

"Girls sure have a funny way of showing happiness." Jacob said joking, softly wiping my tears away.

I play swatted him. "I was just thinking of how you are now my husband."

My smile spread across his face. "Forever."

"Renesmee Black." I smiled.

"Nessie Black." Jacob corrected.

We danced straight through three songs when a soft knock came from the frame of the back door. Everyone stopped and turn. A beautiful girl stood in the doorway. She was probably an inch taller than me, with long light brown straight hair, bronzy tan skin and eyes the color of blue topaz.

"It's not very nice to be prettier than the bride." I mumbled as everyone stared at this beautiful stranger.

"She's nowhere near as beautiful as you." Jacob replied. He said it with such conviction my cheeks instantly turned red and I almost believed him.

Of course Esme didn't forget her manners and was instantly at the exotic girl's side. "Welcome. Please come in, my name is Esme and you are?"

"Amaya." She replied.

"Oh you are Nahuel's sister. Oh we are so glad you have decided to come visit us." Esme wrapped an arm around Amaya's waist and ushered her down the stairs. It was then that I noticed Seth making his way over to her with almost lighting speed. The expression on his face was so intense it was like he couldn't see anything but the object he was looking at. It was like watching two magnets being pulled together.

"Did Seth just…" I began quietly to Jacob. We had stopped dancing but he had not taken his arms from around my waist.

"Yup." Jacob answered watching Seth as well.

Seth had just imprinted with the exotic Amaya.

"Oh," was all I could say. I saw Embry roll his eyes and Quil exchanged a look with Jacob but everyone remained where they were. Esme had backed away from the pair and a minute later everyone else went back to what they were doing before the interruption.

The music had started again but I stood there watching. Seth was standing so close to her but she didn't seem to mind at all; it looked like they had known each other forever already. In fact she was looking at him the exact same way he was looking at her.

I felt myself smile. I was glad for Seth. I had always been rather particular about who I wanted to date Seth or not….not that he actually listen to me. And I was still happy he and Niki broke up about a month ago. He was too good for her in my opinion.

It might have been my over all euphoric attitude to being with but I could not have been happier over Seth's imprinting. Mostly because my best friend was now going to be my best friend forever given that Amaya was half vampire and would live forever.

I smiled wider. _Second best wedding present._

I then dragged Jacob over to meet our new pack member.

Not soon enough it was time for Jacob and I to catch our plane. I hadn't bothered to ask him where we were going on our honeymoon; quit honestly as long as he was there I didn't care if he took me back to Billy's house.

"Aren't you going to ask me where we are going?" Jacob asked, very pleased with himself. We were sitting in the airport waiting to board the plane.

"I completely trust you." I leaned over and kissed him.

"Yeah but aren't you the least bit curious?" He looked at me hopefully.

"Okay if you are so adamant about telling me, where are we going?"

He looked at me. "I don't want to ruin the surprise." He grinned at me.

"Jacob!" This made me really want to know. "Come on that's not fair."

"You are so going to love it though." He kissed me.

"You seem very sure of yourself." I replied as Jacob covered my ears. I knew they were calling the passengers to board but I couldn't hear where we were going because Jacob decided to start humming at that moment. He then stood in the way so I couldn't see the board. He successfully got me on the plane without me knowing where we were headed.

"Oh Jacob look!" I practically jumped out the window as our cabin came into view. I could see new logs, new stones, and a brand new wrap around deck just like I had wanted.

"You like it?" Jacob asked.

"It's beautiful. Oh look how wonderful Jacob." I turned and looked at him. "Did you do this?"

"I told them what you wanted." He replied. We pulled up and parked the car in the front of the house. "Wait, wait!" Jacob said jumping out of the car.

I watched him as he ran around the car but I couldn't help myself, I opened the door and jumped out.

"Nessie!" Jacob yelped as he grabbed the door from me.

"What you said _wait_ not do _n't m_ ove." I replied.

He rolled his eyes and scooped me up. Instantly I started kissing down his jaw to his lips. I heard him close the car door with his foot and we proceeded over to the porch and up the stairs. He paused briefly at the door and pulled away.

"What?" I blinked at him.

He didn't say anything but smiled hugely at me. I couldn't help but smiled back. He took one big step over the threshold and grinned even wider. "I've been waiting my whole life to carry you over the threshold."

Before I started blubbering like a baby I kissed him deeply. "I love you." I pulled away after a few minutes.

"I know." He grinned and me and set me down. "I'll go grab the suitcase, look around and see if you like it."

"You're here, it's perfect." I replied smiling slyly at him.

"Yeah yeah just go take a look."

He disappeared out the front door and I turned to face the newly renovated cabin. It was much larger now and the whole downstairs was open and bright. I knew it was Esme who decorated the entire place, she loved stuff like that. But I didn't move. I would have plenty of time to check it out later.

When Jacob was a sophomore in college, we had gone camping one weekend up here in Maine and came across this little cabin while hunting. At the time it was owner by a family with three kids and two dogs. Actually I think the mom's dad had built it for her mother, who had passed away some years before.

It had been a bright summer's day and we were on the other side of the lake when we heard kids laughing and splashing around. I was probably about the size of Clare, and had not really met too many kids before so I curiously went to investigate. I instantly fell in love with the little cabin. Back then it was a little smaller. It was still two stories, but looked to be only three rooms across and the downstairs wasn't as open – more walls and rooms.

I noticed a big cream envelope with gold writing propped up on the kitchen counter in the back of the house. I rushed over and grabbed it. It was dad's handwriting. I opened it and it was the deed to the cabin.

"Nessie, you didn't look around." Jacob dropped the suitcase by the door.

"The cabin is ours." I looked up at him stunned.

"Yeah," Jacob said. As we looked at each other, reality hit me. This weekend had felt like such a dream I hadn't realized I was afraid I would wake up and be back at Charlie's, having dreamt the whole thing.

Seeing my face Jacob froze. "Something wrong?" He asked.

"This really happened." I said the smile on my face mimicked in my voice.

He smiled back. "Yeah, it really happened."

I couldn't contain myself any longer. I rushed over and leapt at him; he caught me – as always. I wrapped my legs around him as our lips slammed together. He stood a moment before making his way to the stairs. I think about half way there I ripped off his shirt, but there were always casualties in war.

But as he climbed, his steps slowed, and as he slowed so did our kiss. It became softer, gentler, until we were just staring into each other's eyes. This was what we had been waiting for for over a year.

 _So why the heck am I so nervous?_

It felt like he was too. His strong arms weren't tight around me anymore but unsure, like he was holding a carton of eggs instead of a very durable half vampire. Jacob stopped in front of what I assumed to be our bedroom door. I felt him slight trembling as he nudged it open with his leg.

I'm not sure why but his hesitation gave me the confidence I had lost moments earlier. I loved him and he loved me, which was all I needed to know. I slid out of his arms, one foot hitting the floor then the other. I took a couple steps backward and looked at him. Unsteadily I slipped off my shirt and pants and stood there awkwardly, unsure what to do next. I watched Jacob's eyes scan down my body and the slight lift of the corner of his lips gave me a fresh wave of boldness. I moved back to the bed and as I slid onto it, slipping out of my underwear.

Jacob shifted back and forth a couple of times before gliding over to the bed, removing his clothes as he did. He lay down next to me and looked into my eyes. My stomach was a rock of excitement and nerves. I could feel myself trembling a little.

He smiled and slowly bent down and kissed my stomach, right underneath my belly button. My muscles quivered under his touch. He gently kissed my skin right above my belly button then moved to where my heart was. As I felt his lips against my skin between my breasts, my heart rate accelerated; he paused.

He was driving me crazy and he knew it.

He continued up to my collar bone, where he proceeded to gently brushed his lips up my neck to my jaw. Not able to stand it any longer, I grabbed his face and pressed my lips to his. As his lips parted my heart felt like it was going to pound right through my ribs.

It was incredible.

He was incredible.

I lay there with my head on his heaving chest listening as his heart. It was beating at the exact same time as mine and I smiled. "Wow." I managed to say.

"Wow is right." He ran his finger tips along my back bone and I shivered.

I felt like I was walking on clouds.

I propped myself up on one elbow and leaned over to kiss his chest where his heart was. "I love the sound of your heart." I said kissing him again.

He took my hand and placed is over his beating heart. "It beats because of you." He sat up and cupped my face so softly it felt like a slight breeze. "And only ever for you." He looked me deeply in the eyes and I couldn't move. I was paralyzed by the love I saw flowing from them. He moved his hand slowly to the back of my neck and pulled me to his lips.

We spent the rest of the afternoon and well into the night in bed. I had slipped out from under the covers when I noticed as little brown package in the corner of the room. I hadn't noticed it before…though I hadn't noticed much of anything before. I went over and saw a little white envelope.

"What's that?" Jacob asked; guess he hadn't noticed anything either.

"I don't know." I picked up the card. It was Lydia's handwriting.

Nessie,

Congratulations! I know you have always liked this painting

and I'm sure Jacob won't mind if you put it up somewhere. I'm very

happy for you both! I love you and I'll see you in a few weeks.

Love,

Lydia

I blinked at the note. I had never told Lydia we were getting married. In fact I hadn't told anyone at school. "Jacob, did you tell Lydia we were getting married?"

"No? Is that from her?" He climbed out of bed.

"Yeah," I bent down and opened the little package. It was the painting of two red roses crisscrossed and laying on a table with a white vase off to the side. One single petal from each rose and fallen off and one lay delicately on top the other.

"Wow, that's good." Jacob was standing behind me.

"How did she know?" I gasped.

"Maybe someone told her, like Charlie or Sue." Jacob didn't seem to mind. He took the painting from me to get a closer look. "This is really great."

But I wasn't very comforted by the fact that Lydia knew we were getting married. I was certain no one told her and I had always known she was just too observant for my own good. We were defiantly going to have to be very careful these next four years.

"Where do you want to put it?" He asked walking over to the wall. "Nessie?"

"What?" I looked at him. "In the condo not here." I said. Jacob had had enough dorm life the last time he attended college so we purchased a small condo in Seattle for when we started in August.

It was at that moment I caught whiff of a bobcat and realized I was starving. Jacob had gotten a burger on the drive up here. I crouched to go after it, but stopped myself because I knew Jacob didn't like me hunting animals with sharp teeth and claws. He looked at me and smiled. "You don't have to ask my permission."

I took off out the window before he could change his mind, pausing only to open it. I didn't want to ruin my brand new cabin the first day. The bobcat wasn't very far away from the cabin and I was so hungry I broke his neck almost instantly. It looked like his back leg had been hurt so he was probably distracted by the pain.

I stood up as Jacob came trotting through the bushes wearing a pair of cargo shorts and carrying what looked like one of my summer dresses. He stopped and stood completely still staring at me. I looked down at my naked body and the body of the bobcat lying at my feet. Completely embarrassed, I felt whole body blush. _Geez, I look absolutely primitive. What a great way for him to find his new bride._

"Wow…" He gasped. "You look…"

"Barbaric."

"Sexy. Unbelievably sexy…" A heart beat later he had me in his arms and lifted me up so I was looking down at him. I rested my forehead to his. We stared at each other for a moment before he closed his eyes and inhaled.

"Love you." I whispered, closing my eyes as well.

"Love you more." He whispered back.

"Not possible."

"But I'll love you forever."

"And what will happen after forever."

"I'll love you beyond forever." And he kissed me deeply.

 **But this is not really the end. There are more stores for Nessie and Jacob if this one is enjoyed enough for the others to be written.**


End file.
